Worst sounding band in this blogger's list of '5 unique metal bands you should be listening to'

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https://beat.media/5-unique-metal-bands-you-should-be-listening-to

Poll Results

OptionVotes
Feuerschwanz - comedic German metal band centered around mediaeval and fairytale themes. With bagpipes. 8
Van Canto - German a capala metal (though they appear to have a drummer). 6
Alestorm - Scottish pirate metal with keytar. 4
Blackthorn - Russian ‘Symphonic Hextreme’ (as they describe themselves) metal band. 3
Amaranthe - 'Dance metal', Swedish band with a female pop singer. 1


chap, Friday, 10 March 2017 16:53 (eight months ago) Permalink

The only one I have heard is Alestorm. They have one mildly amusing song.

chap, Friday, 10 March 2017 16:53 (eight months ago) Permalink

vote alestorm
feuerschwanz close second

nxd, Friday, 10 March 2017 16:56 (eight months ago) Permalink

Does worst sounding mean that the description sounds odious or that the band sounds terrible?

Loud guitars shit all over "Bette Davis Eyes" (NYCNative), Friday, 10 March 2017 18:20 (eight months ago) Permalink

"comedic" is all u need 2 read

flappy bird, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:23 (eight months ago) Permalink

I think it's considerably more reasonable (and bearable) to go by description alone.

chap, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:37 (eight months ago) Permalink

Acapella metal sounds interesting.

Return of the Flustered Bootle Native (Tom D.), Friday, 10 March 2017 18:46 (eight months ago) Permalink

Without ever hearing any of this shit, I would still posit that these bands aren't unique at all but play melodeatheuropowercheese with some kind of cringeworthy gimmick

ultros ultros-ghali, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:47 (eight months ago) Permalink

Oh wait I've heard Van Canto their cover of Battery is hilarious

ultros ultros-ghali, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:47 (eight months ago) Permalink

Alestorm every time. They are the worst thing ever to come out of Scotland.

Odysseus, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:47 (eight months ago) Permalink

like dokaka's version of "angel of death"?

increasingly bonkers (rushomancy), Friday, 10 March 2017 18:48 (eight months ago) Permalink

LOL Scottish Pirate Metal

Odysseus, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:51 (eight months ago) Permalink

https://youtu.be/ta-Z_psXODw

Odysseus, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:52 (eight months ago) Permalink

Van Canto is hilarious and awesome.

Rachel Luther Queen (DJP), Friday, 10 March 2017 18:57 (eight months ago) Permalink

Lyrics to Keelhauled :

My friends I stand before you
To tell a truth most ARR
They lust a treator in our mist
Who haven't vote the captain's ARR

He don't deserve no mercy
We oath to ship him with the guns
But I am not an evil man
So thus lets have a little fun

We'll tie that scoundrel to a rope
And throw it overboard
Trap him underneath the ship
A terrifying deadly trip

Keelhauled, that filthy lad, gonna send him down to the death bellow
Make that bastard walk the plank with a bottle of rum and the Yo-Ho-Ho

Keelhauled, that filthy lad, gonna send him down to the death bellow
Make that bastard walk the plank with a bottle of rum and the Yo-Ho-Ho

I will not say what he has done
His sins are far to grave to tell
It's not my place to judge a man
But boy he will burn in hell

The sharks will dine up on his flesh
And Davie Jones will have his soul
Take his money and his hat
He won't need them where he's gonna go

And thus lets him to a rope
And throw it overboard
Trap him underneath the ship
A terrifying deadly trip

Keelhauled, that filthy lad, gonna send him down to the death bellow
Make that bastard walk the plank with a bottle of rum and the Yo-Ho-Ho

Keelhauled, that filthy lad, gonna send him down to the death bellow
Make that bastard walk the plank with a bottle of rum and the Yo-Ho-Ho

We'll tie that scoundrel to a rope
And throw it overboard
Trap him underneath the ship
A terrifying deadly trip

Keelhauled, that filthy lad, gonna send him down to the death bellow
Make that bastard walk the plank with a bottle of rum and the Yo-Ho-Ho

Keelhauled, that filthy lad, gonna send him down to the death bellow
Make that bastard walk the plank with a bottle of rum and the Yo-Ho-Ho

Odysseus, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:58 (eight months ago) Permalink

they actually sing keelhaul that filthy landlubber

Odysseus, Friday, 10 March 2017 18:59 (eight months ago) Permalink

Oh wait I've heard Van Canto their cover of Battery is hilarious

OMG the 'guitar solo'!

Return of the Flustered Bootle Native (Tom D.), Friday, 10 March 2017 18:59 (eight months ago) Permalink

I actually quite like Keelhauled.

chap, Friday, 10 March 2017 19:00 (eight months ago) Permalink

omg @ Alestorm

Rachel Luther Queen (DJP), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:02 (eight months ago) Permalink

Van Canto are the greatest band in the world.

Return of the Flustered Bootle Native (Tom D.), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:03 (eight months ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ta-Z_psXODw

nomar, Friday, 10 March 2017 19:05 (eight months ago) Permalink

i don't know i listen to a lot of novelty metal and van canto doesn't do anything for me for whatever reason

increasingly bonkers (rushomancy), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:06 (eight months ago) Permalink

i listen to a lot of novelty metal

I had no idea such a thing existed until 21 minutes ago.

Return of the Flustered Bootle Native (Tom D.), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:09 (eight months ago) Permalink

I am kind of into Amaranthe

Rachel Luther Queen (DJP), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:10 (eight months ago) Permalink

The song I'm listening to is a slightly heavier version of an Evanescence tune:

https://youtu.be/SxOybZcRXhI

Rachel Luther Queen (DJP), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:11 (eight months ago) Permalink

i listen to a lot of novelty metal

I had no idea such a thing existed until 21 minutes ago.

― Return of the Flustered Bootle Native (Tom D.)

oh yeah, sure, like there's rondellus who do medieval latin versions of sabbath tunes. hell the notorious megadeth cover of "these boots", that's novelty metal for certain. the string quartet tribute to mastodon's leviathan, apocalyptica, judgement day... some of those acts might fiercely dispute the claim of being novelty metal, but man these days it seems like there's more novelty metal than novelty country.

increasingly bonkers (rushomancy), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:15 (eight months ago) Permalink

most of the folk metal scene is novelty metal about drinking beer

Odysseus, Friday, 10 March 2017 19:18 (eight months ago) Permalink

worked with a dude who was a fan of alestorm

Islamic State of Mind (jim in vancouver), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:37 (eight months ago) Permalink

he was in IT, wasn't he?

increasingly bonkers (rushomancy), Friday, 10 March 2017 19:40 (eight months ago) Permalink

I just listened to some Van Canto and there's clearly some skill involved, but it feels like your friend showing you the amazing watercolour she just painted of a branch of Poundland - you admire the craft, you just wonder why she bothered.

Girl with Curious Hair, Friday, 10 March 2017 21:18 (eight months ago) Permalink

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Thursday, 16 March 2017 00:01 (eight months ago) Permalink

feuerschwanz by a stucker

Not raving but drooling (contenderizer), Thursday, 16 March 2017 00:06 (eight months ago) Permalink

I've heard Van Canto but Girl with Curious Hair on the money. it's not bad, and I don't hate "a capella" groups the way the rest of ILX seems to, but why the fuck would I want to listen to it

waht, I am true black metal worrior (Neanderthal), Thursday, 16 March 2017 00:07 (eight months ago) Permalink

Alestorm are awful.
I can't say whether I've heard Amaranthe or not, but I've heard enough "prom dress metal" to hazard a guess as to their sound. I bet they're not as good as Battle Beast, but that's cause Battle Beast are legitimately awesome.
Van Canto are kind of gasp-in-disbelief hilarious, but the gimmick wears thin really fast.
Don't know anything about the other two, but I don't listen to Russian bands generally, and "comedy" metal bands are usually so awful I want to kill not only the members, but their families and anyone who's ever expressed a favorable word about them (cf. Steel Panther).

Don Van Gorp, midwest regional VP, marketing (誤訳侮辱), Thursday, 16 March 2017 23:32 (eight months ago) Permalink

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Friday, 17 March 2017 00:01 (eight months ago) Permalink

Blackthorn are pretty decent, and apart from some lol women in a metal band factor are no more a comedy/novelty act than Dimmu Borgir or Emperor.

Siegbran, Friday, 17 March 2017 10:26 (eight months ago) Permalink


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