pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (fourteen years ago) link

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (fourteen years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (fourteen years ago) link

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (fourteen years ago) link

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (fourteen years ago) link

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (fourteen years ago) link

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (fourteen years ago) link

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (fourteen years ago) link

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (fourteen years ago) link

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (fourteen years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (fourteen years ago) link

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (fourteen years ago) link

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (fourteen years ago) link

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (fourteen years ago) link

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (fourteen years ago) link

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (fourteen years ago) link

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (fourteen years ago) link

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (fourteen years ago) link

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (fourteen years ago) link

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (fourteen years ago) link

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (fourteen years ago) link

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (fourteen years ago) link

here we are
going up our backsides

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 23 January 2022 20:54 (yesterday) link

the stuff about cadogan literally could have been c/p'd from a contemporary issue of guitar world, for whatever reason it was considered a big deal that a GIT type of dude would be in one of the many nakedly careerist "alternative" bands of that micro-era. i have never been able to figure out what he's doing that is supposed to be so interesting except that he's clearly better than any of the guys playing in, like, fuel or tonic, which is not a high bar.

call all destroyer, Sunday, 23 January 2022 20:56 (yesterday) link

He’d trained with instrumental rock legend Joe Satriani from a young age, then left the world of classical guitar for the local ska and punk scene as a teen.

Wait, did he actually study classical guitar? Because afaik that's not what Satriani has ever played or taught.

The sensual shock (Sund4r), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:00 (yesterday) link

Third Eye Blind opening for Oasis is the double bill that lasts for 1000 years of purgatory.

papal hotwife (milo z), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:00 (yesterday) link

If you had told me in 1997 that you can see into the future of music, I would’ve asked: “Ten years from now, will Puffy and Mase still be on top?”

Rockin’, and rollin’, and whatnot (morrisp), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:00 (yesterday) link

I really liked "Never Let You Go" when it came out. Tried to get into the rest of the album but in the end it didn't really stick.

The sensual shock (Sund4r), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:00 (yesterday) link

Maroon 5/Matchbox 20/3EB poll time

so trivially 3EB, i have no particular love for them but "semi-charmed life" still blows away everything the other two have ever done

ufo, Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:03 (yesterday) link

joke's on you. moby, tool, and soul coughing were always lame bullshit.

Yeah, my eyes were crossing going over and over that post in search anything remotely good. I mean, Prodigy were momentarily diverting...but that's all they ever were.

but also fuck you (unperson), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:08 (yesterday) link

I mean, Korn, Hootie & the Blowfish, the Spice Girls, Hanson, Shania Twain, and late-period Rolling Stones albums made Rolling Stone's Essential Recordings of the 90s list in 1999.

The sensual shock (Sund4r), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:15 (yesterday) link

Some real pot-kettle black shit:

how much did they pay you https://t.co/a98GGdhPeN

— nigh eve6 (@Eve6) January 23, 2022

This Is Not An ILX Username (LaMonte), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:15 (yesterday) link

unperson, what once-cool bands from the late-90s do you think are not cool today?

jpg trouble in wallo gina (Whiney G. Weingarten), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:34 (yesterday) link

I have no idea how to even frame a response to that. What do you mean by "cool", and cool to whom? I mean, the bands from the 90s that I still listen to today are, like, Fushitsusha and Unsane and the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion and Monster Magnet. Are any of those bands "cool"? Were they ever?

but also fuck you (unperson), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:43 (yesterday) link

JSBX are super underrated now

I would sooner listen to Cake than anyone in Whiney's list aside from a couple of Wyclef songs and some Prodigy.

papal hotwife (milo z), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:45 (yesterday) link

I came up with one: Underworld. Underworld are no longer cool. The rot set in when they released the live album (which is good!). Nothing after that has been great, and that Barbara album suuuuucked.

but also fuck you (unperson), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:46 (yesterday) link

JSBX and Boss Hog had a mini media tour a couple of years ago, doing the rounds at places like KEXP and it was really cool to see them (the bands and Jon+Christina) still together and doing well.

papal hotwife (milo z), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:48 (yesterday) link

JSBX are super underrated now

All the stuff collected on the Year One compilation (which was originally spread across the self-titled, Crypt Style, and A Reverse Willie Horton) is fantastic. The next couple of albums were really good, too, but they kinda fizzled after Orange.

but also fuck you (unperson), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:48 (yesterday) link

When will we get a Better Than Ezra reevaluation

Chappies banging dustbin lids together (President Keyes), Sunday, 23 January 2022 21:59 (yesterday) link

I know a pair of Toad The Wet Sprocket superfans, they've flown across the country to see them several times.

papal hotwife (milo z), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:07 (yesterday) link

mid to late 90s was pretty abysmal for rock music and i have no issue writing off the whole scene at this point.

get shrunk by this funk. (Austin), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:07 (yesterday) link

xpost- ttws fans are definitely committed for the long haul. it's weirdly endearing.

get shrunk by this funk. (Austin), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:09 (yesterday) link

the Toadies have a very small and very committed cult fanbase

JSBX live was so much fun

Seeing JSBX live was among my favorite concert experiences of the 90s

Legalize Suburban Benches (Raymond Cummings), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:16 (yesterday) link

Now I Got Worry tour

Legalize Suburban Benches (Raymond Cummings), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:16 (yesterday) link

Russel Simins is an absolute monster on the drums

Muad'Doob (Moodles), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:17 (yesterday) link

I saw Pussy Galore on their last tour in 1989, and then saw JSBX in maybe 1992, either just before or just after Extra Width came out. Both shows were great, but I think I'd probably have to give the edge to PG. Plus, Dial M for Motherfucker is one of the greatest albums of the 80s, so... now there's a record I'd like to see some Gen Z writer grapple with.

but also fuck you (unperson), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:19 (yesterday) link

Bauer and Simins with Tom Waits (doing "Make It Rain") was the best Letterman performance I've seen.

papal hotwife (milo z), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:20 (yesterday) link

I have no idea how to even frame a response to that. What do you mean by "cool", and cool to whom? I mean, the bands from the 90s that I still listen to today are, like, Fushitsusha and Unsane and the Jon Spencer Blues Explosion and Monster Magnet. Are any of those bands "cool"? Were they ever?


“I’m a caveman, your modern ways frighten and confuse me. I look at your “Deep Blue Something” and I think “Who is Tiffany? Why would she invite us to breakfast?” But I do know my copy of Fushitsusha’s 永遠の方が 先に手を出したのさ goes for $30 on Discogs and, being the lone recording with drummer Shuhei Takashima, it’s massively underrated…”

jpg trouble in wallo gina (Whiney G. Weingarten), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:20 (yesterday) link

JSBX had a little baby re-appreciation when they did that album for Mom + Pop in 2015

jpg trouble in wallo gina (Whiney G. Weingarten), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:23 (yesterday) link

what once-cool bands from the late-90s do you think are not cool today?

Belle and Sebastian
Modest Mouse
GSYBE
Elephant Six bands

Rockin’, and rollin’, and whatnot (morrisp), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:25 (yesterday) link

Yeah, the non NMH E6 bands is a good one

jpg trouble in wallo gina (Whiney G. Weingarten), Sunday, 23 January 2022 22:29 (yesterday) link

Legalize Suburban Benches (Raymond Cummings) at 4:16 23 Jan 22

Now I Got Worry tour


I saw them on that tour, just destroyed the club

(i know ned has always been immune)

Always.

get deep enough into the weeds of 3eb legal stuff and you will become aware of xeb, a sort-of-tribute band made up of ex-3eb band members, and they sound just terrible

Fucking fuck, you mean a later Bay Area generation has its own version of Creedence Clearwater Revisited? Christ on a bike.

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 23 January 2022 23:05 (yesterday) link

I saw Creedence Clearwater Revisited during halftime of a Vikings game

Interesting alternate opening for "Werewolves of London" there.

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 23 January 2022 23:42 (yesterday) link

I saw Creedence Clearwater Revisited during halftime of a Vikings game

― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown)

don't look back
you can never look back

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 23 January 2022 23:44 (yesterday) link

Halftime with a bad moon rising
Stu Cook and the Minnesota Vikings

Chappies banging dustbin lids together (President Keyes), Monday, 24 January 2022 00:24 (six hours ago) link


When will we get a Better Than Ezra reevaluation

― Chappies banging dustbin lids together (President Keyes), Sunday, January 23, 2022 3:59 PM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

About 10 years ago, I worked with a woman who was a Better Than Ezra superfan, with deep knowledge of their entire catalog. IIRC, she thought "Good" was fine and all, but held up an album from like 2005 as an unappreciated masterpiece.

jaymc, Monday, 24 January 2022 00:32 (five hours ago) link

that's weird but to me very similar to manic street preachers fans in the 2000s

Karl Malone, Monday, 24 January 2022 00:36 (five hours ago) link

i.e. the true meaning of la tristessa

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 24 January 2022 00:38 (five hours ago) link

i identify as a manics fan in the 2000s

STOCK FIST-PUMPER BRAD (BradNelson), Monday, 24 January 2022 00:39 (five hours ago) link

I know a guy who told me his favorite band of all time is Dada

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 24 January 2022 00:54 (five hours ago) link

and his hair was perfect

roflrofl fight (voodoo chili), Monday, 24 January 2022 01:26 (five hours ago) link

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/8104-lateralus/

not entirely sure what whiney's point about tool no longer being cool was supposed to be about

ufo, Monday, 24 January 2022 02:53 (three hours ago) link

I know a guy who told me his favorite band of all time is Dada

― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Sunday, January 23, 2022 7:54 PM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

i had an acquaintance in college who was an eve 6 superfan. i know a girl who liked nada surf enough that she very likely cheated on her longtime partner with the nada surf guy. but this is something else.

call all destroyer, Monday, 24 January 2022 03:00 (three hours ago) link

he said I'm going to my favorite band and I asked and he said...took me a second to register Dada and then I said "oh yeah Dizz Knee Land" and he was like "Well they have a lot better sings than that" like he was a little offended

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 24 January 2022 03:29 (three hours ago) link

cheating with the nada surf guy is pretty wild though

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 24 January 2022 03:29 (two hours ago) link

they listened to Blonde on Blonde on a portable stereo

papal hotwife (milo z), Monday, 24 January 2022 03:47 (two hours ago) link

In response to upthread, fuck that tastemaker bullshit, Moby's Play and Everything Is Wrong are great albums, along with at least a dozen other tracks. He may be an obnoxious creep but he did some great shit.

birdistheword, Monday, 24 January 2022 04:15 (two hours ago) link

then I said "oh yeah Dizz Knee Land" and he was like "Well they have a lot better sings than that" like he was a little offended

As if they’re R.E.M. and you said “Shiny Happy People,” ha ha

Rockin’, and rollin’, and whatnot (morrisp), Monday, 24 January 2022 04:32 (one hour ago) link


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.