pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (nineteen years ago) link

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (thirteen years ago) link

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (thirteen years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (thirteen years ago) link

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (thirteen years ago) link

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (thirteen years ago) link

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (thirteen years ago) link

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (thirteen years ago) link

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (thirteen years ago) link

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (thirteen years ago) link

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (thirteen years ago) link

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (thirteen years ago) link

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (thirteen years ago) link

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (thirteen years ago) link

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (thirteen years ago) link

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (thirteen years ago) link

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (thirteen years ago) link

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (thirteen years ago) link

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (thirteen years ago) link

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (thirteen years ago) link

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (thirteen years ago) link

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (thirteen years ago) link

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (thirteen years ago) link

been checking out the All Saves Freak Band, house band of this early 70s Christian cult, pretty cool, def that feral hippie vibe

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 14:11 (one month ago) link

all SaveD

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 14:11 (one month ago) link

That essay def jibes with my experience of Xian rock when I was 13-14, bands were always presented to us as "oh you like Metallica? You should just listen to [Xian band] instead! They are exactly the same and you won't go to hell!"

The way it was always smuggled in as "normal music" profoundly creeped me out when I was a kid and still makes my skin crawl to this day

chr1sb3singer, Tuesday, 3 August 2021 14:50 (one month ago) link

A buddy of mine in high school worked at some big Christian chain bookstore that sold those product parody T-shirts with Christian logos and slogans and had a pretty big music section that was exactly predicated on that RIYL model. I particularly remember a sign saying "Like 'Gangsta Rap'? You'll like...". There was a also a sizable Christian ska/punk section.

a superficial sheeb of intelligence (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 14:53 (one month ago) link

Xian ska is a whole thing, the band/theatre kid pipeline to ska was equally prevalent in Xian circles it seemed like

chr1sb3singer, Tuesday, 3 August 2021 14:57 (one month ago) link

The existence of Christian ska made me think that Five Iron Frenzy were a bigger deal than they actually were.

MarkoP, Tuesday, 3 August 2021 15:02 (one month ago) link

The existence of Christian ska makes me think Satan is Real.

Carlos Santana & Mahavishnu Rob Thomas (PBKR), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 15:21 (one month ago) link

i was a heavy ska fan in high school and for the xian kids it was some of the only music i was into that they'd latch onto, even secular stuff. something about the midwestern band geek/christian kid axis i think

global tetrahedron, Tuesday, 3 August 2021 15:42 (one month ago) link

I definitely got the full-court press on listening to Petra a few times in sunday school

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 15:56 (one month ago) link

Had a friend in high school with a Spazz-styke grindcore band, they had a song titled "All the Kids Who Listen to Ska Get Good Grades and Are in Lots of After-School Activities." The Xian ska thing definitely checks out.

heyy nineteen, that's john belushi (the table is the table), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 16:30 (one month ago) link

hopefully, in true grindcore fashion, the song is shorter than the time it takes to say its full title

bezos did the dub (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 16:43 (one month ago) link

"You guys like Ska? You wanna come to a party on Friday?"

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 16:49 (one month ago) link

voodoo chili, believe so.

their best song was the anti-emo "Whining About Your Pain Only Makes Us Hate You More."

Their name was Affirmative Action Jackson. Still have the demo. lol.

heyy nineteen, that's john belushi (the table is the table), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 17:24 (one month ago) link

Aside from a few matinees in Deep Ellum, Christians had a local monopoly on all ages shows, so whatever your beliefs or musical tastes you were eventually going to end up at a Christian ska/punk/industrial/thrash show.

Joe Bombin (milo z), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 18:51 (one month ago) link

i will go to bat for a few ccm-related tracks as some of my all-time favs, including "crush on you" by the jets and "baby baby" by amy grant.

the jets are tongan-american and mormon. there is a very weird history of mini-colonialism going on in the mormon faith involving people in places like tonga and american samoa that really hit it off with missionaries' bizarre message and people who converted partially because they saw a better life in fromt of them afaict. anyway, that's my mormon/jets bullet point which i'm sure i've shared several other times on this board.

Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 19:16 (one month ago) link

i would read the hell out of a deep ethnography of mormon-associated pop culture but as far as i'm aware the venn diagram of 'people with a mormon background who have access to the ins and outs of the culture and are experts on it' and 'people who are insightful cultural critics' is vanishingly small.

also, on the other hand, maybe i wouldn't, because the objections coming from people who have experienced trauma because of these cultures also applies to me.

Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 19:21 (one month ago) link

i did listen to jesus freak w/apologies to the big man in the sky that album is ass

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 19:44 (one month ago) link

https://i.imgflip.com/5ihtyc.jpg

bezos did the dub (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 3 August 2021 20:45 (one month ago) link

Holy shit, I didn't know about the Jets. "Crush on You" is one of my favorites of its kind.

heyy nineteen, that's john belushi (the table is the table), Wednesday, 4 August 2021 00:56 (one month ago) link

Once in the late 80s (before the whole "christian version of X" band was a thing) we were skateboarding outside a church that happened to have a big regional youth group thing going on. A couple of the kids came out to proselytize to us.

They asked what kind of music we listened to, so we told them that we liked Black Flag, Dead Kennedys, Misfits, NWA, Ice-T, etc. They were extremely pleased that we didn't mention any 'bad' bands like Judas Priest or AC/DC, then started talking about how Stryper and Petra were great.

joygoat, Wednesday, 4 August 2021 16:50 (one month ago) link

looool

"what music do you listen to, fellow youths?"

"Bathory. only Bathory."

"...oh yeah, Bathory! well, just stay away from that Judas Priest!"

Read between the lines Zach (Karl Malone), Wednesday, 4 August 2021 17:21 (one month ago) link

two weeks pass...

All hail Ka.

pomenitul, Saturday, 21 August 2021 14:28 (one month ago) link

Oh wow that's fucking awesome, so well deserved for an artist who's been so great for so long

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Saturday, 21 August 2021 14:46 (one month ago) link

that's a good review, i've been meaning to listen to him!

in this $uicideboy$ review:

Three 6 Mafia used the imagery of slashers and demonic possession to express their condition as inhabitants of a society in which they had little to no power over their lives due to racial and economic oppression.

idk did they? i kinda figured they just thought that stuff sounded cool.

JoeStork, Saturday, 21 August 2021 18:38 (one month ago) link

I didn't even know about the new album, can't seem to find it (yet).

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 21 August 2021 18:40 (one month ago) link

the ka album is only available to buy from his website for now, getting a wider release eventually though i think?

ufo, Saturday, 21 August 2021 21:10 (one month ago) link

guess I missed that 96-21 poll, though narrowing down beyond the obvious All for You / Adam & Eve / Embrya / Blackheart / I Can Hear the Heart Beating as One top five was seeming impossible anyway. hopefully the lone Catherine Wheel vote came from elsewhere?

the adventures of pavlo and schrödis (geoffreyess), Monday, 23 August 2021 15:10 (one month ago) link

definitely worth buying if you liked his previous stuff, especially last year's album.

grove street (party) direction (voodoo chili), Monday, 23 August 2021 22:15 (one month ago) link

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/tracks/baby-keem-kendrick-lamar-family-ties/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6HBZC9pZHQ

He embarks on an extended ramble, zeroing in on phrases like, “I am the omega, pgLang, Rollie gang, S.I.E.,” and, “I’m not a trending topic, I’m a prophet,” sounding increasingly unhinged with each bar. He reaches for a bizarre Hulk Hogan impression, distorting his voice as he finishes multiple lines with “brother.”

this doesn't really sound at all like he's trying to be hulk hogan to me, and it feels pretty..um..not great to assume an african american person using the word "brother" which has a pretty long history is imitating a pro wrestler (who's actually a big racist too)

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 30 August 2021 17:06 (four weeks ago) link

Pitchfork isn't the only place calling it a Hulk imitation

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Monday, 30 August 2021 17:29 (four weeks ago) link

yeah I guess I'm not 100%, but they can be wrong too. I dunno maybe i'm wrong

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 30 August 2021 18:15 (four weeks ago) link

It's like when Liam Gallagher reached for that bizarre Hank Kingsley impression on "Hey Now!"

Vaguely Threatening CAPTCHAs, Monday, 30 August 2021 18:30 (four weeks ago) link

It's not particularly good is the thing

i've warmed up to his dumb arm swinging

grove street (party) direction (voodoo chili), Monday, 30 August 2021 20:25 (four weeks ago) link

lmao what the fuck is this

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/ranking-every-guest-appearance-on-kanye-west-donda-from-worst-to-best/

frogbs, Monday, 6 September 2021 03:20 (three weeks ago) link

gotta keep the grift going, no such things as bad press, etc. etc.

things repeat forever and there never is a remedy (Austin), Monday, 6 September 2021 16:31 (three weeks ago) link

i liked that article, or list, actually. it was irreverent in a way that pitchfork hasn't done since the days when everyone started saying pitchfork was dumb

Karl Malone, Monday, 6 September 2021 16:32 (three weeks ago) link

mystified by everyone getting mad at that. its 'not for me' as a reader but when rap writing was all serious all the time ppl complained there wasnt enough irreverent fun shit like that and now that there is ppl are all mad about it. (lets ignore that the "outrage" around the article was basically ginned up by teenage kanye stans saying stuff like 'this is what journalism is like now')

xheugy eddy (D-40), Monday, 6 September 2021 21:05 (three weeks ago) link

oh shit, was their people getting mad about that beyond this thread? jeez!

Karl Malone, Monday, 6 September 2021 21:10 (three weeks ago) link

i thought that was fun

lets ignore that the "outrage" around the article was basically ginned up by teenage kanye stans saying stuff like 'this is what journalism is like now')

gamergate never ended

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 7 September 2021 16:18 (three weeks ago) link

I'm all for irreverent journalism but that doesn't change my baseline desire to put every article about Kanye post-2013 on a pile and light a match

a gentle push against my Wonder Bread face (DJP), Tuesday, 7 September 2021 16:21 (three weeks ago) link

But as “Ode to Billie Joe” became a global phenomenon, the song that will inevitably appear in every headline of Gentry’s eventual obituaries, that image hid more than it revealed.


Uh, that’s a little grim! Lol

Gentry is alive today, though it seems relevant to say that few people know where.


Cheers for the acknowledgement, I guess…(?)

tumblin’ dice outro (morrisp), Sunday, 12 September 2021 14:31 (two weeks ago) link

The Search for Bobbie Gentry

Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Sunday, 12 September 2021 16:15 (two weeks ago) link

I know where Syd Barrett lives

the adventures of pavlo and schrödis (geoffreyess), Sunday, 12 September 2021 17:38 (two weeks ago) link

Olivia Rodrigo ran through a punk-rock-prom performance of “Good 4 U,” a song we’ve all heard roughly three billion times by now. It was fun enough, but wouldn’t it have been a lot more exciting if, in the middle of the song, Paramore’s Hayley Williams—who was recently awarded a credit on the song because of its resemblance to her band’s hit “Misery Business”—came out of nowhere, and they did a one-time-only duet, uniting generations of pop-punk angst?!

no.

tumblin’ dice outro (morrisp), Monday, 13 September 2021 22:53 (two weeks ago) link

“wouldn’t it have been a lot more exciting if, in the middle of the song, Paramore’s Hayley Williams”

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/f/fe/B.o.B_-_Airplanes.jpg/220px-B.o.B_-_Airplanes.jpg

the 45-year-old gaz coomber (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 14 September 2021 00:19 (two weeks ago) link

If you're Brad Nelson maybe.

MarkoP, Tuesday, 14 September 2021 01:59 (two weeks ago) link

wouldn’t it have been a lot more exciting if, in the middle of the song, ILX's Brad Nelson came out of nowhere, and they did a one-time-only duet, uniting generations of pop-punk angst?!

So who you gonna call? The martini police (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 14 September 2021 02:08 (two weeks ago) link

Alfred, yes!

Legalize Suburban Benches (Raymond Cummings), Tuesday, 14 September 2021 13:04 (two weeks ago) link


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.