your most important local news story the world must know about

um, wtf

http://www.dumbartonreporter.co.uk/news/roundup/articles/2012/01/20/422458-the-end-of-little-chef/

not local to me exactly, but very important

Two Cases Of Mad-Cow Disease, One Already Fatal, Reported In Marin

http://www.mediabistro.com/tvspy/veteran-kvoa-anchor-abruptly-resigns-following-alleged-shoplifting-incident_b39181

http://www.hometownannapolis.com/news/top/2012/02/22-29/Police-Route-3-road-rage-began-as-game.html

not usually how it ends http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Police-Men-in-double-killing-may-have-shot-each-3365287.php

http://www.baltimoresun.com/features/green/blog/bal-seal-visits-bmore-area-20120309,0,5992602.story

When he first spotted it, Warner said, "we thought it was a some kind of log or something..."

Oh, that is nuts! Hope the little guy finds his way.

Swear to God, they're going to name the airport Bill & Hillary Clinton National Airport.

So come down to visit me and sunny and have fun flying into Billary.

http://bellehaven.patch.com/articles/safeway-employees-to-protest-outside-belle-view-store

http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/crime/blog/bal-batman-pulled-over-by-montgomery-county-police-20120323,0,4078383.story

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/crime-scene/post/motorists-scoop-up-armored-car-cash/2012/03/23/gIQAn6Y9VS_blog.html

LAKE VILLAGE, AR - Two Louisiana men are dead after being hit by an eighteen wheeler.

Arkansas State Police investigators say 22-year-old Robert Christopher and 16-year-old Joshua Brooks both of Oak Grove, Louisiana, were fighting in the roadway, on Highway 82 in Chicot County around 1:30am on March 25, when they were struck by a truck heading eastbound.

Police say the driver of the truck, 42-year-old Donald Ray of Celeste, Texas, was not injured.

No word yet on the relationship between the two victims or what they were fighting about.

http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2012/03/26/war-on-words-nyc-dept-of-education-wants-50-forbidden-words-removed-from-standardized-tests/
"Fearing that certain words and topics can make students feel unpleasant, officials are requesting 50 or so words be removed from city-issued tests. The word “dinosaur” made the hit list because dinosaurs suggest evolution which creationists might not like, WCBS 880′s Marla Diamond reported. “Halloween” is targeted because it suggests paganism; a “birthday” might not be happy to all because it isn’t celebrated by Jehovah’s Witnesses."

Who the fuck cares about Jehovah's Witnesses?

Mississippi Legislature Attempts to Nudge State into 20th Century; Governor May Prefer 19th

Bill For Stronger Beer Headed To Miss. Governor
Alcohol Limit Could Be Raised To 8 Percent

JACKSON, Miss. -- A bill headed to the Mississippi governor would allow the sale of stronger beer in the state, including some craft beers that have been unavailable because of current regulations.

Senate Bill 2878 would permit the amount of alcohol by weight in beer to be raised from 5 percent to 8 percent.

The bill passed the House on Tuesday with no debate. It had passed the Senate on March 12.

Bryant's spokesman said the governor will study the bill once it hits his desk.

Democratic Sen. John Horhn, of Jackson, said Mississippi's current beer regulations are the strictest in the nation. He said some people are driving out of state to buy stronger brews, and that's causing Mississippi to lose some tax revenue.

http://gothamist.com/2012/03/29/what_the_heck_was_hanging_in_front.php

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7225/6882435486_2f92983986.jpg

http://sacramento.cbslocal.com/2012/03/29/bear-saves-hiker-from-cougar-in-butte-county/

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2012/03/30/man-sentenced-after-accidentally-shooting-womans-mohawk-mistook-for-bird/

You live in Grand Junction? My wife and I passed through there on our honeymoon.

I know that Grand Junction is in the United States

local planet.

everything is locally sourced

http://www.thecourier.com.au/news/local/news/general/magpie-supporter-punches-wall-smashes-family-photo-in-anger-at-loss/2510972.aspx

Police prosecutor Sergeant Bob Anderson told the court that Dittmann had consumed a moderate amount of alcohol at home while watching the match in October.

But in the aftermath of the Magpie loss to Geelong, Dittmann struck his fist through a plaster wall in anger and smashed a family photo, which he was the owner of.

This is seriously currently on the front fucking page of the Age website. WTF.

Pornographic images force closure of Lynnwood espresso stand

Phil Bryant signed the beer law, raising the max ABW for brewing and sale in MS from 5% to 8%.

Great! Can't wait to get drunk faster on warm beer next time I'm in Oxford.

Man dies after swan attack
http://www.wgntv.com/news/wgntv-man-dies-in-swan-attack-apr16,0,3647240.story

Police say a man from Villa Park drowned after being attacked by a swan.

Anthony Hensley worked for a company that uses swans to chase away unwanted geese.

Just found out that we have a Superfund cleanup site in our town!

Handy site for finding out how many leaking underground storage tanks you have near you: http://www.homefacts.com/index.php

That site gave me fewer sex offenders than there actually are, made the police station seem 3 miles further away than it was, but inflated crime data by using the larger town next to mine instead.

also inflated our tornado score by using a town that's an hour away.

John Arden one time angry young man writer died the week before Easter and was cremated in Dublin.

SEARCY, Ark. (AP) - A White County judge candidate is in the hospital after suffering a snake bite.

Bill Haynie is challenging incumbent Michael Lincoln in the Republican primary for White County judge. Haynie's wife says her husband was driving from his office Sunday when he noticed one of his campaign signs had fallen down.

Judy Haynie tells The Daily Citizen that her husband reached into a grassy area and was bitten by the snake.

Judy Haynie says her husband's hand and arm were swollen up to his elbow, and two puncture marks were visible. She says her husband is in pain but is alert and expected to make a full recovery. She says he'll likely be discharged in a few days.

It is not known what type of snake bit Haynie.

check out this awesome letter to the editor from my hometown!

ON RACISM

Dear Editor,

OK, I admit it. I am a racist. I am bigoted. I am prejudiced. I admit this after much introspection and thought. I truly believe that my race is the best race in the entire world. I understand that many people believe it is wrong to be so self-centered. However, it is easy to claim you are the very best when it is true and provable! After all, I am a member of the American race! We are distinctly known around the world and have become our own race.

In a little over two centuries of existence, our race has made more progress than any other race in history. We are the leaders of the world in most aspects. The rest of the world looks to us for assistance whenever a natural disaster occurs or when their governments fail. We are the first to arrive with aid when people are suffering.

We of the American race have become strong due to our individual freedoms and self determination. We are achievers and doers. We have excelled when others have not. I am proud to be a member of the American Race.

How does one become a member of this God blessed group? You need to be here legally, to honor our flag, to honor our Constitution, and to speak our language (or learning to do so). While it is OK to retain much of one’s former culture, it is also important to assimilate into ours.

If we differ in color, backgrounds, experiences, ethnicities, or beliefs we can still stand beside each other in respect and help protect each other’s freedoms. As history shows, our differences can make us stronger rather than weaken us.
I tire of those who would apologize for our racial supremacy. We should do all possible to retain that excellence. I do not understand those who wish to make race a matter of something as trivial as color. We have earned racial pride as a nation- a result of all of us working together.

I am angry also at those who do not appreciate the sacrifice of our military personnel. While I am not a veteran my brother and father - along with countless others - risked their lives to protect our nation. A true member of the American race will honor and shake the hand of those very heroes.

It is time to regain the American pride that I knew as a child. In the above respect, it is OK to be a racist!

Read more: http://www.dailyjournalonline.com/news/opinion/mailbag/on-racism/article_6134d16c-8b63-11e1-bbf6-001a4bcf887a.html#ixzz1ssvtXcnH

But…. that's not a race.

"Sure I hate! I hate hate!"

"Do I believe in White Power? Sure I do! As long as you've got Red and Blue Power along side it too!"

We are the leaders of the world in most aspects.

looooooooooooooooooool learn to read a chart

While it is OK to retain much of one’s former culture, it is also important to assimilate into ours.

check out this awesome letter to the editor from my hometown!

― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, April 23, 2012 1:19 PM

haha. btw i found out the other day that a guy that went to my h.s. briefly is now "leader of the American National Socialist Workers' Party"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_White_(neo-Nazi)

But…. that's not a race.

― pplains, Monday, April 23, 2012 1:32 PM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Don't you watch American Dad? Huh?

http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2012/0506/breaking16.html?via=mr

hunt continues for runaway tortoise

http://azstarnet.com/news/local/crime/tucson-man-shoots-gunman-who-won-t-stop-firing-weapon/article_da2d1894-9eab-11e1-91a1-001a4bcf887a.html

sounds like it may be getting a little ridiculous there.

yeah.

Coat Hanger Abortions Are Fine, Says Mississippi Lawmaker, Because ‘Hey, You Have To Have Moral Values’

Remember this guy?

SEARCY, Ark. (AP) - A White County judge candidate who was bitten on the hand by a snake last month is recovering from a spider bite to the same hand.

The Daily Citizen reported in Wednesday's editions that Bill Haynie was adjusting a water valve at his home near Searcy last week when he was bitten by what doctors believe was a black widow spider.

Haynie suffered chest pain, stomach cramps and facial swelling and was taken to White County Medical Center before being transferred to the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences in Little Rock Saturday.

Haynie was still at the hospital Wednesday. He says he anticipates being released later this week.

He's challenging incumbent Michael Lincoln in the May 22 Republican primary for county judge, which is the county's chief executive.

Same county where the blackbirds keep falling out of the sky, btw.

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/komo/article/Half-naked-woman-in-hot-pink-duct-tape-attacks-3572421.php