The Bobby Gillespie Bullshit game

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From last Sunday's Observer, where artists, musicians, whatever, were asked for their favourite 'secret' inspirations:

Bobby Gillespie, singer, Primal Scream:

The world

I came across a burnt-out motorcycle in the street this morning, no wheels, no seat, just a charred metal skeleton. It had obviously been stolen and dumped by a gang of teenage wild boys. It was the most beautiful thing I've seen since last night's evening sky. You don't find 'art' in galleries, it's all around you. The city is alive and on fire. Long may it burn.

A classic piece of r 'n' r nonsense form the aging Scotsman, there. So let's look at the scores: I reckon "motorcycle" [10 points]; "gang of teenage wild boys" [20 points]; "beautiful" [5 points]; "city...on fire etc" [30 points] - giving a total of 65 points (out of a possible 100).

Can anyone beat this?

bham (bham), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:47 (fourteen years ago) link

He wouldn't have said that if it had been his bike!

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:50 (fourteen years ago) link

I came across a burnt-out motorcycle in the street this morning, no wheels, no seat, just a charred metal skeleton.

Fucking hell, it's MY motorbike!

CUNTS! SCUM! BRING BACK NATIONAL SERVICE! SEND THEM TO FUCKEN IRAQ! YER FUCKEN SHITE HOOSIN' ESTATE WILL BE ON FUCKEN FIRE IF AH EVER FIND YOUSE! TIE THEIR FUCKEN TUBES!! C*********NTS!!!!!!!!

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:52 (fourteen years ago) link

Yes, but until that realisation, he is a spaced out dude, everything is art and nothing's going to touch his world. Your broken leg is beautiful to him. A wound on someone's head is a trancendant statement on the link between the life force in us all, and the galaxy in supernova.

mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:59 (fourteen years ago) link

oh my god bham that it brilliant.

unfortunately i think this means i shall have to destroy all my primal scream records.

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:05 (fourteen years ago) link

Only destory the ones that he has anything to do with, Henry - i.e. Give Out and Riot City and those first two. The good ones are all Innes, innit.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:08 (fourteen years ago) link

i don't even own 'give out' (sold it) or 'riot city' (never bought).

i suppose i could keep the instrumentals.

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:11 (fourteen years ago) link

"gang of teenage wild boys" rofl rofl

http://jackwolak.com/7/3341.jpg

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:14 (fourteen years ago) link

'riot city' never bought

Fair summation.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:23 (fourteen years ago) link

We can do much better than this, for instance, here are a couple of quotes right from the band's website:

Screamadelica Era
"...I think music is magic... magical, in the true sense of the word. Certain pieces of music make me feel strong, protected. It raises... it raises my soul. No, forget that, it protects me from bad feelings. Music protects us in such a powerful way, it makes you aware of possibilities. To alot of people I think music's a commodity, not spiritual. it's something you put on the mantlepiece and it's there, like a set of golfclubs or an ironing board, whereas to us it's a holy thing, and none of us are even religious."
- Bobby Gillespie, NME interview 28 September 1991

"magic" = 5 points, "raises my soul" = 10 points, "protects me from bad feelings" (whatever that means) = 10 points, spiritual + religious + holy = 30 points, using all this bullshit to form a "we're not in it for the money" argument = 35 points

Total = 90 points

"Most bands think in black and white, we think in Technicolour," - Bobby Gillespie, September(?) 1991

Ugh, ffs, 99 points.

NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:24 (fourteen years ago) link

However, as I've said before, Screamadelica is a fantastic Sabres of Paradise album.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:25 (fourteen years ago) link

i can't beat bham but from an nme interview (on that same website!) this year -- i suppose it needs context: he's talking about going to paris fashion shows and elton john's birthday party:

"We're a hardworking band. I go to the studio five days a week. My girlfriend works in fashion and now and again there's something she might want to go to so I go along - that's what you do. It's a bit weird, it's like saying your girlfriend's black so you must be black. Or your girlfriend's Jewish so you must be Jewish."

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:26 (fourteen years ago) link

"People think the flag is a symbol for like slavery and racism," says Bobby. "But that's not what the Civil War was about. It was about like freedom, You know?"

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:29 (fourteen years ago) link

winner

NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:31 (fourteen years ago) link

WTF is Bobby "Bomb The Pentagon" Gillespie doing going to kapitalist Elton John birthday parties?

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:33 (fourteen years ago) link

it's something you put on the mantlepiece... like a set of golfclubs or an ironing board

This guy would do really badly on Family Fortunes.

NickB (NickB), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:35 (fourteen years ago) link

xpost

Bombing the Pentagon wasn't about anti-American sentiment, it was about, like, freedom, you know? Freedom to do what you want to do, and we want to get loaded ...

NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:36 (fourteen years ago) link

Family Fortunes - I don't think BG would take well to a fitness weekend at a health farm in rural Staffordshire...

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:37 (fourteen years ago) link

These quotes are all awesome!! Bobby G. rules!!

Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Thursday, 21 September 2006 09:34 (fourteen years ago) link

"WTF is Bobby "Bomb The Pentagon" Gillespie doing going to kapitalist Elton John birthday parties?"

He's there because his girlfirend's jewish, Marcello, can't you read?

I think this is my favourite BG quote (from OMM earlier this year):

'You know, Andrew Innes is a chemist and so's his wife - they've got pharmaceutical degrees. He's an oddball boffin who'll experiment with anything you give him. When computers came out, he got one straight away and learnt how to work them. Oasis call him "Brains".'

Kudos to Innes for cracking that IBM mainframe up in Glasgow all on his own, but that final punchline is priceless.

bham (bham), Thursday, 21 September 2006 09:51 (fourteen years ago) link

if someone else does it, bobby is bound to come along and dive right in . .

frenchbloke (frenchbloke), Thursday, 21 September 2006 10:04 (fourteen years ago) link

Just calling the album "Riot City Blues" is sixty points right there for Crazy Bob, imho.

Eazy-Esteban Buttez (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Thursday, 21 September 2006 10:33 (fourteen years ago) link

I came across a burnt-out rock star in the street this morning, legless, no flesh on his bum, just a charred metal skeleton. He'd obviously been fucked and dumped by a gang of teenage wild boys. It was the most beautiful thing I've seen since last night's evening sky. You don't find 'rock' at rock festivals, it's all around you. The city is alive and on fire. Long may Bobby burn.

Momus (Momus), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:05 (fourteen years ago) link

now now be nice

electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsound), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:08 (fourteen years ago) link

b-b-but Bobby WAS a charred metal skeleton in the Velocity Girl days!

(nb thanks for the cd momus)

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:10 (fourteen years ago) link

In reference to Marcello's earlier comment about fitness weekend... (I'm not making this up) I saw BG in the changing-room of my local gym a couple of months ago - so while I didn't actually witness him doing any physical exercise, he did look as though he'd been doing some beforehand. Not very rock'n'roll obviously.

Kaliova (Kaliova), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:37 (fourteen years ago) link

"Select" magazine, April 1994:

"The only thing I don't want is us to be nailed down as some motherfuckin' curators of some rock 'n' roll fuckin' museum. We love all sorts of music, and I'm glad to turn people on to sounds they've never heard - y'know, go and buy "superfly" by curtis mayfield, or the impressions' greatest hits, or Culture "two sevens clash".

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:43 (fourteen years ago) link

...said the curator of the rock museum.

Momus (Momus), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:47 (fourteen years ago) link

That quote, y'know, is motherfuckin' fucked up in several fuckin' ways, most notably "we are not curators of rock museum, here listen to these old records" and "we will turn you on to stuff you've never heard before" (then going on to instruct the readership to buy three records that are somewhat far from being even slightly obscure)

The guy is, and always has been a patronising cock, and primal scream are the worst band to come out of the UK since the '80's at least, and possibly ever.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:52 (fourteen years ago) link

Pashmina OTM.

Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:56 (fourteen years ago) link

Every day I curse Andrew Weatherall for remixing Primal Scream because if he didn't, nobody would have given a shit about Crazy Bob and we wouldn't have to be discussing about how big a cunt he is.

Eazy-Esteban Buttez (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:58 (fourteen years ago) link

Q: When did you first realise you could sing?

BG: Ehh..I don't know. I think I always wanted to be a singer but I didn't realise it. I always wanted to be a guitar player because I loved guitar players in bands. I became a singer through default. We were writing these songs and I wanted to play guitar and we kept asking these people to sing and they were terrible so I stepped in.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:03 (fourteen years ago) link

I love that Norman obviously really likes Primal Scream despite his protestations.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:10 (fourteen years ago) link

From Bobby's liner notes to the recent Tago Mago reissue, on "jamming" with "the Can":

So there was five of us, Andrew Innes on guitar, me on vocals, Jaki Leibezeit on drums, Michael Karoli on guitar and Liam Gallagher on one finger piano. We jammed our arses off, till five in the morning, hard and heavy on a two-chord Karoli groove, what a night! I'll never forget it. We all fell out of the studio arm-in-arm and walked up the road high and happy, blasted by the magick of Can, The Can!

There's plenty more where that came from as well- I couldn't believe they'd published such utter name-dropping drivel!

Neil Stewart (Neil Stewart), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:11 (fourteen years ago) link

Haha Nick, they are the band I love to hate, I must admit.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:13 (fourteen years ago) link

But honesty, the sound of the guy's voice is fingernails on a blackboard to me. I cannot stand it.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:15 (fourteen years ago) link

there's a version of the -- hey, hey -- CANecdote in one of the interviews i parsed.

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:19 (fourteen years ago) link

blasted by the magick of Can, the Can!

I didn't know he was a Suzi Quatro fan.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 13:45 (fourteen years ago) link

Ha ha. There's a very good Glasgow word to describe Bobby, A DIDDY.

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 13:54 (fourteen years ago) link

Diddy Gillespie!

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 13:54 (fourteen years ago) link

I didn't know he was a Suzi Quatro fan.

"After spending a week jamming with Quatro, the Scream determined that 'Leather Forever' would be like part of our ten-point plan to wipe out the fascists that dare like cross our path. We have one of Suzi's Leather Tuscadero outfits hanging in the back room of the Scream Team hideout."

Andy_K (Andy_K), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:02 (fourteen years ago) link

"I first met Suzi when I was a 2-year old punk rocker in Detroit in '68. I was hanging out with the '5, tellin' Fred and Wayne and the boys all about Krautrock, even though I hadn't learnt how to talk yet and Krautrock hadn't been invented yet, but, hey, what i rock 'n' roll about if isn't about dreams, suddenly in walked Suzi..."

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:09 (fourteen years ago) link

Imagine having to listen to Liam Gallagher playing "one finger piano" all night- the mind boggles.

Neil Stewart (Neil Stewart), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:12 (fourteen years ago) link

imagine the man he calls 'brains'.

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:15 (fourteen years ago) link

"Oasis call him 'brains'" is the best one, that's classic of teh stupid.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:17 (fourteen years ago) link

TS: Liam Gallagher playing one finger piano all night vs. John Cale playing one finger piano all night.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:33 (fourteen years ago) link

John Cale pleaded to be allowed to join in but Bobby said no

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:35 (fourteen years ago) link

because he didn't own any of his albums yet

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:36 (fourteen years ago) link

Of course he did, John gave them to him personally, when he was a 12 year old punk rocker hangin' out at CBGBs with DeeDee and Johnny in 1976

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:39 (fourteen years ago) link

Except Ian Hunter nicked them off him three years previously, as described on page 77 of Diary Of A Rock 'N' Roll Star, and substituted the new platters from Poco and Foghat.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:42 (fourteen years ago) link

Ronnie doing that annoying thing guitarists do when you're trying to listen to a record, picking up a guitar and trying to play along.

Bridge Over Thorley Waters (Tom D.), Friday, 3 April 2020 09:54 (one year ago) link

OK, so I get it, it's actually a filmed radio show, shot for Sky Arts in 2012 - Jesus, what does Ronnie look like now.

Bridge Over Thorley Waters (Tom D.), Friday, 3 April 2020 09:57 (one year ago) link

six months pass...

An occasion like this calls for schnapps Boaby.

The unlikely trio of Bobby Gillespie, Alan McGee and Stuart Murdoch have been invited to be part of a discussion on Scottish music and the Scottish cultural scene at an American university. Boab and Al are backstage.

BOAB: Here, ah'm no' exactly thrilled aboot huvvin' tae share a stage wi' this wee West End fanny, Murdoch. Ah mean, ah've hud Tap 10 singles, whit's that wee cunt and his merry band o' bedwetters ever fuckin' achieved?

AL: You'd be surprised at how popular they are, Bob... oh quiet, here he is...

BOAB (full of bonhomie): Holl' Stewpot! It's yourself! Long time no see!

STUART (nodding): Bobby, Alan. Looking forward to tonight, I must admit.

BOAB: You an' me baith, wee man, you an' me baith.

After the onstage introductions are over and the Q&A session begins, Boab is dismayed to find the audience is more interested in Stuart Murdoch and even Alan McGee than him. Then …

MODERATOR: Can we get the mike over to this lady over there... yes... thanks...

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Thank you, I'd like to put a question to Bobby Gillespie...

BOAB (straightening up): ... oh right, here we fuckin' go, aboot time...

AUDIENCE MEMBER: ... you know, I think this year has been very traumatic for all of us, what with the pandemic, the Black Lives Matter movement...

BOAB (clenching fist): ... right oan sister...

AUDIENCE MEMBER: ... and the ongoing nightmare of the Trump presidency, and I know that people all over the world are concentrated fully on the American presidential elections even more than usual...

BOAB (to himself): Mibbes aye, mibbes naw.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: ... and I'm sure you people in England were as devastated by the death of Ruth Bader Ginsburg as we were... (*murmurs from the audience*)

BOAB (an aside to Al): Who?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: ... so in this year of all years, do you regret using an image of the Confederate flag on the cover of your album, “Give Out But Don’t Give Up”?

Scattered applause.

BOAB (sotto voce): Goat there eventually.

MODERATOR: Great question, over to you, Bobby.

BOAB (*steepling fingers*) (in measured fashion): Well it's aw aboot context and, at the risk o' appearin' patronisin', what you don't understand, doll, is that the image oan the cover is actually a famous photie - nuhin' tae dae wi’ us, darlin’. It's a famous photie taken by Christopher Eccleston... noo, I must admit, I had nae idea he was a photographer as well as huvvin' played Doctor Who... no' that am a fan o' Doctor Who, no' even when that cunt ...

Audible gasps from some members of the audience. Bobby continues his peroration.

BOAB: ... fae Paisley, Tennant played him, an' the thing is they gave him a London accent, they widnae even let him dae a Scottish accent, at least when fuckin' Capaldi played him they let him keep his accent. But when Capaldi wis playin' him ye kept expecting the cunt tae start fuckin' swearin' a dime a dozen like he did oan The Thick Of It... don't get me wrang, that wis fuckin' great that show, but nae cunt swears as much as that in real life! It's jist no fuckin' realistic! But ye know whit the best bit wis in the film? The bit at the end when him and fuckin' Tony Soprano are gaun toe tae toe and fuckin' Soprano is like, "You limey English bastard", or whitever, and Capaldi jist sterrs him right in the eyeba’ and is like "Fuck you, Tony... and don't ever call me English", and he fuckin' jist strolls away and big Tony's left staunin' there like, "Whit the fuck's that daft cunt oan aboot?" So, in closing, that is... er... I put it to you that that is my reply to you... to your question.

AUDIENCE MEMBER (to 2nd AUDIENCE MEMBER): Wow, I think we could do with some subtitles here.

MODERATOR: Um, thank you, uh, thank you, Bobby, I think...

Someone comes onstage to whisper something in the Moderator's ear.

MODERATOR: Before we go any further, I have a small request for you, Bobby.

BOAB: Aye, nae bother, big yin, fire away, happy tae oblige.

MODERATOR: I think some of the audience were a little discomforted by your occasional use of the C word in your reply.

BOAB (outraged): The C word? But ah never mentioned cancer wance! Whit ye oan aboot, ya clown!

MODERATOR (slowly): That's not the C word I meant. (*gritted teeth*) I meant the C word with four letters.

BOAB (looking puzzled): Crab?

Al whispers in Boab's ear.

BOAB: Ah... right... eh... well, that's gonny cramp ma fuckin' style a wee bit so it is...

Boab sinks back in his chair, sulkily.

BOAB (sotto voce to Al): Whit the fuck's the problem wi' these middle class fuckin' bookclub wankers?

AL: When in Rome, Bob, when in Rome.

BOAB (uncomprehendingly): ... er... aye, Al, aye, right ye ur (*pulls a face*).

An increasingly unhappy Boab slumps in his chair as a succession of audience members ignore him and Al to enthusiastically interrogate Stuart. Laughter breaks out as the moderator tells an anecdote about trying to buy Belle & Sebastian's 29th album at his local record shop, sorry, store.

BOAB (to Al): Well, that fuckin' story was as fuckin' funny as cancer...

AL: ...careful, the C word...

BOAB: Ah jist don't huv the same sense o' humour as these cunts, they're laughin' away at aw sorts o' shite but when ah try an' crack a funny they look at me like ah've goat two heids.

AL: You don't say.

BOAB: Ah've goat tae admit, Al, ah've goat nae fuckin' idea whit these cunts are talkin' aboot hauf the time.

AL: I think the feelin' is mutual, Bob.

BOAB: Aye, well at least ah make the effort, Al, no' like these arrogant arseholes who jist fuckin' expect everybody else to know whit the fuck they're oan aboot an' make nae effort tae try an' unnerstaun' embdy else. They’re fuckin’ worse than the English!

AL: Aye, Boab, you certainly make the effort!

Stuart begins a long answer on his film, "God Help the Girl".

BOAB (to Al): Here, whit's this aboot a film?

AL: He directed a film.

BOAB: Whit, that wee rat? Whit's it aboot?

AL: Glasgow, supposedly.

BOAB (suddenly interested): Glesga?

Boab decides to listen in to another question on the film.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Uh, I just wanna, um, bring up one of the, uh, criticisms levelled at your movie in certain quarters...

STUART (sitting forward in his seat): Mmm-hmm?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: ... uh-huh... the criticism was that there was a lack of diversity in your portrayal of Glaz-gow, specifically a lack of African-American characters and faces and, um.... how do you answer that, um, criticism?

STUART (squirming slightly): Well, I think that's a... (*clears throat*)... a good question... em... I mean, Glasgow isn't as ethnically diverse as most American cities...

BOAB: Bollocks.

MODERATOR: Pardon me?

BOAB: There's loats o' Asians in Glesga fur a stert.

MODERATOR: Really? I had no idea, do you have... like a Chinatown?

BOAB: Ye whit?

AL (to the moderator): He means South Asians.

BOAB: Aye, well a loat o’ them dae live in Pollokshields and Govanhill but ye dae get some north o' the river an' aw.

AL: Glasgow might not be that ethnically diverse, but it has got one significant group that seemed to be absent from your film, Stuart, if I may say so.

STUART: Oh, really? Who?

AL: Glaswegians.

Stuart looks daggers. Boab blunders on.

BOAB: Here, if ye wahnt tae know aboot Glesga, ah'll tell ye a wee fuckin' story that sums up Glesga fur me. (*elbowing Stuart in the ribs*) Here, ye coulda done wi' this wan in yer blockbuster movie, Stewpot...

Stuart visibly tenses.

BOAB: ... an' it's a fuckin' true story tae, by the way. So, this wee fuckin' ned is up in court on some charge or other an' he's gettin' cross-examined oan his alibi. The advocate asks him if, as he claims, he was at a friend's house oan the night o' the crime then why did he go there? "Tae get a tap", says the ned. "Is your friend a plumber?" says the advocate. "Naw", says the ned. "Are you a plumber?" says the judge. "Naw", says the ned. And...

AL (to the audience): ... a tap is a faucet, by the way...

BOAB (hesitatingly): ... aye, thanks Al... anyway, the judge says to the advocate, "I fail to see where this line of questioning on plumbing is leading". The advocate is like, "Ah, I think there's been a misunderstanding, m'lud, I believe 'tap' has secondary meaning in Glaswegian parlance, of a fiscal nature". Then, to the ned, "So you went to the house to borrow money?" "Naw", says the ned. "You went to the house to lend money?", says the judge. "Naw", says the ned. The judge, who is getting fed up wi' aw this, then says to the ned, "You have told the court you went to your friend's house for a tap. Now what kind of a tap was it?" The ned replies, "A Cellic tap."

The end of the story is met with deafening silence, a few stray coughs aside.

AUDIENCE MEMBER (raising hand): Um, excuse me, sir, I heard you mention, I wanna say, Tom Selleck?

BOAB: Naw, Cellic! A Cellic tap!

AL: He means Celtic.

MODERATOR: The Boston Celtics?

BOAB (exasperated): Naw! Cellic Fitba Club!

AL: The football club.

MODERATOR: But the Celtics play basketball not football.

STUART: No, soccer.

BOAB: Cellic Fitba Club! The Glasga Celtic! The Tim Malloys!

MODERATOR: Is the story finished yet?

BOAB: Aye, it's fuckin' feenished! An' you know who else is fuckin' feenished? Me! Ah've fuckin' had it wi' this fuckin' Punch and Judy show! See you (*points at the moderator*), you couldnae run a menodge. Hauf o' you’s (*points at audience*) cannae unnerstaun' the fuckin' Queen's English and the other hauf ur so faur up yer ain erses ye don't know if it's fuckin' night or day ... ya toffee...

AL: ... taffy...

BOAB: ... shut it, Al... ya toffee-nosed cunts. That's right, cunts! Ah said cunts! This place is jist no' fur the likes o' me, a straight talkin' working class guy fae the violent mean streets o' Glesga...

STUART: ... you're from Mount Florida, Bobby...

BOAB: ... an' you're fae Clarkston, ya wank...

AUDIENCE MEMBER (to 2nd AUDIENCE MEMBER): Did he say he was from Florida?

AL: Calm doon, Bob.

BOAB: Naw, ah'll calm doon fuck aw', Al, ah'm fuckin' done. Ah'm offski. Joe the Toff. Ah'm shootin' the craw. (*rising from his seat*) Get tae fuck the lot o' ye's! (*mumbling*) Belle and fuckin' Sebastian...

Boab storms, after a fashion, from the stage. Some boos ring out.

MODERATOR: Um, it appears Mr Gillespie has decided to, um, bring his particular evening to a close.

BOAB (pushing through the audience, turns to shout at the stage): Here you, ah'll bring you tae a close, ya fuckin' ride!

At length, as the discussion carries on without him, Boab finds himself at the back of the auditorium ineptly struggling with some fire doors.

BOAB (to a young woman standing nearby): Here, hen, how d'ye get oot o' this fuckin' place?

Young Boys of Bernie (Tom D.), Tuesday, 27 October 2020 00:48 (nine months ago) link

sympathies with wee Boaby on this occasion

Neil S, Tuesday, 27 October 2020 10:00 (nine months ago) link

bravo

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 28 October 2020 02:55 (nine months ago) link

three months pass...

https://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/politics/primal-scream-star-bobby-gillespie-23420856

Boab has called a band meeting on Zoom.

Boab (cheerily): "Afternoon, troops!"

Andrew Innes (wearily): "It's 10 o'clock at night, Boab."

Boab: "Away wi' ye! Is it? *stares myopically at the corner of his screen* Here... so it is! Ma fuckin' body cloack is aw' tae pot wi' this fuckin' lockdoon shite!"

Andrew: "That clock stopped years ago."

Martin Duffy: "He needs winding up."

Andrew: "And I'm just the boy to do it."

Boab: "Here, less o' th' lip. Wherr's the other two? *unsure* Therr is two mair o' them, int' therr?

Andrew: "Aye, we're a five piece these days."

Boab: "Aye, ah knew that, ah knew that, ah'm oan toap o' 'hings, Andra, nae fuckin' flies oan me, mate. So wherr is... eh... don't tell me... don't tell me.... Robert?"

Andrew: "He's deid, Boab."

Boab: "Aye right enough, so he is, fuckin' Covid. Anyway, disnae really matter, the other two are fuckin' English, it disnae concern them..."

Martin: "I'm English, Bobby."

Boab: "Ur ye? Who ur you again?"

Martin: "Martin Duffy? Keyboards? I've been in the band for 30 years?"

Boab: "'zat a fact? (to Andrew) Here, whit's wi' aw these English cunts in the band, Andra? It's like we're no' even a Scottish band anymair!"

Andrew: "Well, we're not, you and me are the only Scottish members of the band and we've been based in England since the 1980s."

Boab (curtly): "Beside the point, Andra, beside the point."

Andrew: "And what exactly is the point, Boab?"

Martin: "Yeah, why have you called this band meeting, Bobby?"

Boab (ignoring Martin): "Ah've decided, we're in favour o' independence."

Andrew: "Who is?"

Boab: "We ur."

Martin: "Who's we?"

Boab: "Us."

Andrew: "Independence from who?"

Boab: "The fuckin' UK."

Martin: "Who, the band?"

Boab: "Aye, the band."

Andrew: "UK?"

Boab: "Aye, UK!"

Andrew "You mean, UK, the British progressive rock supergroup originally active from 1977 until 1980, composed of singer/bassist John Wetton (formerly of King Crimson, Roxy Music, Bryan Ferry's band and Uriah Heep), keyboardist/electric violinist Eddie Jobson (formerly of Curved Air, Roxy Music and Frank Zappa's band), guitarist Allan Holdsworth (formerly of Tempest, Soft Machine, The New Tony Williams Lifetime and Gong) and drummer Bill Bruford (formerly a full member of Yes and King Crimson, and also a tour drummer for Genesis), who was later replaced by drummer Terry Bozzio (formerly of Frank Zappa's band)?"

Boab: "Here you Innes, ya cheeky article, ah mean, oor band! The fuckin' Scream!"

Martin: "Primal Scream are independent of er ... sorry you've lost me, Bobby."

Boab: "Gie me fuckin' strength. Primal Scream, the band, oor band, is in favour o' independence fae the UK."

*silence*

Boab: "... fuckin' Scottish independence fae the UK! For fuck sake!"

Andrew: "We are?"

Boab: "Aye."

Martin: "Who is?"

Boab: "Here, let's no' stert that shite again! It's a fuckin' done deal, ah'm fuckin' announcin' it oan the fuckin' twitter the morra."

Andrew: "So why call this meeting?"

Boab (patronisingly): "Because we're a fuckin' democracy in this band, Andra, no' a fuckin' dictatorship, aw' voices must be listened tae..."

Martin: "... well, in that case I'd like to..."

Boab: "... never let it be said that ah'm no' open tae hearing the views and opinions of other, lesser, members o' the band..."

Martin: "... if I could just make a..."

Boab: "... because ma international socialist / class politics background has left me wi' an unshakeable fuckin' commitment tae fuckin' democracy in a' its forms an' if ye fuckin' dare suggest otherwise ye're oot the fuckin' band, capiche?"

Martin: "Oh, I fucking give up."

Andrew: "So what about the 'people in Liverpool who have been hammered', and in Manchester and in Southampton?"

Boab: "Listen, Andra, ah've no' goat time tae worry aboot the plight o' a bunch o' fuckin' bevvy merchants in fuckin' Manchester or wherever - when ah get hammered ah take the consequences. If ye cannae haud yer drink ye shouldnae be fuckin' oot boozin' in the first place!"

Andrew: (heavy sigh) "I thought 'Nationalism has never done it for me. It leads to fascism.' Quote."

Boab (indignant): "Now, haud oan a minute, ca'in' me a Nazi, that's bang oot 'o order, mate! Just to be clear. I am not a nationalist. I come from an international socialist / class politics background....

Andrew: "... aye, you told us."

Martin: "Can I just make an interjection at this point..."

Boab (sharply): "Naw, ye fuckin' cannae! Be fuckin' grateful ye're still in the band efter whit your lot did at Culloden and don't think ah've forgoatten 1975 either! Fuckin' Gerry fuckin' Francis! Ye might ah beat us five-wan but yer team wis fuckin' shite then and it's shite noo...an' who picks fuckin' Stewart fuckin' Kennedy in fuckin' goal instead o' David Harvey??!! But we goat oor fuckin' revenge two years later, did we no'? King Kenny stickin' the ba' through fuckin' Ray Clemence's fuckin' legs! And then fuckin' wreckin' the fuckin' goalposts at Wembley efterwards! Helloooo! Get it fuckin' up ye ya fuckin' English bastards! *sings* "... And stood against him/ Proud Edward's army/ And sent him homeward *emphatically* TAE THINK AGAIN!!!!!!""

Andrew: "Right, I think the meeting is officially over."

Martin: "Yes, see you later, Andy".

Martin signs off.

Boab: "... here Andra, afore ye go. Ye'll be sure an' let Robert know aboot this meetin'? Ah'm sorry he missed it, like."

Andrew (resigned): "Aye, Boab, later".

Boab (cheerful again): "Aye, see ye, wee man!

Andrew signs off.

Boab: *distractedly singing to himself* "There was a soldier, a Scottish soldier/ who wandered far away/ and soldiered far away...."

Waterloo Subset (Tom D.), Monday, 1 February 2021 18:19 (six months ago) link

three weeks pass...

Every few years or so, I find the letter that was written to Smash Hits regarding Bobby Gillespie, from 1990. pic.twitter.com/0gqe2x9BYf

— siân pattenden (@sian_superman) February 24, 2021

koogs, Wednesday, 24 February 2021 21:15 (five months ago) link

So now we know what Bobby has been up to during the lockdown.

Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Wednesday, 10 March 2021 09:44 (four months ago) link

Cover needs more burning bikes/cars and appropriately gritty urban wasteland background

Master of Treacle, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 09:47 (four months ago) link

Unfortunately Bobby grew up in Mount Florida, which is not very gritty.

Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Wednesday, 10 March 2021 09:50 (four months ago) link

When I finally went to East Kilbride I was shocked by how unlike an urban hellscape it really was - just another bland, slightly ugly suburb.

Ward Fowler, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 09:58 (four months ago) link

lmao that cover. look at those mean streets!

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 10 March 2021 10:02 (four months ago) link

Glaswegians (and environs) have been pushing No Mean City narratives to credulous Englanders for years.

Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Wednesday, 10 March 2021 10:04 (four months ago) link

memoirs of a super-tenement kid

calzino, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 10:21 (four months ago) link

he could have at least photoshopped himself into one of them classic Raymond Depardon pics

calzino, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 10:26 (four months ago) link

Jim Kerr will be in hysterics when he sees Boab's book cover

calzino, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 10:41 (four months ago) link

Think the revised draft has now been issued

https://i.ibb.co/XDCd9nb/boabie.jpg

Piedie Gimbel, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 10:58 (four months ago) link

"His story, in his own words, up to the recording and release of Screamadelica." so, further parts to come then.

mahb, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 11:36 (four months ago) link

disappointed Tom D is not ghostwriting it tbh

( X '____' )/ (zappi), Wednesday, 10 March 2021 12:17 (four months ago) link

So he lived in a tenement for 10 years*, I wonder where else he lived?

(*I could be a Tenement Kid AND a Tenement Adult in that case)

Wrote For Lunch (Tom D.), Wednesday, 10 March 2021 14:01 (four months ago) link

When I finally went to East Kilbride I was shocked by how unlike an urban hellscape it really was - just another bland, slightly ugly suburb.

― Ward Fowler, Wednesday, March 10, 2021 9:58 AM (ten hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

I flew up for work purposes back in 86 or thereabouts, the area is wo lovely, rolling hills etcet. Then again, the J&MC never struck me as urbanites..

Mark G, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 20:38 (four months ago) link

So, I'm intrigued.

Could be great, could be awfy.

Oh go on then.

I see waterstones is doing a signed edition that isn't snobvalue

Mark G, Wednesday, 10 March 2021 20:39 (four months ago) link

in fairness to EK if it were in america it would ba city (it's about 70,000 population iirc).

EK also has one of the (many) architectural gems of south lanarkshire: st bride's catholic church

himpathy with the devil (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 10 March 2021 21:57 (four months ago) link

one month passes...

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/may/08/bobby-gillespie-i-am-lead-singer-i-love-myself

* When did you last cry, and why?

When Maradona died, I cried for three days.

koogs, Saturday, 8 May 2021 15:49 (two months ago) link

lots of pretty ok answers in there actually

intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Saturday, 8 May 2021 15:52 (two months ago) link

Yeah, it wasn't as car crash as you might have expected. To be honest, I was more irritated by the absence of Alys Fowler's gardening column.

djh, Saturday, 8 May 2021 19:59 (two months ago) link

all timer URL

intern at pepe le pew research (Simon H.), Saturday, 8 May 2021 20:42 (two months ago) link

I heard Alys Fowler's garden was ravaged by a gang of teenage wild boys. No flowers, no shrubs, just scorched earth. The most beautiful thing I've seen since last night's evening sky. The city is alive and on fire. Long may it burn.

mahb, Sunday, 9 May 2021 08:04 (two months ago) link

There was a spate of wheely bin burning near where Alys Fowler lives so you're not far off there.

I was born anxious, here's how to do it. (ledge), Sunday, 9 May 2021 12:01 (two months ago) link

Here is some early evidence that despite Boaby's eloquence in bullshit, his mate Alan is the master.

everything, Sunday, 9 May 2021 18:16 (two months ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XQH1JiRreg

everything, Sunday, 9 May 2021 18:16 (two months ago) link

Great video!

Eyeball Kicks, Sunday, 9 May 2021 23:41 (two months ago) link

"they're basically uncreative fools and I despise them" HARD CUT TO Primal Scream limp Byrds pastiche

assert (MatthewK), Monday, 10 May 2021 01:13 (two months ago) link

lol I thought you were kidding but the musical clips were really that

love how the tambourine man looks like he’s dressed to offer you a cut of unseasoned beef at the end of a catered buffet dinner

mh, Monday, 10 May 2021 03:28 (two months ago) link

> When Maradona died, I cried for three days.

i read that as Madonna. it took me until the next morning to remember that madonna hasn't died.

koogs, Monday, 10 May 2021 13:21 (two months ago) link

I only watched McGee into jangling but that’s basically the direct inspiration for the Fast Show’s “Indie Club” sketch, isn’t it.

hamicle, Monday, 10 May 2021 13:36 (two months ago) link

Bold stuff, having a pop at Simon Le Bon in 1987!

Gavin, Leeds, Monday, 10 May 2021 13:52 (two months ago) link

Guess he didn't like Notorious

mark e. smith-moon (f. hazel), Monday, 10 May 2021 14:20 (two months ago) link

In contrast, Bobby is such a meek little soul in this video.

Are Animated Dads Getting Hotter? (Tom D.), Monday, 10 May 2021 14:56 (two months ago) link

i feel let down that tom d refers above to 'bobby' as 'bobby' because entirely due to his posting on ilx whenever i see primal scream or mr gillespie mentioned i always think 'boaby'

oscar bravo, Monday, 10 May 2021 16:51 (two months ago) link

Bobby had yet to blossom into Boaby.

Are Animated Dads Getting Hotter? (Tom D.), Monday, 10 May 2021 16:55 (two months ago) link

two months pass...

Boaby is busy signing complementary copies of "Tenement Kid" when the phone rings, it is Thurston Moore with a proposition.

Boab: Fuckin' aye?

Thurston: Bob?

Boab: Who the fuck's this?

Thurston: It's, uh, Thurston Moore?

Boab: Sorry pal, no' ringin' any fuckin' bells.

Thurston: Thurston Moore, um, from Sonic Youth... back in the day...

Boab: Thurston Moore! Big man! How's it fuckin' hangin' mate? Whit can ah do ye for?

Thurston: Um, what it is, is I've been asked to contribute to an all-star version of the first Velvet Underground album...

Boab: ... sweet, big yin, sweet .... (*quizzically*) but how come naebody asked me?

Thurston: ... uh, that, that I don't know. As I was saying, I've been asked to contribute to this album and I'd like to ask you to...

Boab: ... say no more, big yin, say no more! Nae mair waitin' fer yer man, ah UM yer fuckin' man!

Thurston: ... yeah, well, um, I'd like us to do Heroin.

Boab (soberly): Come again?

Thurston: Heroin, I'd really like us to do Heroin.

Boab (sotto voce): Here, keep it doon, mate, the wife might be listenin'.

Thurston; Um, I want to do Heroin and I really want you to do Heroin with me.

Boab: Jesus, does mah fuckin' reputation proceed me or whit? Listen, man, ah'm no really intae that scene anymair, ah'm a respectable husband, father and soon to be published author. Talkin' o' which, wid ye be interested in readin' "Tenement Kid", my vivid and evocative memoir which is fizzing with an infectious passion for the magic of rock music...

Thurston: ... well...

Boab: ... haud oan, ah'm no feenished yet... It begins in the district of Springburn, soon to be evacuated in Edward Heath's brutal slum clearances. Leaving school at 16 and going to work as a printers' apprentice, Bobby's rock n roll epiphany arrives like a bolt of lightning shining from Phil Lynott's mirrored pickguard at his first gig at the Apollo in Glasgow. Filled with 'the holy spirit of rock n roll' his destiny is sealed with the arrival of the Sex Pistols and punk rock which to Bobby, represents an iconoclastic vision of class rebellion and would ultimately lead to him becoming an artist initially in the Jesus and Mary Chain then in Primal Scream....

Thurston: ... if I may interject...

Boab: Interject away, big yin, interject away! Ah think ye'll have goat the gist o' it by noo anyway.

Thurston: About Heroin...

Boab: ... here, ah'm no' sure aboot that.

Thurston: Don't you like Heroin?

Boab (brightly): Like it? (singing) I love it ah!

*pause*

Boab: D'ye get it? (repeating) I love it ah!

Thurston: ... um...

Boab: Ah suppose "Dreadlock Holiday" might no' huv been a hit in the States. (conspiratorily) Here, ye know how ah tell fuckin' journalists and the like that ah'm like this massive roots reggae and dub fan and ah was listenin' tae fuckin' Augustus Pablo or whoever when ah wis in short troosers? It's aw fuckin' pish, man, "Dreadlock Hole-i-day" is mah favourite reggae number tae this fuckin' day. Pure fuckin' class so it is!

Thurston: Uh, yeah, if we could get back to the album and the track I was discussing. Here's what I'll do, I'll record the backing track...

Boab (suddenly serious, nodding vigorously): ... mmm-hmm mmm-hmm...

Thurston: ... and I'll send it off to you...

Boab: ... mmm-hmm mmm-hmm...

Thurston: ... and you can add your vocals and...

Boab: ... Boab's yer uncle! Here, ah'm oan fuckin' fire the day! Though ah say so masel!

Thurston: Yeah, so, um, I'll be in touch about that.

Boab: Here's this is a fuckin' good line this!

Thurston: What?

Boab: Ah mean, it's a good line fae the States, clear as a fuckin' bell!

Thurston: Um, I'm in London, I mean I live in London.

Boab: Nae fuckin' way, ya cunt!

Thurston: Um, yes, I live in Stoke Newington.

Boab: Stokey? Get tae fuck! And how does Kim like it?

Thurston: Pardon me?

Boab: How does Kim like livin' in Stokey?

Thurston: Um, I, I really wouldn't know, listen I gotta...

Boab: Here we should meet up some time, wance this pandemic shite is oot the wey.

Thurston: Yeah, maybe...

Boab: Maybe a fuckin' foursome, you and Kim and me and the missus, ah hear the Rose & Crown does a fuckin' great Sunday roast..

Thurston: No, I, I don't see that happening.

Boab: How no'?

Thurston: I don't think you will be meeting with me and, um, Kim.

Boab: Well, jist the two o' us then, a proper lads night oot, a few swallies, the Shakespeare, Rose & Crown, Ryan's, end up in The Auld Shillelagh then a fuckin' doner.

Thurston: Well, maybe.

Boab: Here, huv you goat a wee burd oan the go that ye don't wahnt Kim tae find oot aboot, is that it?

Thurston: Now listen, I really have to go....

Boab; Nae bother, big yin, mum's the fuckin' word! Ah'm nae clipe!

Thurston: Yeah, OK, I'll be in touch.

Boab: No' if ah see you first! Naw, that disnae really work... ah said that disnae really work... oh, he's gone.

*turns to shout to wife*

Boab: Here, doll, ye'll never guess who that fuckin' wis!

Wouldn't disgrace a Michael Jackson (Tom D.), Wednesday, 14 July 2021 21:22 (two weeks ago) link

A+

“Heroin” (ft. Bobby Gillespie) (C. Grisso/McCain), Wednesday, 14 July 2021 21:46 (two weeks ago) link

brilliant

visiting, Wednesday, 14 July 2021 22:31 (two weeks ago) link

great boab

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 14 July 2021 22:44 (two weeks ago) link

Lol

Sequel to Sadness (Sund4r), Wednesday, 14 July 2021 23:06 (two weeks ago) link

extra marks for a respectable Newington Green/Stokey pub crawl itinerary.

would buy an NFT of this.

my opinionation (Hamildan), Thursday, 15 July 2021 09:27 (two weeks ago) link


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