pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (fourteen years ago) link

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (fourteen years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (fourteen years ago) link

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (fourteen years ago) link

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (fourteen years ago) link

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (fourteen years ago) link

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (fourteen years ago) link

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (fourteen years ago) link

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (fourteen years ago) link

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (fourteen years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (fourteen years ago) link

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (fourteen years ago) link

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (fourteen years ago) link

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (fourteen years ago) link

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (fourteen years ago) link

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (fourteen years ago) link

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (fourteen years ago) link

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (fourteen years ago) link

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (fourteen years ago) link

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (fourteen years ago) link

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (fourteen years ago) link

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (fourteen years ago) link

wonderful terry callier piece on today's archive review. props.

I'm ANTIFA and I vote. (Austin), Sunday, 12 June 2022 16:53 (three weeks ago) link

I really enjoyed Jesse Doris' review of NOW That's What I Call Pride! today

boxedjoy, Saturday, 18 June 2022 16:32 (two weeks ago) link

Pitchfork 🤝 Donald Trump
“‘YMCA’ is a bop”

Whiney G. Weingarten, Saturday, 18 June 2022 17:18 (two weeks ago) link

it isn’t?

big movers, hot steppers + long shaker intros (breastcrawl), Saturday, 18 June 2022 18:01 (two weeks ago) link

I mean, I guess if you’re a DJ playing someone’s third wedding…

Whiney G. Weingarten, Saturday, 18 June 2022 18:20 (two weeks ago) link

that review's existence is one of the most confusing things p4k has done

ufo, Saturday, 18 June 2022 23:16 (two weeks ago) link

I really enjoyed Jazz Monroe's write-up on Tilt that I read, just now

A "very nice" for making the connect to "Kraft", high five for that one!

I do wish music writers would commit to expressing their interpretations and judgements about the fundamental building block sonics of what they're listening to instead of quoting lyrics and relying heavily on biographical background to "set the scene". I have so much I'd love to type about Tilt and it's all about the music and wouldn't ever need to re-re-re-re-reiterate the Walker Bros./"Scott 4 flopped"/drunk in the 70s/'here are some quotes' things that people who're actually interested in Scott Walker have already tattooed seven times on their hearts

Anyway hooray for Tilt and good work Jazz Monroe

flamboyant goon tie included, Sunday, 26 June 2022 05:39 (one week ago) link

^^^

Legalize Suburban Benches (Raymond Cummings), Sunday, 26 June 2022 05:45 (one week ago) link

I have so much I'd love to type about _Tilt_ and it's all about the music and wouldn't ever need to re-re-re-re-reiterate the Walker Bros./"Scott 4 flopped"/drunk in the 70s/'here are some quotes' things that people who're actually interested in Scott Walker have already tattooed seven times on their hearts

I’m sure I’m not the only one here who would love to read this if you do end up typing it out!

Vaguely Threatening CAPTCHAs, Sunday, 26 June 2022 16:23 (one week ago) link

I see many good perceptive bits in the reappraisal. I liked his referring to a lyric sheet "strewn with unidentified remains. Displaced images, fished from mysterious backwaters of history..." It's disorganized, though: preface, nut graf...then it goes back for more history before returning to the album.

Malevolent Arugula (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 26 June 2022 16:34 (one week ago) link

very disappointing "end of an era" site redesign today, as much as one could imagine it coming

news to the top, reviews buried below, rip music criticism

sean gramophone, Thursday, 30 June 2022 13:24 (four days ago) link

I'm not seeing that on my desktop; it's three news stories in a horizontal line, then six reviews stacked vertically, then more news below. And there's a nav bar at the top and "Reviews" is the #2 slot.

but also fuck you (unperson), Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:01 (four days ago) link

yeah, it doesn't look any different than it has recently

F'kin Magnetometers, how do they work? (President Keyes), Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:02 (four days ago) link

On the phone you have to scroll down past the 3 stories, but that's been the case for awhile now

F'kin Magnetometers, how do they work? (President Keyes), Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:03 (four days ago) link

It looks fine.

Malevolent Arugula (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:07 (four days ago) link

I think it looks ok, too, but agree that it sucks to see the Reviews section a footnote. I thought I'd heard/read that their users still engaged with their reviews more than you might think.

Does the SEO benefit accrue differently if certain words are above the fold vs. anywhere on the homescreen? If so, I suppose it would make sense that someone is more likely to be searching for a current news item and land on Pitchfork vs. whatever new music review happened to post that day.

A quick search for "1975 new album" (one of the headlines currently on the homescreen) puts Pitchfork at the top of google.

Indexed, Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:11 (four days ago) link

I think it looks good, but it annoys me a little that Safari’s “reading mode” never works on their pages, don’t know why that it is.

Bunheads Pilot Enthusiast (morrisp), Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:16 (four days ago) link

I'm seeing the usual right now after getting a glimpse of the new layout earlier. Either they pulled it back or it's some kind of randomized thing at this stage. I dunno, weird.

maf you one two (maffew12), Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:18 (four days ago) link

i'm defaulting to this new one:

https://pitchfork.com/?verso=true

sean gramophone, Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:37 (four days ago) link

at least Weezer isn't the lead review

F'kin Magnetometers, how do they work? (President Keyes), Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:41 (four days ago) link

it's funny to me that pitchfork reviews on mobile always have an ad running that pauses the music on my phone lol

in places all over the world, real stuff be happening (voodoo chili), Thursday, 30 June 2022 14:48 (four days ago) link

Is the horizontal white line below the logo supposed to be there? Or is it a glitch?

ˈʌglɪɪst preɪ, Thursday, 30 June 2022 16:25 (four days ago) link

interesting!

https://i.imgur.com/nzF9eDR.png

all websites suck these days, though. there's no way to make one that makes money, or doesn't bleed money, without also making it really suck

Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Thursday, 30 June 2022 16:29 (four days ago) link

forbes.com, though

forbes is a good one, quality writing, fun atmosphere

Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Thursday, 30 June 2022 16:30 (four days ago) link

also love the houston chronicle, especially how they give voice to so many non-houston issues

Bruce Stingbean (Karl Malone), Thursday, 30 June 2022 16:30 (four days ago) link

Oh ok, the new Pfork layout does look worse on the desktop than mobile (I hate when menus etc. move/shrink/animate as you navigate a page)

Bunheads Pilot Enthusiast (morrisp), Thursday, 30 June 2022 16:43 (four days ago) link

I'm glad this thread exists as a distraction from the SCOTUS thread.

Malevolent Arugula (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 30 June 2022 16:46 (four days ago) link

Pitchfork should have a 9 critic panel that rates albums. Most of them over 60 years old.

F'kin Magnetometers, how do they work? (President Keyes), Thursday, 30 June 2022 17:48 (four days ago) link

Former members too, like Justice Pl@genhoef.

Malevolent Arugula (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 30 June 2022 17:50 (four days ago) link

lmao @ that Karl screencap

Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 30 June 2022 17:55 (four days ago) link

I’ll probably never listen to a Jack Johnson album, but I thought this was a really well-written review.

Bunheads Pilot Enthusiast (morrisp), Friday, 1 July 2022 04:28 (three days ago) link

the proportions feel generally off in this new design, like why is the album art for the lead review that big on the home page?

ufo, Friday, 1 July 2022 05:09 (three days ago) link

xpost i think this is a pretty good summary of Jack Johnson:

More James Taylor or even Jackson Browne than the cash cow that Mister Margaritaville became, his preternatural sense of sangfroid has sometimes crowded out his surprising depth as a world-weary songwriter in search of small moments of respite and delight.

plus, i learned a new word! i don't think i have *ever* seen the word "sangfroid" in my life.

alpine static, Friday, 1 July 2022 08:01 (three days ago) link

It means literally "singing while very cold."

btw I respect Jack Johnson because I was at a Bonnaroo where Mumford was supposed to be the Saturday headliner and had to cancel, and they called Jack Johnson on like two days' notice and he showed up. I didn't go (wouldn't have gone to Mumford either), but reports were that it was a good show. I just liked the idea of guy who can show up on no notice and charm the masses from the big stage.

blake mills produced the new one

Heez, Friday, 1 July 2022 13:26 (three days ago) link

Jack Johnson is Raffi for grown ups

F'kin Magnetometers, how do they work? (President Keyes), Friday, 1 July 2022 13:29 (three days ago) link

It means literally "singing while very cold."


lmfao

broccoli rabe thomas (the table is the table), Friday, 1 July 2022 13:31 (three days ago) link

Jack Johnson is Raffi for grown ups

and he clearly knows it, as evidenced by his curious george soundtrack album

dyl, Friday, 1 July 2022 18:05 (three days ago) link

My brother-in-law's fiancee asked me to play a Jack Johnson song at their wedding, it was all good until the minister introduced me as Jack Johnson.

Halfway there but for you, Friday, 1 July 2022 18:40 (three days ago) link

and he clearly knows it, as evidenced by his curious george soundtrack album


The dr john song is extremely annoying catchy but my kid has watched this a hundred times and I can’t remember on jack johnson melody

Heez, Friday, 1 July 2022 20:51 (three days ago) link

I really do enjoy singing along to the de John song in the craziest voice possible

Heez, Friday, 1 July 2022 20:52 (three days ago) link

I really do enjoy singing along to the de John song in the craziest voice possible

Heez, Friday, 1 July 2022 20:52 (three days ago) link

My brother-in-law's fiancee asked me to play a Jack Johnson song at their wedding, it was all good until the minister introduced me as Jack Johnson.

― Halfway there but for you, Friday, July 1, 2022 11:40 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

lol

Bongo Jongus, Friday, 1 July 2022 21:06 (three days ago) link

I bought Brushfire Fairytales back when it came out and played the hell out of it. I guess I lost interest because he didn't really grow much after that.

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 1 July 2022 21:07 (three days ago) link

It means literally "singing while very cold."

LOL

immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Friday, 1 July 2022 21:07 (three days ago) link

Jack Johnson is like really authentic folk music, I first encountered him covering sublime’s “garden grove” at Coachella and he seemed like the ultimate “guy who brings his acoustic guitar to parks and parties”

brimstead, Friday, 1 July 2022 22:11 (three days ago) link

https://pitchfork.com/news/r-kelly-sues-metropolitan-detention-center-brooklyn-over-suicide-watch-conditions/

Weird piece… not sure why it deserves a big story at the top of the page.

Bunheads Pilot Enthusiast (morrisp), Saturday, 2 July 2022 02:55 (two days ago) link

(or, more precisely, why I need to see a giant picture of R. Kelly’s face when I visit the site, just because he’s suing the jail)

Bunheads Pilot Enthusiast (morrisp), Saturday, 2 July 2022 02:58 (two days ago) link

well at least somebody is facing some sort of consequences.


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