pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (thirteen years ago) link

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (thirteen years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (thirteen years ago) link

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (thirteen years ago) link

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (thirteen years ago) link

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (thirteen years ago) link

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (thirteen years ago) link

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (thirteen years ago) link

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (thirteen years ago) link

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (thirteen years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (thirteen years ago) link

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (thirteen years ago) link

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (thirteen years ago) link

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (thirteen years ago) link

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (thirteen years ago) link

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (thirteen years ago) link

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (thirteen years ago) link

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (thirteen years ago) link

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (thirteen years ago) link

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (thirteen years ago) link

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (thirteen years ago) link

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (thirteen years ago) link

Conde has to put it out to pasture soon, surely. Its existence just seems pointless now.

Position Position, Sunday, 17 January 2021 03:26 (five days ago) link

enjoyed today’s thin lizzy review: https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/thin-lizzy-jailbreak/

boz conspiracy by toby hus (voodoo chili), Sunday, 17 January 2021 13:46 (five days ago) link

Every January we have this discussion about the track reviews

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Sunday, 17 January 2021 16:26 (five days ago) link

P4K: "This new Tame Impala record is so good, we're gonna give it an 8.0 score!"

P4K social media person, not a fan:

Think of this album as psychedelia for people with meditation apps and vape pens https://t.co/4dbr34thxu

— Pitchfork (@pitchfork) January 18, 2021

A Scampo Darkly (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 18 January 2021 15:49 (four days ago) link

the complaints in this thread about the number of reviews are basically the old "the food here is terrible ... and such small portions" joke

na (NA), Monday, 18 January 2021 16:06 (four days ago) link

not sure if that tweet is supposed to be a criticism

Evan, Monday, 18 January 2021 16:22 (four days ago) link

xp They do publish well-written reviews (which are praised in this thread) in addition to the head-scratchers; and there would be even more good reviews to commend if they printed more stuff. Is it even a “full-time” publication (whatever that means)?

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Monday, 18 January 2021 16:36 (four days ago) link

Yeah, the tweet made it sound vaguely appealing

Mr. Cacciatore (Moodles), Monday, 18 January 2021 17:10 (four days ago) link

i was gonna ask if that's a burn? seems like they just described their target audience

the serious avant-garde universalist right now (forksclovetofu), Monday, 18 January 2021 21:16 (four days ago) link

is it common for them to tweet out year-old music reviews?

Karl Malone, Monday, 18 January 2021 21:24 (four days ago) link

makes sense if they're barely publishing new ones atm

Evan, Monday, 18 January 2021 21:37 (four days ago) link

I see Weezer have two (2) new albums on the way

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Monday, 18 January 2021 21:51 (four days ago) link

tame impala was included on the biden/harris inauguration playlist, probably causing an uptick in search traffic

that explains the tweet and the tone aimed at a more curious, general audience

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 18 January 2021 22:14 (four days ago) link

^^^ this guy markets.

pomenitul, Monday, 18 January 2021 22:16 (four days ago) link

haha seo is a dirty job

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 18 January 2021 22:19 (four days ago) link

Huh, their Twitter feed is crazy active (multiple tweets per hour); but they’re tweeting out a mix of recent and older—from 2019, in some cases—articles & reviews.

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Monday, 18 January 2021 22:39 (four days ago) link

The records are probably still available.

shivers me timber (sic), Monday, 18 January 2021 22:41 (four days ago) link

The context of my surprise is the discussion at hand—I expected to see a few tweets per day, to reflect their publishing schedule. But all the recycling doesn’t seem to hurt their Twitter engagement (who are these readers replying to a old features & reviews; did they miss them the first time around?).

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Monday, 18 January 2021 22:59 (four days ago) link

there's a lot of data to suggest that's what you should do, tweet things over and over at certain intervals, only a small portion of your followers actually sees a particular tweet, if they aren't on when it is posted it just gets swept by in the feed

it's kind of annoying but understand the logic

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 18 January 2021 23:03 (four days ago) link

That’s interesting; I’ve always been the type to read every tweet in my TL (but I don’t follow a zillion accounts or only check infrequently, as others must).

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Monday, 18 January 2021 23:09 (four days ago) link

it's one of many reasons twitter is bad and best experienced second hand via curators

the serious avant-garde universalist right now (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 01:13 (three days ago) link

curators such as not follow @pitchfork ?

flopson, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 01:32 (three days ago) link

morrisp, I ask without any hint of malice: why do you care about Pitchfork's habits so much?

I admit my own biases as a contributor.

It’s the only music site I visit regularly, so I guess find it interesting to discuss its strengths and shortcomings in this thread (though I’m sure my observations are not very interesting). I checked their Twitter feed only b/c of that tweet posted above, usually I just visit the site.

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 01:45 (three days ago) link

ok thanks!

(Also, I briefly worked in online music journalism very long ago, and so I guess I wish it were “better” or different today in some ways… but I know that’s a big “who cares.”)

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 01:47 (three days ago) link

Feels very weird to see a link to this very website in a Pitchfork article:

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/start-a-virtual-listening-club-itll-change-your-life/

MarkoP, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:37 (three days ago) link

Congrats, we're "now-fabled"

jaymc, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:40 (three days ago) link

😎

pomenitul, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:44 (three days ago) link

amazing that the first thing the pfrk reader sees when clicking through is this thread title

John Wesley Glasscock (Hadrian VIII), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:45 (three days ago) link

We’re no Steve Hoffman tho.

pomenitul, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:45 (three days ago) link

it's still early

John Wesley Glasscock (Hadrian VIII), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:47 (three days ago) link

From the heyday of now-fabled message boards to contemporary Twitter threads, online music discussions tend to descend quickly into competition or argument, mansplaining or dick-waving.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PakAiTZWAs

Whiney G. Weingarten, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:48 (three days ago) link

ILXor being called out as a cesspool of toxic masculinity by the site that said Ginger Spice looks like a (slur redacted), you truly love to see it

Whiney G. Weingarten, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:51 (three days ago) link

one thing any pitchfork reader should know is that everyone on ILM knows MUCH more about music than any pitchfork reader, and that everyone on ILM thinks that

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:56 (three days ago) link

we gotta stir things up around here, this could be the big influx the ILM community needs

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:56 (three days ago) link

i'm just goofing, sorry. it is funny, though, that anyone clicking that link might find a thread with this title, with over 17,000 posts on it

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 17:57 (three days ago) link

ffs Whiney, putting slurs in square quotes does not make it acceptable to use them.

braised cod, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 18:17 (three days ago) link

*scare

braised cod, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 18:17 (three days ago) link

Sorry, mods are free to asterisk it out!

Whiney G. Weingarten, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 18:17 (three days ago) link

Just wave your dick in front of the offending words

Halfway there but for you, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 18:22 (three days ago) link

Don’t wave your dick on a weekly Zoom sesh, though (or at least keep it out of frame)!

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 18:24 (three days ago) link

I read the link and it doesn’t link the terms at all, it’s a generalised and imo true comment about online music discussion

scampish inquisition (gyac), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 18:25 (three days ago) link

I can't imagine that ILM would be very alienating to a friendly newcomer (the discussion here is usually pretty good)... but I also can't imagine joining a Zoom chat full of strangers to discuss a Kenny Rogers album, so whatever floats one's boat.

one of the only artist who is genuine (morrisp), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 18:59 (three days ago) link

I read the link and it doesn’t link the terms at all, it’s a generalised and imo true comment about online music discussion

I was going to disagree, then started questioning whether I could do so without arguing or mansplaining, then flew into a mental vortex.

Inside there's a box and that box has another box within (Sund4r), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 19:16 (three days ago) link

^^typical

stylish but illegal (Simon H.), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 19:21 (three days ago) link

The thing about a Zoom chat is, you gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em.

Halfway there but for you, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 19:50 (three days ago) link

...know when to wave a dick,
know when to run

nobody like my rap (One Eye Open), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 19:58 (three days ago) link

I want to go on and talk about whether Kenny was a New Jersey

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 20:05 (three days ago) link

Huh, their Twitter feed is crazy active (multiple tweets per hour); but they’re tweeting out a mix of recent and older—from 2019, in some cases—articles & reviews.

I just clicked a link to an article about Joni Mitchell rarities assuming it was something to do with the collection released in the last few months but instead it was a link to an article from 2017 with a majority of dead YouTube links.

in twelve parts (lamonti), Thursday, 21 January 2021 09:28 (yesterday) link


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