pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (eleven years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (eleven years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (eleven years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (eleven years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (eleven years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (eleven years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (eleven years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (eleven years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (eleven years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (eleven years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (eleven years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (eleven years ago) Permalink

let's kick it about #croz

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 12 March 2019 21:19 (one month ago) Permalink

Rappers Keep Putting Me on Blast for My Misspelled Rejection Letters, But I Get It

I have no idea what this sentence means

Paul Ponzi, Friday, 15 March 2019 15:17 (one month ago) Permalink

lol skimming the article it looks like rappers keep tweeting out the writer's email responses to their requests for reviews/coverage

We were never Breeting Borting (President Keyes), Friday, 15 March 2019 15:20 (one month ago) Permalink

it's a clumsy headline but the piece is amusing

Simon H., Friday, 15 March 2019 15:31 (one month ago) Permalink

"keep tweeting" = "it's happened twice"

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Friday, 15 March 2019 15:42 (one month ago) Permalink

To be fair that’s probably more than it happens to most people

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Friday, 15 March 2019 16:13 (one month ago) Permalink

Are “rejection letters” a common thing in music journalism?

What's that Phish song that goes "Bag it, Tag it"? (morrisp), Friday, 15 March 2019 16:19 (one month ago) Permalink

it's a nice courtesy to tell a PR person that you aren't interested in xyz artist bcuz it's at least an acknowledgement of the PR person's existence

J0rdan S., Friday, 15 March 2019 16:23 (one month ago) Permalink

it's always appreciated. plus it's a way to make sure i will stop writing you ad infinitum. gotta tell the client something and "didn't answer me" sounds much worse than "said no".

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Friday, 15 March 2019 16:53 (one month ago) Permalink

I'm very bad about this. I delete about 90 percent of publicist emails without replying to them. That said, most of those are shotgun-blast emails where all they're doing is sending out a new album and saying "Hope you can write about this!" When someone takes the time to say "Hey, I read this thing you wrote and for that reason, I think you'll like my artist!" I will reply.

grawlix (unperson), Friday, 15 March 2019 17:06 (one month ago) Permalink

i often start with spray-and-pray and then narrow key folks with personal emails after; seems the best way to get broad work out and then follow more precisely afterward. In general, i try to find the balance between being enough of a pain in the ass that people feel compelled to respond but not so much of a pain in the ass that I'm actually a pain in the ass.

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Friday, 15 March 2019 17:29 (one month ago) Permalink

since i write too, i get hit with maybe 200 pitches a day too so i'm sympathetic on both sides!

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Friday, 15 March 2019 17:30 (one month ago) Permalink

i used to respond to publicists when i wasn't interested, but would often end up getting weird pass-agg responses back that just made me say "screw this" ...

tylerw, Friday, 15 March 2019 17:39 (one month ago) Permalink

The rapturous debut from the British singer-songwriter takes adventurous pop-rock crucibles to new heights with her illusory songwriting and stunning voice.


Whoever wrote this blurb seems to be working with a meaning of illusory that I‘m not familiar with?

What's that Phish song that goes "Bag it, Tag it"? (morrisp), Friday, 22 March 2019 05:31 (one month ago) Permalink

like david blaine, i think they mean

j., Friday, 22 March 2019 05:40 (one month ago) Permalink

Yeah; I checked a few dictionaries, and on the third try I did find a secondary definition that seems to fit the way it’s used there. Had never encountered it used that way

What's that Phish song that goes "Bag it, Tag it"? (morrisp), Friday, 22 March 2019 05:42 (one month ago) Permalink

How can an album be “rapturous”?

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Friday, 22 March 2019 08:08 (one month ago) Permalink

It delivers us from our chaotic, doomed lives into eternal heaven

but i'm there are fuckups (Karl Malone), Friday, 22 March 2019 13:35 (one month ago) Permalink

Isn't intentional misuse of a word ("illusory" in this case) how new metaphors get minted? (giving the benefit of the doubt that it was intentional)
Anyway, it was confusing to me too -- it implied that, even though it seems like she can write songs, there really isn't any actual songwriting going on -- she's pulled one over on us all.

enochroot, Friday, 22 March 2019 13:55 (one month ago) Permalink

That‘s also how I read it... though I guess the word can also refer to something that generates illusions (similar to “hallucinatory”)

What's that Phish song that goes "Bag it, Tag it"? (morrisp), Friday, 22 March 2019 14:01 (one month ago) Permalink

Wait, she promises eternal bliss but it’s all a lie? She is the Antichrist

but i'm there are fuckups (Karl Malone), Friday, 22 March 2019 14:02 (one month ago) Permalink

I think we can all agree the blurb is a mix of “way too many adjectives, a few of which seem odd” and “weird terms like ‘pop-rock crucibles’ forced into metaphors like ‘taken to new heights’.”

What's that Phish song that goes "Bag it, Tag it"? (morrisp), Friday, 22 March 2019 14:04 (one month ago) Permalink

how can a singer-songwriter be British?

jmm, Friday, 22 March 2019 14:10 (one month ago) Permalink

ok I know this is the "Pitchfork is dumb" thread but I want to give them props for covering obscure Hull weirdos Fet.Nat today.

Simon H., Tuesday, 26 March 2019 12:23 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Symphony No. 3 has a nightmarish undertone that tends to get smoothed out in dulcet recordings—one of the texts is meant to be the sound of a woman calling out for her murdered child—and Gibbons brings that squirming danger right to the surface.

Yeah, and another one is based on scribblings on the walls of a Gestapo cell... Not really an 'undertone' I'd say.

Frederik B, Thursday, 4 April 2019 21:33 (two weeks ago) Permalink

The reissue doesn’t include any “special” exclusive materials, but considering the difficulty of finding other physical Autoclave memorabilia (at the time of publication, there’s a single copy of the CD available on Amazon and it costs $100.26), the tangible album feels special and exclusive enough.

Last sold Dec 08, 2018 for $15.00
Highest
$32.47
Lowest
$6.00
Average
$13.94
Median
$10.99

Paul Ponzi, Saturday, 6 April 2019 13:35 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Last sold on Mar 05, 2019
$9.50 Average
$8.99 Median
$20.00 Highest
$3.90 Lowest

Paul Ponzi, Saturday, 6 April 2019 13:36 (two weeks ago) Permalink

how can a singer-songwriter be British?

lots of lyrics about the queen

j., Saturday, 6 April 2019 15:30 (two weeks ago) Permalink

These Baby Beers Are the Cutest Things We’ve Ever Seen

triggercut, Saturday, 6 April 2019 23:19 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Badly misplaced modified in opening paragraph of today’s T. Rex review — had me genuinely confused as I read it.

get your hand outta my pocket universe (morrisp), Sunday, 7 April 2019 14:44 (two weeks ago) Permalink

*modifier

get your hand outta my pocket universe (morrisp), Sunday, 7 April 2019 14:45 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Also, for purposes of an obituary, maybe use a more formal term (for releasing an album) than “dropped”?

With Brad, Smith dropped five records in total, the last being 2012’s United We Stand.

get your hand outta my pocket universe (morrisp), Sunday, 7 April 2019 14:48 (two weeks ago) Permalink

ok I know this is the "Pitchfork is dumb" thread but I want to give them props for covering obscure Hull weirdos Fet.Nat today.

― Simon H.

ok wow these people are nice, they remind me a bit of miriodor (is that stereotyping?)

Jaki Liebowitz (rushomancy), Sunday, 7 April 2019 15:56 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I find it amusing how Pitchfork continues trying to push Frankie Cosmos on us

Paul Ponzi, Tuesday, 9 April 2019 11:46 (one week ago) Permalink

ok wow these people are nice, they remind me a bit of miriodor (is that stereotyping?)

I saw them as an opening act years ago, I don't even remember who the headliner was, but I found them very fun and distinctive, to the extent that I would check on their bandcamp semi-regularly for signs of life.

one of my old schoolmates got a nice review today, good for her!

Simon H., Tuesday, 9 April 2019 12:03 (one week ago) Permalink

Khalid: Free Spirit
Alphonse Pierre
The second album from the historically inoffensive singer is another genreless collection of safe choices for a pop star in the making.

Headline from my RSS feed. How many years into a career is a history? Second album seems early for someone using the name Alphonse Pierre to use eight syllables instead of one, "bland", to rag on an artist.

Looking forward to hearing this. I thought "8teen" was a great track, lyrics and music.

the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Wednesday, 10 April 2019 15:16 (one week ago) Permalink

How many years into a career is a history?

i think he's saying "one of history's most inoffensive singers" not that he's historically been inoffensive

to halve and half not (voodoo chili), Wednesday, 10 April 2019 15:52 (one week ago) Permalink

At a middle school dance somewhere in America, hundreds of students are getting rowdy to “Thotiana” while the chaperone tells the DJ to spin something else, something less vulgar, something inoffensive. Something like Khalid.

ok, but in my experience, the kids fucking love khalid

jolene club remix (BradNelson), Wednesday, 10 April 2019 16:08 (one week ago) Permalink

No, Brad, the kids are into pop music that’s on the bleeding-edge of aesthetic standards, like *checks notes* trap strip-club anthems.

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Wednesday, 10 April 2019 16:44 (one week ago) Permalink

I know that appeals to the “real” tastes of teenagers are a shopworn tactic in popular music criticism, but it’s emphasis on the “worn” here

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Wednesday, 10 April 2019 16:46 (one week ago) Permalink

Also as far as I’m aware Khalid has never said anything deeply offensive about trans women:
https://pitchfork.com/news/blueface-makes-transphobic-remarks-on-instagram/

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Wednesday, 10 April 2019 16:51 (one week ago) Permalink

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/labrinth-sia-diplo-lsd/
Not 100% opposed to the sentiments of this review but amused by the extent to which it reads as an "I'm so tired" to the entirety of current pop music
Like when it gets to the "maybe be more like Juice WRLD" paragraph you can just envision the author's head down on the desk as they let out a long protracted sigh

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Wednesday, 17 April 2019 22:14 (five days ago) Permalink

Including an explanatory YouTube link on the phrase “how do you do, fellow kids” is very... “memes, how do they work?”

get your hand outta my pocket universe (morrisp), Wednesday, 17 April 2019 22:37 (five days ago) Permalink

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/macintosh-plus-floral-shoppe/

Vapourwave is pitchfork-approved now

josh az (2011nostalgia), Sunday, 21 April 2019 05:18 (yesterday) Permalink

I don't know what to say

There is no synapse between the author's ear and their didactic facilities

flamboyant goon tie included, Sunday, 21 April 2019 05:58 (yesterday) Permalink

This review reads like the author is looking at old nudes and saying "yep I was nude at this point in time"

flamboyant goon tie included, Sunday, 21 April 2019 06:00 (yesterday) Permalink

Not gonna deny that Floral Shoppe’s, um, *checks Wikipedia* “tin anniversary” deserves some commemoration, though

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Sunday, 21 April 2019 16:50 (yesterday) Permalink

I always find it amusing that Vaporwave seemed to take off around the same time that Pitchfork decided to shut down Altered Zones.

MarkoP, Sunday, 21 April 2019 16:55 (yesterday) Permalink

i still believe in post-internet optimism

flopson, Sunday, 21 April 2019 21:36 (yesterday) Permalink

Cheesy saxophones melted into ooze, easy listening skipped and tripped over itself like a buffering YouTube video, and vaguely human voices were slowed into breathy, bland moans. The first time I hit play in the spring of 2012, it stopped me in my tracks. I stared at my iPhone wondering if it was broken or if the file was corrupted. It sounded like the musical equivalent of a computer virus, as if all the exciting ideas at the time about “post-internet” music had soured and gone flat.

lol

flopson, Sunday, 21 April 2019 21:44 (yesterday) Permalink


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