Songs where the singer/protagonist comes off as a serious dick without meaning to

Badfinger's "Baby Blue" is a song-length study in a lame non-apology that shifts most of the actual blame onto the love interest for not giving him more credit: "Didn't know you'd think that I'd forget," "Did you really think I'd do you wrong," "Thought you'd realize that I would know," "How can I show you? Show me the way" -- all kinda standard stuff, but when piled up in succession you realize he basically hasn't said anything else and we're supposed to be real impressed by this. In this light, the last verse beginning with "Guess that's all I have to say" becomes downright hilarious.

Stroke 9, "Little Back Backpack" - for the entire plot, but especially the climactic outburst Your mind is lined with layers of lead / HAVE YOU HEARD ONE THING THAT I SAID?!

Richard Marx - "Hold on to the Nights". mostly "Well, I think that I've been true to everybody else but me" - aw someone hates monogamy

A sub-genre of this: 70s singer-songwriter types devoting whole songs to telling an acquaintance (usually male) how they're living their whole life wrong or in a phony dream world, or in an insufficiently liberated fashion. E.g. Hall and Oates "Laughing Boy" and "Lazyman," or Billy Joel "Angry Young Man," "James," "Captain Jack" sorta, etc.

(Obviously, all descendants of "Nowhere Man" and by extension, "Ballad of a Thin Man"-type Dylan. Simon & Garfunkel must have a couple of these that aren't coming immediately to mind.)

Mungo Jerry - In the Summertime

although it's such a braindead song I'm not sure you can say the speaker "means" to be anything

"Don't Think Twice It's Alright" is one where I really have a hard time sympathizing with the speaker -- he sounds like such a mean and bitter person beneath all the maudlin self-pity.

I think Dylan totally means to be a dick though

A lot of those "I'm an early mornin' lover and I must be movin' on" songs fit into this: "Goodbye Stranger" etc.

Xp For sure but I always took it as self-righteous or justified dickery in the speaker's eyes.

I always sort of assumed that the speaker in "Goodbye Stranger" was recognizing his dickishness but maybe I'm projecting.

A lot of Dylan songs could be retitled "You're So Dumb"

lol yes

hahahaha

Dumb ones got it in for me,
You're printin' dumb stuff in the preeeeeeeess

btw this is slightly off-topic but I recently discovered that a fun way to enjoy listening to the song "You're So Vain" is, after she sings "You're so vain!", you ad-lib a sexy "How vain am I, girl?"

lol

If God was here, He'd tell you to your face,
Man, you're some kinda sinner!

To be fair, that protagonist spends the entire running time of the song coming off as a dick.

I feel like he's at least in a gray area in certain moments. I mean, whoever sat down and wrote out the sign saying "Long-Haired Freaky People NEED NOT APPLY!" was kind of asking for it. But it's definitely true that the character is trying to troll these people so maybe "not meaning to" is off base.

Queen - 'Don't Try Suicide'

Stevie Wonder's "Superwoman(Where were you when I need you)" fits right in here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-ohttPIqco

The first part of the song is all just belittling Mary/Syreeta for her ambitions, and the second part is whining about how she's become successful and left him on his own. Aw, boo-hoo mate.

Despite the sentiments I still think it's a great song, though

I feel a similar tension with a number of Beach Boys songs (e.g. 'Caroline, No') that are simultaneously gorgeous and lyrically dickish.

Hi, I just thought of one;

Are You Sure - The Allisons

This was the british eurovision entry in 1958 or whatever. The singer/protagonist has basically been given his marching orders, so to amuse himself he says goodbye in a number of different languages in an off-hand manor, and then tells the girl that she's bound to have regrets by the following day, and how miserable she will be. On the other hand, he's indifferent to it all but is basically giving her one last chance to change her mind. See, Phil in "Don't you want me" is casting himself as the swine, whereas in this they are casting themselves as concerned but mature fellas. But they are actually dicks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_9L2XZ-0Xk

1961, beg puddin'

The whole of Pet Sounds is passive-aggressive dickishness, isn't it? I think that's one of the reasons I've never really liked it.

There's a strain of conservative chauvinism running through the entire Beach Boys catalogue. 'Hey Little Tomboy' is another example that immediately comes to mind.

"Ballad of Ole' Betsy" has got to be the worst of those:

"Betsy was a lady and that she will remain/
Betsy took some beatings but she never once complained"

Yes I realize Betsy is just a *car*, but the implications couldn't be any more obvious

(and that would have otherwise been such a nice song in that campy, corny, yet lovable early Beach Boys style)

The whole of Pet Sounds is passive-aggressive dickishness, isn't it? I think that's one of the reasons I've never really liked it.

― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, October 8, 2015 7:44 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, I do like it, but there's something a little bit M'lady about the speaker in most of the songs, and it kind of walks the line between coming of age and just sexual/relational stuntedness, which is also maybe hard for me to separate in my mind from Brian Wilson's own persona.

You could also read "Don't Talk (Put Your Head On My Shoulder)" as slightly dickish.

Again, fine line between the romance of silence and "I don't feel like listening to you, woman"

There's a strain of conservative chauvinism running through the entire Beach Boys catalogue. 'Hey Little Tomboy' is another example that immediately comes to mind.

― Skin Boherts (Old Lunch), Thursday, October 8, 2015 8:47 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

How had I never heard of this until now? Wow, this is the dregs.

TBF, the bulk of their post-Love You discography is pretty much the dregs, if for generally less creepy reasons.

How Deep Is Your Love is pretty unpleasant.

Bee Gees or Calvin Harris?

Bee Gees (although it was hearing the Take That cover that made me mention it).

Paul Simon - "Something So Right"

I guess Simon is going for a humble and self-aware persona but ends up sounding conceited imo:

When something goes wrong
I'm the first to admit it
...when something goes right
well it's likely to lose me

Drake's whole lyrical persona on his weepies sort of rides that "the dickishness is meant to be visible here" line, but "Hotline Bling" really is just gross as all hell.

38 Special - Second Chance

the smug "why can't we forget about the past" when it is significantly more work for the wronged party

"please forgive me, and forget it, I was wrong and I admit it" - wow, how big of you

"this heart needs a second chance" - most annoying chorus ever

red house painters, "cruiser", due to this verse:

Won't you whisper in my ear?
You look so good against my mirror
And you're my baby full of joy
You're my erotic brown eyed toy
You're my exotic black haired toy

'Are you sure?' By The Allisons might be the earliest one here.

She wants to break up, he's very 'oh well never mind' and telling her she might want him back tomorrow. Its the non-committal lyric and delivery (and the 'funny' way of saying goodbye in various ways and languages) that add to the unintended dickishness

Strange that "You Were Always On My Mind" is mentioned upthread. Isn't the entire point of the song an admission of guilt?

Yes.

"The Dangling Conversation," Simon & Garfunkel. Maybe more of a douche than a dick.

I would say "Take Good Care of My Baby" is pretty sweet until this o_O line:

"So, take good care of my baby
Be just as kind as you can be
And if you should discover
That you don't really love her
Just send my baby back home to me"

Oh yeah, that's a good one.

prolly mentioned, but 10cc - i'm not in love

"Into The Night" by Benny Mardones comes to mind. "She's just sixteen years old, leave her alone, they say." I had to google him to see if he wound up in prison.

Christ, it gets even worse as the song progresses:

She's just sixteen years old
Leave her alone, they say
Separated by fools
Who don't know what love is yet

But I want you to know
If I could fly
I'd pick you up
I'd take you into the night
And show you a love
Like you've never seen - ever seen.

It's like having a dream
Where nobody has a heart
It's like having it all
And watching it fall apart
And I would wait till the end of time for you
And do it again, it's true
I can't…