The Bobby Gillespie Bullshit game

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From last Sunday's Observer, where artists, musicians, whatever, were asked for their favourite 'secret' inspirations:

Bobby Gillespie, singer, Primal Scream:

The world

I came across a burnt-out motorcycle in the street this morning, no wheels, no seat, just a charred metal skeleton. It had obviously been stolen and dumped by a gang of teenage wild boys. It was the most beautiful thing I've seen since last night's evening sky. You don't find 'art' in galleries, it's all around you. The city is alive and on fire. Long may it burn.

A classic piece of r 'n' r nonsense form the aging Scotsman, there. So let's look at the scores: I reckon "motorcycle" [10 points]; "gang of teenage wild boys" [20 points]; "beautiful" [5 points]; "city...on fire etc" [30 points] - giving a total of 65 points (out of a possible 100).

Can anyone beat this?

bham (bham), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:47 (seventeen years ago) link

He wouldn't have said that if it had been his bike!

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:50 (seventeen years ago) link

I came across a burnt-out motorcycle in the street this morning, no wheels, no seat, just a charred metal skeleton.

Fucking hell, it's MY motorbike!

CUNTS! SCUM! BRING BACK NATIONAL SERVICE! SEND THEM TO FUCKEN IRAQ! YER FUCKEN SHITE HOOSIN' ESTATE WILL BE ON FUCKEN FIRE IF AH EVER FIND YOUSE! TIE THEIR FUCKEN TUBES!! C*********NTS!!!!!!!!

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Yes, but until that realisation, he is a spaced out dude, everything is art and nothing's going to touch his world. Your broken leg is beautiful to him. A wound on someone's head is a trancendant statement on the link between the life force in us all, and the galaxy in supernova.

mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:59 (seventeen years ago) link

oh my god bham that it brilliant.

unfortunately i think this means i shall have to destroy all my primal scream records.

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:05 (seventeen years ago) link

Only destory the ones that he has anything to do with, Henry - i.e. Give Out and Riot City and those first two. The good ones are all Innes, innit.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:08 (seventeen years ago) link

i don't even own 'give out' (sold it) or 'riot city' (never bought).

i suppose i could keep the instrumentals.

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:11 (seventeen years ago) link

"gang of teenage wild boys" rofl rofl

http://jackwolak.com/7/3341.jpg

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:14 (seventeen years ago) link

'riot city' never bought

Fair summation.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:23 (seventeen years ago) link

We can do much better than this, for instance, here are a couple of quotes right from the band's website:

Screamadelica Era
"...I think music is magic... magical, in the true sense of the word. Certain pieces of music make me feel strong, protected. It raises... it raises my soul. No, forget that, it protects me from bad feelings. Music protects us in such a powerful way, it makes you aware of possibilities. To alot of people I think music's a commodity, not spiritual. it's something you put on the mantlepiece and it's there, like a set of golfclubs or an ironing board, whereas to us it's a holy thing, and none of us are even religious."
- Bobby Gillespie, NME interview 28 September 1991

"magic" = 5 points, "raises my soul" = 10 points, "protects me from bad feelings" (whatever that means) = 10 points, spiritual + religious + holy = 30 points, using all this bullshit to form a "we're not in it for the money" argument = 35 points

Total = 90 points

"Most bands think in black and white, we think in Technicolour," - Bobby Gillespie, September(?) 1991

Ugh, ffs, 99 points.

NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:24 (seventeen years ago) link

However, as I've said before, Screamadelica is a fantastic Sabres of Paradise album.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:25 (seventeen years ago) link

i can't beat bham but from an nme interview (on that same website!) this year -- i suppose it needs context: he's talking about going to paris fashion shows and elton john's birthday party:

"We're a hardworking band. I go to the studio five days a week. My girlfriend works in fashion and now and again there's something she might want to go to so I go along - that's what you do. It's a bit weird, it's like saying your girlfriend's black so you must be black. Or your girlfriend's Jewish so you must be Jewish."

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:26 (seventeen years ago) link

"People think the flag is a symbol for like slavery and racism," says Bobby. "But that's not what the Civil War was about. It was about like freedom, You know?"

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:29 (seventeen years ago) link

winner

NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:31 (seventeen years ago) link

WTF is Bobby "Bomb The Pentagon" Gillespie doing going to kapitalist Elton John birthday parties?

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:33 (seventeen years ago) link

it's something you put on the mantlepiece... like a set of golfclubs or an ironing board

This guy would do really badly on Family Fortunes.

NickB (NickB), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:35 (seventeen years ago) link

xpost

Bombing the Pentagon wasn't about anti-American sentiment, it was about, like, freedom, you know? Freedom to do what you want to do, and we want to get loaded ...

NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Family Fortunes - I don't think BG would take well to a fitness weekend at a health farm in rural Staffordshire...

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:37 (seventeen years ago) link

These quotes are all awesome!! Bobby G. rules!!

Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Thursday, 21 September 2006 09:34 (seventeen years ago) link

"WTF is Bobby "Bomb The Pentagon" Gillespie doing going to kapitalist Elton John birthday parties?"

He's there because his girlfirend's jewish, Marcello, can't you read?

I think this is my favourite BG quote (from OMM earlier this year):

'You know, Andrew Innes is a chemist and so's his wife - they've got pharmaceutical degrees. He's an oddball boffin who'll experiment with anything you give him. When computers came out, he got one straight away and learnt how to work them. Oasis call him "Brains".'

Kudos to Innes for cracking that IBM mainframe up in Glasgow all on his own, but that final punchline is priceless.

bham (bham), Thursday, 21 September 2006 09:51 (seventeen years ago) link

if someone else does it, bobby is bound to come along and dive right in . .

frenchbloke (frenchbloke), Thursday, 21 September 2006 10:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Just calling the album "Riot City Blues" is sixty points right there for Crazy Bob, imho.

Eazy-Esteban Buttez (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Thursday, 21 September 2006 10:33 (seventeen years ago) link

I came across a burnt-out rock star in the street this morning, legless, no flesh on his bum, just a charred metal skeleton. He'd obviously been fucked and dumped by a gang of teenage wild boys. It was the most beautiful thing I've seen since last night's evening sky. You don't find 'rock' at rock festivals, it's all around you. The city is alive and on fire. Long may Bobby burn.

Momus (Momus), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:05 (seventeen years ago) link

now now be nice

electric sound of jim [and why not] (electricsound), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:08 (seventeen years ago) link

b-b-but Bobby WAS a charred metal skeleton in the Velocity Girl days!

(nb thanks for the cd momus)

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:10 (seventeen years ago) link

In reference to Marcello's earlier comment about fitness weekend... (I'm not making this up) I saw BG in the changing-room of my local gym a couple of months ago - so while I didn't actually witness him doing any physical exercise, he did look as though he'd been doing some beforehand. Not very rock'n'roll obviously.

Kaliova (Kaliova), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:37 (seventeen years ago) link

"Select" magazine, April 1994:

"The only thing I don't want is us to be nailed down as some motherfuckin' curators of some rock 'n' roll fuckin' museum. We love all sorts of music, and I'm glad to turn people on to sounds they've never heard - y'know, go and buy "superfly" by curtis mayfield, or the impressions' greatest hits, or Culture "two sevens clash".

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:43 (seventeen years ago) link

...said the curator of the rock museum.

Momus (Momus), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:47 (seventeen years ago) link

That quote, y'know, is motherfuckin' fucked up in several fuckin' ways, most notably "we are not curators of rock museum, here listen to these old records" and "we will turn you on to stuff you've never heard before" (then going on to instruct the readership to buy three records that are somewhat far from being even slightly obscure)

The guy is, and always has been a patronising cock, and primal scream are the worst band to come out of the UK since the '80's at least, and possibly ever.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:52 (seventeen years ago) link

Pashmina OTM.

Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Every day I curse Andrew Weatherall for remixing Primal Scream because if he didn't, nobody would have given a shit about Crazy Bob and we wouldn't have to be discussing about how big a cunt he is.

Eazy-Esteban Buttez (ESTEBAN BUTTEZ~!!!), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Q: When did you first realise you could sing?

BG: Ehh..I don't know. I think I always wanted to be a singer but I didn't realise it. I always wanted to be a guitar player because I loved guitar players in bands. I became a singer through default. We were writing these songs and I wanted to play guitar and we kept asking these people to sing and they were terrible so I stepped in.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:03 (seventeen years ago) link

I love that Norman obviously really likes Primal Scream despite his protestations.

Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:10 (seventeen years ago) link

From Bobby's liner notes to the recent Tago Mago reissue, on "jamming" with "the Can":

So there was five of us, Andrew Innes on guitar, me on vocals, Jaki Leibezeit on drums, Michael Karoli on guitar and Liam Gallagher on one finger piano. We jammed our arses off, till five in the morning, hard and heavy on a two-chord Karoli groove, what a night! I'll never forget it. We all fell out of the studio arm-in-arm and walked up the road high and happy, blasted by the magick of Can, The Can!

There's plenty more where that came from as well- I couldn't believe they'd published such utter name-dropping drivel!

Neil Stewart (Neil Stewart), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:11 (seventeen years ago) link

Haha Nick, they are the band I love to hate, I must admit.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:13 (seventeen years ago) link

But honesty, the sound of the guy's voice is fingernails on a blackboard to me. I cannot stand it.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:15 (seventeen years ago) link

there's a version of the -- hey, hey -- CANecdote in one of the interviews i parsed.

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 12:19 (seventeen years ago) link

blasted by the magick of Can, the Can!

I didn't know he was a Suzi Quatro fan.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 13:45 (seventeen years ago) link

Ha ha. There's a very good Glasgow word to describe Bobby, A DIDDY.

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 13:54 (seventeen years ago) link

Diddy Gillespie!

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 13:54 (seventeen years ago) link

I didn't know he was a Suzi Quatro fan.

"After spending a week jamming with Quatro, the Scream determined that 'Leather Forever' would be like part of our ten-point plan to wipe out the fascists that dare like cross our path. We have one of Suzi's Leather Tuscadero outfits hanging in the back room of the Scream Team hideout."

Andy_K (Andy_K), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:02 (seventeen years ago) link

"I first met Suzi when I was a 2-year old punk rocker in Detroit in '68. I was hanging out with the '5, tellin' Fred and Wayne and the boys all about Krautrock, even though I hadn't learnt how to talk yet and Krautrock hadn't been invented yet, but, hey, what i rock 'n' roll about if isn't about dreams, suddenly in walked Suzi..."

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Imagine having to listen to Liam Gallagher playing "one finger piano" all night- the mind boggles.

Neil Stewart (Neil Stewart), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:12 (seventeen years ago) link

imagine the man he calls 'brains'.

EARLY-90S MAN (Enrique), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:15 (seventeen years ago) link

"Oasis call him 'brains'" is the best one, that's classic of teh stupid.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:17 (seventeen years ago) link

TS: Liam Gallagher playing one finger piano all night vs. John Cale playing one finger piano all night.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:33 (seventeen years ago) link

John Cale pleaded to be allowed to join in but Bobby said no

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:35 (seventeen years ago) link

because he didn't own any of his albums yet

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Of course he did, John gave them to him personally, when he was a 12 year old punk rocker hangin' out at CBGBs with DeeDee and Johnny in 1976

Am I Re-elected Yet? (Dada), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:39 (seventeen years ago) link

Except Ian Hunter nicked them off him three years previously, as described on page 77 of Diary Of A Rock 'N' Roll Star, and substituted the new platters from Poco and Foghat.

Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 14:42 (seventeen years ago) link

Born in '61, apparently. Think i've seen '64 and '62 (Wikipedia has 62) for his DOB in different places; not the biggest deal but I've always thought of him as slightly younger than the Reid brothers for example (I know William is older but Jim too)

(Seems very Boaby to have a load of different possible birthdates out there in the wild)

Buckfast in America (Master of Treacle), Friday, 15 October 2021 09:59 (two years ago) link

six months pass...

the autobiography is 99p as part of uk Kindle daily deals today, almost 50 pages per penny

koogs, Monday, 25 April 2022 05:02 (one year ago) link

"Gillespie is rock and roll's Oliver Twist. A punk rock fairytale, razor sharp on class struggle, music, style, and a singular view of the world resulting in one of the world's great bands. Couldn't put down"

-- Courtney Love

koogs, Monday, 25 April 2022 05:20 (one year ago) link

two weeks pass...

Siri show me 'an almost transcendental lack of self-awareness' please. (From Bobby Gillespie's book). pic.twitter.com/EB0tGFmc7O

— ⚫Neil Kulkarni (@KaptainKulk) May 13, 2022

Is he perhaps talking about the early JAMC concerts there?

everything, Saturday, 14 May 2022 20:21 (one year ago) link

He's talking about Pete Hook.

https://www.salfordstar.com/images/l/SalfordMusicFest(1).jpg

Doodles Diamond (Tom D.), Saturday, 14 May 2022 21:33 (one year ago) link

... no mention of the chemical toilet though.

Doodles Diamond (Tom D.), Saturday, 14 May 2022 21:34 (one year ago) link

Well, it was written by a chemical toilet, so...

"as the old saying goes: pioneers take the arrows"

a bit of an overblown way of talking about needing the portaloo after Hooky has just blocked it.

My favourite defensive responses to that quote getting ridiculed are probably from aging music journalists who perhaps gave 5 star reviews to Boab at some point and feel slightly attacked by this.

calzino, Saturday, 14 May 2022 22:15 (one year ago) link

Having just played a set at the Pendlebury & District Garden Fete with his latest post-New Order band, Pete Hook is sitting in a deckchair, can of Boddingtons Bitter in hand, relaxing with his fellow band members. All of a sudden a voice comes from some distance away...

Boab (for it is he): Hooky!

Pete Hook carries on conversing with whoever is playing drums with him these days.

Boab (drawing nearer): Holl'! Hooky!

Hooky (to bandmates): Oh right, here they come, anyone got a pen?

Hooky rummages through a plastic Aldi carrier bag in search of a pen, by now Boab is almost upon him.

Boab (triumphantly): Hooky! Did ye no' hear me? It's me!

Hooky (looking up): Autograph is it?

Boab (mock indignantly): Autograph! As if, big yin! (turning to Hooky's bandmates) Here, he's goat some sense o' humour, yer man, in't he?

Hooky: Have you got a, er, CD you want signed or summat?

Boab: CD? Ur ye tellin' me this fuckin' mob (jerking a thumb in the direction of the band) huv goat a CD oot? Naw, it's me! Boaby!

Hooky looks nonplussed.

Boab: Boaby fuckin' Gillespie!

Hooky pulls a face and shrugs his shoulders.

Boab: Ah, ye're at it, big yin! Boaby Gillespie fae fuckin' Primal Scream!

Hooky: Oh right, of course, yeah.. I didn't... er... recognize you, the sun was um in my eyes.

Boab: Ah jist wahnted tae say, that was fuckin' awesome, so it wis. Ye've still goat it, Hooky!

Hooky: Oh right, yeah, thanks.

Boab: It takes me back tae the first time ah saw ye play...

Hooky turns to chat to whoever is playing guitar with him these days.

Boab (continuing theatrically): ... it wis Glesga, the Apollo... (turning to a bemused elderly couple on their way to a stall selling homemade jams)... that's Green's Playhoose tae you auld yins... aye, ah remember it well...

Hooky abandons his conversation and looks up, a trifle irritated.

Boab: ... fifth o' October 1979. We went doon tae the Apollo - me, McGee, Throbert, Fat Bob, Wee Eck and Soapy Soutar - we hud tae dodge P.C. Murdoch oan the wey, went therr wi' oor schoolbags still oan. Went tae see the Buzzcoaks supportit by this new shit hot band fae Manchester, Joy Di-fuckin'-vision...

Hooky sits slumped in his deckchair.

Boab: ... we didnae know whit tae expect fae this Joy Divison mob but when yer man, Curtis, comes oot wi' his mad dancin' like he's takin' a fuckin' eppy, we're like, "Whit the fuck is this aw aboot?" Soapy Soutar didnae like it much but as wis like, "Ach, away wi' ye! This is the fuckin' bees knees so it is!"...

Hooky has pulled a floppy sun hat down over his eyes.

Boab (oblivious): ... but, tae be honest, ma eyes were drawn tae the fuckin' bass player, stood wi' his back tae the audience, arrogant and contemptuous. From seeing bands such as Suicide, the Pop Group and the Fall, ah hud developed a love for confrontational performance, the 'fuck you' - pardon ma fuckin' French - attitude that these bands possessed...

People look at their watches, a faint hint of a snore escapes from under Hooky's sun hat.

Boab (gesturing round to members of public enjoying the fete): ... audiences are sometimes like cattle, grazing idly in a field waiting tae be herded tae another field, shepherded aw' their lives, unthinking, unknowing..."

There is no question now that Hooky is loudly snoring.

Boab (still oblivious): ... artists huv tae be brave; as the auld sayin' goes: pioneers take the arrows...

Boab pauses for his audience to swim in his words. Meawhile one of Hooky's entourage has nudged him and we awakes with a start.

Hooky (blearily): .. and you still owe me a fiver , Barney, ya bastid. Oh, hello, where... what ...

His drummer points him towards Boab, who is standing, hands on hips, legs planted widely apart, in deep in contemplation.

Hooky: Right. Listen Bob, we're gonna go, sun's beginning to go behind the clouds and I've got to get back to feed my ferrets.

Boab: Oh, nae problem, big yin, it's been a fuckin' pleasure...

Hooky: Cheers.

Boab: ...the fuckin' amp wi' Guitar Nero spray painted oan it, classic...

Hooky rises arthritically from his deckchair.

Boab: .. and best of aw, the portaloo! That wis a fuckin' stroke o' genius that!

Hooky: Well, you know, when you get to my age you can't be too careful.

Boab (looking confused): Aye... well... listen ah've goat tae run masel', ah've heard the lead singer fae A Certain Ratio is judging a marrow contest in wan o' thae big fuck off tents oor therr. Ah don't wahnt tae miss that!

Hooky: Yes, well, uh, see you around.

Hooky departs.

Boab stands beaming and shouts after him.

Boab: A fuckin' portaloo! Ye've still goat it, Hooky! (to himself) Noo where's that stall that's sellin' candy floss?

Doodles Diamond (Tom D.), Sunday, 15 May 2022 13:34 (one year ago) link

lemme be the first to say that any day that starts with a new installment of the Boaby Chronicles is off to a fantastic start!

veronica moser, Sunday, 15 May 2022 16:36 (one year ago) link

wahey!

Yul Brynner film festival on Channel 48... (sic), Sunday, 15 May 2022 17:44 (one year ago) link

The portaloo massacre

DAMAGED by Black Flat (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 16 May 2022 21:17 (one year ago) link

Hilariously good. Compile these into a fanzine and sell them at Monorail.

everything, Wednesday, 18 May 2022 01:43 (one year ago) link

Though it is surprising that Boaby didn't recall the Apollo balcony bouncing up and down or the front row seats getting destroyed. Wonder if he was even there?

everything, Wednesday, 18 May 2022 01:47 (one year ago) link

three months pass...

Haven't listened to it but I thought you might appreciate
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0n9yIMQNAmI

Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 3 September 2022 18:37 (one year ago) link

four months pass...

was this one of you lot

Remember when you’re feeling a bit down on yourself that Bobby Gillespie made 2 indie albums and got a dance remix of the third one and landed the job of deciding who and what had soul for the next 30 years. Believe in yourself. Anything is possible.

— a.remote.viewer (@anewlinerelated) January 18, 2023

Critique of the Goth Programme (Neil S), Thursday, 19 January 2023 09:57 (one year ago) link

tbf what Boaby is an expert in, as ILXor James Redd can confirm, is Sowel not Soul.

https://www.wordsense.eu/sowel/

A Drunk Man Looks At Partick Thistle (Tom D.), Thursday, 19 January 2023 10:14 (one year ago) link

https://www.wordsense.eu/sowel/

A Drunk Man Looks At Partick Thistle (Tom D.), Thursday, 19 January 2023 10:15 (one year ago) link

... as in "poor wee sowel". Is that link working btw?

A Drunk Man Looks At Partick Thistle (Tom D.), Thursday, 19 January 2023 10:16 (one year ago) link

Here's a better one.

https://www.dsl.ac.uk/entry/snd/sndns3527

A Drunk Man Looks At Partick Thistle (Tom D.), Thursday, 19 January 2023 10:16 (one year ago) link

I’ll no say cheese. Alricht?

The Gate of Angels Laundromat (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 19 January 2023 10:25 (one year ago) link

three months pass...

While shopping in his local branch of Lidl in Brighton, Boaby spots Nick Cave and his wife.

Boab: "Holl', Nick."

Nick (to his wife): "Oh not him, he's few stubbies short of a six-pack this guy. Just keep walking, act like you never heard him."

Boab: "Nicky! (to himself) Fuckin' deef auld cunt."

Boaby speeds up almost knocking over a small child in the process.

Boab: "Nick! Haud oan therr, big yin! Christ, ah'm like fuckin' Stirling Moss here wi' this fuckin' trolley."

Nick: "Oh, it's you."

Boab: "Aye, ah course it's me."

Nick (heavy sigh): "What is it?"

Boab: "Ah've goat a bone tae pick wi' you."

Nick: "Strewth, what've have I done now?"

Boab: "Ah think you know very well whit ye've done noo!"

Nick (exasperated): "Oh not this coronation business again!"

Boab: "Aye, this coronation business! Very much this fuckin' coronation business!"

Nick: "Look, I explained it all in my blog, I've got nothing more to say on the matter".

Boab: "Like ah'm gonnae be reading your fuckin' blog! Onywey, ah've goat plenty tae say oan "this matter". Ah've goat plenty tae say aboot you arse-lickin' the fuckin' Royal fuckin' Family!"

Nick: "Look I can see you're upset..."

Boab: "Upset? Upset? How could you dae this tae... rock and roll! Tae... Brighton! Tae... yer fellow users o' hair dye!"

Nick: "I just have an inexplicable emotional attachment to the Royals – the strangeness of them, the deeply eccentric nature of the whole affair that so perfectly reflects the unique weirdness of Britain itself...”

Boab's eyes start to glaze over.

Nick (continuing): "... I’m just drawn to that kind of thing – the bizarre, the uncanny, the stupefyingly spectacular, the awe-inspiring..."

Boab (dismissively): "... ye can see aw' that oan... fuckin'... Britain's Goat Talent every fuckin' week... and Ant and Dec are oan THAT tae!"

Nick (determined to finish): "... riiiiight ... er... where was I?"

Boab: "In the middle o' sellin' oot, mate."

Nick: "Look, as well as all that guff I gave as an excuse earlier it's as simple as this: you want a knighthood, I want a knighthood ..."

Boab: "... here ah object tae that remark, ah don't wahnt any knighthood... a baronetcy aye but..."

Nick: "Listen, the PM of Oz, who is a top bloke by the way, was aaaasked to choose 14 outstanding Australians..."

Boab (cracking up): "... ye whit? Ye mean they actually managed tae find 14 outstanding Australians? Noo, ah've heard every'hin'!"

Nick: "... as I was saying, you mongrel, I was chosen to represent Oz as one of the 14 outstanding Australians and I thought, bonzer, I could go for that."

Boab: "Aye well, ye've broat disgrace tae the ageing hipster community o' Brighton - which, let's face it, is maist o' Brighton".

Nick: "Listen, mate, you're only jealous 'cuz you didn't get aaaasked by the, er, President of, er, Scotland."

Boab: "Get tae fuck, ya wide-o! Ye've fuckin' done the wrang thing and ye know ye huv... and, by the way, ye wahnt 14 outstanding Scottish people? Well whit aboot the fuckin' Scottish rugby team that fuckin' beat the English at Twickenham in the 6 Nations? No' that ah know much aboot Rugby Union..."

Nick: "... obviously not, there's 15 in a team..."

Boab: "... aye, well, ye get mah fuckin' point."

Nick: "Yeah, mate, I get your point but we're not achieving much standing in the middle of Lidl arguing about it. Now rack off ya galah, I've got heaps of shrimps to buy for the barbie."

Boab: "Right... aye well... (Boaby looks around for something to grab from the shelves) here's some fuckin' shoe polish, stick that oan yer eyebrows, 'cos yer foolin' naeb'dy ya lanky auld cunt!"

Boaby bustles off, almost knocking over the same child he'd almost knocked over earlier.

Nick: "Fuck me, talk about the pot and the kettle..."

Mrs Nick: "So that was Jason Gillespie was it?"

Nick (forcefully): "Bobby Gillespie! BOBBY Gillespie!!"

Boaby sticks his head out from behind a stack of tinned pineapples.

Boab: "Someb'dy wahntin' an autograph?"

Maggot Bairn (Tom D.), Sunday, 7 May 2023 11:21 (nine months ago) link

lool! nice one

calzino, Sunday, 7 May 2023 11:25 (nine months ago) link

Boab, or at least the Primal Scream account retweets a lot of Novara Media stuff. It can't be that long before he get's the coveted Aaron Bastani interview.

calzino, Sunday, 7 May 2023 11:32 (nine months ago) link

love these posts.

oscar bravo, Sunday, 7 May 2023 20:00 (nine months ago) link

A+

No, 𝘐'𝘮 Breathless! (Deflatormouse), Sunday, 7 May 2023 20:03 (nine months ago) link

Verse 1 (Bobby Gillespie):
In the darkest hours of night
When the stars refuse to shine
I'm lost in the wilderness
Trying to find my way to you

Chorus (Nick Cave):
Oh my love, where have you gone?
Left me stranded here alone
My heart is broken, my soul undone
Come back to me, my darling one

Verse 2 (Jim Reid):
I've been searching high and low
Through the valleys and the hills
I've been calling out your name
But the echoes bring no thrill

Chorus (Nick Cave):
Oh my love, where have you gone?
Left me stranded here alone
My heart is broken, my soul undone
Come back to me, my darling one

Bridge (William Reid):
The night is long and cold
And my heart is growing old
I need you by my side
To make me feel alive

Chorus (Nick Cave):
Oh my love, where have you gone?
Left me stranded here alone
My heart is broken, my soul undone
Come back to me, my darling one

Outro (Bobby Gillespie):
In the deepest depths of pain
I know that love will rise again
And when it does, I'll hold you tight
And never let you out of sight.

papal hotwife (milo z), Sunday, 7 May 2023 23:35 (nine months ago) link

Chatgpt4?

Mark G, Monday, 8 May 2023 15:43 (nine months ago) link

six months pass...
two weeks pass...

I was on the number 30 bus in Dalston recently alongside Bobby Gillespie.

― ailsa, Tuesday, 5 December 2023 14:01 (forty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Boab is due at a meeting with Alan McGee but finds himself stranded on the wrong side of London. McGee phones...

Al: That you Bob? Where are ye?

Boab: Still oan ma fuckin' way, wee man. it's fuckin' pishin' it doon here.

Al (sarcastically): Did ye no' bring yer anorak?

Boab: Here you, ah've no' worn an anorak since Splash One in 1986.

Al: Well no' since ye discovered there was no money to be made in indie rock.

Boab: Ha fuckin' ha. Here you, by the way, where was the fuckin' limo?

Al: The limo?

Boab: Aye, ma fuckin' ride... ya ride!

Al (wearily): How many times do I have to tell you, Bob, it's no' 1994 anymore.

Boab: Aye, ah don't ah know it!

Al: Jump in a cab!

Boab: Fuck that, dae ye know how much taxis cost in this toon? Ah'm gettin' the fuckin' bus.

Al: The bus? That'll take forever!

Boab (conspiratorially): Aye, Al, but it'll cost fuck aw wi' this Freedom Pass ah've goat here.

Al: Freedom whit?

Boab: Freedom Pass, Al. It's a concessionary travel scheme, which began in 1973, to provide free travel to residents of Greater London, England, for people with a disability or over the progressively increasing women's state pension age 60 in 2010, currently 66 until about 2026).The scheme is funded by local authorities and coordinated by London Councils. Originally the pass was a paper ticket, but since 2004 it has been encoded on to a contactless smartcard compatible with Oyster card readers...

Al: ... aye, but...

Boab: ... haud oan, ah've no feenished, Al.  Greater London residents aged 60 before 6 April 2010 were eligible for an Older Persons Freedom Pass, increasing progressively in line with the women's state pension age to 66 from 2020 to about 2026. London residents over 60 but below Freedom Pass age are eligible for a 60+ Oyster card on payment of £20, with all the benefits of the Freedom Pass within Greater London, but not valid on buses outside Greater London.

Al: Well this is fascinating Bobby but, one question, why are you whispering?

Boab; Ah don't wahnt the whole o' London knowin' ma fuckin' age dae ah?

Al: (sotto voce) One look at your face will tell them that...

Boab (raising his voice suddenly): Here, there's ma bus, be there shortly wee man!

Al: Aye, in about three fuckin' hours.

Boab gallops towards the bus stop like a newly born foal and joins the queue. On the bus he presses through the crowd looking for a seat.

Boab (cheerily to no-one in particular): Room for a small one!

Boab is forced to stand much to his displeasure.

Boab (grumbling to himself): Ah thoat ah might ah goat a seat at least ... a man o' ma age tae.

Boab turns to speak to an elderly lady who is also standing.

Boab: Shocking innit? Young yins these days? Nae thoughts o' giein' up seats tae their elders and betters. Nah! Widnae ah happened in ma day!

Suddenly Boab spots a seat behind the elderly lady and pushes past her to claim it, depositing himself beside a young woman staring intently at her phone.

Boab (to the young woman): Here, that's better! Take the fuckin' weight aff, so tae speak!

Boab waits for a response but none is forthcoming, then, on looking round for someone else to speak to, notices the elderly lady glowering at him so swiftly turns back to the young woman.

Boab (slapping hands on his thighs): This rain is fuckin' shockin' int it? Nice weather for ducks though, am ah right?

The young woman stares at her phone with furious intensity. Boab stares ahead then turns to her again.

Boab: Still, Londoners eh? They don't know how lucky they ur! You try getting a bus back tae the Sooside fae George Square oan a Saturday night...

No response.

Boab: And fuck walking through Toryglen tae get tae Mount Florida in the wee sma hours, and bumpin' intae Jim Kerr and his gang o' neds!

No response.

Boab: Ye ever heard o' a band ca'ed Primal Scream?

Tom D has a right to defend himself (Tom D.), Tuesday, 5 December 2023 16:16 (two months ago) link

Did it on my phone so a few errors here and there.

Tom D has a right to defend himself (Tom D.), Tuesday, 5 December 2023 16:23 (two months ago) link

Fantastic.

lord of the rongs (anagram), Tuesday, 5 December 2023 17:15 (two months ago) link

Love the stupid complexity of the freedom Card scheme

Tapioca by Jean Sibelius (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 5 December 2023 17:15 (two months ago) link

Tom D! I'm sure that I would not be the only ILMnik who would hugely grateful if you would see your way to posting the installments of the Boaby Chronicles that have heretofore not made it to this thread. I lovelovelovelove your work as such and would be thrilled to have access to a complete set. Please consider it! thank you!

veronica moser, Thursday, 7 December 2023 16:33 (two months ago) link

kickstarter for a series of signed and numbered leatherbound volumes of the chronicles of boab or gtfo imo

come on barbo let’s go parpo (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 7 December 2023 18:36 (two months ago) link

and i thought this was going to be about the current meme re bobby thats doing the rounds.
i.e. him and a couple of others looking very glum, and various titles/descriptions ..

mark e, Thursday, 7 December 2023 18:46 (two months ago) link

ah, i belatedly see that neil s has already added the meme i was referring to ..
sorry.

mark e, Thursday, 7 December 2023 18:48 (two months ago) link

Tom D! I'm sure that I would not be the only ILMnik who would hugely grateful if you would see your way to posting the installments of the Boaby Chronicles that have heretofore not made it to this thread. I lovelovelovelove your work as such and would be thrilled to have access to a complete set. Please consider it! thank you!

How about this ... and I hope the links work...

THE CHRONICLES OF BOABY (Updated Version)

Episode 1. "Gott in himmel, Englander schwein!"
In which Boaby phones Kevin Shields to complain that the remaster of "Screamadelica" he approved was carried out by 'some cunt naebody's heard o''. Boaby then phones Holger Czukay to try to persuade him to oversee an alternative remaster, much to Holger's chagrin.

Episode 2. "... gie's ma heid ower, wull ye?"
In which, believing that the Wombles have reformed to play "Screamadelica" in its entirety at Glastonbury, Boab has agreed to make a guest appearance... while wearing a Womble suit... this despite his concerns that it will render him incapable of playing his primary instrument, the tambourine. Backstage, after Mike Batt informs him that the Wombles are actually playing "Keep On Wombling" in its entirety, and not "Screamadelica", Boaby phones McGee in a state of high dudgeon.

Episode 3. "Naw, ah've no goat time tae listen tae how you discovered Oasis!"
In which Alan McGee phones Boab to tell him that a Primal Scream track was just played at the Tory Party Conference and that he should release a statement disassociating the band from it. Boab reluctantly agrees but is secretly pleased that his mammy can get to hear his band played on the telly.

Episode 4. "I married Philip John May on 6 September 1980 [citation needed]. I have no children."
In which, following on from the previous phone call, Boaby goes on a date with Home Secretary Theresa May. Boab is charm itself, within reason, but the evening ends badly when Theresa admits to mistaking the Primal Scream track "Rocks", as played at the Tory Party Conference, for a Rolling Stones song.

Episode 5. "Gonny leave me alaine?"
In which Boaby and Momus have a desultory conversation where Boaby denies ever having toured Germany with Momus or having had sex with a woman called Helga in Hamburg. Boaby's Glaswegian sensibilities are doubly offended by Momus' use of Paisley dialect. That's (abstruse) entertainment!

Episode 6. "A scrawny auld duffer wi' a pair o' mad shades oan."
In which Boaby turns up backstage at the Barbican where Suicide are playing. Immediately he rubs Marty Rev up the wrong way by claiming to have written "Dream Baby Dream". Later he mistakes Alan Vega for his father.

Episode 7. "You know me, ah know fuck a' aboot fuck a'."
In which Boaby is 'ower the moon' about a cool avant garde film he has appeared in, playing Gilles de Rais, until McGee bursts his ba' by pointing out that Gilles de Rais was a rapist, a paedophile and a necrophiliac.

Episode 8. (aims kick at family pet)
In which, in a domestic scene which is something of a departure for the Boaby Chronicles, Boab tries to order a book by Julian Cope using Alexa but Alexa singularly fails to understand Boab's accent (join the club).

Episode 9. "... 12 actually, mate."
In which McGee phones Boaby to tell him about the launch of his newest label Creation23, Boab is underwhelmed. Worse is to follow as McGee tries to persuade Boab to get Primal Scream to record a single for the new label. Boab refuses and, for a change, has some fun at McGee's expense.

Episode 10. "Here, ah'll fuckin' delete you in a minute."
Following his controversial appearance on the "This Week" and the disparaging remarks concerning it on Twitter made by the show's host, Andrew 'Andra' Neil, Boaby phones to register his disapproval. After some more recondite banter about the differences between Paisley and Glasgow dialects, which absolutely no-one other than the author understands or appreciates, Andra outwits Boab and leaves Boab cursing him and his alma mater.

Episode 11. "... a 90 minute album of a fuckin' tap runnin'."
Boaby hears that a number of celebrities have signed a letter, for publication in the press and other media, in support of a Jeremy Corbyn premiership. Annoyed that he was not asked to contribute he phones one of its signatories, Brian Eno, with predictable results.

Episode 12. "And your point is, caller?"
Boaby visits his manager's office where is offered the chance to do a commentary for the DVD of "Shaun the Sheep: The Movie". He demurs. Along the way he drops in a reference to Scottish football journalist, James Sanderson, which absolutely no-one will understand.

Episode 13. "... wid they even wahnt a band plays black music involved?"
In which, in the midst of the pandemic, McGee tries to persuade Boaby to contribute to a charity single to raise money for the NHS. However when Boab hears that the single will involve such household names as Billy Bibby, formerly of Catfish & the Bottlemen, he declines.

Episode 14. "Crab?"
In which, in an especially bizarre scenario, Boaby has been invited to an unnamed American university to discuss Scottish music and the Scottish cultural scene alongside McGee and Stuart Murdoch of Belle & Sebastian (not Boab's favourite band it's fair to say). Boab's discomfort at appearing in this milieu becomes glaringly obvious as the night wears on.

Episode 15. "...who picks fuckin' Stewart fuckin' Kennedy in fuckin' goal instead o' David Harvey?"
In which, having been a long time outspoken critic of Scottish nationalism, Boaby summons a band meeting on Zoom to inform the other members that Primal Scream is now in favour of Scottish independence. In the course of this call he forgets who Martin Duffy is and that Robert Young is dead but finds time to reminisce about Scotland's 2-1 victory over England at Wembley in 1977.

Episode 16. "Nae mair waitin' fer yer man, ah UM yer fuckin' man!"
In which Thurston Moore phones Boaby to ask him to collaborate on a version of the Velvet Underground's "Heroin". Much miscommunication hilarity ensues.

Episode 17. "... that's Green's Playhoose tae you auld yins."
In which, for some reason, Boaby is present at the Pendlebury & District Garden Fete to witness Pete Hook playing in front of a portaloo. Boab tries to engage Hook in friendly conversation afterwards but, alas, Hook has ferrets to feed.

Episode 18. "... yer foolin' naeb'dy ya lanky auld cunt!"
In which Boaby spots Nick Cave shopping in his local branch of Lidl and is determined to have it out with the Australian musician, writer and actor (known for his baritone voice) about his invitation to the coronation of King Charles III. Cave is in no mood to bandy words however and makes his excuses and leaves.

Episode 19. "Room for a small one!"
In which Boaby is expected at a meeting with McGee on the other side of London but finds himself without transport and so is forced to catch a bus. All is well though as, due to his advanced age, Boaby is eligible for a Transport For London Freedom Pass, allowing him to travel free of charge and greatly improving his good humour in the process.

Free Ass Ange (Tom D.), Thursday, 7 December 2023 19:57 (two months ago) link

wonderful

oscar bravo, Thursday, 7 December 2023 20:07 (two months ago) link

Was putting a list together but Tom beat me to it... here are links for the episodes from this thread:

Episode 10
Episode 11
Episode 12
Episode 14
Episode 15
Episode 16
Episode 17
Episode 18
Episode 19

visiting, Thursday, 7 December 2023 20:36 (two months ago) link

Tom D, you are a gent and a scholar! thank you!

veronica moser, Thursday, 7 December 2023 20:46 (two months ago) link

I would try to call you big yin, but I'd fuck it up.

veronica moser, Thursday, 7 December 2023 20:49 (two months ago) link

Bobby's tribute to Shane McGowan, which is free of bullshit and not all about himself. He does have his moments.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/dec/08/shane-macgowan-bobby-gillespie-primal-scream-pogues

Free Ass Ange (Tom D.), Friday, 8 December 2023 09:46 (two months ago) link

I saw that and reflected that Bobby also called Martin Duffy his "soul brother" on Twitter when he died. I suspect he treated Shane MacGowan a little better though.

that mustardless plate (Bill A), Friday, 8 December 2023 13:08 (two months ago) link

He couldn't resist though:

"I’d admired him as far back as Gabrielle, by The Nips."

Number None, Friday, 8 December 2023 13:30 (two months ago) link

LOL yes, spotted that.

Free Ass Ange (Tom D.), Friday, 8 December 2023 13:32 (two months ago) link

xxp
Ah, ye see, when ye make someone an honorary family member, it's no' about the coin or the wage. It's about the bonds, the kinship, the ties that bind ye together

vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Friday, 8 December 2023 13:47 (two months ago) link

"Shane, lemme help ya oan tae the stage here...aye, just squeeze past Duffy and his organs. Wits that? Aye, ye'll get the 'enhanced' session players wage for singin' tonight that we talked aboot...no, no dinnae worry, ol' Duffy knows wits guid for haim, he's on the basic rate".

that mustardless plate (Bill A), Friday, 8 December 2023 14:33 (two months ago) link

I missed this bit of Boaby news...

https://www.thefashionisto.com/hm-holiday-2023-campaign/

Bobby Gillespie and his sons Lux and Wolf have been chosen to star in clothing company H&M’s holiday 2023 campaign. They have just arrived at photographer Mikael Jansson's studio.

Boab: Fer fuck's sake, try an' be a bit mair... street... an' don't be comin' oot wi any o' yer toffee nosed patter, by the way.

Wolf: But papa, you and mama did pay for us to have a very expensive private education, you cannot expect us to converse like common street urchins.

Boab: Aye, well at least try an' look like common street urchins! Huv ye no' learned any'hin' fae yer auld man? Ah've been fuckin' dinin' oot fer years oan ma deprived childhood as a Tenement Kid despite comin' fae Mount Florida... here, did ye know ah wrote a book aboot it?

Photographer: Bobby! Come on in! And this must be...

Boab: This is Wolf and that yin hidin' at the back therr is Lux. Stupid fuckin' names ah know, ah wahnted tae ca' them Darren and Barry but the wife thoat different... any'hin' fer an easy life though, am ah right?

Photographer: Er, absolutely, I'll just let you get yourselves prepared while I carry on setting up.

Boab: Fire away, big yin, fire away!

Turning back to his sons.

Boab: Right, you two, afore we go any further, let's huv some ground rules. Nae "sayin' cheese", ye've goat tae look as crabbit and torn faced as me. Ah've goat ma image tae consider. Ma public expect me tae be mean, moody and magnificent and be kickin' aboot wi ma face permanently fuckin' trippin' me, no' grinnin' like a fuckin' jackass... and the same goes fer ma boeys, they've goat tae look like miserable cunts tae.

Wolf: Oh that'll be no problem, papa.

Lux (petulantly): We have actually modelled before, papa, we do know our way round a photographer's studio.

Boab (to Wolf): Here, hark it him! Thinks he's fuckin' Naomi Campbell aw o' a sudden!

Lux: I don't want to do this stupid photoshoot anyway, papa! I'm supposed to be meeting Rupert, Allegra and Piers for tiffin at three! It's all so dashed inconvenient!

Wolf: Yes, I'm expected at Ophelia, Persephone and Ferdinand's for five. This is awfully burdensome, papa.

Boab: Awfy burdensome? I'll awfy burdensome you in a minute, ya ungrateful wee cu...

Bobby's reprimand is cut off by his phone ringing.

Boab: Fuck... who's this... oh here it's yer Granda Gillespie, whit's the auld cunt efter noo?

Boab: Hullo?

*muffled voice on the other end of the phone*

Boab: Ah'm in the middle o' a fuckin' photoshoot wi' ma boeys, da!

*muffled voice*

Boab: Aye, ah've no' forgoatten.

*muffled voice*

Boab: Fer fuck sake da! Ah'm (looks around, covers phone and lowers voice) 62.

*muffled voice*

Boab: Awright... ah will... ah will...

*muffled voice*

Boab: Naw, ah don't wahnt tae hear aboot how your attempt tae win the Govan by-election in 1988 was sabotaged by Robert Maxwell, naeb'dy wahnt's tae hear that...

*muffled voice*

Boab: Listen da, let it go...

*louder muffled voice*

Boab: ... da... da... it never happened... (sotto voce) Christ, no' this again...

*even louder muffled voice*

Boab (rolling eyes): Aye, da, ye were a great candidate, it wisnae your fault ye loast wan o' the safest Labour seats in the country tae the SNP...

*muffled voice louder still*

Boab: Aye, right da, the Tartan Tories ah know, ah know, ah've fuckin' heard it a million times...

*and louder*

Boab: ... da... da... ah've goat tae go! Right? Tell maw we'll see her efter Hogmanay...

*muffled voice*

Boab: ... right ... right. See ye.

*muffled voice*

Boab (turning to his sons): See that fuckin' Granda o' yours? He's fuckin' delusional, so he is. Aw he does is make stuff up that didnae happen, or try an' make oot he wis at the centre o' every'hin' that ever happened in the world. He's constantly inflatin' his own importance and bummin' aboot his achievements and aw the fuckin'...

Suddenly notices that both his sons and the photographer have gone very quiet and are looking somewhat sheepish.

Boab: ... whit? (suddenly animated) Here, huv we goat a fuckin' photoshoot oan here or whit? We've goat some shite fuckin' claes tae sell, boeys!

Jansson: Er, yeah. Can we have all three of you over here.

Boab: Nae bother, big yin.

Jansson: Now can we have a little bit of a smile...

Boab: ... let me stoap ye right there.

Free Ass Ange (Tom D.), Sunday, 17 December 2023 10:33 (two months ago) link


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