pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (seventeen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (eleven years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (eleven years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (eleven years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (eleven years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (eleven years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (eleven years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (eleven years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (eleven years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (eleven years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (eleven years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (eleven years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (eleven years ago) Permalink

fucksake

imago, Thursday, 6 June 2019 14:58 (one week ago) Permalink

needs a clapping emoji between each word

imago, Thursday, 6 June 2019 14:59 (one week ago) Permalink

Is that because there isn't a wanking emoji?

Arugula Raccoon (DJP), Thursday, 6 June 2019 15:04 (one week ago) Permalink

the charts it could have climbed

yes, the imaginary ones

american bradass (BradNelson), Thursday, 6 June 2019 15:04 (one week ago) Permalink

the charts it could have climbed

my memoir title

recriminations from the nitpicking woke (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 6 June 2019 15:08 (one week ago) Permalink

When Paul arrived at the start of the decade, he found himself among a vanguard of innovative and ambitious musicians who were opening up a dialog with the major pop establishment. James Blake was stretching Destiny’s Child songs into alien new shapes; Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon was wailing on Kanye records; Rostam Batmanglij was toying with Auto-Tune in Vampire Weekend and Discovery; Frank Ocean was covering Coldplay with startling sincerity.

The innovation, the ambition, it is truly staggering to behold.

All of it hinted at a keen understanding of the forever-tweaking online realm years before Kanye deemed his morphing The Life of Pablo a “living, breathing, changing creative expression” in 2016.

When was the last time anything about The Life of Pablo was changed?

Reading that last paragraph, I'm just glad Dombal has (I'm guessing) never heard an A.R. Rahman movie soundtrack. His head would pop right off his neck.

shared unit of analysis (unperson), Thursday, 6 June 2019 15:09 (one week ago) Permalink

as i said elsewhere, the Jai Paul release is RYM's clear #1 for the year. i listened through it twice and it was...nothing special at all. what is the appeal? is it a young person thing?

imago, Thursday, 6 June 2019 15:15 (one week ago) Permalink

ha, I had never heard or heard of Jai Paul so I looked up that track and it was ... fine, so much so that I figured I found the wrong version or something, so I googled it again and it was the right version and it was still ... fine.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 6 June 2019 15:29 (one week ago) Permalink

i didn't realize Jai Paul and Jai Wolf were two different people

alpine static, Thursday, 6 June 2019 17:09 (one week ago) Permalink

as i said elsewhere, the Jai Paul release is RYM's clear #1 for the year.

how do we get imago to stop telling us about RYM

Detective Picacho (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 6 June 2019 17:16 (one week ago) Permalink

I lurk there too dogg, but come on

Detective Picacho (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 6 June 2019 17:17 (one week ago) Permalink

yep

american bradass (BradNelson), Thursday, 6 June 2019 17:21 (one week ago) Permalink

Without imago I would have no idea RYM existed at all.

shared unit of analysis (unperson), Thursday, 6 June 2019 17:22 (one week ago) Permalink

do i care about the aggregate rankings of random users who prob overlap significantly with /mu/ and constantly talk about what score fantano gave a record? absolutely not. do i like to troll the album shoutboxes? yes

american bradass (BradNelson), Thursday, 6 June 2019 17:24 (one week ago) Permalink

i listened through it twice and it was...nothing special at all. what is the appeal? is it a young person thing?

― imago, Thursday, June 6, 2019 11:15 AM (three hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

more of a people who were young people ten years ago thing

flopson, Thursday, 6 June 2019 18:34 (one week ago) Permalink

am now wondering who Brad is on RYM haha

imago, Thursday, 6 June 2019 20:18 (one week ago) Permalink

i'll bite, what is RYM

Frozen CD, Thursday, 6 June 2019 22:22 (one week ago) Permalink

those quotes that unperson pulled do the opposite of making the music sound cool and worthy of my time.

rym is a site where white people make themselves feel better by giving black musicians free promotion. it's alright.

Totally different head. Totally. (Austin), Thursday, 6 June 2019 22:30 (one week ago) Permalink

hmmm, rethink that take

Detective Picacho (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 6 June 2019 22:32 (one week ago) Permalink

Sounds like RYM has changed. I was on there a lot in like 2004 and it was pretty quaint -- Mull Historical Society CD-R swaps, "does anyone else like Around the Sun?" etc. A user I admired was really into Kitchens of Distinction...

geoffreyess, Friday, 7 June 2019 02:33 (one week ago) Permalink

It's a good place to discover new metal and prog, and enjoy some psychotic writing, and that's about it

Simon H., Friday, 7 June 2019 02:44 (one week ago) Permalink

You’re thinking of ILM

Evans on Hammond (evol j), Friday, 7 June 2019 02:52 (one week ago) Permalink

That's not fair. I never find out about cool new prog via ILM.

Simon H., Friday, 7 June 2019 03:01 (one week ago) Permalink

lol spock's beard

j., Friday, 7 June 2019 03:11 (one week ago) Permalink

It depends where you’re looking
There are some users who do hugely deep dives into genres
Reminiscent of the mp3 blog days

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Friday, 7 June 2019 11:25 (one week ago) Permalink

it is an excellent place to keep track of one's own listening and discover new things, and generally stay on top of being a music nerd. all the unsavoury window-dressing is kind of beside the point and avoidable

imago, Friday, 7 June 2019 11:26 (one week ago) Permalink

IOW, it's reddit for music nerds

Arugula Raccoon (DJP), Friday, 7 June 2019 13:32 (one week ago) Permalink

It's like ILM if we still listened to music instead of podcasts

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Friday, 7 June 2019 13:52 (one week ago) Permalink

yea I think the reddit analogy works, it's a huge place with a lot of cool niche stuff and it's quite easy to ignore the community at large

frogbs, Friday, 7 June 2019 14:05 (one week ago) Permalink

one thing it certainly does have is the worst music forum of all time

imago, Friday, 7 June 2019 14:06 (one week ago) Permalink

I use it just for figuring out which album to start with for an artist, does a pretty good job for that

Vinnie, Friday, 7 June 2019 14:14 (one week ago) Permalink

clearly you've never been to /mu/ xp

frogbs, Friday, 7 June 2019 14:26 (one week ago) Permalink

it basically is /mu/ fwict

imago, Friday, 7 June 2019 14:30 (one week ago) Permalink

Yeah I find RYM v. useful for keeping track of things I've heard and browsing other peoples' lists can be a lot of fun but I avoid the forums/comment boxes like the plague.

Gavin, Leeds, Friday, 7 June 2019 14:37 (one week ago) Permalink

pic.twitter.com/FzrhVoNiFn

— Best of RateYourMusic (@Rateyrmusic) June 7, 2019

proud of you imago

frogbs, Friday, 7 June 2019 15:59 (one week ago) Permalink

lolllllll

Arugula Raccoon (DJP), Friday, 7 June 2019 16:04 (one week ago) Permalink

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/taylor-swift-you-need-to-calm-down/

This track review deserves a shoutout for focusing entirely on lyrical content (save for a reference to "a hook that’s mostly vowels"); and ending with this thought:

“You Need to Calm Down” is like one of those fancy unicorn cupcakes, an impossibly cute confection designed to distract you from the fact that it’s a mediocre dessert. I cannot think of something I would rather buy into less.

Really -- you can't think of anything worse to "buy into" than a "mediocre," "well-intentioned" "confection" of a track? And is music really for "buying into" in the first place? (Hey -- what about the music, anyway?)

Theodor Adorno, perhaps the greatest philosopher alive today (morrisp), Friday, 14 June 2019 21:13 (three days ago) Permalink

And is music really for "buying into" in the first place?

This is a strange question. Of course music is for buying into, otherwise no one would try to share it with anyone else.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Friday, 14 June 2019 21:21 (three days ago) Permalink

AND no one would try to make a living as a professional musician if they weren't trying to get people to buy into the music they are creating/performing.

brigadier pudding (DJP), Friday, 14 June 2019 21:22 (three days ago) Permalink

I think of an ideology or idea as something you "buy into"; and music as something you listen to / enjoy.

Theodor Adorno, perhaps the greatest philosopher alive today (morrisp), Friday, 14 June 2019 21:27 (three days ago) Permalink

(or, literally, "buy" -- if you purchase it)

Theodor Adorno, perhaps the greatest philosopher alive today (morrisp), Friday, 14 June 2019 21:28 (three days ago) Permalink

I cannot think of something I would rather buy into less.

I can think some music website that should rather buy into a copy editor more.

punning display, Friday, 14 June 2019 21:37 (three days ago) Permalink

“Sure I like it, but I don’t, like, buy into it or anything!”

One Eye Open, Friday, 14 June 2019 22:37 (three days ago) Permalink

omg i didn't see, i'm famous now lol

imago, Friday, 14 June 2019 22:41 (three days ago) Permalink

This track review deserves a shoutout for focusing entirely on lyrical content

(Hey -- what about the music, anyway?)

Can’t imagine why Pitchfork isn’t parsing the chord changes on a song where Taylor thematically links her social-media haters to the Westboro Baptist Church

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Saturday, 15 June 2019 02:42 (two days ago) Permalink

(Also the point of the “buy into” line - however awkwardly-phrased - is clearly that this song reads to the author more as an act of lateral career positioning than a piece of music, and they regard it as a failure both in terms of that being an aspiration to begin with and in its ability to succeed at that aspiration)

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Saturday, 15 June 2019 02:45 (two days ago) Permalink

Pitchfork | The Most Trusted Voice in “Career Positioning”

Theodor Adorno, perhaps the greatest philosopher alive today (morrisp), Saturday, 15 June 2019 03:32 (two days ago) Permalink

I’m rolling my eyes but also you’re not wrong

You can't see it but I had an epiphany (Champiness), Saturday, 15 June 2019 04:05 (two days ago) Permalink


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