The UK Top 40, 19/10/03

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Today Blue are doing a live session throughout the show. Like Busted did a few months ago. I will therefore be swearing furiously throughout today’s piece.

New entries this week: Electric Six #40 (and they thought that people appreciated them for something other than the opportunity to repeatedly yell “GAYYYYYYY!” in public…); The Stands #39 (shitty Merseypool Dylan revivalists return, shittily); Aqualung #37 (and he thought people loved him for more than being in some car advert); DJ Bobo #36 (shitty Swiss Euro-cheese); and The Beautiful South #30 (isn’t it nice when people stop feeling the pressure to act all ‘young’?)

The Wit and Wisdom of Blue:

Wes: What do you want for Christmas?

Someone from Blue: I want some stockin’s. Wiv a girl in ‘em!!!

I hate Blue. I hate Wes (I realised the other day I haven’t been cross with Wes in weeks. This week does, if nothing else, give me ample opportunity to redress the balance). But the top 20 is coming up, TEN (count ‘em) new entries, we – are – in – for – fun. And Big Brovaz, obviously, but then you probably knew that already.

20) TEXAS ft. KARDINAL OFFISHAL – Carnival Girl

Yeah, this is dull, but what is exciting is we have CHART BATTLE! Three-way face off for the number one between Sugababes, Kevin Lyttle and Black Eyed Peas – and I didn’t watch CD:UK or nuffing! I have no idea what’s going to happen in the next hour and a bit! Except that Big Brovaz will be getting played, obviously.

19) DAVID GUETTA – Just A Little More Love (NEW ENTRY)

And so we kick off the new shit with this, which is like the Tomcraft song from ages ago but shit. Judge Jules loves it, inevitably.

18) BLU CANTRELL & SEAN PAUL – Breathe

Listened to whilst in a newsagent looking for Rib ‘n’ Saucy Nik Naks. It sounded fantastic, but then again, it usually does.

17) CHINGY – Right Thurr (NEW ENTRY)

#2 in the US. #17 here. I can just picture a flood of Daily Mail readers demanding its withdrawal for promoting slang… yes. Anyway. It’s Southern hip-hop, and for no apparent reason I don’t much care for it. I’m in a bit of a rush, cos I’m currently five songs behind… so it’s sort of OK. But not much more. Yes.

16) BIG BROVAZ – Baby Boy

Waiting in the kebab shop for a deeply unappetising looking chicken burger. Sounded shit, but then again, it usually does.

15) CRAIG DAVID – World Filled With Love (NEW ENTRY)

Still waiting in the kebab shop when this came on. Took receipt of burger and chips then headed back down the road, and as such I can only vaguely remember what it sounded like… Heart FM at 3 am on a Sturday morning in some rubbish minicab going through Kennington. Not really much fun, but about thirty quid cheaper than it usually costs to experience this feeling.

14) S CLUB 8 – Sundown

“Tonight I’m gonna find you/Come in on a breeze and blind you.” That’s not actually very nice, is it?

13) ERASURE – Oh L’Amour (NEW ENTRY)

‘Remixed’ version. It sounds like Turin Brakes. That is NOT a good thing. Best not try doing this to Sometimes, or I’ll be very, very cross indeed.

12) DIDO – White Flag

Because lest you forget, Sometimes (the Erasure song) is SOLID GOLD CLASSIC. Ohhh oh-oh-oh ahhhh-waaaahhhh…

11) BEYONCE ft. SEAN PAUL – Baby Boy

They’re still playing the godawful cut ‘n’ paste jingle. Which this song is actually better than. But is still pish.

Whew. Caught up, just in time for… more Blue LIVE AND EXCLUSIVE AND NOT ON DR FOX HAAAAAAAAA (or something like that anyway). Brilliant. Also, the Sugababes have been ‘ringing in’ every now and then to check if they’re number one or not. Which isn’t really much good for building up tension. Here’s hoping Big Kev (though from the sleeve of the single, he’s actually pretty much medium-build) gets to #1…

I’m not actually listening to the Blue bits, by the way. Because it would cause me to do damage to the Uni radio offices, which would not be good.

‘cept of course I have to occasionally check in to see if number ten’s started yet. Blue are currently doing One Love. It remains wank.

10) RACHEL STEVENS – Sweet Dreams My LA Ex

We’ve just drawn 0-0 with Everton, which ain’t bad coming off three straight 1-0 defeats. Away and everything, none too shabby. This more or less sums it up, probably:

9) THE DARKNESS – I Believe In A Thing Called Love

Or perhaps this does:

I mean, it’s Everton 0-0 Southampton. James McFadden nearly crunching Michael Svensson’s head is probably about as good as it gets, really.

8) R.E.M. – Bad Day (NEW ENTRY)

Ahh. This is quality. Exactly like It’s The End Of The World As We Know It, pretty much, and the lyrics are bollocks as ever, but there hasn’t been any decent jangle in the charts for years… well, weeks, probably. I can’t fucking remember any, anyway. Just piss off, eh?

7) SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR – Mixed Up World (NEW ENTRY)

I love this. I wasn’t sure to start with, but then realised I’d listened to it about fifty times, so it must have had something going for it. Yes. Anyway, it’s the semi-usual ‘classy’ disco (she doesn’t sound posh, she sounds like an old Australian woman), which apparently was originally about the war. It does sound very like the Pet Shop Boys, obviously, and I could write loads more about it but I’m not going to cos I’ve not really got the time. Maybe on the blog. I dunno. It’s great anyway.

6) EMMA BUNTON – Maybe (NEW ENTRY)

Hmm. Seems to be repositioning herself as some kind of crap 60’s lounge act following her bobbins last single, which was like a Bond theme but shite (but in a different way to the last four Bond themes). This, however, is ‘swinging’. And you know what? It very, very nearly works. The song is all sped-up and slowed-down and string heavy be-boppy in all the right places… but Emma Bunton is a rubbish singer, so it just comes out a bit average. Now, if Sophie Ellis-Bextor had done it …

5) 50 CENT – P.I.M.P. (NEW ENTRY)

No you’re not. You’d have a better hat if you were, wouldn’t you? Anyway. It’s a bit rubbish, rather slow, rather dull, and Fiddy’s got his mates in to be rubbish over it too. Bearable. In a crap way.

4) JAMELIA – Superstar

Only down one. The implausible dream may yet become plausible… this week, it’s all about the top three, unfortunately. But this is still there or thereabouts. Also – she reckons she would ‘murder’ 50 Cent, ‘in a way he would like’. Intriguing…

3) BLACK EYED PEAS – Where Is The Love?

IT IS OVER! Boo-yah! There have been worse number ones this year. It’s just they didn’t stay on top for six weeks.

2) KEVIN LYTTLE – Turn Me On (NEW ENTRY)

Ah, bugger. Oh well. This is bluddy grate with a u and two d’s – the backing is a polyphonic ringtone, to all intents and purposes, and the man’s voice is, essentially, Charles and Eddie combined. He is singing about how “you’re going home with me tonight” and how he is very turned awwwwn. And it’s catchy as anything. It works, it just, bloody, works. Shouldn’t, but does. Fantastic.

1) SUGABABES – Hole In The Head (NEW ENTRY)

And so for the first time in ages (since Bedingfield, but it’s not like anyone fucking remembers that song in any case) a British act is at the top of the chart. And it’s quite good, really. Very similar to Round Round, though, and in all honesty not as good. And I am very disturbed by the fact that Keisha is turning very rapidly into Janet Jackson, who I despise for no apparent reason (actually, it’s her smile which really pisses me off with its intensive insincerity). But there have been worse number ones… haven’t there…

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 19 October 2003 17:55 (eighteen years ago) link

I think the REM 45 is the most surprisingly excellent record I have heard in an age.

the pinefox, Sunday, 19 October 2003 18:12 (eighteen years ago) link

>>> TEXAS ft. KARDINAL OFFISHAL – Carnival Girl

a serious candidate for the worst single of year - drippy bland rock that is aimed at radio 2 + hideous mainstream annoying rapping = aural abomination

DJ Martian (djmartian), Sunday, 19 October 2003 18:15 (eighteen years ago) link

That REM single does get better and better every time I listen to it. It's like they've suddenly remembered they have a guitarist in the band. And the video...

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 19 October 2003 19:36 (eighteen years ago) link

WHAT A FANTASTIC TOP TEN! the charts have been vital/brilliant/U+K of late. and just when I thought Pop Idol and Fame Academy were about to kill them off for good too. i should have known better.

zebedee (zebedee), Monday, 20 October 2003 13:03 (eighteen years ago) link

"Bad Day" is the worst song in the Top 10 by some way, I think.

robin carmody (robin carmody), Monday, 20 October 2003 13:23 (eighteen years ago) link

How could you not hate this man;
http://www.bbc.co.uk/totp/backstage/images/banner.gif

Anyway, I was wrong about Emma getting to number 1 but then I didn't realise it was out in the same week as ver 'Babes who I also thought would get to number 1.

What's out this week William?

Nick H, Monday, 20 October 2003 13:26 (eighteen years ago) link

"Bad Day" is the worst song in the Top 10 by some way, I think.

3) BLACK EYED PEAS – Where Is The Love?

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 20 October 2003 13:26 (eighteen years ago) link

Why the hate?

someone who is not as arch-cynical as dom passantino (robin carmody), Monday, 20 October 2003 13:28 (eighteen years ago) link

Robin otm, bad day isn't great at all, though perhaps better than Black Eyes peas. Does anyone else find that verse near the end with "curiosity", "animosity", "terminal velocity" whatever whatever to betray their lame indie rap past?

I think the Sugababes song is better than Round Round, in fact it may be my favourite thing they've done. The ghost of Cafe Del Mar bleeps that run through it really make it for me.

Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 20 October 2003 13:29 (eighteen years ago) link

I don't know if I hate "Where Is The Love" because I'm cynical, or because my ears function properly. It's just impossible to believe this is the same band that recorded "Empire" just three years ago. (It's like they decided the only thing that was any good on "Bridging The Gap" was "Weekend", and decided to make a whole album based on it. Blech).

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 20 October 2003 13:36 (eighteen years ago) link

For everybody's information: "Bad Day" actually is an outtake from the "Lifes rich pageant" album.

willem (willem), Monday, 20 October 2003 13:39 (eighteen years ago) link

Texas is the most interesting song there. From a marketing point of view. I mean a) the rub rap, which is mixed really low (though it wsn't on TOTP) and b) her elpee sleeve which hasher out of Texas as her out of Ver Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But all their fans don't like rapping much or the YYYs do they? Not that much anyway. But they don't want to feel left out? Any of the Kids who bought it have got serious false consciousness issues, it's not for kids, it's for homeowners.

Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 20 October 2003 13:43 (eighteen years ago) link

Wes... the idiot makes one actually long that Goodier was still there; and I never used to like him much. Law of relativism I guess.
It was the best Top 10 for ages wasn't it? Rachel Stevens' is probably my least favourite there. REM tolerable, Emma Bunton surprisingly nearly-pretty-good as WBS says... 50 Cent; i like the steel drum but it's all really a bit dull. It's really not the most interesting hip-hop that's around... is "2 Gunz Up" ever going to be released as a single? (pardon me if it's slipped under the radar recently)
Sugababes and SEB i really liked, though not quite as much as Jamelia - Superstar... now that *is* sparkling, impudent pop of the very highest order; i love it more each week.

Tom May (Tom May), Monday, 20 October 2003 21:46 (eighteen years ago) link

the Jamelia is ok but i am liking the Rachel track a lot. 50 Cent = yawnerama this time. no way is 'Hole In The Head' better than 'Round Round' tho.....NO WAY

stevem (blueski), Monday, 20 October 2003 22:25 (eighteen years ago) link

"2 Gunz Up" couldn't be a crossover hit, though. Not in the US, not here. Not anywhere, in fact. Non-specialist, non-grimy audiences - the sort of people you need to get a record in the pop charts - just aren't ready for that kind of thing. It's the same in the US, despite hip-hop's much greater primacy there - out of all the Dipset tracks, only Cam'ron's funkiest and "blackest" moments, "Oh Boy" and "Hey Ma", have made a meaningful impact on the Hot 100, and David Banner's completely arythmic "Like A Pimp" never became the sort of crossover hit that YoungBloodz' "Damn!" (which *does* have a residual funk pulse to it) is right now. You'll note that 50 Cent's mainstream hit singles have had some kind of sonic "blackness" about them, the sort of thing that pop audiences can relate to in hip-hop - his quasi-fascist-hop material hasn't crossed over, and I can't see the harpsichord-based "Stunt 101", even if it's released as a single off the soon-come G-Unit album, in the UK Top 10.

robin carmody (robin carmody), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

Just so you know - the scores for the prediction league have been updated here.

There is no league this week, but it will return next week.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 13:45 (eighteen years ago) link

Also - obvious factual error - last British UK #1 was Elton John.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 14:47 (eighteen years ago) link


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