December 19th, 2004...6am and the bathroom tile is freezing. The mirror betrays the awful truth of my being. i try to wash the misery off, but softsoap can't cleanse me of my misfortune. sleep is so hard to find. maybe if i do another line? my heart is exploding with the joy and pain of the universe! or maybe that's the coke....
December 25th, 2004
...Christmas morning and the bathroom tile is freezing. i got a cigarette case from santa, but i just wanted rollerskates like when i was seven. last night's model is this morning's reminder of my loneliness. she's passed out in the living room from too much pills and booze. god, why must i live this life!?!? i just want to play little league, or at least wear the jerseys. fame is a scary haunted house that i'm stuck in!
January 7th, 2005
...winter has come and the bathroom tile is freezing. i'm drowning in fame and choking on my memories. new york is big and hard. nebraska is gone, across an ocean of regret, the smile on my face hasn't come back yet. winona called when i was drunk. reality bites. today i should do something productive. i think i'll go shopping for jeans. or write an album. maybe it could be called, "i got the blues, but i need blue jeans". that's good. i'm so tired of all the fake people here. why isn't anybody real. omaha? somewhere in middle america. that was real...
February 1st, 2005
...I'm having a snack and the bathroom tile is freezing. i watched the news today, oh boy. george w. bush = evil man. why is america so stupid? don't they understand my songs? maybe i should tour more and make them understand. so many unwashed masses of rednecks who i must save from their corporate masters! i am but a simple messenger, common folk, blue collared and red eyed and white from lack of sunlight. i AM america. woody guthrie is in my soul...
March 29th, 2005
...i am balled up in my shower, crying, and the bathroom tile is freezing. i must let go of rock and roll before it kills me. who could possibly have the strength to handle my life? if the women don't kill me, the cocaine will. happiness is an impossibility. it is but an illusion, created to torment the simple songwriters of the world! i just want to play paddycakes with jill cooper, that girl from 4th grade who wore flowers in her hair. we could sing raffi and laugh at the absurdity of all things real and imagined! the drugs aren't working, mommy. please take this pain away. i want a falafel. and happiness...
― ilxor, Monday, 29 September 2008 01:46 (fifteen years ago) link