CountDown The real 100 worst singles.

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Definition: Bad in how it fails to reach the standards it aspires to.

The worst part of the Channel 4 program was getting a particular track and 'critique' it in ways that aren't even true...

i.e. "Grandad" by Clive Dunn, no longer the reminiscences about a working man about his childhood, but a call for the reunification of a hitler youth along with the revision of history and note how among the children sitting at his feet, none are black blah blah)

i.e. 2.
Chirpy chirpy cheep cheep ... "sounds like it's about child desertion" THATS BECAUSE IT RUDDY IS!!! Give this song a medal for slipping that one past 98% of the listeners!

i.e. 3. "Two little boys" (Was this on the list? I didn't see) has nothing to do with pedofillier (sic on purpose) but a civil war folk song.. these days a bit rehabilitated...

I never heared "My heart will go on" that much, so am not that irritated by it. I Did hear "Come on Eileen" too often, so 'banned' it (from my wedding disco) and only heared it again last year after not having heard it for 5 years or so. And glad to have enjoyed it for the great record it it.

Live and let live I say. No I don't, there are loads of records that are poor by the standards they aspire to. The Cheeky girls do not fall into that category. Duran Duran do. god they do.

And if you don't like "I wanna be a hippy" then you are one.

Anyway lets go 100 down...

100. Sign o' the times by Simple Minds.

(for adding sobbing on the intro, and replacing the resigned shrug of the original with a condescending air dot dot dot)

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 2 January 2004 09:38 (twenty years ago) link

you are completely wrong about Duran Duran. but never mind.

99. The Androids 'Do It With Madonna'

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 2 January 2004 11:56 (twenty years ago) link

... and that's it?

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:13 (twenty years ago) link

98. van halen - jump. my all time worst record. the memories of teenage pain induced by that pile of crock-o-shit.

― mark e (mark e), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:16 (twenty years ago) link

97. primal scream 'rocks'

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:25 (twenty years ago) link

i love Jump damn you!

96. Counting Crows 'Big Yellow Taxi'

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:25 (twenty years ago) link

95. europe - final countdown - see a pattern now Steve .. - hair rock nightmares ..

― mark e (mark e), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:27 (twenty years ago) link

94. "Jesus He Knows Me" - Genesis. (no hair rock nightmare)

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:28 (twenty years ago) link

wtf..."jump"?!

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:29 (twenty years ago) link

93. Ash - Candy

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:31 (twenty years ago) link

too effing right Fiddo. i have my reasons .... listen to that track ad infinitum on repeat for several days during school breaks and you too will have a severe hatred of said track....
94 - Scorpions - Winds of Change ..

― mark e (mark e), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:32 (twenty years ago) link

"Jump"'s video's pretty fucking offensive if I remember right

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:35 (twenty years ago) link

Yer all mad about Jump and The Final Countdown.

93. Peter Sarsdedt - Where Do You Go To My Lovely

― udu wudu (udu wudu), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:39 (twenty years ago) link

sorry, 91.

― udu wudu (udu wudu), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:39 (twenty years ago) link

90. Thousand Clowns- (Not The) Greatest Rapper

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:41 (twenty years ago) link

89. Kittie- Charlotte

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:41 (twenty years ago) link

aww I like ash-Candy

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:43 (twenty years ago) link

88. Big Brovaz- Nu Flow

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:43 (twenty years ago) link

Adhereing strictly to the definition described in the original post:

88. Pulp "Trees"
87. The Boo Radleys "Wake Up Boo"
86. The Chemical Brothers "The Golden Path"

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:43 (twenty years ago) link

shame on you charlie!

85. Ocean Colour Scene 'So Low'

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:48 (twenty years ago) link

OCS could fill the whole list surely ?

― mark e (mark e), Friday, 2 January 2004 15:49 (twenty years ago) link

Trees is lovely.

― C-Man (C-Man), Friday, 2 January 2004 17:42 (twenty years ago) link

we're actually up to 84, so:

83. The Brook Brothers "War Paint"
82. Kula Shaker "Govinda"
81. Craig Douglas "The Heart Of A Teenage Girl"
80. Staff Sgt Barry Sadler "The Ballad Of The Green Berets"
79. Adam Faith "Easy Going Me"
78. Cliff Richard "The Millennium Prayer" (which really is *vile*; what the C4 prog said about it was actually spot on, however frequently misfiring the rest of it was)
77. Des O'Connor "1-2-3 O'Leary" (infinitely worse than the one of his they did feature - "Dick-A-Dum-Dum", one of Marcello's 100 great unhip singles of course)
76. The Bachelors "The Sound Of Silence" (you will not believe what they did to it)
75. Peter Gabriel "Big Time"
74. Mike and the Mechanics "Word of Mouth"
73. Octopus "Saved"
72. Sham Rock "Tell Me Ma"
71. Dane Bowers "Shut Up And Forget About It"
70. Christina Aguilera "The Voice Within"
69. Simply Red "The Air That I Breathe"

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Friday, 2 January 2004 20:17 (twenty years ago) link

68-lighthouse family-high

― robin (robin), Friday, 2 January 2004 20:20 (twenty years ago) link

67-The Levellers "One Way"

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Friday, 2 January 2004 20:23 (twenty years ago) link

66. My Life Story- King of Kissingdom.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 January 2004 20:31 (twenty years ago) link

65. Bis- Kandy Pop

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 January 2004 20:31 (twenty years ago) link

64. Billy Joel - "Piano Man", for confusing world-weariness with smugness.

― udu wudu (udu wudu), Friday, 2 January 2004 20:36 (twenty years ago) link

63. Wheatus- Teenage Dirtbag.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 2 January 2004 20:38 (twenty years ago) link

62 house of pain -'jump around'

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 2 January 2004 21:08 (twenty years ago) link

This isn't the real worst 100 singles.

― billstevejim, Friday, 2 January 2004 21:36 (twenty years ago) link

61. Bob Dylan - Joey

― may pang (maypang), Friday, 2 January 2004 21:42 (twenty years ago) link

this thread is dead to me now the fantastic 'Big Time' has been included

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 2 January 2004 23:10 (twenty years ago) link

60. jennifer lopez- jenny from the block

'';-)''

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Friday, 2 January 2004 23:14 (twenty years ago) link

59. Andrew Gold, "Lonely Boy"

For the life of me I could never fathom what was appealing about this '70s hit to anybody.

58. Jennifer Warnes, "Right Time of the Night"

She's obviously lying back and thinking of England. Yawwwwwwn

― Joseph McCombs, Friday, 2 January 2004 23:21 (twenty years ago) link

elvis costello - olivers army (demoralising music for irish pubs in lichfield and telford, someone will lost teeth later on tonite, grind masquerading as bonhomie)

― gareth (gareth), Friday, 2 January 2004 23:39 (twenty years ago) link

i like Lonely Boy as well - maybe just the beginning, same goes for 'Slip Away'

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 2 January 2004 23:53 (twenty years ago) link

56. Oasis, "D'you know what I mean?"

Aspired to Lennon-esque universalism, achieved karaoke for under-age drinkers picking fights on the last bus home throughout northern England.

― Snnap Dragon (snnap dragon), Saturday, 3 January 2004 00:43 (twenty years ago) link

Simply Red - Night Nurse

i win

― pete s, Saturday, 3 January 2004 00:45 (twenty years ago) link

54. Don McLean - American Pie

Completely inexplicable popularity. Impinged on many an otherwise good night at the London club 'Duckie', where it seemed to be a real crowd-pleaser.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Saturday, 3 January 2004 00:47 (twenty years ago) link

53. Blur - Tender

Sounds both insincere AND whiny at the same time. Which is quite an achievement.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 00:58 (twenty years ago) link

I tried to do this on ILE and you guys ignored me, motherfuckers.

52. D:REAM - Things Can Only Get Better

For so many reasons.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:00 (twenty years ago) link

Carmody is pretty much OTM, although its disgraceful that he's chucked in the Millennium Prayer so early on, which really IS the worst record ever, by all the above criteria, and I've only ever heard it once.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:02 (twenty years ago) link

51. Baby's Got A Temper- The Prodigy

Because sometimes the critics are right.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:03 (twenty years ago) link

I tried to do this on ILE and you guys ignored me, motherfuckers.

Ah, but Mark gave us a criterion for badness. I like my parameters fully specified.

― Snnap Dragon (snnap dragon), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:09 (twenty years ago) link

this isn't supposed to be in order though, is it? incidentally I very nearly entered the Hucknall version of "Night Nurse".

50. Jimmy Justice "When My Little Girl Is Smiling"
49. Craig Douglas, ditto
48. Craig Douglas, "Only Sixteen"
47. Spice Girls, "Goodbye"
46. Lenny Kravitz, "Are You Gonna Go My Way?"
45. Paul Weller, "Peacock Suit"
44. Westlife, "Unbreakable"
43. George Bowyer, "Guardians of the Land" (a pro-foxhunting song, probably the most jarring Top 40 entry ever)
42. Boyzone, "I Love The Way You Love Me"
41. R Williams & N Kidman, "Somethin' Stupid"
40. Simple Minds, "She's A River"

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:14 (twenty years ago) link

39. The Lighthouse Family, "Postcard From Heaven"
38. Let Loose, "Make It With You"
37. Peter Andre, "I Feel You"
36. The Offspring, "Why Don't You Get A Job?"
35. Manic Street Preachers, "You Stole The Sun From My Heart"
34. Oasis, "All Around The World"
33. Staind, "It's Been A While"
32. Vanilla Ice, "I Love You"

(good call Dom re. "Baby's Got A Temper"; never has there been a more PATHETIC single)

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:20 (twenty years ago) link

31. The Offspring- Original Prankster.

"Conspiracy of One" was some kind of big joke on the record industry, I'm sure.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:21 (twenty years ago) link

I know I'm partly resurrecting a previous list of mine, but...

30. Cowboy Church Sunday School, "Open Up Your Heart (And Let The Sunshine In)"

29. 5 for Fighting, "Superman (It Ain't Easy)"

28. Voices That Care, "Voices That Care"

27. 2NU, "Ponderous"

26. Elmo and Patsy, "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"

25. Malvina Reynolds, "Little Boxes"

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:26 (twenty years ago) link

(Wait, must these be UK hits?)

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:28 (twenty years ago) link

24. Nine Days - Absolutely (Story Of A Girl)

I'd forgotten the horrors that was this song until recently.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:29 (twenty years ago) link

23. PowerSource, "Dear Mr. Jesus." this should actually be first.

― M Matos (M Matos), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:41 (twenty years ago) link

22. Ice Cube - Pushing Weight

I think I've got the title of that wrong, but I don't care. It truly is the worst rap single of all time.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:47 (twenty years ago) link

21. paul mccartney and the frog chorus: we all stand together. Also, ten other paul mccartney singles.

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:56 (twenty years ago) link

20. George Thorogood and the Destroyers, "Bad to the Bone" (was any "bad = cool" equation ever LESS convincing?)

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Saturday, 3 January 2004 01:58 (twenty years ago) link

19. Snow - Informer.

This aspires to actually being a THREAT.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 02:01 (twenty years ago) link

he'd kick YOUR arse

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 3 January 2004 02:09 (twenty years ago) link

A licky boom boom down. At the next FAP, probably.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 02:13 (twenty years ago) link

18. Manic Street Preachers - Masses Against The Classes

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 02:14 (twenty years ago) link

the only number one hit that only rhymes in the north.

17. Oasis "Go Let It Out"

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 02:29 (twenty years ago) link

16. REEF - "PLACE YOUR HANDS"

trust me, if you've heard it before you know what I'm talking about.

― ndeany, Saturday, 3 January 2004 03:33 (twenty years ago) link

15. Reef - Yer Old.

Because I know that picking on a band's best known rubbish record is a cop out but this is somehow EVEN WORSE!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 03:36 (twenty years ago) link

14. Reef, "Come Back Brighter" (yes, I know ...)
13. Lena Martell, "One Day At A Time"
12. Goldie, "Making Up Again" (this isn't *that* Goldie, this is *sub-Smokie* - imagine that - MOR from 1978)

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 14:51 (twenty years ago) link

11. Ja Rule featuring Ashanti, "Mesmerize"

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 14:51 (twenty years ago) link

10. Busted, "Sleeping With The Light On"
9. Ja Rule, "Reigns"

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 15:41 (twenty years ago) link

8. The Beatles - Ob La Di Ob La Da

And by extension...

7. The Offspring - Why Don't You Get A Job?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 15:45 (twenty years ago) link

'fraid I already mentioned that Offspring song at #36, Matt (and, if we're being pedantic, only the Marmalade version of "Ob-La-Di" was a *single*, in Britain at least)

however if you want to substitute "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" go ahead ...

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 16:00 (twenty years ago) link

Okay, then, scrub both of those choices.

8. The Offspring - Pretty Fly For A White Guy

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Saturday, 3 January 2004 16:02 (twenty years ago) link

7. Connie Francis, "Together" (the most excruciating spoken section ever)
6. Westlife, "Bop Bop Baby"
5. Adam Faith, "As You Like It"
4. Limp Bizkit, "My Way"

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 17:02 (twenty years ago) link

3 Limp Bizkit - Behind Blue Eyes

― pete s, Saturday, 3 January 2004 17:08 (twenty years ago) link

2 Will Young - Leave right now
1 Mark Cohen - Walking in Memphis

― MikeB, Saturday, 3 January 2004 17:53 (twenty years ago) link

Songs listed here I actually like: "Jump Around," "Jump," "Oliver's Army," "American Pie," "Are You Gonna Go My Way?." Pretty obvious, I guess.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Saturday, 3 January 2004 17:57 (twenty years ago) link

i'd have stuck in 'long and winding road' by will and gareth but i forgot.

― pete s, Saturday, 3 January 2004 18:33 (twenty years ago) link

"Leave Right Now" is a superb track and MikeB is a cloth-eared idiot.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Saturday, 3 January 2004 18:44 (twenty years ago) link

I like "Leave Right Now". I also like "Oliver's Army", though the imagery puts me right off.

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:10 (twenty years ago) link

this chart is pretty much just as WRONG as the C4 one :)

― stevem (blueski), Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:11 (twenty years ago) link

why isn't "Butterfly Kisses" at number one?

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:18 (twenty years ago) link

I'm feeling bad now for calling some poster I don't even know an idiot. What an internet pussy I am. :(

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:19 (twenty years ago) link

you softened the blow with that "cloth-eared" part though. makes it almost cute in a way.

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:28 (twenty years ago) link

Yes well I'm not sorry for the cloth-eared bit obv.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:31 (twenty years ago) link

Tico Tico, don't worry about it :)

Thing is, I used to like the song, I still think it's a good tune.
But Will Young, pleasant chap though he appears to be, just brings nothing to it at all. It just seems simpering and vacant, he doesn't mean it maaaaan.(I'm rockist about my ballads)

― MikeB, Saturday, 3 January 2004 19:47 (twenty years ago) link

you a comprehensive school warrior Mike :)?

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Saturday, 3 January 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link

you a comprehensive school warrior Mike :)?

You wouldn't let it lie...

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 3 January 2004 23:13 (twenty years ago) link

Robin, don't understand your question?

― MikeB, Saturday, 3 January 2004 23:19 (twenty years ago) link

just wondering whether you called Will Young "simpering and vacant" because of his social / educational background.

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Sunday, 4 January 2004 01:27 (twenty years ago) link

Robin,
not at all. I'm not too sure of his background other than the fact that he has a degree and sounds quite middle class - like myself in fact, (and I'm certainly not into middle class self loathing).

Thats just how the song sounds to me I'm afraid.

― MikeB, Sunday, 4 January 2004 12:20 (twenty years ago) link

ah I understand that - I felt the same way about all his previous songs, and was very surprised by how much I liked "Leave Right Now". for what it's worth, Will Young went to the same public school Jeffrey Archer *pretended* to have gone to (it's a long story ...)

― robin carmody (robin carmody), Sunday, 4 January 2004 15:28 (twenty years ago) link

is the much vaunted robin vs dom/nick thing about to be brought to the boil? (i think this deserves its own thread, but i think i'll leave it up to someone else to start it)

― gareth (gareth), Sunday, 4 January 2004 17:13 (twenty years ago) link

Only when Robin goes to turn on his car's ignition tomorrow morning.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 4 January 2004 23:26 (twenty years ago) link

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