pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (ten years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (ten years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (ten years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (ten years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (ten years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (ten years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (ten years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (ten years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (ten years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (ten years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (ten years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (ten years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (ten years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (ten years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (ten years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (ten years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (ten years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (ten years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (ten years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (ten years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (ten years ago) Permalink

it is funny to open w a line about changing the world and end the last paragraph saying

Albarn had a shot at rehabilitating his languid balladry on Everyday Robots, his first latter-career album to let his melancholy just exist without ornamentation. The cartoon band can catch you off guard like that, in a summer pop playlist or a branch of Urban Outfitters, which makes the project, in a strange way, a more suitable solo concern than Albarn’s proper solo work. He’s his own institution now, neither a dilettante nor a polymath, comparable to none, still with a schoolboy eye for the absurd and an interest in almost everything. It might be too humble for its own good, but The Now Now is the rare commercial sojourn that feels like a product of real fascination.

this world changing record that is too humble for it's own good, which is the kind of politically subversive music that can catch you off guard in a branch of a retail chain store.

Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Sunday, 1 July 2018 20:27 (two weeks ago) Permalink

It wouldn't surprise me if star signs show up in Pitchfork reviews or thinkpieces 3 or 4 more times before the end of the year since there is a recent sudden astrology fixation spreading among millennials. Willing to give it a free pass in this one instance though. I never made the connection that the two signs he references in "Heart Shaped Box" comprised his actual star sign.

billstevejim, Sunday, 1 July 2018 20:27 (two weeks ago) Permalink

yeah pisces is in the first line of the song. that imagery is throughout their music. imo it is the west coast connection.

Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Sunday, 1 July 2018 20:29 (two weeks ago) Permalink

xpost

Great posts, Adam. There was a recent Parquet Courts piece (I don’t think in PF) that did something similar – rave about how smart & political the lyrics of the new album are, and then quote only a few lines that didn’t support that claim in the slightest.

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Sunday, 1 July 2018 20:39 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Lol, Jenn Pelly's review of 'Human Performance' kinda did that, a lot of talk about how great the lyrics are, and then the first lines quoted are: You look so nice/ Chinese fried rice

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/21597-human-performance/

Frederik B, Sunday, 1 July 2018 20:53 (two weeks ago) Permalink

You could no longer brush these guys off as mere Modern Lovers rip-offs, as you might have around 2012's clangoring, whip-smart Light Up Gold.

Uhhh... you “might have,” if you have an brain-meltingly broad idea of what constitutes a “mere Modern Lovers rip-off.”

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Sunday, 1 July 2018 20:59 (two weeks ago) Permalink

yeah, Parquet Courts are actually pretty good and not fucking terrible like the Modern Lovers

flappy bird, Sunday, 1 July 2018 22:08 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Unexpected take... I thought the Modern Lovers’ appeal was pretty universal.

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Sunday, 1 July 2018 22:26 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Nah, the Modern Lovers were crap. (I've never heard Parquet Courts and never will if I can help it.)

grawlix (unperson), Sunday, 1 July 2018 23:19 (two weeks ago) Permalink

!

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Sunday, 1 July 2018 23:21 (two weeks ago) Permalink

i actually listened to the one citizen king album they put out. it's like beck except not good. anyways one of the members went on to mix j dilla records and the lead dude became an electroclash guy (mount sims)

just want to drop this useless knowledge

hackshaw, Monday, 2 July 2018 00:01 (two weeks ago) Permalink

lol fuck wrong topic

hackshaw, Monday, 2 July 2018 00:02 (two weeks ago) Permalink

new parquet courts is their best imo they’ve shed the modern lovers pavement comparisons and really come into their own

jonathan richman the 🐐

flopson, Monday, 2 July 2018 00:43 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I never thought PC sounded much like either of those bands, but nbd.

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Monday, 2 July 2018 01:43 (two weeks ago) Permalink

hot take: snail mail is good

austinb, Monday, 2 July 2018 04:52 (two weeks ago) Permalink

hotter take: investing in an artist based on their potential (often derived through their personality rather than their formal ability to prove themselves thus far) is entirely fine

austinb, Monday, 2 July 2018 04:53 (two weeks ago) Permalink

this is a very anti-moneyball thought process opinion, but sports isn't music

austinb, Monday, 2 July 2018 04:54 (two weeks ago) Permalink

who is unperson irl

alpine static, Monday, 2 July 2018 05:04 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Ph1l Fr33m@n

jaymc, Monday, 2 July 2018 06:08 (two weeks ago) Permalink

who is unperson irl

Who wants to know?

grawlix (unperson), Monday, 2 July 2018 11:35 (two weeks ago) Permalink

hotter take: investing in an artist based on their potential (often derived through their personality rather than their formal ability to prove themselves thus far) is entirely fine

― austinb, Monday, July 2, 2018 12:53 AM (seven hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

potential for what? and what personality? I've read a few Snail Mail interviews (including Pelly's thinkpiece) and it seems to me that this is a person with no strong opinions about anything

Paul Ponzi, Monday, 2 July 2018 12:14 (two weeks ago) Permalink

who is unperson irl

Who wants to know?

Are you Jimmy Ray?

MarkoP, Monday, 2 July 2018 13:13 (two weeks ago) Permalink

classic for "Turtles have this fuck you attitude"

― Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau)

volman and kaylan kind of do...

Arch Bacon (rushomancy), Monday, 2 July 2018 13:51 (two weeks ago) Permalink

So does Raphael

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Monday, 2 July 2018 14:26 (two weeks ago) Permalink

https://pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/the-story-of-girl-groups-in-45-songs/

Good list, but...Wilson Phillips?!

Police, Academy (cryptosicko), Monday, 2 July 2018 15:25 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Nothing says 2018 like the fact that I don't know whether that post means you are aghast at their exclusion or shocked by their inclusion from this list (which I have nor read and do not plan to read).

Paul Ponzi, Monday, 2 July 2018 16:11 (two weeks ago) Permalink

The song is fucking dreadful. Does that help?

billstevejim, Monday, 2 July 2018 16:18 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Using “girl group” outside the 1960s context is always strange to me (and I don’t think many of those ‘60s groups even liked the term).

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Monday, 2 July 2018 16:20 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Can it be that the power of corporations like Apple and Spotify has become so great, these companies believe they can bend the meaning of words themselves? We see the reach for that kind of power in politics all the time: the meaning of words like “choice,” “freedom,” and above all “America” are wrestled over, as if determining their interpretation will determine our behaviors. Spotify can push Scorpion on its listeners, but I would venture that no one will like it any more than they did before it became so “recommended.” The use of power to warp language might fool some of us, some of the time. But in the end, that power crumbles surprisingly fast when we assert the truth of words—and own them.

This seems a bit... overheated

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Tuesday, 3 July 2018 14:40 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Someone's been taking intro to post-structuralism lol

Milton, Tuesday, 3 July 2018 15:57 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Skimmed Baudrillard’s Wikipedia page

devops mom (silby), Tuesday, 3 July 2018 15:58 (two weeks ago) Permalink

https://pitchfork.com/news/whats-good-this-week-the-100-best-songs-of-q2-2018/

shreiber's quarterly playlists are good stuff imo

josh az (2011nostalgia), Wednesday, 4 July 2018 03:33 (one week ago) Permalink

https://i.imgur.com/8Ug0Tp9.png

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 11 July 2018 19:26 (six days ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQwYNca4iog

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 11 July 2018 19:26 (six days ago) Permalink

i'm sorry. that video is disturbing. it's chronological, and it is disturbing to watch the children slowly grow up in that environment

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 11 July 2018 19:29 (six days ago) Permalink

just can't wait to be.. a teen

mh, Wednesday, 11 July 2018 19:30 (six days ago) Permalink

On October 2, 1978, Allen was arrested in the Kalamazoo/Battle Creek International Airport for possession of over 650 grams (1.43 lb) of cocaine. He subsequently pleaded guilty to drug trafficking charges and provided the names of other dealers in exchange for a sentence of three to seven years rather than a possible life imprisonment. He was paroled on June 12, 1981, after serving two years and four months in Federal Correctional Institution, Sandstone in Sandstone, Minnesota.[26][27][28]

omar little, Wednesday, 11 July 2018 20:42 (six days ago) Permalink

Fuckin' narc.

i’m still stanning (morrisp), Wednesday, 11 July 2018 21:38 (six days ago) Permalink

Tame Impala Reveal New Tour Merch

Paul Ponzi, Friday, 13 July 2018 16:36 (four days ago) Permalink

No matter how far they stretch, their tones and rhythms always cohere, making their music as mesmerizing as a hypnotist’s swinging clock.

hypnotists swing pocketwatches, nobody swings a fucking clock.

Οὖτις, Friday, 13 July 2018 17:05 (four days ago) Permalink

just heaving a six foot grandfather clock to and fro

devops mom (silby), Friday, 13 July 2018 17:07 (four days ago) Permalink

mesmerizing

Οὖτις, Friday, 13 July 2018 17:09 (four days ago) Permalink

clockin the impala you should be clockin the time

The Desus & Mero Chain (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, 13 July 2018 17:21 (four days ago) Permalink

JUST IN New Tame Impala flat brim hats will come in 2 colors and will have the words "Tame Impala" embroidered on the front just above the brim. We will update when new developments become available.

Evan, Friday, 13 July 2018 17:21 (four days ago) Permalink

No matter how far they stretch, their tones and rhythms always cohere, making their music as mesmerizing as a hypnotist’s swinging clock.

read this as "cock"

ant banks and wasp (voodoo chili), Friday, 13 July 2018 18:51 (four days ago) Permalink

still reading it that way, tbh

ant banks and wasp (voodoo chili), Friday, 13 July 2018 18:52 (four days ago) Permalink

really glad to hear this record has coherent tones & rhythms, things you don't often find in music.

Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 13 July 2018 19:06 (four days ago) Permalink


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