pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

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Donald
Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork
Mon Apr 1 07:08:25 2002
63.167.209.146

I'm not going to spew any elitist bullshit, but Alanis Morrissette, Kylie Minogue? Oh my fucking God. I'll stay for a little while to see if P-Fork still serves my needs, but with today's front page, I'm not counting on it. I understand the career move, but I just don't think it's going to serve me any more.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

stu Re: Oh my God, what just happened at P-Fork Mon Apr 1 07:41:08 2002 65.92.243.96

I wonder if it's going to serve anyone's needs. I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue. To my knowledge, no one actually hunts down information about such artists. People just hear about it on tv and that's it. Let's give Pitchfork a few months, until the corporate contributors pull the plug.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I am very disappointed. Could they have made it any more obvious? COME ON, PEOPLE.

David Raposa, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't think a web- only publication can attract readers interested in Alanis Morissette and Kylie Minogue.

QUOTE OF THE YEAR.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

What makes me think that things will be back to normal by tomorrow? ;)

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know Sean... it would be April 2nd, which would make it one day after...

Andy K, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

You scalawags, you make me laff. Perhaps.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Speaking of which, HEY NED! My Bloody Valentine are finally releasing their new album!

Sean Carruthers, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

"i for one will not be returning to this site if you're seriously going to be reviewing alanis. like i can't read that shit everywhere and anywhere? the reason i had pitchfork as my home page was because i could actually find out about the shit i care about. i'm glad you can pay your rent now, it's too bad that you sold out your millions of readers for britney fans in body glitter to do it."

Dare, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

pitchfork as your homepage, classic or dud?

the first thing i thought (after, well, this is no all cure all the time) was that i wished they really had "sold out" (what the fuck, is this 93?), because maybe it would mean LESS GODDAMN PROG.

jess, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

he's calling you out, leone. FITE!

Todd Burns, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I think I'd rather read about Alanis and Kylie than most of the stuff they normally review.

Sean, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Their funniest joke came months ago.

Nicole, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is...

mr. sparkle, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

We thought about that as one of the news items.

Makes sense, really.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know what all you fools are talking about... I only WISH all of it were true.

Well, the Albini thing practically is... huh???

Brock K., Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

LESS GODDAMN PROG

So, does that mean we'll write about the next Radiohead album, or not?

dleone, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

And that Flaming Lips thing actually is true. I think.

powertonevolume, Monday, 1 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Hein? Is the joke that Pitchfork reviewed some pop musik?? Even their KYLIE review was as dull as www.defra.gov.uk/farm/sustain/default.htm ARRRGHHHHHHHHH!! Then again Pitchfork = dull is a big shocker along the lines of Nelson in COLUMN!!!!!! shocker.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

'On' column? 'HAS' column?! I can see him from my bladdy window but does that help my BRANE I think NICHT.

Sarah, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Dom, how much of the Kylie review was farce? "The song exudes a catchiness that belies its inherent simplicity, so reassuring during an era when chart acts sound increasingly baroque and producers race to see who can ape electronic music trends first" sounds at least semi-serious.

Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

that is because kylie is, like sophie ellis bextor, going for a retro- mancuso/levan vibe, with all the classicism inherent in such an endeavour.

gareth, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Actually, I did try to write about that record in the same way I would have for anything else at Pitchfork. I thought the gag would be better if people really thought we were changing styles, and Spin may be full of ads, but at least the reviews aren't jokes! As far as I know, anyway. Dullness wasn't intentional though.

dleone, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

best e-mail address ever, eh starbar?

dudley, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Dead right sir. Power shandies all round to the geezer behind it eh?

Sarah, Wednesday, 3 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

From: DWilliams@EQRWORLD.com Subject: NO, Just Admit You Like It Up There

You have completed your learning of life's lessons. Now, you suck ass just like all the other bores before you. Kylie, Alanis? Whatever, bitch. I am sure you already have the defense mechanisms in place so, this will mean nothing but, another exercise in...oh, who cares. Looking elsewhere for reality...or maybe I can pretend to be a rubber worm like pitchwhore.com...here big fishie, look, I rounded 'em up for you in a arrel. A whole demographic!

Not Funny

Dare, Thursday, 4 April 2002 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Y'know sometimes they really are asking for it:

"White Williams issues a debut album layered with impeccable influences-- including Roxy Music, Beck, and T. Rex-- and a sense of calculated disaffection."

Well shit SIGN ME UP.

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 18:57 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Yeah, that was a bit of a repellant blurb if I ever saw one.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:01 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:10 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I read 'White' as 'While' and thought "The Saul Williams album sounds like that?"

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:11 (eleven years ago) Permalink

it's more that they used that as their _hook_

x-post

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:20 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The front blurbs are always stripped/condensed summary descriptions from the review inside -- in this case

His songs are thin and languorous, with impeccable influences and the sort of calculated disaffection that comes from an MFA in design and a good weed connection.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 19:46 (eleven years ago) Permalink

omg that is horrorshow

The blurb >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the article quote

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:18 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I assume that's an article quote; nabisco, if you just made that up then SHAME ON YOU.

HI DERE, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:22 (eleven years ago) Permalink

why would a critic ever try to guess where a song comes from?

Mr. Que, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:23 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I'm more bothered by beck as impeccable influence

dmr, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:24 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Wait, are you saying that doesn't seem accurate?

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me. I guess I like my disaffection to be natural, not carefully planned, so I would never recommend something like that.

Then again, I've never heard it so what do I know and so on.

Z S, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:29 (eleven years ago) Permalink

b-but someone at pfork said "hm, how can we get people to read this review? I know! we'll mention the artist's impeccable influences and calculated disaffection! that'll reel 'em in!"

RIP satire etc

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:34 (eleven years ago) Permalink

they could have collaged+mis-used _anything_ from the article, and they collaged+mis-used that

lukas, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:35 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The White Williams album reminds me much more of late 10cc and Bread than of Roxy Music. That bit was like the classic "Let's over-hip our influences" review.

I eat cannibals, Thursday, 1 November 2007 20:54 (eleven years ago) Permalink

The description of "a sense of calculated disaffection", a combination of words that makes me imagine the shittiest band of all time, followed by "recommended" was repellant for me.

See, this sounds like the blurb WORKED for you -- i.e., efficiently let you know you would probably not like this act.

I agree, though, it looks kind of weird to have such a neutral-to-disparaging summary blurb on a recommended album.

nabisco, Thursday, 1 November 2007 22:04 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I like how they gave the new Babyshambles, which is actually tuneful and a good all around album, a 4.0, but gave the first one, which is dreadful and hard to listen to / bloated, a 7.3,

Yeah, it was definitely TWICE as good as the new one. Fuckin' morons.

Erock Zombie, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:30 (eleven years ago) Permalink

ugh, "impeccable influences" is really repulsive.

Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:46 (eleven years ago) Permalink

(xpost) was that a parody or are you really getting worked up about an internet score for babyshambles

dmr, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:47 (eleven years ago) Permalink

He was worked up?

roxymuzak, Friday, 2 November 2007 18:49 (eleven years ago) Permalink

wait, i thought the grading scale was logarithmic. like 5 is twice as good as 4. somebody email ryan schreiber to find out.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:14 (eleven years ago) Permalink

shit, now i need to reevaluate all my purchases of the last five years.

elan, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:16 (eleven years ago) Permalink

It's actually modelled after the Richter Scale, hence the superlative designations of various well-reviewed albums as either "Reccomended," "Best New Music," or "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On."

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 2 November 2007 19:24 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Vinyl, Me Please is one of the absolute corniest ventures going and I can’t imagine how or why P4k would agree to this since they steady either only do cool stuff (ie that museum thing, Primavera, etc) or sponsored stuff where someone presumably throws a giant bag of cash at them

5th Ward Weeaboo (Whiney G. Weingarten), Friday, 7 December 2018 21:24 (one week ago) Permalink

all the accoutrement that comes with VMP releases (cocktail recipes) are corny as fuck but they do a good job with the records themselves. I heard the first year's batch and they all sounded & looked great which is more than I can say about almost all vinyl reissue companies

flappy bird, Friday, 7 December 2018 21:31 (one week ago) Permalink

I don't know anything about the records they reissue (no turntable, no interest) but I've written a couple of things for their site and enjoyed that experience.

grawlix (unperson), Friday, 7 December 2018 21:43 (one week ago) Permalink

I'm not 100% sure how I feel about it from a business strategy perspective, but I ordered the Slowdive LP reissue for one of my friends for Christmas, and unless they totally screw up the reissue, I can't see it being a bad decision.

That may come down to Pygmalion being an all-time favorite album, but still.

ilxor, Friday, 7 December 2018 22:04 (one week ago) Permalink

I don't know anything about the records they reissue (no turntable, no interest) but I've written a couple of things for their site and enjoyed that experience.

― grawlix (unperson), Friday, December 7, 2018 4:43 PM (twenty-three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah they've had some great writing on the site

flappy bird, Friday, 7 December 2018 22:07 (one week ago) Permalink

don't miss their reviews! they usually update with a few on weekdays, plus a special one on sunday

Karl Malone, Friday, 7 December 2018 22:16 (one week ago) Permalink

whiney otm.

maura, Friday, 7 December 2018 22:27 (one week ago) Permalink

Anybody know if the demos on the cd Pygmalion reissue sound better than the ones that circulated on the net??

brimstead, Saturday, 8 December 2018 00:34 (six days ago) Permalink

Taking Sides:

Tekashi 6ix9ine v. Greta Van Fleet

― ilxor, Friday, 7 December 2018 20:52 (yesterday) Permalink

Tekashi ruins some great beats

ILX’s bad boy (D-40), Saturday, 8 December 2018 00:39 (six days ago) Permalink

They’re feeding him beats from the best producers in the game

ILX’s bad boy (D-40), Saturday, 8 December 2018 00:39 (six days ago) Permalink

And greta van fleet as I understand it is a Led Zeppelin tribute band?

ILX’s bad boy (D-40), Saturday, 8 December 2018 00:40 (six days ago) Permalink

Also 69 is a sex criminal

alpine static, Saturday, 8 December 2018 01:20 (six days ago) Permalink

Led zeppelin is a sex criminal

President Keyes, Saturday, 8 December 2018 01:28 (six days ago) Permalink

Seen through the prism of indiedom, Black Sabbath's Paranoid is a mere 9.5. Bah.

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/black-sabbath-paranoid/

pomenitul, Sunday, 9 December 2018 08:56 (five days ago) Permalink

If that’s not a 10, what is?

big crime for a SPECIAL WHATEVER (voodoo chili), Sunday, 9 December 2018 14:43 (five days ago) Permalink

I guess they docked off 0.5 because of the lyrics to 'Fairies Wear Boots'.

pomenitul, Sunday, 9 December 2018 15:02 (five days ago) Permalink

Wait'll they get ahold of the equally problematic "Evil Woman, Don't Play Your Games With Me"

Paul Ponzi, Sunday, 9 December 2018 15:14 (five days ago) Permalink

Lol

Οὖτις, Sunday, 9 December 2018 16:35 (five days ago) Permalink

Tbf fairies do wear boots esp when dancing w dwarves

Οὖτις, Sunday, 9 December 2018 16:35 (five days ago) Permalink

So, I went to the doctor, see what he could give me
He said, 'son; son, you’ve gone too far
'Cause smokin' and trippin' is all that you do'

pomenitul, Sunday, 9 December 2018 16:38 (five days ago) Permalink

I do kind of like not giving an automatic 10 in legacy reviews. Time was when Pitchfork would give Ege Bamyasi something hilarious like a 9.8.

jmm, Sunday, 9 December 2018 16:41 (five days ago) Permalink

"Soup" does go on a bit in fairness

Number None, Sunday, 9 December 2018 16:49 (five days ago) Permalink

a song from the A Star is Born soundtrack is #41 on the 2018 songs list

flappy bird, Monday, 10 December 2018 18:17 (four days ago) Permalink

Surprised that the 1975 got song of the year

flappy bird, Monday, 10 December 2018 18:18 (four days ago) Permalink

yeah idk what people hear in that star is born song (or any of the others tbh)

big crime for a SPECIAL WHATEVER (voodoo chili), Monday, 10 December 2018 18:22 (four days ago) Permalink

I guess they docked off 0.5 because of the lyrics to 'Fairies Wear Boots'.

lol I thought you were joking but apparently not?! Had never heard that anecdote noted in the review and it certainly isn't explicit in the song itself, which honestly sounds like it is about a completely different scenario altogether (dude tripping balls hallucinates fairies and dwarves).

Οὖτις, Monday, 10 December 2018 20:26 (four days ago) Permalink

yeah that's what i thought too

No Smockin' (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 10 December 2018 20:27 (four days ago) Permalink

I just looked it up, and found this amusing key to the meaning of every Sabbath song: http://www.black-sabbath.com/faq/faq11.htm#faq11020

underqualified backing vocalist (morrisp), Monday, 10 December 2018 20:28 (four days ago) Permalink

HAND OF DOOM
about drug abuse, mainly heroin.

underqualified backing vocalist (morrisp), Monday, 10 December 2018 20:29 (four days ago) Permalink

No. 50: SOB x RBE - Gangin
No. 49: Georgia Anne Muldrow - Overload
No. 48: Kamasi Washington - Heaven and Earth
No. 47: Skee Mask - Compro
No. 46: Blood Orange - Negro Swan
No. 45: Cat Power - Wanderer
No. 44: Camp Cope - How to Socialise & Make Friends
No. 43: Sleep - The Sciences
No. 42: Adrianne Lenker - abysskiss
No. 41: Ty Dolla $ign / Jeremih - MihTy
No. 40: Iceage - Beyondless
No. 39: The Internet - Hive Mind
No. 38: Kali Uchis - Isolation
No. 37: JPEGMAFIA - Veteran
No. 36: Rico Nasty - Nasty
No. 35: A.A.L (Against All Logic) - 2012-2017
No. 34: Neneh Cherry - Broken Politics
No. 33: Sheck Wes - MUDBOY
No. 32: Let's Eat Grandma - I'm All Ears
No. 31: Arctic Monkeys - Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino
No. 30: Christine and the Queens - Chris
No. 29: boygenius - boygenius EP
No. 28: Deafheaven - Ordinary Corrupt Human Love
No. 27: Soccer Mommy - Clean
No. 26: Vince Staples - FM!
No. 25: Playboi Carti - Die Lit
No. 24: Julia Holter - Aviary
No. 23: Travis Scott - Astroworld
No. 22: U.S. Girls - In a Poem Unlimited
No. 21: The 1975 - A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships
No. 20: Beach House - 7
No. 19: Cardi B - Invasion of Privacy
No. 18: SOPHIE - OIL OF EVERY PEARL’s UN-INSIDES
No. 17: Pusha-T - Daytona
No. 16: Jon Hopkins - Singularity
No. 15: Noname - Room 25
No. 14: Amen Dunes - Freedom
No. 13: Tirzah - Devotion
No. 12: CupcakKe - Ephorize
No. 11: Ariana Grande - Sweetener
No. 10: Yves Tumor - Safe in the Hands of Love
No. 9: Tierra Whack - Whack World
No. 8: Low - Double Negative
No. 7: Earl Sweatshirt - Some Rap Songs
No. 6: Rosalía - El mal querer
No. 5: Snail Mail - Lush
No. 4: Robyn - Honey
No. 3: DJ Koze - Knock Knock
No. 2: Kacey Musgraves - Golden Hour
No. 1: Mitski - Be the Cowboy

ilxor, Tuesday, 11 December 2018 15:17 (three days ago) Permalink

TOO LOW... (all of these made my top 10, and I think Low should be top 2-3)

No. 43: Sleep - The Sciences
No. 40: Iceage - Beyondless
No. 21: The 1975 - A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships
No. 19: Cardi B - Invasion of Privacy
No. 18: SOPHIE - OIL OF EVERY PEARL’s UN-INSIDES
No. 8: Low - Double Negative

ilxor, Tuesday, 11 December 2018 15:18 (three days ago) Permalink

Also, I'm sorry... but how is Janelle Monáe not even in the top 50 here? That album is fantastic.

ilxor, Tuesday, 11 December 2018 15:21 (three days ago) Permalink

not a big surprise, since they only gave it a 7.7

President Keyes, Tuesday, 11 December 2018 15:27 (three days ago) Permalink

I appreciate what she's doing but I don't really like it

taste is subjective

niels, Tuesday, 11 December 2018 15:28 (three days ago) Permalink

same

Evan, Tuesday, 11 December 2018 15:50 (three days ago) Permalink

Dry year

flappy bird, Tuesday, 11 December 2018 16:28 (three days ago) Permalink

im glad they made room for the Georgia Anne album, was overlooked by a lot of lists

big crime for a SPECIAL WHATEVER (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 11 December 2018 16:31 (three days ago) Permalink

no Autechre in the top 50? really?

flappy bird, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 04:30 (two days ago) Permalink

Albums that got Best New Music, but didn't make the Pitchfork top 50:

Saba – CARE FOR ME (8.7)
Car Seat Headrest – Twin Fantasy (8.6)
Mount Eerie – Now Only (8.5)
Father John Misty – God's Favorite Customer (8.5)
Tim Hecker – Konoyo (8.5)
Jean Grae / Quelle Chris – Everything's Fine (8.4)
Joey Purp – Quarterthing (8.3)
Jeff Tweedy – Warm (8.3)

ilxor, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 17:10 (two days ago) Permalink

*almost inaudible voice* a shame, that father john misty record was actually good

jolene club remix (BradNelson), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 17:11 (two days ago) Permalink

Jean Grae / Quelle Chris – Everything's Fine (8.4)

oh man i feel bad i forgot about this, such a great album...early year stuff sometimes suffers

No Smockin' (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 17:22 (two days ago) Permalink

three Chicagoans on that list!

alpine static, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 17:40 (two days ago) Permalink

no CSH is a relief

resident hack (Simon H.), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 17:43 (two days ago) Permalink

Albums that got Best New Music, but didn't make the Pitchfork top 50:

Saba – CARE FOR ME (8.7)
Car Seat Headrest – Twin Fantasy (8.6)
Mount Eerie – Now Only (8.5)
Father John Misty – God's Favorite Customer (8.5)
Tim Hecker – Konoyo (8.5)
Jean Grae / Quelle Chris – Everything's Fine (8.4)
Joey Purp – Quarterthing (8.3)
Jeff Tweedy – Warm (8.3)

― ilxor, Wednesday, December 12, 2018 11:10 AM (four hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is pretty interesting. (joey purp got accused of abuse right before the list fwiw)

ILX’s bad boy (D-40), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 21:13 (two days ago) Permalink

lack of saba is inexplicable imo

big crime for a SPECIAL WHATEVER (voodoo chili), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 21:20 (two days ago) Permalink

this is pretty interesting. (joey purp got accused of abuse right before the list fwiw)

― ILX’s bad boy (D-40), Wednesday, December 12, 2018 4:13 PM (twenty-two minutes ago) Bookmark

also his album getting best new music made no sense in the first place

J0rdan S., Wednesday, 12 December 2018 21:36 (two days ago) Permalink

Naw it’s a pretty good album that would have done a lot better in a year that wasn’t saturated with Credible Indie Rap

ILX’s bad boy (D-40), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 21:49 (two days ago) Permalink

i'm lukewarm on joey p, but the new alb was a big improvement on iiidrops, which got a lot of critical attention.

i've seen a few stray tweets about allegations against him, but haven't been able to find news articles yet. what's the deal?

big crime for a SPECIAL WHATEVER (voodoo chili), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 21:57 (two days ago) Permalink

hmm

I’LL ONLY SAY THIS ONCE CUZ I DONT WANT IT TO BE MISTAKEN AS ME BEING INSECURE OR ME SEEKING OUTSIDE VALIDATION IN ANYWAY... I KNOW WHAT I AM. BUT ANY YEAR END LIST (NOT JUST HIP HOP) ANY... THAT DOESNT HAVE CARE FOR ME IN IT IS DISRESPECTFUL 🤷🏾‍♀️

— SABA (@sabaPIVOT) December 12, 2018

austinb, Thursday, 13 December 2018 00:46 (yesterday) Permalink

saw that late yesterday. did he play P4k fest?

Saba and Grae/Quelle seem like the only real weird omissions from that list. and i'm not surprised they skipped over Grae/Quelle ... but Saba is very surprising.

CSH is a remake of an old album
do we really need like the Xth-best albums from Eerie, FJM, Hecker on these lists
Current Long-Haired Wise Man Tweedy is very cool, but the album is just OK

alpine static, Thursday, 13 December 2018 00:52 (yesterday) Permalink


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