pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (twelve years ago) link

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (twelve years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (twelve years ago) link

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (twelve years ago) link

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (twelve years ago) link

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (twelve years ago) link

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (twelve years ago) link

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (twelve years ago) link

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (twelve years ago) link

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (twelve years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (twelve years ago) link

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (twelve years ago) link

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (twelve years ago) link

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (twelve years ago) link

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (twelve years ago) link

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (twelve years ago) link

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (twelve years ago) link

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (twelve years ago) link

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (twelve years ago) link

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (twelve years ago) link

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (twelve years ago) link

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (twelve years ago) link

a little confused on this, I think they are reviewing a 97 edition with a different tracklist than the one President Keyes posted?

The review itself mentions that there was an original UK version, which was tweaked for the later US release. Not clear on what the changes were tbh.

soaring skrrrtpeggios (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 29 June 2020 15:36 (two weeks ago) link

yeah, great review!

as for track lists, yes, they changed pretty significantly

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pure_Moods


Pure Moods (original 1994 release)
No. Title Artist Length
1. "Return to Innocence" Enigma 4:10
2. "Sweet Lullaby" Deep Forest 3:51
3. "Crockett's Theme" Jan Hammer 3:34
4. "Oxygène Part IV" Jean Michel Jarre 3:19
5. "Orinoco Flow" Enya 3:46
6. "Tubular Bells Part 1" (opening excerpt) Mike Oldfield 4:59
7. "Chariots of Fire" Vangelis 3:26
8. "The Heart Asks Pleasure First / The Promise" (theme from The Piano) Michael Nyman 3:13
9. "Chi Mai" Ennio Morricone 5:04
10. "Inspector Morse Theme" Barrington Pheloung 2:08
11. "Sadeness" Enigma 4:16
12. "Little Fluffy Clouds" The Orb 4:02
13. "Only You" Praise 3:38
14. "Aria on Air" (as used on a British Airways commercial) Malcolm McLaren 4:09
15. "Lily Was Here" David A. Stewart featuring Candy Dulfer 4:18
16. "Songbird" Kenny G 4:59
17. "Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence" Ryuichi Sakamoto 4:29
18. "Theme from Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me" Angelo Badalamenti 5:01
19. "Theme from The Mission" Ennio Morricone 2:52
20. "Another Green World" Brian Eno 1:31

Pure Moods (1997 re-release) [5]
Release Date: April 1, 1997
Label / Catalog #: Virgin Records US: 42186
UPC: 7 24384 21862 1

No. Title Artist Length
1. "Return to Innocence" Enigma 4:10
2. "Orinoco Flow" Enya 3:46
3. "Sweet Lullaby" Deep Forest 3:51
4. "Oxygène Part IV" Jean Michel Jarre 3:19
5. "The X-Files Theme (DADO Paranormal Activity Mix)" DJ Dado 3:30
6. "Tubular Bells Part 1" Mike Oldfield 4:59
7. "Sadeness, Pt. 1" Enigma 4:16
8. "Adiemus" Karl Jenkins 3:59
9. "Crockett's Theme" Jan Hammer 3:34
10. "Theme from The Mission" Ennio Morricone 2:52
11. "Main Title Theme from The Last Emperor" David Byrne 4:03
12. "Yeha-Noha (Wishes of Happiness & Prosperity)" Sacred Spirit 4:26
13. "Theme from Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me" Angelo Badalamenti 5:01
14. "Makambo" Geoffrey Oryema 5:01
15. "My Wife with Champagne Shoulders" Mark Isham 5:32
16. "The Promise" Michael Nyman 3:13
17. "Lily Was Here" David A. Stewart, Candy Dulfer 4:18

time is running out to pitch in $5 (Karl Malone), Monday, 29 June 2020 16:20 (two weeks ago) link

Yeah the '94 original seems to have the better tracklist.

soaring skrrrtpeggios (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 29 June 2020 16:28 (two weeks ago) link

lol oops!

brimstead, Monday, 29 June 2020 17:58 (two weeks ago) link

whoa that's what was on Pure Moods?! did I just forget?

geoffreyess, Monday, 29 June 2020 19:55 (two weeks ago) link

merry xmas mr. lawrence -> twin peaks theme is the boldest mixtape move of all time

geoffreyess, Monday, 29 June 2020 20:04 (two weeks ago) link

is this the first time they've slotted a track review in to whats the album reviews area? (for posterity the new kanye song)

devvvine, Tuesday, 30 June 2020 23:45 (one week ago) link

I think so, yes! I'm not mad about it.

k*r*n koltrane (Simon H.), Tuesday, 30 June 2020 23:57 (one week ago) link

probably.

also, kanye should have stayed quiet. last thing anyone needs right now is his narcissism.

Totally different head. Totally. (Austin), Tuesday, 30 June 2020 23:58 (one week ago) link

gonna make shirts:

"IF YOU LISTEN TO KANYE, YOU'RE PART OF THE PROBLEM"

Totally different head. Totally. (Austin), Tuesday, 30 June 2020 23:59 (one week ago) link

Weird review. Why did they bother?

Pat McGroin (morrisp), Wednesday, 1 July 2020 00:57 (one week ago) link

because kanye is one of their top-five defining artists since the conde nast takeover became complete?

j., Wednesday, 1 July 2020 01:03 (one week ago) link

So review it like any other Kanye track? Why break precedent for this one, just to be... “Ehh, this sucks”

Pat McGroin (morrisp), Wednesday, 1 July 2020 01:14 (one week ago) link

(Or does today just happen to be the beginning of a new era, in which track reviews are mixed in with album reviews, and it just as easily could have been Gum Country or whatever?)

Pat McGroin (morrisp), Wednesday, 1 July 2020 01:16 (one week ago) link

it would make more sense if from now on they're putting track reviews in with album reviews instead of in with news

ufo, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 01:29 (one week ago) link

I wonder why they didn’t review that Beyoncé track; seems like it would have been a natural choice.

Pat McGroin (morrisp), Wednesday, 1 July 2020 01:57 (one week ago) link

A Sufjan single is now the lead review and labeled BNM. So I guess this is a thing now.

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Saturday, 4 July 2020 13:25 (one week ago) link

they're finally catching up with the fast-paced lifestyles of generation zoom

j., Saturday, 4 July 2020 17:16 (one week ago) link

#allgenerationsmatter

Totally different head. Totally. (Austin), Saturday, 4 July 2020 17:26 (one week ago) link

Featured Videos have also been moved to the top of the page (where news used to be)?

Pat McGroin (morrisp), Saturday, 4 July 2020 17:48 (one week ago) link

#allvideosmatter

Totally different head. Totally. (Austin), Saturday, 4 July 2020 17:57 (one week ago) link

weird posts austin

ILX’s bad boy (D-40), Saturday, 4 July 2020 18:41 (one week ago) link

#allpostsmatter

Totally different head. Totally. (Austin), Saturday, 4 July 2020 21:16 (one week ago) link

not the pish ones

specific fry such as scampo (||||||||), Saturday, 4 July 2020 21:25 (one week ago) link

Featured Videos have also been moved to the top of the page (where news used to be)?

― Pat McGroin (morrisp), Sunday, 5 July 2020 3:48 AM (six hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

this happens every weekend

ufo, Saturday, 4 July 2020 23:54 (one week ago) link

ah

Pat McGroin (morrisp), Sunday, 5 July 2020 00:04 (one week ago) link

12 minutes of maximalist minimalism that makes a hackneyed political statement, can’t wait.

skip, Sunday, 5 July 2020 04:51 (one week ago) link

idk seems credible

The Mandymoorian (Whiney G. Weingarten), Sunday, 5 July 2020 06:49 (one week ago) link

Are they deliberately not reporting on Kanye for prez? If so, I applaud that.

A White, White Gay (cryptosicko), Sunday, 5 July 2020 18:34 (one week ago) link

perhaps we could follow suit

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Sunday, 5 July 2020 18:38 (one week ago) link

had the same thought. good on 'em if so.

k*r*n koltrane (Simon H.), Sunday, 5 July 2020 19:24 (one week ago) link

Or they could just not be reporting on it because of holiday weekend, since there hasn't been any new news items since July 3?

MarkoP, Sunday, 5 July 2020 21:44 (one week ago) link

That Pure Moods review is lovely and made me laugh quite a bit, particularly in the sections about Enigma.

Crockett's Theme came back for a brief while during the balearic times of the mid-aughts, I used to play it at parties, same with Enya. People would go nuts for it?

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Sunday, 5 July 2020 21:57 (one week ago) link

Tiga’s remix of FPU’s cover of “crockett’s theme” is a goddam jam

brimstead, Monday, 6 July 2020 03:43 (one week ago) link

wait the original mix I mean

brimstead, Monday, 6 July 2020 03:44 (one week ago) link

the kanye news is there now but framed in a way that I appreciate ("has filed no paperwork" right in the headline)

k*r*n koltrane (Simon H.), Monday, 6 July 2020 15:30 (one week ago) link

so their new podcast is gonna flop right

josh az (2011nostalgia), Monday, 6 July 2020 23:02 (one week ago) link

rude

The Mandymoorian (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 7 July 2020 01:35 (six days ago) link

sorry didn't know you were producing

k*r*n koltrane (Simon H.), Tuesday, 7 July 2020 01:37 (six days ago) link

ah cool whiney congrats

Serious power move to place a review of an album entitled Fucking Hell directly alongside a review of an album entitled Massey Fucking Hall on today's albums page.

does it look like i'm here (jon123), Thursday, 9 July 2020 10:36 (four days ago) link

Surviving under capitalism is a drag—it’s the oldest story in rock’n’roll—

Is it? Like, "Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip, Mum mum mum mum mum mum, get a job"?

Pat McGroin (morrisp), Thursday, 9 July 2020 21:36 (four days ago) link

pretty sure the oldest story in rock 'n' roll is "I want to fuck"

The Mandymoorian (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 9 July 2020 21:40 (four days ago) link

You woman have heard of jalopies
You heard the noise they make
Let me introduce you to my Rocket '88
Yes, it's great, just won't wait
Everybody likes my Rocket '88
There is no ethical consumption under capitalism

The Mandymoorian (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 9 July 2020 21:41 (four days ago) link

more like a drag race

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Thursday, 9 July 2020 21:54 (four days ago) link

I guess Meddle is exactly on par with Set My Heart on Fire Immediately.

pomenitul, Sunday, 12 July 2020 13:11 (yesterday) link

I can't believe Pink Floyd had a dog in the band who could play the blues and make sound collages, and even more amazingly, the dog wasn't able to get a record deal of his own! Blatant music industry species-ism.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EcuL4nIXoAEKDU6.jpg

but also fuck you (unperson), Sunday, 12 July 2020 13:16 (yesterday) link

Kind of funny to see Pink Floyd and the Grateful Dead at the top of the reviews section

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Sunday, 12 July 2020 13:29 (yesterday) link

It's a good writeup even if I think it should be a 9.5 or whatever

k*r*n koltrane (Simon H.), Sunday, 12 July 2020 14:45 (yesterday) link


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