THE WORST NME COVER OF ALL TIME

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Aya Napa / Ibiza? Gay Dad? Campag Velocet? Starsailor? Hear'say? Sleeper? Carter? Neds dustbins? etc.etc.etc.etc.

gretnagreen, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Strokes. Had to be said.

Ben Butler, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I am currently looking at the NME of 25 February 1995. Elton John is on the cover in a jacket that makes him look as though he has incredibly bad dandruff. Why did/does he insist on wearing one earing that looks like it belongs in a curtain rail? The headline reads: "ELTON JOHN! The ultimate rock'n'roll interview!" (Was this the beginning of the end for the NME?)

Mascara, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Ocean Colour Scene in 1996. Any occasion when they thought it was necessary to put Oasis on the cover within a month or two of their previous appearance. White Stripes. Did Lo-Fidelity Allstars ever get a cover? If so, them as well: what a pointless band.

Robin Carmody, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD! That "Has The World Gone Mod?" was the first one I ever bought! I remember they had a Noelrock (as it was then dubbed) Good Thing / Bad Thing article, and I sided it was a bad thing, because I liked Blur.

DG, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Apropos whatever, completely unexpectedly, Lo-Fis were fucking brilliant at Knebworth at the weekend. The sound's completely redeveloped since their early days - less glitchly, more bassy, and more like Bugged Out!-esque funky house / techno spun out into MDMA- mantras than Embrace faiing to make dance music.

Chris Houghton, Sunday, 12 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Northern Uproar was pretty bad, but the day I stopped buying it (never to resume) was the Bratpop cover. And I'll admit to an extremely base and childish reason, one of the prepubescent bands covered in that issue played with us once and drew about 11 people, plus they sucked, and we didn't even get a mention.

dave q, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Oh god I just had a horrible flashback - anybody remember Symposium? They were quite terrible, but get loads of bonus points for being un- PC

dave q, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

The Campag Velocet cover was an undeserving band alright - but this isn't a bad thing, part of the charm so-to-speak of NME is when it gets it 'wrong': I like the idea of CV being SOMEBODY'S future of pop.

BUT it was also a horrible cover aesthetically - pink and black and a nasty-looking man in leathers.

Actual worst NME cover: a 'global pop' issue circa 1990 where they interviewed Midnight Oil and on the cover had a map of the world poorly drawn on top of a bald head, clearly meant to be that of Midnight Oil bloke but he wouldn't do it so they got some staffer instead. It looked horrible whatever.

Tom, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

yes tom, that midnight oil one is a definite contender

gareth, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

'There's a riot going on: So what are you doing?' - really childishly suggests riots are cool and rock 'n' roll. that 'yoof' one. because i'm a yoof and I'm nothing like that. am I the only person who actually vaguely likes Campag Velocet then?

Bill

Bill, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

But they maybe cancelled out the crap covers by putting Destiny's Child on the cover when they knew it was likely to piss off all the people who like 'real music'. Grate!

Bill

Bill, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

does anybody remember "romo" (romantic modernism ,new wave of new romantic)? well ,one of those covers

francesco, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

That was Melody Maker, he sez anally.

Tom, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Tony Blair

Missus Mo, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Haha: I am old enuff to remember — and have been on-staff and been aghast — when they put NEIL KINNOCK on the cover.

mark s, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Well at least Kinnock had Red freakin Wedge instead of the Blighthouse Family

Missus Mo, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

You must have been even more aghast when they did it a second time.

Billy Dods, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Anything and everything by Tangerine Dream.

alex in montreal, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Hang on!!! The "Bratpop" cover was actually Melody Maker!!! I know, because I wrote a rather stiff letter to them about the content of that particular issue!!!!

Old Fart!!!!!

Old Fart!!!!, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Aaliyah. One of the most boring interviews I've ever read, but at the same time it's Aaliyah on the cover. Isn't that trying just a little bit too hard to be down with the kids?

Greg, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

bill... am editing nme letters page this week... that destiny's child cover is still pissing people off.

robin - care to submit a letter to my hotmail address? slim pickings, m'friends...

stevie, Monday, 13 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

youth suicide?

flowersdie, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Stevie...feel free to make up letter from me about how it was the best cover ever made better by the fact they're actually good! I'd e- mail it to angst, but i) Can't be bothered 2)You didn't print my letter about that crap MP questionnaire thing. Bastards.

Bill

Bill, Tuesday, 14 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I recall Newman and Baddiel on one cover. Posing with guitars. A mite irksome.

Dickon Edwards, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

As far as MM in the 90s goes...

Thousand Yard Stare naked on the front - in preference to Polly Harvey, big interview in same issue.

Daisy fucking Chainsaw - in preference to Hole, major first interview same issue.

Both covers the responsibility of future NME editor Steve Sutherland (and over my dead body too.)

Jerry, Monday, 20 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Have been sorting through NME / MM - struck by how many BAD COVERS.

Bob Mould: big offender. Daisy Chainsaw: with candle. Belly: over- exposed.

Amazing how eg. the Cure were MOST IMPORTANT BAND IN THE WORLD in MM poll 1992. And 'Suede play some dates...' *every week*, with Brett A in same shirt about to get torn off him.

the pinefox, Tuesday, 21 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

"Thousand Yard Stare naked on the front - in preference to Polly Harvey, big interview in same issue."

Shyiiiiit! I remember that one. Wasn't it just one 'Stare' that was nekkid with the others standing behind his milk-sop body holding their thumbs n forefingers an inch apart? Desperate fkn' tossers.

"Daisy fucking Chainsaw - in preference to Hole,"
I prefer Daisy fucking Chainsaw actually.

"Both covers the responsibility of future NME editor Steve Sutherland"
On the advert for the new Ministry of Sound Ibiza album on the telly, it says it's been remixed by one 'Steve 'Smooth' Sutherland'. They can't be one and the same can they? Can they?


Which paper was it that had the Hothouse Flowers standing looking bored like gimps? Dullllllllllest cover ever.
And the MM cover of Throwing Muses with Kirsten holding her x-eyed baby still gives me the collywobbles.

DavidM, Tuesday, 21 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

This week - The Strokes - yet again ! twice this year! 10/10 album review and notice that the price has risen 20p this week (that works out as 15% rise in sale price, way above the rate of inflation - the NME have to increase price of their rag because the clueless idiots have a declining consumer base - and they don't know why they are losing readers !

I can't recall a music magazine ever fawning of such blatant hyped mediocrity and the magnitude of misguided praise is now getting laughable - The Strokes an epidemic of bullshit started by NME.

I just wish they go away because they are not needed in 2001.

£ 1.50 the highest price and worst NME ever, look at the rubbish this week Eminem, Papa Roach, American Hi-fi, Travis, Staind, OPM, Ash etc - total tosh and an NME bib - total crap cut out ! Who is the rubbish aimed at !

Ladies & Gentlemen the worst and highest price NME ever ! ...but wait till AOL Time Warner turns it into a fortnightly Rolling Stone with lots of glossy ads, and AOL CD sellotaped on the front cover! and free Warners showcase of bullshit bands! its coming to ya soon!

I have said it before - but there must be a publisher out there with the guts to take on a weak and sickly NME ! ...and launch a new music magazine.. the time is right NOW.

DJ Martian, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

One of the Strokes on this week's cover worryingly resembles Tom Hanks.

Dickon Edwards, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

I personally prefer NME.COM to the paper version. It's free, quicker with the news, comes with audio and video clips, saves paper, and you get entertaining pop reviews by my dear friend T-- that don't appear in the inky incarnation.

Dickon Edwards, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

All this bile reminds me of one of the greatest punk singles ever - Thee Headcoats' venomous two chord thrash, We Hate The NME. I was playing it only yesterday, coincidentally.

Jerry, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Surely they haven't given the Strokes 10/10? Surely? Are they totally unaware of the concept of self-parody?

DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

DG it's true, it's getting pathetic - first page of news Strokes Live at the festivals the band you must see, then in the middle massive article of band talking rubbish, and a gushing album review 10/10 - as I said it's a epidemic!

DJ Martian, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Is there a live review of the Lollies Ladyfest gig on Saturday though? I heard there were a few journos there.

DG, Wednesday, 22 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Things are worse than ever. NME has just axed 20 jobs including the live reviews editor. Current rumour is that it may even become a monthly magazine. It's not just NME - all other music-related publications are apparently hitting an all time ciculation low. Maybe it's the Net. All very sad.

Dickon Edwards, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

But there's good news at least - Cast have split up. Hurrah!

Dickon Edwards, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

What about Hurrah!?

Jerry, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Praise the lord - that runt Power has disbanded Cast ! what a useless band.

NME.com they can't do a decent job with 20 people, now reduced to 5 they will just rehash PR news releases of big name artists for masinstream audiences - they don't have any authority/mandate or passion for supporting or discovering new music. NME.com Utter crap.

NME - I expect a switch to a fortnightly publication within the next 6 months, when is their 50th? anniversary ! I think they will try a relaunched fortnightly title as Uncut is a monthly already.

Hurrah - I remember them! that Sweet Sanity track - their image though black leathers was a bit sub Psychedelic Furs to say the least!

DJ Martian, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

Actually, I think the 20 redundancies are at NME.COM rather than NME the magazine. I don't really understand why. I thought NME.COM was winning awards and was generally being looked upon as an IPC success story.

Suppose I'll have to send our next album to horseandhound.co.uk after all.

Dickon Edwards, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

NME.COM might have won awards, but it lost money hand over fist because IPC never figured out a way to make it profitable. I heard it had lost over a million, but who knows? Hence the redundancies (if they have happened)

Jerry, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

NME.COM might have won awards, but it lost money hand over fist because IPC never figured out a way to make it profitable. I heard it had lost over a million, but who knows? Hence the redundancies (if they have happened).

Jerry, Friday, 24 August 2001 00:00 (twenty years ago) link

one year passes...
new candidate the useless southern bar boogie retro long haired rockers: Kings of Leon. They look stoopid [they deserve to be held down and have their hair sheared], they make the most dullard retro rock.

NME: this week
http://microsites.nme.com/thisweek/
Kings of Leon

I agree with Norman Records
http://www.normanrecords.com/reviews.php

Kings of Leon. 'Youth & Young Manhood' LP/CD (Hand me down/BMG)
NME review: - "the best debut album of the last 10 years' 9/10.
Our review:- " the worst debut album of the last 50 years" 0/10

Go to any bar, anywhere and hear this kind of stale rubbish. If anyone's seen the film Ghost World then the word 'Blueshammer' sums this album up rather accurately. Incredibly, incredibly bad beyond belief. Not one glimmer of any kind of idea, melody or anything....just.....nothing......blues rock of the dullest sort, out of tune singing(!) completely hopeless. What is the world coming to? (Fuckin' bad pub rock. Unbelievable!! x Brian)

DJ Martian (djmartian), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 13:53 (eighteen years ago) link

Actually, I thought the cover of that record is very interesting, since it appears to represent the Four Ages of Roy "Wizzard" Wood!!!!

Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 14:38 (eighteen years ago) link

NB An image search for "Kings of Leon" brought up this!!!! Do you think they'll look this when they get to my age?!?!?!

Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 14:43 (eighteen years ago) link

I've never heard them, but the name is terrible. It makes Dumpy's Rusty Nuts sound cool.

Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:11 (eighteen years ago) link

one month passes...
a new candidate:

http://microsites.nme.com/thisweek/

[the return of] The Strokes

DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 14:29 (eighteen years ago) link

Hee Hee, Casablancas looks silly

person#0 (person#0), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 14:43 (eighteen years ago) link

And this was a change how?

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 14:46 (eighteen years ago) link

Hmmm, I just can't profess a *complete* hatred of the Strokes, as much as I want to. It's a kickback to my indie-disco days.

person#0 (person#0), Tuesday, 12 August 2003 14:49 (eighteen years ago) link

i assumed it was derived from pagan but maybe not? it is an excellent word

mark s, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:25 (four years ago) link

sometimes spelled pagan fwiw

need to know the etymology too

lex pretend, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:26 (four years ago) link

nme remains trash obviously

lex pretend, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:26 (four years ago) link

Where the fuck are they putting these 300,000 copies? Cos I never see them around. Are they still distributing them via university campuses?

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:33 (four years ago) link

they are, according to their abc info

the rest get dumped in canals up and down the country i assume

not even my mate ross king sniffed out this hot gossip (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:34 (four years ago) link

never seen one in scotland

Odysseus, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:35 (four years ago) link

They give them out at London train stations. I think I even read one once.

Colonel Poo, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:36 (four years ago) link

i've seen a copy left on a bus now and then

mark s, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:37 (four years ago) link

i've seen some in fopp on byres rd i think, and i've seen them in glasgow uni and some shops in town too. mind you i'm always surprised whenever i do happen across a pile of copies

not even my mate ross king sniffed out this hot gossip (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:37 (four years ago) link

saw some in an eastbourne record shop last year, never on a campus though.

devvvine, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:38 (four years ago) link

xpost
There are always huge piles of them in the Glasgow Fopps, and in dump bins outside River Island too.

Bernie Lugg (Ward Fowler), Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:38 (four years ago) link

piles and dump being les mots just

Pengest & Corsa (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:40 (four years ago) link

i've been writing all day abt the UK music papers of 35 years ago -- i made my peace with the changes like 25 years ago i'm not weeping for what's lost or anything, plus (a) changes unavoidable over such timespans and given the internet (b) i p much stopped reading ALL dead-treework 15 years ago unless i was actually subbing it or on-staff

but all the same it is odd to feel associated with what it now is (i think i still know one person who works there who was there when i was, not in editorial per se and in no way to blame for any of the bad stuff -- must be far stranger for her)

mark s, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:46 (four years ago) link

not that long ago i saw a bundle of hundreds of copies sitting in the rain outside king's cross station, which seemed a little on-the-nose as far as metaphors go

not even my mate ross king sniffed out this hot gossip (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:51 (four years ago) link

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Dh-9NNyBipk/maxresdefault.jpg

devvvine, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:51 (four years ago) link

Does print-NME spend much time extolling vinyl? All creaky old formats together.

Stormzy is currently tucked away towards the bottom of the NME homepage which generally has a bland monochromatic anyweb approach design-wise (interesting disconnect with the printed mag). Several advantages to ditching print and concentrating on the site, brand etc. online - cover star controversies included.

nashwan, Thursday, 16 March 2017 15:59 (four years ago) link

Does print-NME spend much time extolling vinyl? All creaky old formats together.

point of order: people still care about vinyl

Dysphagia Nutrition Solutions (stevie), Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:03 (four years ago) link

they even pay actual money to own it, which is another crucial difference between vinyl and the nme

not even my mate ross king sniffed out this hot gossip (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:13 (four years ago) link

NME has actually been a lot better at putting black artists on the cover since the switch to freesheet. But they're going for a different market now - and even their core demographic is going to me more interested in Stormzy or Wiley than Blossoms or whoever these days. What's inside the cover is woefully thin even by NME standards obviously.

Matt DC, Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:14 (four years ago) link

Derived from the English pagan (a non-believer) and panga, a type of machete favoured by back-stabbers.

idk how plausible that is

ogmor, Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:15 (four years ago) link

point of order: people still care about vinyl

I wouldn't have brought it up otherwise! My obscurer point is on how much the print and site content and even agenda may differ.

nashwan, Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:19 (four years ago) link

given that their demographic also all own phones and probably tablets, the freesheet is presumably a kind of cross-subsidised physical reminder to access the site once a week, with a kind of legacy tangibility that gives it heft or brand aura (or something) that sites which never published a paper version don't have? (kind of like a 10-page flyer for a website)

(also have to say this cover, while clearly stupidly thoughtless in ten different directions, is by no means as bad as the anti-craig david cover of 2000, or whenever it was) (i don;t think depression is a topic they are wrong to consider covering, given their readership -- tho clearly this is a v bad start and i have not yet turned to the actual words involved)

mark s, Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:24 (four years ago) link

that was MM though

Odysseus, Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:28 (four years ago) link

MM asks: "Should UK Garage be outlawed?"

Odysseus, Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:29 (four years ago) link

lol was it? you young people, wot next eh

mark s, Thursday, 16 March 2017 16:32 (four years ago) link

did we ever work out whether uk garage should be banned btw

not even my mate ross king sniffed out this hot gossip (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 16 March 2017 19:56 (four years ago) link

2000-era NME was reasonably pro-UKG fwiw. I mean not to the extent of covering more than Terris or whoever but they did put Craig David on the cover properly and at least some of their writers appreciated what was happening.

Matt DC, Thursday, 16 March 2017 23:05 (four years ago) link

https://sites.create-cdn.net/siteimages/5/5/8/55872/66/5/3/6653512/248x318.jpg

GOMEZ AND ROBBIE - intrigued by this elusive 2 Step duo one can find no trace of today.

nashwan, Thursday, 16 March 2017 23:37 (four years ago) link

P sure NME did a cover feature on UKG that sent Louis Pattison to Aiya Napa too. Terris just got the one cover feature, during that week in January they always put long shits on the cover.

Dysphagia Nutrition Solutions (stevie), Friday, 17 March 2017 09:52 (four years ago) link

Long shits.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 March 2017 10:16 (four years ago) link

I liked that debut EP by Terris. Saw 'em live once and they were good. Better than Coldplay who they were co-headlining with.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 March 2017 10:16 (four years ago) link

Yeah, I liked the debut EP too, and enjoyed 'em when I did their first live review at Bedford Esquires. LP was p bad, though, and the singer guy was just a 24 carat dickhole.

Dysphagia Nutrition Solutions (stevie), Friday, 17 March 2017 10:23 (four years ago) link

Also he sounded like Cartman which should have been a huge signal that they were going to do absolutely nothing.

Matt DC, Friday, 17 March 2017 10:26 (four years ago) link

tbf Cartman is massive

Dysphagia Nutrition Solutions (stevie), Friday, 17 March 2017 10:47 (four years ago) link

also a lack of talent no barrier to success in the realms of indie rock

Dysphagia Nutrition Solutions (stevie), Friday, 17 March 2017 10:48 (four years ago) link

[I remember thinking they reminded me of Bad Brains the first time I saw them, which I totally cannot understand now]

Dysphagia Nutrition Solutions (stevie), Friday, 17 March 2017 10:48 (four years ago) link

lol waht

not even my mate ross king sniffed out this hot gossip (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 17 March 2017 10:55 (four years ago) link

I mean not early Bad Brains, more I Against I-era Brains, but... That certainly never made it to the record.

Dysphagia Nutrition Solutions (stevie), Friday, 17 March 2017 10:57 (four years ago) link

that's my favourite bad brains era but yeah i never heard any of that in terris' output! maybe they'd have stuck around longer if it had

not even my mate ross king sniffed out this hot gossip (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 17 March 2017 11:03 (four years ago) link

I honestly can't explain it. It was a dry old time, musically, and I think I was willing stuff to be better than it was, if only to deliver us from Feeder et al

Dysphagia Nutrition Solutions (stevie), Friday, 17 March 2017 11:20 (four years ago) link

eight months pass...

In 2002, we owned the scene completely. If you look at the sales of NME, there’s a long slow curve of downward sales from 1964. But there are two blips where they increased – ‘77 to ’78, when NME had finally jumped on the punk bandwagon, and ‘02 to ’05.

Kerrang! was outselling NME 2:1 during 02-05 iirc.

"Taste's very strange!" (stevie), Monday, 27 November 2017 20:36 (four years ago) link

owned a scene

Big Pred aka (Noodle Vague), Monday, 27 November 2017 20:41 (four years ago) link

three months pass...

Who was on the final cover? Was it as good as Melody Maker's?
https://www.rarerecords.com.au/store/magazines/melody-maker-20th-december-2000-fred-durst-on-cover/

PaulTMA, Wednesday, 7 March 2018 13:02 (three years ago) link

According to wiki it's shame, as in the emotion not the name of a band. Kind of apt I suppose.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_NME_covers

Dan Worsley, Wednesday, 7 March 2018 13:27 (three years ago) link

lmao

(robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap) (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 March 2018 13:32 (three years ago) link

(@ wikipedia hyperlink)

(robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap) (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 March 2018 13:32 (three years ago) link

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DXhdBSNUMAIxSH8.jpg

Heavy Messages (jed_), Wednesday, 7 March 2018 13:39 (three years ago) link

5 wite dorks tryin 2 look tough and edgy, a fitting end

(robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap) (Bananaman Begins), Wednesday, 7 March 2018 13:43 (three years ago) link

Temporarily locking this one as the conversation is also going on here: Has The NME Got Good?

Matt DC, Wednesday, 7 March 2018 13:44 (three years ago) link


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