pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (fifteen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (ten years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (ten years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (ten years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (ten years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (ten years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (ten years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (ten years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (ten years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (ten years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (ten years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (ten years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (ten years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (ten years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (ten years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (ten years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (ten years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (ten years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (ten years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (ten years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (ten years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (ten years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (ten years ago) Permalink

Herb had one of the coolest labels on the planet and i worship it. production and engineering heaven.

Best records ever made:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p8RcjfWCkIU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK7pJCUNOoo

scott seward, Friday, 25 August 2017 00:11 (two months ago) Permalink

I finished the big spotify list for the 60s albums. Was pretty disappointed at how much is missing from Spotify. If you come across anything that I missed, please let me know.

https://open.spotify.com/user/olken2000/playlist/1Nxra6HVBVSDVzN86eUdmZ

Moodles, Friday, 25 August 2017 01:54 (two months ago) Permalink

Spotify sucks fyi

Οὖτις, Friday, 25 August 2017 01:58 (two months ago) Permalink

I use what I got

Moodles, Friday, 25 August 2017 02:00 (two months ago) Permalink

Perhaps the gentleman dissatisfied with Spotify could create the 60s playlist in their streaming service of choice, which by implication doesn't suck. If there's something better than Spotify, I'd like to know. It can't be Apple Music or Tidal. Wonder what else is out there.

brotherlovesdub, Friday, 25 August 2017 02:14 (two months ago) Permalink

apple music is better than spotify imo. sound quality on spotify is garbage.

flappy bird, Friday, 25 August 2017 18:13 (two months ago) Permalink

Streaming services suck imo

Οὖτις, Friday, 25 August 2017 18:21 (two months ago) Permalink

hot take alert

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Friday, 25 August 2017 18:28 (two months ago) Permalink

hey not to change the subject but i have to acknowledge Meaghan Garvey's great piece on the new Taylor Swift song:

Ultimately, there is something undeniably sus in Swift’s petty glee at dragging a mostly-forgotten beef into a dramatic album rollout a year later, despite still not having found the time to address any of 2017’s more urgent sociopolitical issues to her 85.4 million Twitter followers. Mostly, “Look What You Made Me Do” feels like a sad and, one would imagine, ultimately successful, attempt to inoculate herself from any real criticism, as though even the most valid attempts would’ve made a dent in her Teflon brand.

flappy bird, Friday, 25 August 2017 18:31 (two months ago) Permalink

further to the talk upthread

Andre Rieu was named the biggest international classical artist, with nearly 2.3 million album sales - and 11 albums in the chart in total, the most of any artist.

He said: "Ever since Forever Vienna became my first UK number one album eight years ago, the support from the British public has been incredible. I could not ask for more enthusiastic and loyal fans."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-41076483

starving street dogs of punk rock (Odysseus), Tuesday, 29 August 2017 10:50 (two months ago) Permalink

Guess I missed the A&M discussion, but I have spent a lot of time trying to find more records that sound like Chris Montez' A&M work.

campreverb, Tuesday, 29 August 2017 16:11 (two months ago) Permalink

What was the scuttlebutt earlier in the thread about Pitchfork contorting themselves into bizarre shapes to cover something other than music
https://pitchfork.com/news/netflix-acquires-documentary-about-jim-carreys-intense-andy-kaufman-method-acting/

You're all losing so many points on your progress bars (Champiness), Monday, 11 September 2017 23:30 (two months ago) Permalink

There's not even a perfunctory embedded video of the REM song

You're all losing so many points on your progress bars (Champiness), Monday, 11 September 2017 23:34 (two months ago) Permalink

i'm sure there is pressure from conde for them to cover more stuff that has potential to hit big. music is the worst seemingly major vertical to translate to online

maura, Tuesday, 12 September 2017 03:50 (two months ago) Permalink

You guys seem to be one of the progenitors of a growing trend of corporate patronage, with brands like Converse, Red Bull, and even Sour Patch Kids offering logistical and financial support to artists with various conditions.

...

The idea of “selling out” might be almost obsolete, but even so, no one seems to levy such accusations at Adult Swim, despite the corporate overlords.

great questions
https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/meet-jason-demarco-the-reason-adult-swims-music-is-so-good-interview/?mbid=homepage-more-latest-and-video

Karl Malone, Thursday, 21 September 2017 06:48 (two months ago) Permalink

not that anyone has a problem with something, but even if they did, you're not part of the problem anyway, right?

Karl Malone, Thursday, 21 September 2017 06:49 (two months ago) Permalink

idk about this article https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/black-musicians-on-being-boxed-in-by-randb-and-rap-expectations-we-fit-in-so-many-things/

it's general thrust is inarguable (the music industry is racist and slots artists into categories based on race = duh) but it seems to jumble up a bunch of received wisdom and ignore a bunch of exceptions/outliers that kept occurring to me as I was reading it. obviously people could - and have - written volumes on this subject so maybe I'm expecting too much from such a short piece.

Οὖτις, Thursday, 28 September 2017 20:01 (one month ago) Permalink

ok, credit where due: them reviewing the new Shania Twain album is a genuine surprise

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Saturday, 30 September 2017 08:43 (one month ago) Permalink

Yeah, I was pleased to see that. I remember back on the GAPDY thread when old p4k dude categorically said, "Pitchfork does not cover Country."

President Keyes, Saturday, 30 September 2017 18:58 (one month ago) Permalink

Still waiting for the day when they give a bnm to a country album though. Now that'll be a doozy.

josh az (2011nostalgia), Saturday, 30 September 2017 19:08 (one month ago) Permalink

Rolling Stone did a weird combo review of the new Shania Twain & Miley Cyrus albums.

flappy bird, Sunday, 1 October 2017 00:54 (one month ago) Permalink

they missed their easy country BNM shot with Miranda Lambert

a serious and fascinating fartist (Simon H.), Sunday, 1 October 2017 01:13 (one month ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

many xposts to the brief conversation about the onetime ubiquity of herb albert: http://dangerousminds.net/comments/every_crate_diggers_nightmare_record_store_has_whipped_cream_and_other

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 17 October 2017 16:01 (one month ago) Permalink

haha

it's not as ubiquitous in denmark though, I was fairly happy when I found a decent copy of this ALL TIME CLASSIC

niels, Tuesday, 17 October 2017 17:12 (one month ago) Permalink

Live out your goth dreams with our new Goth Face Filter on Facebook.
Try it here: https://t.co/YYoe069wAn pic.twitter.com/8nkXKoGkmf

— Pitchfork (@pitchfork) October 25, 2017

"the fgti incident?" (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 25 October 2017 16:28 (four weeks ago) Permalink

great content

Universal LULU Nation (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 25 October 2017 16:30 (four weeks ago) Permalink

The most trusted voice in music

een, Wednesday, 25 October 2017 17:08 (four weeks ago) Permalink

gothsface fillah

plp will eat itself (NickB), Wednesday, 25 October 2017 17:17 (four weeks ago) Permalink

lol

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 25 October 2017 17:19 (four weeks ago) Permalink

ok so it's a small thing but misquoting a lyric that you're using as the lynchpin of the opening graph of your leading review (julien baker) I feel like could have been avoided somehow

Simon H., Friday, 27 October 2017 05:09 (three weeks ago) Permalink

(also, their jump from 7.0 to 8.6 between albums is a classic Pitchfork overcorrection)

Simon H., Friday, 27 October 2017 05:11 (three weeks ago) Permalink

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/stranger-things-2-is-as-uninspired-as-its-pop-soundtrack/

Pitchfork brought you into this world and now it's going to take you out, Stranger Things.

You're all losing so many points on your progress bars (Champiness), Tuesday, 31 October 2017 14:35 (three weeks ago) Permalink

The *same writer* called the cornball-ass anachronism-ass burger king commercial-ass Stranger Things Season 1 soundtrack part of "a renaissance in music supervision"

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/1300-tvs-best-music-supervision-in-10-shows/

k

"the fgti incident?" (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 31 October 2017 15:07 (three weeks ago) Permalink

2016: The Clash’s “Should I Stay or Should I Go” makes its first appearance in the scene above, when Jonathan plays it for Will. But the song becomes a recurring theme of the series, a sly comment on the experience of getting stuck between two realms.

2017: With lines like “oh, she’s a little runaway,” Bon Jovi’s “Runaway” makes a thuddingly obvious accompaniment to Eleven’s Chicago trip, and wastes an opportunity to play something legitimately rebellious.

"the fgti incident?" (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 31 October 2017 15:09 (three weeks ago) Permalink

burger king commercial?

Evan, Tuesday, 31 October 2017 15:14 (three weeks ago) Permalink

I can't find the one I remember but this does the job

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eeYXDdHjyng

"the fgti incident?" (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 31 October 2017 15:20 (three weeks ago) Permalink

So that automatic p4k radio pop-up player thing is fucking annoying.

Le Bateau Ivre, Wednesday, 1 November 2017 17:10 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Tru

Moodles, Wednesday, 1 November 2017 18:33 (three weeks ago) Permalink

yeah they've done that before, it went away after a day or two though, that shit better not be permanent

flappy bird, Wednesday, 1 November 2017 18:38 (three weeks ago) Permalink

hate it

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 1 November 2017 18:38 (three weeks ago) Permalink

would be better if they auto-played a video with sound at the same time, which they also do on occasion

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 1 November 2017 18:52 (three weeks ago) Permalink

Did they ever do another episode of that video series where an artist listens to songs that mention them by name? I loved the one with Michael Bolton.

ArchCarrier, Saturday, 4 November 2017 13:16 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Watch Seth Rogen Recite Leonard Cohen’s “Field Commander Cohen”

now why tf would i want to do that?

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 23:15 (two weeks ago) Permalink

*seth rogan laugh*

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 7 November 2017 23:20 (two weeks ago) Permalink

"For a decade, almost everyone agreed on Taylor Swift."

Pretty good explanation for waiting until 2017 to review one of her albums.

President Keyes, Monday, 13 November 2017 14:47 (one week ago) Permalink

swish!

flappy bird, Monday, 13 November 2017 17:47 (one week ago) Permalink

most of these aren't bad but man there are so many things that could/should have been taking up the BSS slot

https://pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/the-year-in-protest-music-2017/

Simon H., Tuesday, 21 November 2017 03:23 (two days ago) Permalink

How are they so naive as to put that Jay-Z song with the anti-Semitic line in there? Like I know that there's a lot of other critical stuff going on in that song but that line really ought to invalidate its place here

josh az (2011nostalgia), Tuesday, 21 November 2017 03:30 (two days ago) Permalink


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