Jools Holland - A Bloody Obvious Target, But Someone Has To Do It!

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SCENE: Draughty ersatz "Top of the Pops" studio. A circle of not very diverse musicians listlessly parp, thump and stand about through some exceptionally lame boogie-woogie orchestrated by a middle-aged pianist standing, ringmaster-style, in the cynosure of the failed storm. The ringmaster leers towards the camera, narrowly missing the glass.

JH: Yes! My FRIENDS WELCOME! To! Later! With the ubla-ubla-mumble-mumble-ah yes indeed! And! A superb! Cast! Of! Musicians! Here tonight! And I have to say! Straight through! 'Cos they're the only ones you're watching the programme! For! Hands! Together for! Manic Toploader Coldphonics! Ah yes!

(Bradfield/Jones/Whoever The Hell Toploader Bloke Is, Is It Dan Someone Or Other proceed to warble semi-tonally through their current Number 27 smash hit fourth single from the underperforming album. Scattered whoops and applause)

JH: Yes! And! Magnificent A-Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-Fats Domino! Now! Sitting here! We do not have legends! But this! Is a! Legend! With a dodgy new acoustic direction CD to sell! Midge! Ure!

URE: Aye! Yes! It's live! And that's whit counts! Live! Only £5.99! New world music direction! No hits since '85! All doonhill after Slik!

JH: Such! Articulacy! Buy his magnificent new album! For one pound! In all Record & Tape Exchange emporia! Now! There is soul! And there is "Nu" Soul! And there is R&B! And here is a lady! The like of which you've never heard! Before! Erykah Macy likes her so much! She recorded her album! On her behalf! Put it together! For! Pink Freedom Sunshine Cliche!

(Cue five minutes of dreary generic sub-sub-sub-Lauryn Hill "tasteful" jazzfunk with the same three primary colour clad backing singers you seem to get for all these types. Viewer strains to hold on to life)

JH: Ah! Yes! Radical! Ray Charles! But acceptable! Now! Tradition! Please welcome! Bill Wyman and his Indwelling Catheters! With Van the Man! Morrison Man!

(Ancient semi-derelict '60s failures shamble onto stage to launch into some goodtime boogie-woogie. Van the Man struggles to articulate his soul through the Forest of Dean which constitutes his nasal hairs with Beckettian lyrics of the calibre of "She's my baby/Don't mean maybe/Make you mine/Feel so fine." A 42-year-old IT middle manager planted in the audience makes a fool of himself by boogieing along energetically, much like your grandad trying to do the twist to N.E.R.D.)

JH: Now! To widen! The brief! Comedians! Without a script! What's the point? The! League! Of! Gentlemen!

LOG: Erm, we really make jokes for everyone else, and if we like them, it's a bonus. Erm, I'm not really in touch with pop music, erm, I bought "Unplugged" by the Corrs. Their inimitable fusion of traditional Hibernian sentiment with modern technology certainly makes me feel like dancing!

JH: I'm! Splitting my sides! Thank you League! Now! The same acts! But backwards! Bill Wyman at the piano with me! Here is the same "Ready Steady Go" clip of "Satisfaction" you've seen a million times! Give it up! For Neil! Finn! Acoustic!

(Neil Finn struggles for four-and-a-half minutes to avoid playing "Weather With You." Tumultuous applause comparable to Duran Duran at Wembley Arena circa 1983)

JH: Yes! Mr Neil! God! Finn! Any 18-year-olds watching! You won't know who the hell he is! But we're not interested! 'Cos! Over-40s are our demographic ideal! The people who went to the Comedy Store in 1982 and grew up with Squeeze's Best Of! That's what we're here for! OK, we'll throw you a sop now and then! Radiohead special upcoming! Or see the occasional visionary slip through by mistake! At The Drive In! But we're here as it is one merry world of music . . .

(Interrupted mid-sentence by an entourage of subversives storming through the studio, brandishing AK47s and hand grenades, who seize control of the cameras, microphones, lighting and studio. They are headed by their spokesmen, two pale gentlemen; a young bespectacled studious-looking chap, and a thirtysomething sallow Scot who looks more and more like Ken bloody Stott every bloody day. Some would say Norris Cole if he still had anything up on top. Some would say Loyd Grossman)

C&C: Ladies and gentlemen! We are the C&C Music Factory! We are here to dismantle and demolish this staid, laughable procession of middle-aged, prematurely arthritic wheezings masquerading as vital contemporary music. On "Now with C&C" we bring you Destiny's Child, Mogwai, Skitz, Ludacris, Atari Teenage Riot, Two Dollar Guitar, Roger Whittaker, Godspeed You Black Emperor, Squarepusher, Derek Bailey, Cannibal Ox, and, in a historic collaboration, SClub7 and Merzbow! For fuck's sake! Let's! PUSH THE FUCKING ENVELOPE!

(Happy ending, much jigging, etc. etc.).

Marcello Carlin, Friday, 1 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

You'd have thought, would't you, that since this programme has since its inception fed off a quite specific and tightly defined idea of the quality of music emerging from the this-here-now immediacy of its live performance, that someone somewhere on-set would have mastered the art of miking up the fucking MC properly. I am of course pledged, there, there, and, er, there, to defending — eloquently, no less — Level 42, Yngwie Malmsteen AND Jools Holland the affable chevalier. And this I will do. Oh yes. But for the moment, foax, enjoy Marcello "I'm 22 now but I won't be for long" Carlin's suspiciously well-researched and gleeful demolition. Soup. To. Nuts. Goodnight.

mark s, Friday, 1 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Marcello, I never thought you'd work me into it like that :).

Or I *assume* it's me (young pale bespectacled studious-looking chap, surname beginning with C ...). I'm gratified. Easy targets, maybe, but every word of it hits.

Robin Carmody, Friday, 1 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

bro', you *rule*! you didn't even need the marx brothers chaos- busting-out ending, i'm not gonna be able to look at Jools Holland without cracking up ever again.

duane zarakov, Friday, 1 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

IN a country that began with a J for jools.... now ends in s for s***

Mike Hanley, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

A friend called me up the other night to ask me to identify something on compilation I'd done for him, I'd skillfully hidden Joolz's piano solo from The The's -This is the Day in the middle a Motown/pop feast. He has not pleased.

K-reg, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Greasy hair and dandruff.

Johnathan, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

weeellll....I'd like to try to defend "Later" - in theory it's easy - it covers a bunch of music you don't see anywhere else on telly (well, I don't, anyway. Actually, I gave my telly away last week, so this is prob the last TV-related thread I'll be responding to.) Live music is good IMO - IE a good live band/singer whatever is a pleasure to watch & listen to. Actually it is, or can be, pretty diverse...yadda yadda yadda....I suppose "Q" readers deserve their own music programme?

However.

Since! reading! MC's! KaY! WRaD! post! (above!!!), I've been trying to think of awesome things I've seen on "Later". Air were great, when they were doing their stereolabby thing. I've usually enjoyed Pulp, when they've been on. I think I saw ZZ Top be good once......er.......hmmm......

I can think of a lot more things that were REALLY awful.

Bands I like - EG Stereolab, Six by Seven, Broadcast who just sounded tinny & weak. Like - you people are supposed to be able to mix rock music for TV?

NME kkkritik favourite bands who were just fuxin' terrible - special mention 'ere to prml scrm's appearance circa "vanishing point", and the recent-ish appearance by....er.....having trouble remembering their name....er....dress up like mc5...er....."relationship of command" LP...sorry, it's just gone. You know who I mean anyway. They were fckng GODDAMN USELESS. (an aside - I was bored, and posted something to this effect on MNE's bulletin board - I got a frightening reponse from a dominatrix (!!!!!) who used said band as background music to her - er- "seshes". She threatened to poo in my mouth. CHARMING!!!!) Then there's the techno acts, who, clearly because they are v. boring to watch, and are totally out of context on "later", are allowed to bring their light show along, and get eye-popping jump-cut camera-tilting visuals. NOT FAIR!! How come Coldplay & Eryka wassername don't get that also??? Orbital were miming on their last appearance BTW, unless you call minor fiddling with mixing desk channels, and randomly pushing buttons on synth modules "live performance". Ironic/amusing considering the "We aRe T0TaLLY L!Ve" ethos of "Later".

The thing is, though. Even when it is depressingly mundane, it still knocks the spots off the fare on "4later - music" or whatever it's called. I mean which is worse? Later, or Jo Whiley/some fly on the wall cheap-ass krap following some monosyllabic club DJ as he does PAs in new york & edinburgh (followed next week by a fly on the wall acount of some very slightly less monosyllabic etc etc.)

What I'd like (or what I would have liked if I still had a telly), would be a televisual version of Mark Radcliffe's old evening radio show. Y'know, actual diversity, stuff that is actually interesting, stuff that you really will not hear anywhere else. I'd also like a perpetual motion machine, and lee & herring to be executed.

Alternatively, replacing "Jo Whiley" with "Julie Burchill" could be quite amusing in a car crash kind of way (adopt minnie mouse-with-a- bristolian-accent voice & hurl tirades of abuse @ indie LaYMoRZ)

Anyway - "The last good pop/rock music TV prog was 'The Word'". er...discuss?

x0x0

NoRMaN FaY, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I'd quite like David Baddiel to be executed.

Johnathan, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Marcello, that was BEAUTIFUL...But where was the dodgy boogie woogie piano "magic" aside Later viewers have come to cherish? Personally, that's when any missile I have to hand (shoes, paperweights, elastic bands, cutlery) goes flying toward my television, fast. Glad Jo Whiley and her mingin' toenails are off C4; all their music progs are v.i.l.e.

suzy, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Yeah, 4Music is just *so* bad. Everyone involved should be hurt in some way.

DG, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Didn't the acts on LATER use to get to do two songs each - now there's one 'IMPORTANT' act per week who gets 3 or 4. Marcello - nail on the head dood. Anyhow, flying the coop - see ya on tour :)

geordie racer, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Good call, Norman. The original Radcliffe show is my *ideal* radio / TV music format. Completely fearless, not a moment's thought to target audience and genre, and all the better for it. Radio 1 has never done anything so good since.

I did quite like "The White Room" when Radcliffe was presenting it; easily better than "Later" anyway!

Robin Carmody, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Guilty confession: I was invited in for interview to be the head researcher for Ms Mingin' Toenails herself for the first series. It was the day after the Brits and the producer/my inquisitor was totally fcuk'ed as a result, and kept going on about whattime he wanted to see people start each morn. I don't know...any meeting you have with TV people happens to reinforce just how banal and don't-care they are. Which is why they get asked to make music programmes.

White Room was good. Radcliffe's getting a bit carried away with the joke rock, though. But like I said earlier, most of them make me want to chuck things at the TV. And I'm sure the other writers can tell you all about being rung up by telly idiots for contacts. All together now: 'well, we don't have a budget as such to pay for your research...'

suzy, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

soz..was meant to read 'didn't all the acts' - seemed more levelling back then.

geordie racer, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Agreed with you there, Suzy. The Shirehorses have gone on far, far too fucking long.

Most people in / on TV are obviously arseholes. Sensed that years ago, and I always sympathise with those few worthwhile, interesting people such as yourself who have to work alongside them ...

Robin Carmody, Saturday, 2 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

But you can't argue with 'Our Kid A' as an album title. Something tells me they thought of that title and it was so good they had to make an album to go with it.

Note to non-British people: 'Our Kid' is a northern expression that people (esp. Radcliffe and Riley) use to refer to younger siblings or younger people generally (as in "You all right, our kid?")

As for JH, I can't believe no one's mentioned the horror that is "Jools' Hootmany", an annual boogie-woogie spectacular that TV bosses use to taunt people whose lives are already so crap that they are staying in on New Year's Eve. I've never watched it, i hasten to add.

Nick, Sunday, 3 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

It's "Our Kid, Eh?" isn't it. Either way, not that funny.

I see it's sweeping generalisation Sunday down in Dorset. Obviously.

Dr. C, Sunday, 3 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Last week someone lent me a videotape, a Japanese video magazine called Salon: Sound Issue (Techno Music Landscapes). In one hour, and with very quiet and understated graphics and camera technique, this tape observes the work of electronic artists: Noto, Oval, Mouse on Mars, Christophe Charles, Nobukazu Takemura, Jim O'Rourke, Terre Thaemlitz and others. It goes to their studios in Germany, Japan, Britain and the US and lets them talk.

It's television, but alas it could never be 'on television' as we know it in Britain. Don't ask me why. Television must be in the wrong hands. Television must be embarrassed by love and seriousness and dedication. One thing I can tell you is that this tape contains utterly startling images: Mouse on Mars testing some extraordinary lights in their big rehearsal 'laboratory', or Nobukazu Takemura looking like a young Japanese Stockhausen in his house in Kyoto, surrounded by delicate modular synths.

The intensity, passion and intelligence of the people involved (Markus Popp is totally insane) makes the tape lucid and revelatory. I'd say this tape could change lives the same way David Bowie's appearance on Top of the Pops in 1972 with 'Starman' changed innumerable lives (and very little music-related stuff on broadcast TV has since). It's a glimpse of the Sublime -- a dry, cerebral, technological sublime, certainly -- and television is terrified by the Sublime.

A thing worth living for is a thing worth dying for. Music is a thing worth living for, therefore Sublime. It's certainly a thing worth switching off TV for.

Momus, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Spot on Marcello, but could have been even more sharply honed by featuring Gomez. They *belong* with Jools, Dr. John, Ernest Ranglin...

Dr. C, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

That programme sounds fantastic, Nick. It also sounds like the kind of thing you can find on very small commmunity radio stations in America, or in the new media strand at the ICA, which is finally moving on from the weird, slightly hackneyed early-90s zippie vibe it's had since its inception - you know, where you get the feeling it's been curated by five Psychic TV fans with lifetime subscriptions to ReSearch/Juno Books and The Wire. Essentially, these are lo-fi, zero-budget areas where risk-takers seem welcome or encouraged.

Music television in the English-speaking west sucks because of the way the entry-level systems work for getting into it: lots of work experience opportunities for those who can afford to work for free, which attracts those with very blasé or mutable attitudes and/or Daddy's filofax. Generally, these kind of people do what they're told reflexively. They're no-riskers who then don't ever take risks because they don't know how, and are totally freaked out by anyone who would.

I think if a concerted effort was made to overhaul this structure things would change for the better: mo'better music, television, films, art - you name it. I wish artists would stop appearing on these silly, over-marketed programmes as a matter of principle, to help effect that change (but not overtly. A nice 'sorry, we're busy that day' would do just fine). Then those who DO appear would be seen, eventually, as the shallow, grasping non-artists they are.

It's interesting that Japan and Germany - both places with a large "middle class" - seem to lack all the negative associations English speakers reserve for their middle classes and have cooperative, flourishing creative scenes which will dominate over the coming decade. Not entirely without coincidence, both societies 'lost' the last big war, and had to basically get on with things under sanctions imposed by so-called winners, countries with societies which are, overall, much less egalitarian and much more troubled than those they criticise for having a more homogenous cultural landscape. After all, isn't pointing out the lack of multi-culture in an-Other country kind of racist and backward-looking in and of itself?

Also, all the Japanese TV I have ever seen is brash, noisy and hyper. What you describe sounds like the exact opposite. Maybe that's why it was worth saving.

suzy, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Suzy: The programme I was describing is in fact a magazine on video tape, not a TV show. JapTV is pretty raucous, though good-natured.

I think if a concerted effort was made to overhaul this structure things would change for the better: mo'better music, television, films, art - you name it. I wish artists would stop appearing on these silly, over-marketed programmes as a matter of principle, to help effect that change (but not overtly. A nice 'sorry, we're busy that day' would do just fine).

So I take it you're not supporting Luke Haines' boycott of all radio and TV and recording studios this week? He thinks there should be a week in which no music is made or played. By unfortunate co-incidence, he has a record out the same week, so it's a bit of a transparent marketing ploy, innit? 'Apres moi la silence' kinda hubris.

Momus, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

OK, here's a serious question for longterm UK TV-obsessive slugs like m'self. Does anyone remember, in all the history of the LATE REVIEW strand, at its various slots/names/remixes, if like a REKKID has *ever* been reviewed? By Lawson, Paulin, the Greer twins, the Evil Worm-Thing That Is Hislop, whoeverso it may have been? I mean, *ever ever*?

Note: when they have the Pet Shop Boys musical to blab at, they unwrap and demummify out Peregrine Worsthorne!! Which is quite funny, in a way, tho I just turned over and watched Shannon Tweed or something vaguely intelligent.

mark s, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Mark, I don't know if negative answers are any use to you, but no, I'm pretty sure I've never seen them review a record.

Nick, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I have a very vague recollection of OK Computer being reviewed on the Late Review but it might be getting mixed up with that Front Row radio program thing which Lawson also presents.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Y'know, I was going to mention that when I watched "later" I usually channel-hopped between that and whatever "erotic thriller" fluff was on channel 5 @ thee time. Oh! The SHAME!!! (highly entertaining, er, juxtaposition tho') Until Channel 5 started broadcasting, I would have though "Shannon Tweed" referred to 2 rivers in Scotland & Ireland, or something....blah blah....Just thought I'd mention that "Later" is also nowghere hear as bad as "Never Mind The Buzzcocks", which is quite possibly the worst TV programme ever made, or something....

x0x0

Norman "No Shame" Fay, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Oh, I think I remember some REM product getting the "Late Review" treatment @ some point in thee dim & distant part....My fave "TLR" moment always will be Gremaine Greer on "Mars Attacks!" Closely followed by Tom Paulin giving away the ending to "Titanic"...

x0x0

Norman Fay, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Nicholas: I'm not going to be here for Luke's boycott; I'm 'boycotting' Britain for the rest of the week!

As it happens, I don't like what Luke is suggesting - it's too overt and it's too easy to say 'cynical marketing ploy'. It's very boring to jump up and down saying what a refusenik you are, straight into the mic. of a newspaper journalist's tape recorder (when my interview subjects do this, I'm always thinking about that GB Shaw quote about negotiating the price of a whore). Much better to just say you're busy, as I suggested earlier.

Video mags: a nice idea from the 80s worth reviving. Since you already have the necessary technology, why not make some yourself?

suzy, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Re: 'The Late Show' - can only remember a v. few records discussed all the time I've been watching. I know they did Blur's last alb ('13'? - I haven't kept up), and think Parsons picked an alb for his end of year choice once, obliging the others to talk abt it, but can't recall what it was (something's telling me a Donald Fagen solo thing, but I could be miles out...) And they did once drag 'the team' off to see Dylan in concert - Paulin came over all misty-eyed remembering his student youth, and subsequently picked it as one of his 'cultural highlights' of the year. And that's pretty much it.

Andrew L, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I can remember two records Tony Parsons picked as end of year highlights: Frank Sinatra's Capital Box Set and (more surprisingly) Black Grape's It's Great When You're Straight, Yeh!

scott, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

But hey, Dr C, I've seen enough TV recently to know.

Every word Momus says about British TV is true, obviously. The only TOTP performances that genuinely affected and changed me were the KLF in '91 / '92 and Pulp in '95. At that stage, I felt, everything both those bands did *mattered*. Their every move excited me. So, yes, the mediocrity of it all frustrates me sometimes.

Robin Carmody, Monday, 4 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I'm not sure what the question was. Myself, I think that Later is good as TV pop programmes go - but I say that as one who can't think of another good TV pop programme.

I often see acts I dislike on Later. I have never seen Lloyd Cole or Harriet Wheeler on Later.

Merritt played a perverse and inapt solo version of 'I Don't Wanna Get Over You' around about the time of the US election - in fact, I seem to remember hearing that he couldn't cast a vote cos he was on Later that week. Anyway, the point is, they should have let him play more songs.

the pinefox, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Well, I saw the MFs in London the week before the election, so probably yes.

Robin Carmody, Friday, 8 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

The prog was the Saturday (?) after the election. The point was, he stayed in UK while rest of band went home to vote. I still think he could have done a great solo performance even without them. But this wasn't really it. I wish he hadn't kept wearing that silly scarf too.

the pinefox, Saturday, 9 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Thinking about this again - I can't seriously knock Later. Yes, Holland is irritating - but who wouldn't be? (Supplementary question: which ILM poster would you most like to see present a pop programme?) Yes, I dislike much of what's on it - but regular readers will know that I dislike a great deal, so that's not surprising. On balance he still has more good people on than other progs, and he is particularly good on rootsy stuff that wouldn't get an airing elsewhere.

the pinefox, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

>which ILM poster would you most like to see present a pop programme?

Marcello Carlin, obviously!

duane zarakov, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I remember Late Review reviewing a record. With a magnificent inevitability it was 'The Juliet Letters' by Elvis Costello and the Brodskey Quartet. It was memorable for Paulin minting the immortal phrase 'balsawood lyricism'.

stevie t, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

That Paulin fellow is practically irrelevant in my book, as he seems to hate *everything*...except that appalling BBC sitcom, 'Two Pints Of Lager And A Packet Of Crisps' or whatever it was called. He fucking loved that.

DG, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

I suppose I wouldn't mind being Marcello's co-presenter. I suspect he'd do all the memorable stuff, though, and I'd freeze under pressure.

Robin Carmody, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Stevie - I'm confused. Later is not the same as Late Review. (You know this - yes, of course.) Late Review often (?) reviews records. I remember Bragg reviewing Springsteen's 2 LPs on there back in 1992.

So you agree with Paulin for once?

My presenting team: Troussé as cool front-man for the late-night ladies in the audience. Jones for booking unlistenable acts and talking about 80s sit-coms during his intros.

Spotted drinking beer at table in background: Hopkins, Ewing.

the pinefox, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Two Pints Of Lager: yes, even *I* thought that was lame — and 'll stay in for anything they put a laughtrack on...

mark s, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

Do I come in anywhere, Pinefox?

Robin Carmody, Sunday, 10 June 2001 00:00 (sixteen years ago) Permalink

two years pass...
I don't really know how i got onto this sad little web page but as i'm here i have to make my view clear. The fact that any of you can insult the great Jools is beyond me. He is the greatest pianist on the planet and his show (without the fact that its the best music show on TV) is the main chance we get to see him boogie those ivorys.

Your all tasteless weirdos who should be shot, Jools Holland OBE is a God, one of teh last great Gods of our time and i never want to here his name bad mouthed ever again!!!!!

Adam Sowter, Tuesday, 30 March 2004 10:00 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

boogie those ivorys

Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 10:11 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

What's Rowland Rivron's real name?

mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 10:13 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

bloody google (mutter mutter mutter)

Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 10:14 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Marcello forgot to mention the token "ethnic" music slot - this usually consists of a large group of desperately happy 3rd world musicians, pathetically grateful to be given the chance to strut their stuff on the stages of Western Europe and beyond, presenting an ersatz over-produced neither-one-thing-nor-other version of their indigineous culture - this is the part of the show where the viewer either gets up to make a cup of tea or flicks over to the erotic thriller on Channel 5.

Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 10:27 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I think Jools is okay in reality but I'm still convinced he has a serious B.O. problem

stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 11:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Mark, you're surely not suggesting that Rowland Rivron has ever come up with a gag as brilliant as "[Jools Holland] is the greatest pianist on the planet"?

Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 11:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

You are on the same lateral plane as I...

mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 12:27 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I am? Shit! Who's the pilot?

Stewart Osborne (Stewart Osborne), Tuesday, 30 March 2004 14:40 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

two months pass...
bop. (oops wrong thread in advance)

mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 21 June 2004 10:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

i think Jools has solved the BO problem.

stevem (blueski), Monday, 21 June 2004 11:01 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

one year passes...
The first post here is one of the best on ILM ever. Thanks Marcello!

From the Holy Moly newsletter:

"His inability to convincingly read his ‘crib cards’ reveals that Jools Holland rarely has a clue who the bands on his show are. To add salt to the wounds of ignorance, we hear that bands who appear on Later… are charged a 'non-optional' fee of around a grand for their backdrop."

A small thing maybe, but naything to spear Holland.

Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Friday, 24 June 2005 16:46 (twelve years ago) Permalink

Video mags: a nice idea from the 80s worth reviving. Since you already have the necessary technology, why not make some yourself?

-- suzy (theartskooldisk...), June 4th, 2001.

http://www.specialten.com/
http://www.juno.co.uk/products/175837-01.htm

I'm sure there are more examples of these... someone should start a thread. Maybe I will.

fandango (fandango), Friday, 24 June 2005 17:22 (twelve years ago) Permalink

Ovation over here in the States has been showing about six episodes of this ad repeatum. Some good things, some things worth fast-forwarding past. I did think Love's performance of "You Set the Scene" was one of the greatest things I ever saw on TV.

Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Friday, 24 June 2005 18:37 (twelve years ago) Permalink

things things think things

Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Saturday, 25 June 2005 09:48 (twelve years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Ha ha McCoy Tyner on last night's Later refusing to end his (amazing) number, JH mirthlessly grinning and gurning in front of camera, finally resorting to "Get off!" so um Elbow could finish the show. Tyner totally pwned Mr Boogie Woogie Piano Magic!

Here he is with the classic "Poème Électronique." Good track (Marcello Carlin), Wednesday, 6 April 2011 11:28 (six years ago) Permalink

LOLsome indeed. Hope McCoy kneed him in the balls in the green room after the show. Still they did need extra time for that insightful interview with Beady Eye, eh? As for Elbow... uh, wtf?!?!?!?!

Tom D (Tom D.), Wednesday, 6 April 2011 11:58 (six years ago) Permalink

later is still on! jeez.

youtube thread of later with jools holland would be good. i'd start it but can't find the right jpeg with which to open thread

Crackle Box, Wednesday, 6 April 2011 12:22 (six years ago) Permalink

Beady Eye were atrocious, Liam's voice is well and truly shot. Couldn't bear to watch JH doing his creepily solicitous "interview" with LG.

Neil S, Wednesday, 6 April 2011 12:31 (six years ago) Permalink

The thing about 'Later...' is that in theory it's the kind of show I should like, but in practice and execution I can't stand it.

did you notice "you spin me round" was playing in the background? (snoball), Wednesday, 6 April 2011 13:08 (six years ago) Permalink

They need Cecil Taylor on there, just once.

Gully Foyle is my name (Matt #2), Wednesday, 6 April 2011 13:15 (six years ago) Permalink

"Corinne! BaileyRae!"

Black Arkestra, Wednesday, 6 April 2011 14:16 (six years ago) Permalink

They need Cecil Taylor on there, just once.

Get Jools to play some boogie woogie piano with him

Tom D (Tom D.), Thursday, 7 April 2011 08:36 (six years ago) Permalink

"Nurse! WithWound!"

Mark G, Thursday, 7 April 2011 08:46 (six years ago) Permalink

"Godspeed You! Black Emperor"

did you notice "you spin me round" was playing in the background? (snoball), Thursday, 7 April 2011 11:31 (six years ago) Permalink

"Acid... Mothers! Temple... andTheMeltingParaisoUFO!"

Black Arkestra, Thursday, 7 April 2011 11:54 (six years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

if u saw a thread called

RIP Jools Holland

would u assume he died or just that it was another facetious ilx thread

navihchkan (nakhchivan), Friday, 18 May 2012 23:08 (five years ago) Permalink

classic carlin content upthread btw

2001 was a watershed

navihchkan (nakhchivan), Friday, 18 May 2012 23:14 (five years ago) Permalink

I guess it was OK for 2001.

Here he is with the classic "Poème Électronique." Good track (Marcello Carlin), Sunday, 20 May 2012 16:25 (five years ago) Permalink

ok, half the time I'm bored and flick channels, especially if JH is adding boogie woogie piano into the mix, plus musicians should never give interviews, but sometimes it's great, its the only live music show on mainstream British telly and we would miss it terribly if it went. Whistle Test and the Tube got slagged when they were on....

Dr X O'Skeleton, Monday, 21 May 2012 20:49 (five years ago) Permalink

Quite rightly, for they were shit.

Here he is with the classic "Poème Électronique." Good track (Marcello Carlin), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:33 (five years ago) Permalink

it was kind of the end of the post britop pre landfill lull when

Destiny's Child, Mogwai, Skitz, Ludacris, Atari Teenage Riot, Two Dollar Guitar, Roger Whittaker, Godspeed You Black Emperor, Squarepusher, Derek Bailey, Cannibal Ox

could have been in a single issue of the nme give or take a septuagenarian free jazz guitarist or two

Serov devochka s persikami (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:38 (five years ago) Permalink

"jools holland is a national treasure"

About 1,600 results (0.32 seconds)

Serov devochka s persikami (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 18:39 (five years ago) Permalink

"jools holland is a cunt"

About 1,730 results (0.31 seconds)

democracy has spoken.

Merdeyeux, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 20:02 (five years ago) Permalink


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