100 reasons why "Chelsea Dagger" is the worst fucking song ever

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

1. "She said 'My boy, it's dah-guh'"

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:28 (nine years ago) Permalink

2. How the fuck are you gonna play a tune about sexual ambiguity and 1940s sexual glamour when you sound like Leyton Orient's second tier firm being chased out of a Wetherspoons in Hull?

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:29 (nine years ago) Permalink

3. You know that noise you made as a kid when you'd hilariously pretend to be retarded by sticking your chin out and hitting yourself with the back of your palm? That's the chorus to this song

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:30 (nine years ago) Permalink

4. Tim Lovejoy probably really likes this song

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:30 (nine years ago) Permalink

welcome to 2006

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:31 (nine years ago) Permalink

It's not the worst song of 2006, it's the worst song _ever_.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:31 (nine years ago) Permalink

It is actually a worse song than both "We Didn't Start the Fire" and "Runaway Train"

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:31 (nine years ago) Permalink

5. It's just so utterly sexless, despite going for that neo-burlesque feel it's more like having a crying, black-eyed Serbian people traffickee grind on you for £15 in a Streatham lapdance bar

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:32 (nine years ago) Permalink

6. What on earth kind of pronunciation of "Well" is that? It has four syllables in it now?

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:35 (nine years ago) Permalink

7. One Franz is enough.

The Reverend, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:36 (nine years ago) Permalink

8. It's not even Franz, it's like when you order cheap celebrity lookalikes, and they all weight five stone extra, have less hair, and massive facial melanomas instead of beauty spots, and this song is the Franz of those.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:38 (nine years ago) Permalink

9. Amy McDonald: "I'm really into indie rock now"

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:38 (nine years ago) Permalink

10. Got used in ad for shitty movie, which one I can't remember.

The Reverend, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:38 (nine years ago) Permalink

spot on, Dom

The Reverend, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:38 (nine years ago) Permalink

11. This is the new "every shitty movie trailer ever" song, and tbh I preferred "All Star".

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:39 (nine years ago) Permalink

12. Actually about a real life burlesque performer, and as anyone who's ever met them knows, burlesque performers are all inherently awful human beings

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:43 (nine years ago) Permalink

13. Was on FIFA soundtrack, thus has anti-Pro Evo bias

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:43 (nine years ago) Permalink

14. NME: "Their bouncing glamorama feels like the most important album you could own."

BOUNCING GLAMORAMA: http://static.flickr.com/122/303512782_ea1cb33906.jpg

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:45 (nine years ago) Permalink

Yr obv referring to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clhOnZRrmXc

?

It is not as bad as that "she's so luvverly" scouting for girls track, in that after listening to this, I wanted the band to be thrown in jail, whereas after listening to the SfG track, I wanted the band to be devoured by lions.

Pashmina, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:48 (nine years ago) Permalink

It is a horrible record though, if I heard it come on over the pa in a shop, I'd leave asap.

Pashmina, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:52 (nine years ago) Permalink

The thing is P-man, there are bands who are worse "musically" than the Fratellis (Scouting for Girls, Amy MacDonald, those Elliot Minor dudes, and man just wait until you hear Palladium's "Hi 5" for the first time), and there's bands who are more morally objectionable (Kaiser Chiefs, Pipettes, K-Nash). The Fratellis score massively high in both sections.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:52 (nine years ago) Permalink

15. The thing is P-man, there are bands who are worse "musically" than the Fratellis (Scouting for Girls, Amy MacDonald, those Elliot Minor dudes, and man just wait until you hear Palladium's "Hi 5" for the first time), and there's bands who are more morally objectionable (Kaiser Chiefs, Pipettes, K-Nash). The Fratellis score massively high in both sections.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:53 (nine years ago) Permalink

16. Dude on the left there looks like one dude from Buffy Clyro
17. I know what one dude from Biffy Clyro looks like

DJ Mencap, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:53 (nine years ago) Permalink

Haha Buffy Clyro - worst slash idea ever :(

DJ Mencap, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:54 (nine years ago) Permalink

19. Every single review here is positive, but is positive in the sense of "Hey, this may not be what you'd call "good music"< but it's OK, right? You like OK music, yeah? 7/10". A collosal failure of this nation to have any desires to achieve anything. http://www.metacritic.com/music/artists/fratellis/costellomusic

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 11:55 (nine years ago) Permalink

"scrotum-clenchingly/soul-sappingly wretched" is the default steez of new british rock bands since when, exactly? I'm sure it wasn't that long ago that you'd hear the odd good one, I haven't heard a good new "mainstream" rock band for ages, like maybe 2 years.

When I'm at college doing my electrician's course, I see all these kids lining up to go into the music department, getting qualifications in how to play rock guitar/bass/drums or w/e. This is where all these shit bands come from, do you think?

Pashmina, Friday, 9 November 2007 12:05 (nine years ago) Permalink

"what kind of music do you play, guys"

"we call our style 'vocational qualification rock'"

Pashmina, Friday, 9 November 2007 12:07 (nine years ago) Permalink

Almost definitely. Teach them a fucking trade, that's what I say. I'm sure the guy from the Fratellis would be a decent baker if they gave him half a chance.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 12:09 (nine years ago) Permalink

That metacritic thing is pretty weird. All of the reviews are pretty positive, yet the band is at best mediocre? Where are the reviews which are like "ho-hum another by-the-numbers guitar band yawn 3/10"?

Pashmina, Friday, 9 November 2007 12:17 (nine years ago) Permalink

stylus amirite

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 9 November 2007 12:17 (nine years ago) Permalink

"what kind of music do you play, guys"

"we call our style 'vocational qualification rock'medio-core'"

Pashmina, Friday, 9 November 2007 12:18 (nine years ago) Permalink

That middle guy looks like someone with the modesty of David Essex and the looks of Ian McNabb.

NickB, Friday, 9 November 2007 12:31 (nine years ago) Permalink

While I completely agree with the sentiments contained within this thread, I'm concerned for Dom's safety. We need to find a way to block all NME approved music from hitting his ears before he develops an aneurysm.

jon /via/ chi 2.0, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:08 (nine years ago) Permalink

Let's find out what all the fuss is about, eh?

Just got offed, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:09 (nine years ago) Permalink

Oh wait, THAT'S Chelsea Dagger? FUCK, I'd been meaning not to find out what that was.

Just got offed, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:11 (nine years ago) Permalink

While I completely agree with the sentiments contained within this thread, I'm concerned for Dom's safety. We need to find a way to block all NME approved music from hitting his ears before he develops an aneurysm.

I'm on the frontlines here, man. My boss keeps going on about how awesome The Enemy were in concert last week.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:13 (nine years ago) Permalink

Not really related, but I just found this Kogan nugget in the teenpop thread and figgered this was as good a place as any.

"...the term "indie dance" gets bandied about, probably in relation to the Gossip and the Kooks and the Pipettes..."

!!!

Raw Patrick, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:14 (nine years ago) Permalink

The kids, with their hippin' and a hoppin' and their allover print hoodies...

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:15 (nine years ago) Permalink

thanks for putting song in head guyz

normally suffer this once a week during enforced xfm listening session in friends' car.

ledge, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:16 (nine years ago) Permalink

tho i think the hoosiers wind me up even more

shit

ledge, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:17 (nine years ago) Permalink

what about those young knife guys

are they a joke, or are they like someone's son or something

That mong guy that's shit, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:27 (nine years ago) Permalink

Young Knives = 'breath of fresh air' Boris Johnson supporters.

Raw Patrick, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:29 (nine years ago) Permalink

I'm pretty sure in ILX's dark past the Young Knives would have received "phwoarrr, dirty dronerock boys sure get my clit-on" posts.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:30 (nine years ago) Permalink

But then Blount stopped posting aaaaaaahhhh

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:31 (nine years ago) Permalink

Sadly, Young Knives >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Fratellis

jon /via/ chi 2.0, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:32 (nine years ago) Permalink

I'm pretty sure in ILX's dark past the Young Knives would have received "phwoarrr, dirty dronerock boys sure get my clit-on" posts.

http://www.lullabyes.net/blog/uploaded_images/yk-771850.jpg

Maybe not, eh.

Raw Patrick, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:40 (nine years ago) Permalink

man, I don't miss this

That mong guy that's shit, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:41 (nine years ago) Permalink

Isn't that Lucky Jim on the extreme left?

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:42 (nine years ago) Permalink

Don't think anyone in that photo is on the extreme left

am
i
rite

DJ Mencap, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:57 (nine years ago) Permalink

Longtime ilx poster "acrobat" has the kinda look for The Young Knives, it has to be said.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 14:01 (nine years ago) Permalink

90's Britpop actually cared about the music, about its audience, about succeeding through innovation and sound.

lol

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:24 (nine years ago) Permalink

not all of it, but a good deal of it. i don't want to get all Geir on yer asses, but there was plenty of decent stuff.

Just got offed, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:25 (nine years ago) Permalink

Geir?

haha xpost

DJ Mencap, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:25 (nine years ago) Permalink

You know, Louis, it takes a certain something to both wear rose-colored glasses AND live in an ivory tower...

Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:26 (nine years ago) Permalink

That said I do agree that the level of cynicism in the 00s bands we're talking about is off the scale, compratively speaking

DJ Mencap, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:26 (nine years ago) Permalink

i googled the lyrics to 'chelsea dagger' coz all i've got out of it is the annoying chant. i don't understand the lyrics though so that's cool.

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:27 (nine years ago) Permalink

Colchester fans to financially fucked Coventry the other week: "What's that coming over the hill? TEN POINT DEDUCTION, TEN POINT DEDUCTION!"

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:27 (nine years ago) Permalink

You know, Louis, it takes a certain something to both wear rose-colored glasses AND live in an ivory tower...

Why is it that you only ever engage with me in order to belittle me? I'd really be intrigued to know. I'd also be interested to hear an explanation for your post. WTF "ivory tower"?

Just got offed, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:31 (nine years ago) Permalink

see, not ivory:

http://www.simonho.org/images/Cambridge/Peterhouse1.jpg

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:33 (nine years ago) Permalink

HOLY FUCK MY ROOM IS IN THE CENTRE OF THAT PICTURE

SHIIIT

Just got offed, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:34 (nine years ago) Permalink

Any chance we could just stick to slagging off the Fratellis?

Neil S, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:34 (nine years ago) Permalink

NOT WHEN I'VE BEEN SUCCESSFULLY STALKED

Just got offed, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:35 (nine years ago) Permalink

The great thing is that, Kevin Bacon style, all LJ zings are no more than two posts from logically stretching back to the Fratellis

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:36 (nine years ago) Permalink

This song is great.

da croupier, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:06 (nine years ago) Permalink

A bit of controversy there...

Neil S, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:06 (nine years ago) Permalink

Dom's through the looking glass, though. Knows what these songs mean in the context of the British class/sex wars. I accept that.

da croupier, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:08 (nine years ago) Permalink

Harry Lime ARL (5:04:43 PM): passantino can be pretty funny, when he's not being a cunt
thom jesus west (5:05:08 PM): yeah, i mean, he's a twat, but he's getting pretty good at working with it. he's like our miccio
-- butts lmao (adelangsto...), January 27th, 2006.

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:10 (nine years ago) Permalink

24. probability of clicking randomly in the current time scrolly thing on youtube video and hearing du dur dur dur dur dur dur dur chorus roughly = 95%

tissp, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:13 (nine years ago) Permalink

I'm trying to find the goddamn best of lists on stylus since I realized I have no idea what music Dom has actually enjoyed since 2004.

da croupier, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:13 (nine years ago) Permalink

haha i knooooow he wouldn't have repped for the Doctor's Advocate if he was from HERE.

da croupier, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:15 (nine years ago) Permalink

I was reading WSC's "Half Decent Football Book" the other day, and one of the most interesting points in it was that how, in the past 30 years, probably the only song that has gone straight from the top 40 onto the football terraces is "Go West" by the Pet Shop Boys

Amarillo has managed it too, usually in relation to Arsene Wenger's sweet distribution methods. Rehab as well sometimes.

Matt DC, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:26 (nine years ago) Permalink

Surely Go West was sung at football matches before the PSB cover?

Matt DC, Friday, 9 November 2007 17:26 (nine years ago) Permalink

I'm trying to find the goddamn best of lists on stylus since I realized I have no idea what music Dom has actually enjoyed since 2004.

http://www.hardtofindrecordsrecordstore.com/htfrimages/BMR180010.jpg
http://www.billiethevision.com/usr_img/MALL_konvolut.jpeg
http://www.mysteryisland.net/loveandfear.jpg

That's about it.

Dom Passantino, Friday, 9 November 2007 18:11 (nine years ago) Permalink

i love the young knives ;_;

electricsound, Friday, 9 November 2007 22:04 (nine years ago) Permalink

I think they're pretty good too.

Neil S, Saturday, 10 November 2007 10:12 (nine years ago) Permalink

I like the one Young Knives song I know.

Jesus Christ the Fratellis are a stale dogshit pannini tho.

Noodle Vague, Saturday, 10 November 2007 10:33 (nine years ago) Permalink

haha i knooooow he wouldn't have repped for the Doctor's Advocate if he was from HERE.

-- da croupier, Friday, November 9, 2007 9:15 AM (Friday, November 9, 2007 9:15 AM) Bookmark Link

I rep for The Doctor's Advocate and I'm from HERE. (Assuming HERE means America.)

The Reverend, Saturday, 10 November 2007 11:22 (nine years ago) Permalink

It ain't where you're from, it's where you're at

Dom Passantino, Saturday, 10 November 2007 11:28 (nine years ago) Permalink

...and I also like The Young Knives!

zeus, Saturday, 10 November 2007 11:32 (nine years ago) Permalink

25. One Fratelli is called Mince, which is the worst nickname ever and choosing to be known by it makes him a twat.

ailsa, Saturday, 10 November 2007 14:39 (nine years ago) Permalink

26. The riff at the start sounds a lot like "Thy Damnation Slumbereth Not" by Half Man Half Biscuit, thus fooling me into perhaps thinking that the drudgery of the workplace Jo Whiley listening is going to be enlivened by "There's a bloke over there who says I can meet.... Ken Livingstone". And then it's this shower of shite.

Dom Passantino, Thursday, 15 November 2007 11:18 (nine years ago) Permalink

oh that'd be nice.

Wouldn't it though?

Mark G, Thursday, 15 November 2007 11:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

two months pass...

Vampire Weekend are like the charm school Fratellis. There, I said it.

Dom Passantino, Thursday, 31 January 2008 16:03 (nine years ago) Permalink

they wear blazers right? fuck em.

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Thursday, 31 January 2008 16:05 (nine years ago) Permalink

Much better produced.

Scik Mouthy, Thursday, 31 January 2008 16:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

Better rhythm section.

Scik Mouthy, Thursday, 31 January 2008 16:46 (nine years ago) Permalink

two years pass...

The Fratellis have confirmed they’ve split up after singer John Lawler posted a note on the band’s website.

"We have no plans to work together right now", he said.
He posted his comment on at exactly the same time as bandmate Barry spoke of his past successes with the trio.

Lawler continued "Sometimes things just work out that way. Mince, Baz and I are working on music but not with each other.

"Your passion is appreciated more than we will ever be able to say. We'll forever give our hearts and souls to music and to you guys who want to hear what we do."

Lawler is currently busying himself with Codeine Velvet Club while drummer Mince is playing with metal band Throne o’Diablo.

Fans paid tribute to the trio on their website with one posting "You guys changed my life. Thank you for the wonderful music, memories and everything else."

http://www.faetzbook.com/images/maracas.jpg

this guy was grey for me to poupon (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 22 April 2010 10:52 (seven years ago) Permalink

Many hits, all forgotten but one..

Mark G, Thursday, 22 April 2010 11:13 (seven years ago) Permalink

Friends of my ex played in a band with the drummer prior to The Fratellis and claimed he stole the riff for Creeping Up The Backstairs from one of their own dismal songs, which they continued to include in their set. Apparently it was a really sore subject for them.

LOL

PaulTMA, Thursday, 22 April 2010 11:19 (seven years ago) Permalink

three years pass...

1. "Halloween Blues"
2. "This Old Ghost Town"
3. "She's Not Gone Yet But She's Leaving"
4. "Seven Nights, Seven Days"
5. "Shotgun Shoes"
6. "Whisky Saga"
7. "This Is Not the End of the World"
8. "Jeannie Nitro"
9. "We Need Medicine"
10. "Rock 'n' Roll Will Break Your Heart"
11. "Until She Saves My Soul"

many a slip 'twixt Yow and Yip (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 11:04 (four years ago) Permalink

"Chelsea Dagger" has also been played over stadium sound systems before and after many football matches, and has frequently been played at other sporting events as well. League One side Yeovil Town play the song after a goal is scored at their stadium Huish Park. Since moving to the Juventus Stadium in 2011, Italian Serie A side Juventus F.C. does the same, as does Scottish First Division outfit Raith Rovers. English Championship side Nottingham Forest, who have reluctantly used it for quite sometime as many fans are opposed to the banal moronitude of the track, as well as Perth Glory in the Australian Hyundai A-League.

Semih Semih yam Semih yay Semih Şentürk (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 11:07 (four years ago) Permalink

really transfixed by the Area Band mediocrity inherent to their song-titling approach

many a slip 'twixt Yow and Yip (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 11:10 (four years ago) Permalink

Little is known about Lawler's life before he joined the Fratellis. He attended St. Maurice's High School and went to college before dropping out within three hours. Before joining the Fratellis, he played in an Oasis and Blur cover band.

Semih Semih yam Semih yay Semih Şentürk (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 11:13 (four years ago) Permalink

Oasis AND Blur? Fucking hell. Who is this crazy deviant.

they all are afflicted with a sickness of existence (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 11:21 (four years ago) Permalink

Mencap i wd "finest" yr display name but i'm not dealing with 200 posts from outraged Americans

RAWK of Agger's (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 11:33 (four years ago) Permalink

all part of the ongoing quest to find a joke with the smallest possible theoretical audience

big fan of twin cover bands and the bet-hedging therein - there's an Abba/Carpenters one that I see listings for quite often

many a slip 'twixt Yow and Yip (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 11:49 (four years ago) Permalink

^that might be the platonic ideal

many a slip 'twixt Yow and Yip (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 28 August 2013 11:54 (four years ago) Permalink

Abbarpenters

Mark G, Wednesday, 28 August 2013 13:22 (four years ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.