Awesome Audiophile Snake Oil

lololololol

"The very best sound was obtained when I slightly loosened the screws on the Duplex Covers. And they sound great!!.

8]

lolololol

every product on the site is like New Hope for the Ape-Eared

i love that website! check out this fancy table: http://machinadynamica.com/machina25.htm

it's supposed to isolate your amplifier from vibrations, "especially the 0 -10 Hz variety produced by Earth's crust movement, traffic, subways, tides, etc. "

how a spring could cancel out waves slower than 1 Hz?

but the best is this "teleportation tweak"
http://machinadynamica.com/machina60.htm

everything on there is great but I'm still standing by the Tru-Tone Duplex cover as the most balls-out

http://www.hometheaterhifi.com/volume_12_3/marigo-labs-signature-3d-mat-7-2005.html

oh wait though codename turquoise is pretty fucking rad

Brilliant Pebbles is my favorite one on that site i think

From cidepress' link, this was amusing:

"Where most audiophiles would agree, however, is that tweaks are a minor aspect of system building. Defined by the dictionary in Microsoft Word® as "a slight adjustment or change in..."

italics mine.

http://machinadynamica.com/water.gif for brains

Somewhere, audiophile dude pushes the leather sofa away from the wall, sees four-socket outlet, shrieks.

Well, these are great, but you don't have to spend a lot of money to improve sound:

http://www.belt.demon.co.uk/Free_Techniques/Free_Techniques.html

Holy shit the Teleportation Tweak! We are dealing with <i>balls</i> here, gentlemen. Big, round, shiny balls, of finest brass, lovingly hand-polished to a mirror shine by a taskforce of brilliant Sound Artisans. These balls can be yours for the astonishingly low price of $680 (Big Shiny Brass Balls are not subject to our 30-day money-back guarantee)

it doesn't actually take any courage to be a con man, is the thing. you just have to really, really hate everybody.

The interesting thing about these tweaks is that they abandon the pretense of scientific support. Whereas w/ feet for speaker stands in Stereophile or whatever they'll be some physicist explaining how the damping works, here's it's just like, Hey, put this magic clock in the room and it'll improve the sound. I love it.

Sorry, maybe I'm Billy-doesn't-get-it, but is this site real or an elaborate spoof?

I had initially assumed spoof, but I followed some links and poked around and it appears to be real, or at least elaborate enough a spoof to include three or four different sites. Stereophile had an article on some of these tweaks a few years ago anyway:

http://www.stereophile.com/news/10415/

even if it is a spoof there's certainly enough real snake-oil products with extremely similar purposes/explanations

here's a collection of some more: http://www.ilikejam.dsl.pipex.com/audiophile.htm

i know someone who swears by this ....
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=280182123367&ssPageName=STRK:MEWA:IT&ih=018

"extremely flat"

I don't even know what "a richer, fuller sound, with less emphasis of detail" means. it's supposed to be a good thing?

My latest tweak = this chair;

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/Photo624.jpg

i'm actually buying a glass platter for my turntable. i might even buy that mat for it. i'm a sucka 4 luv.

actually the chair i'm assuming was a joke, but honestly i was suprised how much getting speaker stands and "correctly" positioning my chair i listen in and the speakers in the room made a HUGE difference in how good things sounded.

The chair's totally not a joke; it's expensive and comfortable and easily moved but it's not likely to make me fall asleep in it (no headrest); if I'm comfortable and awake, I can concentrate on listening more. I bought it (almost) with the sole intention of it being a 'headphones' chair.

But yeah, basic physics says position your speakers correctly and sit in the right spot; you simply don't get stereo-imaging without it.

http://www.engadget.com/2008/03/03/audiophiles-cant-tell-the-difference-between-monster-cable-and/

...a coat hanger.

that's AMAZING.
audiophiles are some weird people, man.

actually the chair i'm assuming was a joke, but honestly i was suprised how much getting speaker stands and "correctly" positioning my chair i listen in and the speakers in the room made a HUGE difference in how good things sounded.

-- M@tt He1ges0n, Thursday, December 13, 2007 11:39 PM

totally true

actually properly treating one's room acoustically would probably do a better job than moving your chair and speakers about

is there already a company selling audiophile interior house paint?

because if there is, I should start selling audiophile EXTERIOR house paint.

(xpost)
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/cb/Dbsts2.jpg

I was much, much less impressed with this enormous fucking Naim set-up than I should have been given how much it ought to have cost. Sure it went LOUD, but sound-wise I wouldn't swap it for my own system, I don't think.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/IMG_0126.jpg
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v236/njsouthall/IMG_0128.jpg

Is it just perspective on that first photo, or are your speakers nearly at shoulder height?

Oh, no - is that a Cyrus CD player? Or tuner? And why isn't everything on Mana shelves? That's why it doesn't sound that good. And has it been on continuously for five years? Another biggie with Naimists. (Seriously, that doesn't look like a great room for those huge - and amazingly ugly - speakers).

What's the turntable - Nottingham Spacedek or something? Oracle Delphi?

mp3s out a old marantz amp someone gave me and 15 y/o bottom of the line cambridge soundworks speakers all day babay

although i did love to read sudiophile magazines when i worked at a bookstore just for the lulz

The speakers are nearly to chest height - I'm 5'8".

The Cyrus is just a DAC for his wireless streaming thing. Dunno what the turntable is. The room is big but odd; it's a loft that used to be three bedrooms. There's a (low) double bed behind the speakers, plus a desk, which is where I slept (not the desk) (although that picture was taken at 6am so sleeping wasn't exactly urgent and key that weekend).

Yeah, I really wish someone had just given me a peek into my co-habiting/flat in communal block/married-with-kids future when I was handing over the moolah for all my gear in 1996-97. I wish I'd just got something good/2nd-hand with a small footprint (Cyrus CD/integrated, ProAc speakers, something like that; maybe a Pro-Ject record deck, old Marantz cassette deck, NAD tuner, cables from Maplin) and STOPPED there. Think of all the photographic gear I could've bought with the money saved if I'd just contracted that particular hobbyist bug a decade earlier!

(Ah, DAC for wireless streaming; the Naim box-stacking is kinda insane - external power supplies for everything. Makes my Audiolab pre/mono arrangement look positively understated).

The speakers are Naim DBLs. They weigh about 15st each. Retail these days at £15k. When he got them, in 2000, they should have been £12k. He got them for £4k cos they were "shop-soiled" - the band he's in had an arrangement with Naim and they'd been using them as a playback set-up when they recorded an album in a country house, and the guitarist's dog had taken a bite out of the bottom corner of one, or something.

I'm kind of glad I've had a brush with stuff that's seriously high-end because it's warned me off a bit. Our flat's not that small, but it's a flat nonetheless, and, you know, I want stuff on the walls and holidays and a new camera and stuff maybe too.

I think my main response to audiophilia these days is that the best way to make your hi-fi sound great is to play better records on it.

actually properly treating one's room acoustically would probably do a better job than moving your chair and speakers about

How so?

the best way to make your hi-fi sound great is to play better records on it.

b i n g o

if anyone is looking for really great speakers that won't break your bank....i bought these about a year ago and couldn't be more pleased with them...they are really surprising given the price and size:

Epos ELS 3 mini monitors:

http://www.musicdirect.com/product/73457

i run them with a Cambridge Audio integrated amp w/Cambridge phono pre-amp.....

My turntable is a Rega P1 -- one thing on that i would recommend is buying a glass platter and also i replaced the original ortofon cartridge with a Denon DL 160 cartridge which is a fucking amazing cartridge for the price...

For CD player I run a really really old NAD one that I got off craigslist for $35...it works pretty well, has a hard time tracking CD-Rs but will play them after awhile (it's from 87 though so I guess there weren't even CD-Rs then)

Post more pics of slobs in garrets seasoned with with ridiculous sound systems and ugly furniture.

I really like the coffee table.

I think my favourite way / place to listen to music these days, rather than the big sofa and NAD / Cambridge Audio / Tannoy / proper rack & stands set-up in the living room, with everything anchored in a nice triangle, blah blah, equidistant from rear walls, speakers toed in, is the hotch-potch system in the back room, with the knackered Marantz CD, 20-year-old Marantz amp, DAC, and diddy Q Acoustics speakers. Cos I have space, peace, my comfy chair, books, headphones, no TV or console to distract.

Those are the kind of speakers you buy to justify having previously bought Monster Cable.

What's the sensitivity rating on those things? It might be all show, but they certainly look like they could bring on an involuntary bowel movement.

i have no idea where else to post this stuff, but i've been seeing some real gems on discogs recently. sometimes it's the exact sort of obessive and pedantic kind of comments you'd normally associate with audiophile culture. but sometimes the lengths that people go to just to criticize the quality of some vinyl pressings is just funny. case in point:

I use lp60xbt, which is fully automatic.
on side D after the last track; Lullaby For My Insomniac a needle spins on run out groove endlessly making a ring on surface and doesn't come back to a tone arm rest.
I enquired audio technica support team and got the reliable answer;

If this is only happening on the one side of just that particular record, the issue is not within the turntable but rather the cutting of that particular side of the record. It is likely they did not cut the locked groove at the end of the record in the standard position.

does anybody have the same issue as me?
mine is European dark green edition. I'm into its colour but this is a pretty irritating experience when using a fully automatic turntable.

did you honestly put in a service request to the manufacterer of your turntable over this? does this turntable not have "return" button? ARE YOU NOT ABLE TO LIFT THE NEEDLE OFF THE RECORD YOURSELF?

also, nice: totally not worried about the lesser fidelity of colored vinyl because yr "into its color." fucking lol

hey I payed for fully automatic!! clearly this is not FULLY!

that is really funny cuz audiophile turntable discussions I've seen won't even entertain an automatic table. Anything in there not essential to playing well just frig up the sound, man.

it was then I realized I was reading too much about turntables.

That guys obv no audiophile, but the amount of anguish and frustration that vinyl causes for some “vinyl enthusiasts” is really something else. Maybe they all live in really dusty homes or something.

I don't know about "awesome", but this sure seems like a prime example of audiophile snake oil to me:

https://www.musicdirect.com/record-cleaning/last-record-preservative

Keep Your New Vinyl LPs Looking and Sounding Brand-New for Decades to Come with Last Record Preservative: Prevents Wear, Ticks, and Pops for Hundreds of Plays by Enhancing Molecular Stability

Only $26 per ounce!

Enhancing Molecular Stability since 2019!

I've noticed one or two of my friends who 20 years ago would obsess about their perfect listening position at the tip of an equilateral triangle between their stereo speakers, but now enthuse about their v. expensive single Bluetooth speakers.

you haven't lived til you've heard the Beatles in mono..... on a single speaker, as God intended

mono on two speakers in bad for the molecules

is bad. very bad.

xxxp “Last” has been around for years, it’s pretty well established (I guess that doesn’t keep it from being “snake oil,” though). Think I owned some at one point.

I am a chemist, this is how I break it down to an extent

shouldn't say "molecular stability" as that refers to whether molecules break into smaller pieces or not. in general the stylus does not break molecules into smaller groups of atoms.

what a stylus does do is break molecules apart from each other. i.e. it wears down the groove by tearing off tiny pieces of vinyl. the proper term for molecules sticking to each other is cohesion, so when they say they're improving cohesiveness they're actually using the right term.

how do you keep the stylus from tearing off bits of vinyl? put a layer of something else on top of it to protect it. so my assumption is that the LAST record preservative is a thin lacquer that is applied over the grooves. so on the other hand, you're not really improving the cohesiveness of the molecules, you're just putting new molecules over the old molecules so the new molecules get worn off instead of the old one.

TLDR - it's just a thin lacquer that you apply over the surface of the record to protect the grooves.

personally I wouldn't lacquer my records unless they were super scratchy as applying lacquer will obviously leave a waxy residue on the grooves that will change the sound quality.

xpost

It would have to be awfully thin not to muffle the sound, wouldn't it? One could certainly make the argument that it did so. (I mean, we'd be talking about an incredibly fine degree of muffling, but we'd also be talking about audiophiles, who are basically dwelling in a world of fantasy regarding what the human ear can actually perceive, anyway.)

I've applied the lacquer to Dark Side of the Moon and now I'm listening to it 100 times in a row to bring it to it's *ideal* sound quality at which point I will store it away forever

yeah from what I've read on forums and so on people say it definitely changes the sound quality to a noticeable extent. a term I've heard a lot is "warmer" which i generally interpret to mean muffling the extreme high-end frequencies.

it could be less of a lacquer than a lubricant, creating an oily sheen that makes the needle glide over more

they make a lot of claims about it not being, but I'm guessing it's not what people would traditionally consider a lubricant so they're dissembling a little

I was digging in because when I read the description I was wondering if it was literal oil derived from reptiles but it looks like it may be similar to this product: https://www.solvay.com/en/brands/pfpe-functional-fluids

you're right of course that it is a lubricant - it microscopically fills in the surface of the grooves, reducing friction and allowing the stylus to travel across the surface more smoothly

the difference in terminology is that lubricants generally aren't finishes, ie they don't permanently adhere to the surface. like if you touch a greased pan, grease comes off on your hand.

of course there are plenty of exceptions to this terminology and lots of examples of permanent solid lubricants, like teflon film on cooking utensils.

so yeah you can either think of it as a rather thick and adhesive lubricant or a rather thin and non-adhesive lacquer, in the end it's the same thing

fair! thanks for the description, this is interesting stuff

definitely need a few gallons of this as the molecular cohesion of my records has really gone to shit over the last few years, can barely open the door of my record room, molecules all over the damn place

every time i come home from the record store with new molecules of music, my partner is always on my case like "but you never listen to the molecules you already have!"

that's when I reach for my atomizer

goddammit i knew i should've copyrighted my dumb idea for "record lotion"

lol

https://pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/holiday-gift-ideas-for-the-vinyl-enthusiast-in-your-life/

these seem mostly... fine? I'd go for a record cleaning brush over a stylus brush, though

I have that Turntable Lab needle brush. It works! I also drop the needle onto a chunk of Magic Eraser after every few plays. But it's not "THIS WILL ADD LIFELIKE WARMTH TO THE SOUNDSTAGE THAT ONLY YOU CAN HEAR"; it's just cleaning/maintenance.

real heads know only steel wool can repel the negative ion buildup that takes the lustre off your upper mids

was mostly using this thread to take another shot at the constant unwavering stupidity that is pfork (totally NOT a lifestyle website, btw). the "Isonoe Isolation System" is peak snakeoil afaict. also the preamp thingie is questionable and slipmats are not needed unless yr qbert or roc raida (rip). $13 for a 45 adapter too? gtfoh.

stylus brushes are always a great idea, tho.

also good to see turntable lab is still around.

if you have a receiver that doesn't have a phono input and a turntable without a built-in amp, you definitely need a phono amp! I own an earlier model of the one they recommend and the local on-the-level audio shop I go to has been selling them for years. the snake oil version of the same device costs hundreds if not thousands.

right, that's my bad. i've had the same late 70s stereo for twenty years and take that for granted i guess.

the graphics in that list are maybe the worst thing thats ever been published in pitchfork

getting a Vincent phono pre was the best thing I've done in awhile, really fantastic, $300 so "cheap" (haha) for audiophiles, built like a tank

I have a pretty nice amp but it doesn't have a phono in

order of stuff I think matters from most to least:

speakers
amp
cartridge
turntable
DAC
CD player/disc spinner (currently using a $10 off Craigslist optical out into onboard DAC in my amp)
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
all the other bullshit accessories

what a weird, writing-free piece. The no-nonsense phono is the best thing about it (I use that one with my tiny class T speaker amp)... but do not buy one for your vinyl loving friend, unless they can't actually listen to vinyl and lack of a photo stage is the specific reason why.

I wouldn't be mad if someone got me some outer sleeves

also isolation is an issue if you, like, can't dance near the table. but that's when you make a little shelf on the wall

yeah, the plastic sleeves are good (and seem to keep my cat from attempting to claw records)

ha, they have the opposite effect on my cat - he loves to chew the plastic, i cant ever leave a record out

I dislike those sleeves for aesthetic reasons. Then I worry that I'm neglecting my LPs. But no, I can't bring myself to use them

sleeve city outer sleevs are my favorite but i have yet to find a satisfying solution for doubles/gatefolds

for every possible way to protect your possessions, there is a cat who has figured out how to counter it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5poEu9uBwyM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La3U41b0WSU

xpost to mh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7dcSr04G8s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tHOUV_bJn8

Kind of a bummer/guilt-trip final selection on that Pfork list.

No one said loving vinyl was easy. Between caring for old records and getting the best sound out of your gear, being a turntable devotee is as rewarding as it is intensive

*sigh* speak for yourself re this whole vinyl is hard nonsense