Boobs, I mean, Bras, and the eternal frustration

It makes a little divot/line where the top edge sinks in a little

I don't feel this is the problem you think it is......

i actually have a strapless dress on right with a built-in "bra" which i put in scare quotes bc built-in shelf bras only really work for boobs smaller than a small b. it's sort of working for me, but i think only bc the dress is black and therefore somewhat minimizing in that area
xps
hm! that sounds good!

I tried to get a smaller band size like everyone says, and I did end up with a D or something, but I still can't go smaller than 34 if I want to breathe. Also the store still only had two bras within the 3-4 size ranges I checked that weren't the foam cup kind. I bought both of them.

i want one

I'm definitely going to buy more, maybe not this exact model (then again, maybe so!) but more strapless bras in general.

this is prob better for another thread but i hardly ever wear strapless tops/dresses because of the too-sexy factor. which is partly in my imagination but partly not! like i don't think i want to leave the house in this dress even though it is nice and flattering and not formal or anything, but i feel like i'm all legs and boobs and bare skin. i have it on bc the friend who is the designer is having a soiree this evening and i am trying to decide which of her designs to wear. i mean, i don't really want to go out for coffee in this dress. but i know that some people totally would!

rrobyn, yes! I think for me, the strapless bra rides lower, or rather, the boobs aren't elevated as much, so more overall skin is exposed? I dunno - my strapless bra is super comfortable and when it's over 85 degrees out, that reticence just gives way

I so hear you on that. I don't really wear even tank tops that much because I feel really weirdly naked in them. If I do it's usually with a long skirt on the bottom. I realize it's all in my head but something strappy AND short and I just feel like TOO MUCH SKIN. I know people wear this stuff all the time but I don't and it makes me feel strange. I bought a sun dress recently that I love. It's totally not revealing by anyone's standards but my own and yet I still felt a bit weird in it.

i have a strapless super short shorts romper that makes me feel that way, but otherwise i would prefer to have less skin covered/with clothing touching it than more, esp in this heat!
mr calls me the rudest nudist

I don't think I've tried on a strapless bra since I was in a wedding in the late 80s. Wait no when I was thinner I had one of those pointless bandeau bras but that hardly counts.

They just look v uncomfortable with the plastic stayput piping inside and the side stays (die forever, side stays).

i wonder enbb if it is maybe at least partly because we are tall ladies? with broad shoulders + boobs? it's only in the past year that i've really taken to actually standing up straight and keeping my shoulders back and having excellent posture, which makes boobs stick out of course but there's nothing i can do about that, so adding a strapless dress on top of that is next next level

but really i think everyone should operate on his/her own standard of modesty -- wear what makes you feel good

lol rudist nudist!

x-post lol @ rudest nudist

R, I think it sort of does. For instance, if I wear a shorter skirt that's already a lot of leg and adding bear arms and shoulders to that means that all I see when I look in the mirror is skin and it seems like just too much. I have also only just started standing up straight (though I could still be better at it) and the boobs sticking out thing still catches me off guard!

lol "bear arms" oops

I've been going arms out a lot this summer bc 1) I have modest leanings but also maybe rely on that to hide my body and I want to get over it and 2) fuck everybody I'm hot.

I've started wearing really short skirts, not that this is the thread for it, but anyway...I put those stretchy "slimming" shorts underneath not for slimmingness but for coverage, and then I can bike in them like normal. The shorts underneath make me miraculously fine with wearing things that barely cover my kidneys.

yeah i saw a picture of me recently that a friend took while we were walking and i was wearing a red t-shirt and i thought "well, i guess i have boobs"
a rather enlightening self-observation on a few levels
xps to erika

i have broad shoulders and bear arms - though am way less hirsute than a bear tbh

Yeah I should really just get a some more tank tops and get over it. I shit you not though, I didn't wear sleeveless in public until I was like 27 or something ridiculous. I'm weirdly modest when it comes to clothes.

die forever, side stays

this. I scissored all of them out of my daily wear bras over the past month - no difference in the rolling up, so much less poking.

tell me more about these side stays

x-post - The modestly here is most definitely rooted in self-consciousness.

What is a side stay?

yeah it's funny - i wear short skirts often these days and bike in them all the time but when it comes to boobs esp re: cleavage i'm more modest

so i think i should therefore get over myself too and wear the strapless dress later!

I'm hearting these sidestays but the bra fabric is really thick, almost like neoprene. If it were thin/delicate, maybe the stays would be more noticeable through it.

i don't know what a side stay is either.

ha, see i'm kinda the opposite, i am not that self-conscious about cleavage, but any skirt or dress that runs even the remotest risk of riding up at butt level, i won't wear out of the house

Side stays are these straight "wires" (really flat plastic) that are about 3" long and are embedded about 2" from the outer edge of the underwire in the band of the bra - at just the right point to poke you severely in the tender underarm bits. They're meant to keep the back of the band from rolling up.

at just the right point to poke you severely in the tender underarm bits

which they do frequently in some of the bras that i own - this an important thing i have learned today!

Also, I shortened the band on 1 of mine by sewing each side up by about 1" as an experiment (lol cheap cheap cheap) and whoa, surprised at the difference in ride up/comfort, cup fit, etc.

I have I guess unstoppable, merciless side fat because the side stays always end up curving and molding around my body, which then turns them into this c-shaped torture device designed to jab me in the tender flesh under my arm. And also doesn't hold the bra up like it was supposed to do in the first place.

Oh ha, the other thing about sleevelessness is that I have tattoos on my shoulders and it feels like I shouldn't go all tats out at work. So I have been commuting while sleeveless and then putting a sweater on once I get to work and stop sweating everywhere. Except for just now when I got back from lunch and forgot to put on the sweater and got to chat with my boss about tattoos.

Honestly, I don't think anybody here would care but I hate HATE hate hate hate people coming up and touching my shoulder or (yes this happens) moving my shirt over a little because "Oh, you have tattoos???"

NO

oh god carl I can't believe ppl do that!

People are so uncool.

I think going out tats out is the best possible thing you can do, really. They are part of you. I think that's cool! Honestly.

I haven't worn a strapless bra since high school but that's more bc of my policy to never wear anything that would require it

people coming up and touching my shoulder or (yes this happens) moving my shirt over a little because "Oh, you have tattoos???"

haha yeah, this occasionally happens to me - the fact that half of the tat is on the boob does deter them though

My shirt doesn't even require it! I don't own anything strapless and never have. But sometimes with a wide neckline I don't want straps showing for work, and on a couple of shirts or dresses, the backs or straps might be funny shapes and wouldn't cover a bra.

One lovely benefit that I didn't even expect is that now I can actually FEEL MY SHIRT. I can feel the fabric of my shirt resting on my shoulders! It's so soft....

Love wearing a tank and a strapless bra! It's some nice summertime shit. The only strapless I have now is ridiculously padded so it does feel weird looking in the mirror and there's like a 30∞ gain in size.

Whoa I meant 30 percent not 30 INFINITY which I cannot ever comprehend.

I will also wear a tank top w/a strapful bra, somehow I got the idea that any non-nude or white color is playful and therefore ok to show.
When I first started wearing tank tops, I was dealing with all these internalized ideas of being brought up a modest Mormon. I was 19 and hanging out with my usual dude gang, wearing a tank top and asked if I looked slutty. And they all looked at me like 'u mad' which is the right reaction, because if someone is driven to sin by the sight of a shoulder, that's on them, not me.

I really did feel I was doing something transgressive though.
Now I live in the desert and everyone wears shorty shorts and tiny tanks and flip flops and next to them I look quite covered up. I rarely wear anything shorter than my knees.

I'm so unappealingly pale (kinda blotchy, blueish in spots) that being uncovered too much feels like I'm burdening the ppl around me with something they'd rather not see, lol. plus my own hangups about being lol fat etc. lotta baggage, is the short answer.

bra is the least of my concerns haha

I need a bra big enough for all my baggage.

there it is

I worked for a woman back in the late 70s who 1) was in her 50s (my current age bracket) 2) had seriously damaged her skin with sun worship 3) especially her cleavage/chest 4) constantly wore strappy little bare-it-all sundresses and 5) leaned over in front of people a lot. So I am horribly scarred and always imagining myself as her and therefore resistant to showing off too much cleavage. I also have a thing about displaying my plump arms (persisting on thinking of them as plump and not saggy and dimpled) so always wear at least elbow length sleeves.

i have inevitable cleavage unless i dress like a nun so i wear bras that look like they're camisoles (i hope) underneath tanks. it's not like i wear skimpy tanks, but the bras always show. there's still cleavage. i hope that nobody cares/notices much.

i didn't wear sleeveless until my mid-20s or so because i was so afraid of having fat arms (i'm kind of annoyed at my younger self for that--it wasn't modesty, it was self-loathing).

then i was too heat-sensitive to care. my arms look like arms. i've got cleavage. i'd rather deal with that than be quite so dizzy in the heat.

i decided to wear the halter dress. which is like strapless but cheating a little :)

:)