your most important local news story the world must know about

http://i.imgur.com/2x83VJF.jpg

nm thats fake

this isn't quite my area but

http://www.newsshopper.co.uk/news/11403911.Forest_Hill_man_died_after_vibrator_became_stuck_in_his_bottom/?ref=ms

that's really sad

it really is the even darker side of autoasphyxia death

http://www.hawaiinewsnow.com/story/26263872/suspected-serial-bank-robbers-taken-into-custody

http://i.imgur.com/lBpbK7a.jpg

haven't read the story, how they'd get caught?

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/fq3abPnEEGE/hqdefault.jpg

heavy ass choppers buzzed directly over my building 3 times in the past 30 mins and this is the only mention i can find

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/08/18/low-flying-helicopters-in-twin-cities-part-of-military-exercise/

what a completely unreassuring group of sentences

(i kinda hope Blaine is in their flight path tonight tho

)

what theeeeeeeee
http://baltimorepostexaminer.com/maryland-judge-robert-nalley-ordered-officer-shock-defendant-court/2014/08/18

jesus jumped up christ on a bicycle

There are constitutional restrictions regarding when authorities can attach electric shock devices to a defendant appearing in court

good luck usa

My dry town (in a dry county) is voting on alcohol sales for the first time ever.
http://monroecountyjournal.com/2014/08/27/board-sets-special-election-date-alcohol-referendum/

It's been a big deal this year over here too.

http://www.arkansasbusiness.com/article/99393/wet-dry-county-ballot-initiatives-heat-up-across-the-state

Who's the money backing up the wet groups? Little country store business up in the mountains by the name of Wal-Mart.

I was talking about liquor laws earlier this week and realized I have only lived in states with very lax ones; Minnesota's sounded crazy to me so dry counties are sort of hard to comprehend.

A drunken man in a tuxedo fired a gunshot at a couple early Tuesday after they interrupted him having sex with a woman in a downtown alley, Seattle police said.

that reads like a madlib

that is perfect

dying at "said" for some reason

that's a hell of a wedding night

Back to the booze:

http://www.arkansasbusiness.com/article/100562/alcohol-amendment-will-be-on-november-ballot

http://assets.inarkansas.com/51223/arkansas-map-wet-dry-counties-liquor-laws-379.jpg

There have been all of these legal fights over the past 75 years from county to county, trying to go wet or stay dry. About every three years or so, one of the counties will finally go wet while the other ones fight it out. Each case usually has the preachers and the liquor stores located in the adjacent wet county taking the same side to keep the dry county dry.

But now - It's going to be a statewide yes or no deal. The majority of the population, who also live in wet counties, will decide the fate of all those backwards dry counties.

To which I can only add:

http://www.macrobusiness.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Nelsonfinal.gif

can you believe its 2014 in the greatest country on earth?

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/09/03/charges-minn-man-ejaculated-in-co-workers-coffee/

The worker wasn’t sure what Lind was doing, but she told police he had a “deer in the headlights” expression on his face when he noticed her behind him.

kinda goes downhill from there

While talking with officers, he admitted to ejaculating on his co-worker’s desk and coffee on Aug. 26, which was his birthday.

So the guy who killed his five kids in South Carolina, dumped their bodies in Alabama and was picked up on a DUI in Mississippi...his father is from here.

http://monroecountyjournal.com/2014/09/10/grandfather-slain-south-carolina-children-speaks/

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/10/us/5-children-found-dead-in-alabama-after-search.html

The mugshot of Jones Jr. is vaguely familiar, but I don't know if he's from here too.

"The caller went on to say, "He has four dogs, a shotgun, ammo, and other keys. "

FOUR DOGS.

http://www.thv11.com/story/news/local/2014/06/24/listen-911-call-made-by-escapees-alleged-hostage-victim/11317575/

― we've all been kids from time to time (sunny successor), Wednesday, June 25, 2014 8:01 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dudes they just caught him. HE WAS STILL IN ARKANSAS. no word on the dogs

http://on.kthv.com/1s8yNvW

http://www.wbaltv.com/news/maryland-marijuana-punishment-law-changes-oct-1/28269392

Greenwood animal control officer to get radio

GREENWOOD, Ark. (AP) - The Greenwood City Council has decided to outfit its animal control officer with a radio after he was attacked by a pack of dogs.

I mean, there are more details that follow, but you get the gist of it.

crime always surrounds itself with a pack o' dogs in Ark

My dry town (in a dry county) is voting on alcohol sales for the first time ever.

― Malibu Stasi (WilliamC), Wednesday, August 27, 2014 7:52 PM (1 month ago)

Results are in: sticking with Prohibition. lol mississippi

god forbid anything should progress in the south

it's a slippery slope vodka luge

http://www.baltimoresun.com/features/baltimore-insider-blog/bal-state-del-frank-m-conaway-jr-says-does-not-believe-in-evolution-posts-dozens-of-spiritual-lecture-vi-20141021-story.html

"Did you know 'matrix' means 'womb'?" he said. "They made a movie out of that."

Remember there is no spoon

he is one of my representatives in the maryland house of delegates and i feel so proud

Seattle Police looking for intoxicated man dressed as Ninja Turtle after he made scene & fled restaurant in 700 blk 3rd Ave this AM w/o paying tab

Conaway declined to say where he filmed the videos, but said it was not "a professional environment" and not the City Hall mail room.

glad he clarified the mail room issue

Shocked family spot man in blonde wig and wearing cream dress being spanked by another man in bondage gear

“I’ve heard about things like this before but I never thought I’d see it with my own eyes by the side of a B road 50 yards away from my house.”

I have to admit my first thought upon reading that was 'I wonder if that cream dress was maybe broderie anglaise or battenburg lace' because that would be a dress I would probably covet.

http://www.conawaysforbaltimore.com/Conaways-van.jpg

Sept 24, 8:18 p.m.: Female 911 caller advises there is a blue panel van with red letters on it driving all over the roadway. 8:21 p.m. County officer stopped with the blue panel van at Parkview. Checks OK. He was eating ice cream, having a difficult time.

Sept. 4, 8:41 p.m.: Male 911 caller advises he was told by a doctor that he should be in a group home. Asked if that was a threat. Dispatch advises caller that was not considered a threat.

Aug. 13, 5:39 a.m.: Male 911 caller wanting to know what time the nursing home opens.

is that the brown cty democrat sheriffs log

Yes. Yes, it is.

http://i.imgur.com/XTi0huI.jpg

35 students hospitalized from playing Ouija

local to my youth if not current location, def v important http://www.whdh.com/story/27379413/brookline-residents-on-the-lookout-for-aggressive-turkeys