Elliott Smith is dead.

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Of apparent suicide.


Bummer of the year?

roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:18 (fifteen years ago) link

If true, that's too bad.

Elliott Smith had a gorgeous voice.

Ian Johnson (orion), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:22 (fifteen years ago) link

I'm not turning up anything about it...

Sarah Pedal (call mr. lee), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:28 (fifteen years ago) link

is this for real? whoah, his songs were like elegys for Generation X. Solemn, depressing, yet irresistably soothing at the same time.

Rob McD (Keith McD), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:31 (fifteen years ago) link

Most horribly of all, his latest single was released on Suicide Squeeze...

Prude (Prude), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:34 (fifteen years ago) link

Really sad. I used to be a big fan, saw him a few times in London, and he seemed like a really nice guy.

I'll never get used to hearing news like this, regardless of who is involved.

adaml (adaml), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:36 (fifteen years ago) link

oh man! where'd you hear this? i can't find out anything about it

geeta (geeta), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:43 (fifteen years ago) link

Roger, where did you get your info? I haven't been able to find anything about it on the web. Not doubting you...Just want to read more about the sad news.

wildhoney, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:44 (fifteen years ago) link

There's slightly more here.

Prude (Prude), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 03:46 (fifteen years ago) link

Official site has an obit.

http://www.sweetadeline.net/

Looks bad.

Dock Miles (Dock Miles), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 04:42 (fifteen years ago) link

He'll be missed more than he ever thought he would be.

johnny fever (johnny fever), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 05:18 (fifteen years ago) link

[url]http://www.tinymixtapes.com[/url] has it on their website now.

sidney 38, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 07:32 (fifteen years ago) link

when i woke up this morning the radio dj played a song off either/or, but he did not preface it in any way. i don't think he knew at all. very odd coincidence to come and read this now only 1/2 hour past.

rip

marcg (marcg), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 09:04 (fifteen years ago) link

There is only one thing I really know about Elliott Smith's music, and it's tied to Richie's suicide scene in The Royal Tenenbaums. That was one of the most effective moments of film scoring by a pop song I've seen, and now I won't be able to watch it without feeling very uneasy.

nate detritus (natedetritus), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 09:56 (fifteen years ago) link

ile thread on this:

RIP Elliott Smith?

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 10:08 (fifteen years ago) link

Bizarre that there seems to be so Little news on this - i know he's a relatively minor figure (in global pop terms i mean) but there seems to be zero.

jed (jed_e_3), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 10:26 (fifteen years ago) link

think of the US time zone difference, it's still only 7.30am on the East Coast

DJ Martian (djmartian), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 10:28 (fifteen years ago) link

The only place that seems to be carrying anything is the NME site. He might not have had too many hits, but he was pretty well known - he was nominated for an Oscar for his song off the Good Will Hunting soundtrack - Miss Misery, if I remember right - which led to one of my favourite Oscar performances ever - five or six big Production numbers, then out comes this man in an ill-fitting suit with his acoustic guitar and the place just goes... silent. Amazing.

If it's true, then RIP. 34 is way, way too young.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 10:32 (fifteen years ago) link

The Guardian and Pitchfork are reporting it too now.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 10:33 (fifteen years ago) link

It was reported on some Australian site before the nme picked it up. That was the only source that came up on Google News first thing this morning.

N. (nickdastoor), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 10:53 (fifteen years ago) link

Stabbed himself in the stomach.....fuck! What an unpleasant, painful and messy way to go.

He shall be missed. What a fucking waste.

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:01 (fifteen years ago) link

My great-uncle killed himself in the same fashion a few months back. this is very sad. i liked that song "pictures of me". I might get an album now. 34 is very young indeed.

weasel diesel (K1l14n), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:06 (fifteen years ago) link

Alex where are you getting that from?

mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:20 (fifteen years ago) link

From the Firewater list.

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:21 (fifteen years ago) link

it's also on VH1, pitchfork, the newswires are waking up it seems

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:21 (fifteen years ago) link

Alex, is that a rumour, or?

mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:22 (fifteen years ago) link

oops - mr. swygart caught pitchfork already. they must have some sort of early morning hotline or something...

Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:23 (fifteen years ago) link

My source said exactly this.....

i was just told that elliot smith stabbed himself in the stomach and
killed himself.

Anyone heard otherwise ?

http://www.sweetadeline.net/ - Official Fansite

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:24 (fifteen years ago) link

Wow.

mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 11:24 (fifteen years ago) link

"his songs were like elegys for Generation X"

I guess the fact he won't be around to read that serves as some sort of consolation.

DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:04 (fifteen years ago) link

yeah, that post was unbearable

joan vich (joan vich), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:15 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh my God, no fucking way. :( :( :(

What Nate said about that moment in Tennenbaums = totally right on and holy shit I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it through that scene in that film again for a long time.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:20 (fifteen years ago) link

I hate to see him reduced to yet another dopey, tragic rock cliche.

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:26 (fifteen years ago) link

That'll be real difficult to avoid.

mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:27 (fifteen years ago) link

MTV just announced it, too. They seem to have more info.

http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1479869/20031022/smith_elliott.jhtml?headlines=true

Stephen Morris, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:47 (fifteen years ago) link

Never mind Elliott Smith...

http://i.cnn.net/cnn/2003/SHOWBIZ/Movies/10/22/obit.elam.ap/story.elam.ap.jpg

Jack Elam died.

Phil Freeman (Phil Freeman), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 12:54 (fifteen years ago) link

Is that Elliott or Jack?

DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:06 (fifteen years ago) link

I hate to be the guy who makes jokes on a thread like this, because it is a sad day, but I loved this typo in the MTV.com article:

"Smith (real name Steven Paul Smith) had battled drug and alcohol addition throughout his career."

Al (sitcom), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:11 (fifteen years ago) link

I used to play the "I Don't Think I'm Ever Gonna Figure it Out" 7" on the radio in college. I guess he never figured it out. Very sad.

I have to say, the only time I saw Elliott Smith was at the Mid East in Boston in 1996 I think, and he was amazing, just captivating. I guess he had a reputation for sucking live, but he didn't suck when I saw him.

scott m (mcd), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:22 (fifteen years ago) link

This is horrible :(

Ben Dot (1977), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:29 (fifteen years ago) link

Suicide Squeeze: baseball term, referring to a bunt and steal attempt -- usually from second to third, I think.

bucky wunderlick (bucky), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:48 (fifteen years ago) link

from 3rd to home actually.

zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 13:54 (fifteen years ago) link

Thanks to the Elliott hatas for staying off-thread so far.

I'm really bummed.

w_l, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:19 (fifteen years ago) link

Do people really hate Elliott Smith? I accept I might be biased but it seems difficult.

DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:21 (fifteen years ago) link

*coughs* Which is all I'm going to say, because it would be crass to say more.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:24 (fifteen years ago) link

this is such a horrible gloomy depressing thing. his music was always so tragic, i kinda hoped it was a release for him. apparently not enough of one. his music is beautiful and i hate that there won't be more of it.

Emilymv (Emilymv), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:25 (fifteen years ago) link

Does anyone have a link to a site with the full recent Under the Radar interview? I seem to recall someone out there in cyberland scanning the whole fascinating cover story, but I can't finid it now.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:31 (fifteen years ago) link

Ned I am very surprised? Did you ever hear Mic City Sons?

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:32 (fifteen years ago) link

I do in fact have that album and was always a Heatmiser fan, but honestly, for Neil Gust more than anyone else.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 October 2003 15:43 (fifteen years ago) link

The more sick the individual, the higher the stigmatization. People tend to shirk from worst-case mirrors.

Most addicts also suffer from other chemical imbalances that usually manifest as depression, often in its bi-polar form. Not having known the guy, and only going by interviews, I’d guess bi-polar.

Which means he’d have needed a mood stabilizer—depakote, lithium or something similar.

If depakote, he could suffer a serious relapse just by missing a day’s dose. If lithium, he’d have to have his blood serum levels checked every three or so weeks, with dosage possibly re-adjusted.

On top of that, he’d need an anti-depressant, SSRI or some sort of atypical. In either case, the side-effect profile has a tendency to morph, causing further dosage readjustments and possibly the addition of another medication. All of which need to be taken at specific times of the day for maximum effect, while it’s essential that a psychopharmacologist is visited on a weekly basis to keep all the aforementioned in line.

Obviously, getting better is a pretty demanding enterprise. Often, those in ones’ social circle are invested, if only by sadly fucked up default, in the person remaining ill. Whether Dreamland did anything healthcare wise for him is something about which I won’t conjecture. Okay, I will. He was a guy who made whatever money he made from being a wreck.

A really awful possible ‘upside’: he may have felt a terrible relief upon wounding himself, as anything is preferable to the depressive downswing a bi-polar suffers.

I’m amazed he lasted this long.

Ian Grey (Ian_G), Friday, 24 October 2003 19:47 (fifteen years ago) link

wow, i have newfound respect for margaret cho. i heard the news a couple days ago, but it didnt really hit me until i read that. great, now im crying at work.

Felcher (Felcher), Friday, 24 October 2003 20:07 (fifteen years ago) link

I thought that she was being sarcastic.

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 25 October 2003 01:38 (fifteen years ago) link

Ian, I never heard that he was bipolar and he never came across that way to me. (i am bipolar myself)

A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Saturday, 25 October 2003 01:43 (fifteen years ago) link

AGNS: I just got the impression that he had (relatively) mild upswings and devastating downswings. But I would trust your view more than mine on this.

Even if he was unipolar, his suffering was probably pretty profound. d'oh

Ian Grey (Ian_G), Saturday, 25 October 2003 03:01 (fifteen years ago) link

Ian, yr right. . .unipolar depression can be profoundly devasting. I have my opinions of the extent of his problems here but they are just that. I don't want to speculate on his medical problems and choice of treatment. It would just be too much speculation.

re: treating bipolar

Which means he’d have needed a mood stabilizer—depakote, lithium or something similar.

If depakote, he could suffer a serious relapse just by missing a day’s dose. If lithium, he’d have to have his blood serum levels checked every three or so weeks, with dosage possibly re-adjusted.

These are both pretty old school MS. Yes they are still prescribed but are now last resort. Most bipolars these days are on more modern medicines with less side-effects and less maintnence.


On top of that, he’d need an anti-depressant, SSRI or some sort of atypical.

sometimes. . .not all bipolars need an AD. not all are as depressive and ADs can actually make you manic so are often ill-advised for bipolars.


another medication. All of which need to be taken at specific times of the day for maximum effect, while it’s essential that a psychopharmacologist is visited on a weekly basis to keep all the aforementioned in line.

This really isn't true. The only reason specific times would be neccesary would to be control side effects like sleepiness. The only drug that requires such strict maintainence is, like you said, Lithium. Even then I think serum levels are only required about once a month. For all other meds the average doctor visit cycle is every three months.

Like I said, I've never seen any evidence that he was bipolar. Even if he was all this discussion would be kind of irrevelant since it does seem that he was resistant to this kind of treatment. And then there's the addiction which is a completely different issue.

i'm tired. need to go to bed.

A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Saturday, 25 October 2003 07:45 (fifteen years ago) link

I don't think Margaret Cho was being sarcastic...were you ?
Some people actually have feelings and express them honestly..
I know it's a weird concept but occassionally it happens...

mungo, Saturday, 25 October 2003 12:29 (fifteen years ago) link

I thought that she was being sarcastic.
-- Curt1s Stephens (sevenxvii...), October 25th, 2003.

She was being funny! She's a friggin' comedian, for cryin' out loud.

Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Saturday, 25 October 2003 16:40 (fifteen years ago) link

Some people actually have feelings and express them honestly..
I know it's a weird concept but occassionally it happens...

And I thought M. Cho was mocking these people who are expressing their feelings honestly. What Francis said, except I don't think it's too funny.

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 25 October 2003 17:28 (fifteen years ago) link

Guys, she's being earnest and honest. If you think EVERY stand-up is 100% fuckin' Andy Kaufman put-on you haven't a clue.

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 25 October 2003 17:43 (fifteen years ago) link

Sorry :(

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 25 October 2003 17:45 (fifteen years ago) link

Now I feel like a hardened cynical asshole

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Saturday, 25 October 2003 17:46 (fifteen years ago) link

hey, it's cool

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 25 October 2003 17:48 (fifteen years ago) link

this guy wanted to kill himself. and he succeeded! what is all this sit about depression and how to treat it with some bullshit pills. this thread is so false. i can't belive it.

alex in mainhattan (alex63), Saturday, 25 October 2003 20:47 (fifteen years ago) link

sp: believe

alex in mainhattan (alex63), Saturday, 25 October 2003 20:48 (fifteen years ago) link

sp: shit instead of sit of curse.

alex in mainhattan (alex63), Saturday, 25 October 2003 20:50 (fifteen years ago) link

sp: manhattan instead of mainhattan

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Saturday, 25 October 2003 23:56 (fifteen years ago) link

sp: death instead of life

cool kid of death, Sunday, 26 October 2003 01:07 (fifteen years ago) link

alex if people could find relief for the pain of depression then perhaps they would need to kill themselves.

(and for what it's worth I don't believe he wanted to.)

A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Sunday, 26 October 2003 02:13 (fifteen years ago) link

Hopefully in the afterlife he will jam w/ Fred "Sonic" Smith.
This leads me to another thread. I think.

Helltime Producto (Pavlik), Sunday, 26 October 2003 02:15 (fifteen years ago) link

j0hn: frankfurt am main = main-hattan because of the skyline

sam: 1. i don't understand your first sentence. if people could find relief they would need to kill themselves? don't you mean the opposite that they wouldn't need to kill themselves?
2. why do you think that he didn't want to kill himself? he tried to kill himself several times. do you think it was an accident? or do you think that he was crazy or something? doing things he didn't want to do?

alex in mainhattan (alex63), Sunday, 26 October 2003 08:55 (fifteen years ago) link

j0hn: frankfurt am main = main-hattan because of the skyline

Gotcha.

Your post above seems to want to reduce the suicidal mindset to a rather simpler thing than it actually is. The "bullshit pills" reference a few posts up seems misguided at best: lots of people who don't take antidepressants wrongly think of them as "happy pills." What they do is address the biochemical issues that are thought by many to have at least partial responsibility for chronic depression that hasn't responded to therapy. E.S. had suffered from both depression and addiction for ages. Neither condition is a simple thing: it's not like E.S. woke up one fine Portland day and said "Fuck it! I'm gonna be a depressed guy, 'cause that's how I like it!" Treatment for this condition isn't "bullshit," nor is refusing to get treated "keeping it real" by any stretch of the imagination.

To use a related example. When I was a psych nurse I had a bunch of patients who were dispomaniacs i.e. who couldn't stop drinking water. You find this thing a lot with chronic schizophrenics, which is what most of my patients were. One guy we had was so far gone that if you let him shower alone, he'd just stand underneath the shower head and drink everything that came out. EVERYTHING. Which will kill you pretty quick, as your electrolyte balance'll get all thrown outta whack and then your blood pressure gets so low that it makes your heart work too heart and kablooey. So, under doctor's orders, we nurses did everything we could to stop him, including restricting his water intake and monitoring his intake & output of all fluids.

From the sounds of it, you'd say we were "restricting his freedom" or something. But he didn't wanna die! Something was wrong with his brain! And depression, despite the way western countries romanticize the hell out of it, isn't some deeper metaphysical understanding of the universe. It's a malfunction of the organism. Sometimes a little of it can be healthy: adversity breeds character! When it makes you wanna kill yourself, then it's time to call it what it is: an ILLNESS. And treat it, regardless of whether or not "alternative" types might sneer as how "false" one is being by choosing happiness over despair.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 26 October 2003 13:48 (fifteen years ago) link

And depression, despite the way western countries romanticize the hell out of it, isn't some deeper metaphysical understanding of the universe. It's a malfunction of the organism.

in the sense that depression doesn't do any good to your organism this is certainly true. but somehow i don't buy this reduction of a psychic problem which a depression obviously is to purely physical causes. those antidepressants seem to me like a treatment of the organic symptoms and not the real causes which are psychic. i am no expert on this and i am certainly depressive too at times but i would get very angry if someone forced me to take pills or whatever to cure my so-called depression.

what i don't like about this discussion is that suicide per se seems to be interpreted as the final effect of an illness. and that's certainly not correct. nobody has chosen to live in this world. so everybody is free to take his life. of course there might be cases of people who would kill themselves without wanting it and need help like the water drinker you mentioned but that certainly must be pretty rare.

alex in mainhattan (alex63), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:44 (fifteen years ago) link

the "everybody is free" idea is a red herring, though, Alex! If your thinking is clouded by problems that are biochemical in origin, well, how "free" are you? And can you offer any evidence that "psychic" means anything other than "biochecmical, only I prefer to think of it in spiritual/essentialist terms"?

"Depressive at times" - as I say, this can be quite healthy! For people who suffer CHRONIC depression, though, it's a whole different ballgame. Their ability to act in their own interest suffers. I mean, look: if you bought a car, and the car's CPU caused it to drive into a wall every time its tank was a little low, you'd get it fixed, right? I think you have a romantic idea about how psychotropic medications work & about what they do. NB I'm not saying they're not overprescribed - they are - but overprescription doesn't equal "they are horrible," and they certainly don't "change" people's personalities.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:54 (fifteen years ago) link

Please can we stop trying to seperate mind & body? I agree wholeheartedly with what John wrote above; most of the people I know who've suffered from depression (and I mean proper, nasty, clinical, can't get out of bed, can't eat, can't bear to be touched, foul, evil, awful, horrible depression, not just a bout of melancholy) who've had treatment for it in whatever way (chemicals alone wont work; counselling alone wont work) and got past it, recognise it and talk about it as a disease. A nasty, strange disease that we don't fully understand and which may have emotional/environmental triggers or biological/genetic triggers, but which is nonetheless addressable.

X with John, who, once again, I agree with.

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:56 (fifteen years ago) link

For 'clinical' sub 'chronic' if you like.

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:57 (fifteen years ago) link

What's a personality anyway.

Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 26 October 2003 14:58 (fifteen years ago) link

Lisa Goddard?

N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:13 (fifteen years ago) link

Alex yes I meant the opposite.

as for him not wanting to. . .it's just my gut feeling here. Attempts don't always mean you want to die just that you don't see other options. Sometimes these attempts reveal other options you were missing all along.

I don't want to speculate on or discuss this individual anymore. It's too heartbreaking for me.

A Girl Named Sam (thatgirl), Sunday, 26 October 2003 19:53 (fifteen years ago) link

it's very silly to discuss this in medical terms. none of you know the details. you cannot project things based on what you think of his music or what details were reported in the press or what the sick dreamworks marketing team is spinning this into. granted i have a skewed view of this and probably shouldn't be commenting at all. but he had PSYCHOSIS complicated by severe substance abuse and an volatile 'romantic' relationship. if you are a fan of his, you do not want to know what happened. just remember his legacy of work and a happy shared moment you might have had with him and do not try to get into his personal space. because it's an evil place.

lolita corpus (lolitacorpus), Sunday, 26 October 2003 21:36 (fifteen years ago) link

he had PSYCHOSIS complicated by severe substance abuse

Actually, this is precisely what I suspected - the accounts of recent performances suggested an increasing loosening of associations, etc.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 26 October 2003 21:46 (fifteen years ago) link

That said, of course, you're right - I haven't read his charts, would only be guessing at what exactly was going on - but the discussion seemed to be heading into a "medication: classic or dud?" direction, and I think that's usually a pretty unhealthy direction

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 26 October 2003 21:50 (fifteen years ago) link

(I'll just quickly add -- like I did on the ILE thread -- that Lolita knows exactly what she is talking about, she is in a position to know. Please keep her words and warning in mind.)

Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 26 October 2003 22:05 (fifteen years ago) link

thanks for the quick addition, ned, even though it seems only to subtract from, what appears to be, zero.

RJG (RJG), Monday, 27 October 2003 01:32 (fifteen years ago) link

..and it was the effect of another person's bipolar disorder--and the behavioral similarities to Smith--that had me 'dignosing' when actually all i wanted to impart the oft-grueling process of recovery.

Ian Grey (Ian_G), Monday, 27 October 2003 05:19 (fifteen years ago) link

..and it was the effect of another person's bipolar disorder--and the behavioral similarities to Smith--that had me 'dignosing' when actually all i wanted to impart the oft-grueling process of recovery.

Ian Grey (Ian_G), Monday, 27 October 2003 05:19 (fifteen years ago) link

I miss Elliot Smith so much :'( i cried when i heard about it...my brother told me. :'(

(yes the 14 year old is back)

Caitlin O'Neil (kurdtkobain205), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 03:20 (fifteen years ago) link

Woo-hoo!

Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Tuesday, 28 October 2003 04:54 (fifteen years ago) link

So by Ford's logic I shouldn't be grateful I saw him? Remind me to not have this guy plan my funeral.

Pete Scholtes, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 18:40 (fifteen years ago) link

I take SSRI’s. I was prescribed about three years ago.

Everyone says they’re happy pills. They’re not. If I’m having a shit day I still have a shit day. But it’s not like a shit day/week/month/half-a-fucking year like I used to have. I used to wake up every morning thinking about death.

Not in a wanky self-absorbed romanticised ‘everyone will miss me when I’m gone’ kind of way. More like an animal that knows it’s gonna die soon. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, be around a dying dog.

My conscious mind was in denial about suicide, my unconscious mind was running amok. I was dreaming about how I was gonna go. I had preferred method, location, time – all ‘hypothetical’ of course. The shadows that took me at night were always present in my waking time. Turning ‘the act’ over and over. Refining. Planning. Don’t tell me that‘s a fucking normal state of mind,

People think of suicide like an act. It’s more like an unstoppable motion, a whirlpool event that becomes irreversible at a certain point down the spiral wall. You can see clearly where it all went wrong, back at the outer reaches before you went down the flume. At this point you’re at the mercy of the beast. It either spins itself out or you go down the hole. Depression is cyclical. Next time round it may not be so benevolent.

I was lucky. I got help in time and made it through the potentially dangerous first 2 weeks of treatment. My dosage is now reduced although I accept that I may have to be on medication for the rest of my life. Life still has it’s attendant miseries and humiliations – ho, ho. Still,I can deal with them better without this dark ambient noise that drowns out everything else.


P.Penn, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 21:06 (fifteen years ago) link

My entire family (on both sides) has been ravaged by mental
illness, though I personally have not experienced any of these
problems yet. I've done a lot of research into the subject,
and in my opinion alex in manhattan has his head up his ass.
This kind of holocaust-denial is all too common, unfortunately.
It probably stems from an age-old fear of mental disease,
and as such it's understandable, but it's not very helpful
to those troubled people who refuse to get a psychiatric
evaluation or even consider the possibility that medication
could improve their lives - until the day they decide to
implement their own ultimate remedy. It's tragic innit.

squirlplise, Tuesday, 28 October 2003 22:18 (fifteen years ago) link

Brit calls German a Nazi SHOCKAH!!

Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 29 October 2003 09:23 (fifteen years ago) link

two months pass...
Smoking Gun's got some interesting stuff up today...

janni (janni), Friday, 9 January 2004 20:13 (fifteen years ago) link

nine years pass...

ten years gone

Johnny Fever, Monday, 21 October 2013 20:35 (five years ago) link

47 minutes gone hahahahaha never change ILX

rip van wanko, Monday, 21 October 2013 21:23 (five years ago) link

maybe i was a little misguided upthread. i don't think i would romanticize suicide as much anymore. in any case i still believe there are situations where suicide may be a relief. like when you have a tumor which eats up your brain. like this guy for example.

it's the distortion, stupid! (alex in mainhattan), Monday, 21 October 2013 21:51 (five years ago) link

five years pass...

Would have been 50. RIP.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 7 August 2019 00:48 (one week ago) link

Man everyone was so mean 15 years ago

Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 7 August 2019 01:11 (one week ago) link

I knew better than to read posts, this was just the first non album Smith thread I saw.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 7 August 2019 01:57 (one week ago) link


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