Boobs, I mean, Bras, and the eternal frustration

x-post - The modestly here is most definitely rooted in self-consciousness.

What is a side stay?

yeah it's funny - i wear short skirts often these days and bike in them all the time but when it comes to boobs esp re: cleavage i'm more modest

so i think i should therefore get over myself too and wear the strapless dress later!

I'm hearting these sidestays but the bra fabric is really thick, almost like neoprene. If it were thin/delicate, maybe the stays would be more noticeable through it.

i don't know what a side stay is either.

ha, see i'm kinda the opposite, i am not that self-conscious about cleavage, but any skirt or dress that runs even the remotest risk of riding up at butt level, i won't wear out of the house

Side stays are these straight "wires" (really flat plastic) that are about 3" long and are embedded about 2" from the outer edge of the underwire in the band of the bra - at just the right point to poke you severely in the tender underarm bits. They're meant to keep the back of the band from rolling up.

at just the right point to poke you severely in the tender underarm bits

which they do frequently in some of the bras that i own - this an important thing i have learned today!

Also, I shortened the band on 1 of mine by sewing each side up by about 1" as an experiment (lol cheap cheap cheap) and whoa, surprised at the difference in ride up/comfort, cup fit, etc.

I have I guess unstoppable, merciless side fat because the side stays always end up curving and molding around my body, which then turns them into this c-shaped torture device designed to jab me in the tender flesh under my arm. And also doesn't hold the bra up like it was supposed to do in the first place.

Oh ha, the other thing about sleevelessness is that I have tattoos on my shoulders and it feels like I shouldn't go all tats out at work. So I have been commuting while sleeveless and then putting a sweater on once I get to work and stop sweating everywhere. Except for just now when I got back from lunch and forgot to put on the sweater and got to chat with my boss about tattoos.

Honestly, I don't think anybody here would care but I hate HATE hate hate hate people coming up and touching my shoulder or (yes this happens) moving my shirt over a little because "Oh, you have tattoos???"

NO

oh god carl I can't believe ppl do that!

People are so uncool.

I think going out tats out is the best possible thing you can do, really. They are part of you. I think that's cool! Honestly.

I haven't worn a strapless bra since high school but that's more bc of my policy to never wear anything that would require it

people coming up and touching my shoulder or (yes this happens) moving my shirt over a little because "Oh, you have tattoos???"

haha yeah, this occasionally happens to me - the fact that half of the tat is on the boob does deter them though

My shirt doesn't even require it! I don't own anything strapless and never have. But sometimes with a wide neckline I don't want straps showing for work, and on a couple of shirts or dresses, the backs or straps might be funny shapes and wouldn't cover a bra.

One lovely benefit that I didn't even expect is that now I can actually FEEL MY SHIRT. I can feel the fabric of my shirt resting on my shoulders! It's so soft....

Love wearing a tank and a strapless bra! It's some nice summertime shit. The only strapless I have now is ridiculously padded so it does feel weird looking in the mirror and there's like a 30∞ gain in size.

Whoa I meant 30 percent not 30 INFINITY which I cannot ever comprehend.

I will also wear a tank top w/a strapful bra, somehow I got the idea that any non-nude or white color is playful and therefore ok to show.
When I first started wearing tank tops, I was dealing with all these internalized ideas of being brought up a modest Mormon. I was 19 and hanging out with my usual dude gang, wearing a tank top and asked if I looked slutty. And they all looked at me like 'u mad' which is the right reaction, because if someone is driven to sin by the sight of a shoulder, that's on them, not me.

I really did feel I was doing something transgressive though.
Now I live in the desert and everyone wears shorty shorts and tiny tanks and flip flops and next to them I look quite covered up. I rarely wear anything shorter than my knees.

I'm so unappealingly pale (kinda blotchy, blueish in spots) that being uncovered too much feels like I'm burdening the ppl around me with something they'd rather not see, lol. plus my own hangups about being lol fat etc. lotta baggage, is the short answer.

bra is the least of my concerns haha

I need a bra big enough for all my baggage.

there it is

I worked for a woman back in the late 70s who 1) was in her 50s (my current age bracket) 2) had seriously damaged her skin with sun worship 3) especially her cleavage/chest 4) constantly wore strappy little bare-it-all sundresses and 5) leaned over in front of people a lot. So I am horribly scarred and always imagining myself as her and therefore resistant to showing off too much cleavage. I also have a thing about displaying my plump arms (persisting on thinking of them as plump and not saggy and dimpled) so always wear at least elbow length sleeves.

i have inevitable cleavage unless i dress like a nun so i wear bras that look like they're camisoles (i hope) underneath tanks. it's not like i wear skimpy tanks, but the bras always show. there's still cleavage. i hope that nobody cares/notices much.

i didn't wear sleeveless until my mid-20s or so because i was so afraid of having fat arms (i'm kind of annoyed at my younger self for that--it wasn't modesty, it was self-loathing).

then i was too heat-sensitive to care. my arms look like arms. i've got cleavage. i'd rather deal with that than be quite so dizzy in the heat.

i decided to wear the halter dress. which is like strapless but cheating a little :)

:)

ohgeez yeah if i let myself be annoyed with my younger self, i would be pretty annoyed and eye-rolly at her for a number of things, fashion and otherwise. but such is youth.

halters are the best of both worlds, and (usually) v flattering!

rrrrrrrrrrrrrobyn otm. I wish I could fly back to li'l Carl Agatha at a few crucial junctions and just whisper, "Don't worry, you're okay! You're okay now and you're going to be okay later, too!"

i occasionally need to tell my now-self these things too, of course...

Ha yeah. Good point.

so here is the dress i'm wearing (not compliments fishing, just stressing the importance of amateur-hour posed mirror shots, lol) - i don't wear a lot of dresses that are tight throughout the body, so this is outside the comfort realm for me, but i'm going to keep wearing it tonight, whatevs

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8285/7497731114_d4c034f479.jpg

but see, that seems like a lot of skin imo even if in the opinion of others it is not

oh but it looks SO good on you! your face and expression is wonderful, and that is the real focal point of this photo imo.

omg it looks great! you look great! photo is great! all of it, great!

I know you're not looking for compliments but you look extremely fly.

Once I got used to be out and about in this dress, I began to feel fly as well! It is also v comfortable to ride a bike in, lol.
Thx for unsolicited complements btw ;)

I want to get a new strapless bra. I feel like the ones I have flatten me down too much. They had some on sale at Target this week but I didn't have time to try any on when I went today.

One of these days I am going to say fuck it and go walking in town in a sundress braless but until then it's strapless bras.

I wear capri leggings a lot under short dresses and skirt. Partly modesty, partly to avoid sweaty chafing thighs.

I have a couple pairs of slip shorts I like for the same reason. They're so old lady-ish and I'm just crazy about them.

Slip shorts! I have four! NO. Six! No five bc I threw one out bc I wore holes in it. I love them. They complete me in the summer.

I am going to investigate these.

Fly indeed. The halter was a v v good choice imo.

oh hay slip shorts! you know I never glanced at them. ladies, yall are some geniuses

Lovely! Some kind of halter neck is the only way I'll do 'strapless', pretty much.

Hello. I am here to talk to you about slip shorts aka split slips aka pettipants.

I don't care for nylon versions of this garment (hot weather + lady business + nylon = bad news), so my favorite is the Filament Silk Split Skirt Slip from Wintersilks. This is a little long, which suits me fine because I prefer longer skirts, but if that doesn't work with your wardrobe and you wear straight sizes, there is a shorter version. If you wear plus sizes, I also like the Above the Knee Shorties, which look like they would fit like bike shorts, but fit more like just above the knee, loose shorts. Miraculously, these do not ride up on me, although YMMV. The biggest drawback to these slips is that they require very delicate handling in the laundry, and they aren't a particularly durable garment. Two seasons, tops, with weekly wearing/washing.

I also have a couple paris of these very affordable pettipants from Amazon. They are actually a cotton-poly knit blend, but there's enough cotton to avoid any Lady Business Bad News. These are thicker than the silk kind, and work best under fuller skirts. They also lack the "slip" of the silk slips, so they are better under wovens since knits tend to cling. But they wear like iron and give you a lot of bang for your buck.

I don't have any of the offerings from Vermont Country Store, but they also have an all cotton woven slip and a 100% cotton trimmable knit slip. That second one seems like a good choice if you want cotton knit without any poly content. The main drawback for me is that they only come in white, and I'm a black-and-beige undergarment girl.

Skirts are nice and breezy in the summer, and I love the split slips because they prevent the dreaded chub rub while still letting air circulate. (Pro tip: skip the underpants for extra ventilation!)

Just to round things out, I also have a couple pairs of cotton/lycra bike shorts, which is the only way to go under pencil skirts or suit skirts (or Spanx but just looking at Spanx makes me want to pass out from the heat). I don't have a lot of luck with anti-chafing stuff like Body Glide or Monistat anti-chafing cream (it makes a good makeup primer, though), but out of all of those the toughest I've used is called Sportslick (presumably Sport Slick and not Sports Lick). That shit is meant to be sweated all over and if it's good enough for triathletes, it's good enough for my party thighs.

Fin.

I demand you have an infomercial!

You are my fairy thigh guardian.

rrrobyn you look like a million bucks in that dress

I would do an informercial if I could find a way to profit from my knowledge! Maybe I can get Sports Lick to private label a version of their product called "Party Thighs." Or dye a bunch of Vt. Country Store slips black and resell them for zillions on Etsy.