nick sylvester = maker upper

1. journalists
2. harvard graduates
3. people who know you're not supposed to lie in articles

Here the offense kind of stems from private "You should be giving ME a break!!!" thoughts.

course if he'd not used Lookner's name the transgression might have slipped under the radar.

[intertitle]
Village Voice Offices
New York City
March 1, 2006

[fade in with v.o.]
Doug Simmons: It's a tough time for everybody right now. We're just going to take this one step at a time.
Chuck Eddy: Bob and I understand the position he's put us in.
Robert Christgau: It's really unfortunate. The boy showed such promise. So humorous.
Eddy: Smart as a whip.
Simmons: Adorable, too. Okay, let me go call back those Gawker assholes. They just won't quit.
[exit Simmons]
Eddy: Well, you must be pleased, Bob.
Christgau: Chuck, Doug's gone now.
Eddy: Oh, sorry... Dean Christgau.
Christgau: That's better. Now let's get down to fucking business. First thing, any new threats on the radar?
Eddy: Nothing, Dean Christgau.
Christgau: What about this Seward character?
Eddy: Scott's a good guy. He's a big Aerosmith fan.
Christgau: Right. Doesn't sound like anything that's going to excite these New Times fags. Fucking Cohen. Fucking... rat... bastard....
[Christgau gets a faraway look in his eyes]
Christgau: That is a step on which I must fall down, or else o'erleap, for in my way it lies... Stars, hide your fires... let not light see my black and deep desires...
Eddy: Dean Christgau?
Christgau: My apologies! Thinking out loud again. What's going on with Pitchfork?
Eddy: Schreiber's in. He wanted to be a hardass at first, but once he saw the pictures we had of him with the dog, he folded like a little girl. Sylvester's out.
Christgau: Excellent. When we're fucking done with him, Sylvester won't be able to write graffiti. That reminds me, hold on.
[Christgau turns to computer, logs onto ILM, types message]

Hey assholes, looks like your little buddy's career is going down the tubes! Amirite?

-- Dom Passantino ([email protected]), March 1st, 2006.

Eddy: I still don't understand why you do that.
Christgau: Psyops. I'm trying to send Clover around the bend. Alright, let's check in with the secret weapon, shall we?
[Christgau hits the speakerphone and dials number; phone rings, then -- ]
Tom Smith: What's up, bitch?
Christgau: Hello, Tom. It's Bob and Chuck. You're on speakerphone.
Smith: Oh, hey Dino, hey Chuck.
Christgau: Just following up on a job well done. Chuck read me your posting - it was an impressive takedown. Bravo! Breathtaking! A million thanks.
Smith: No worries, man. Nothing hurts like leaked e-mail.
Christgau: I'm pleased to report things are continuing to develop in a promising direction here.
Smith: Hey, I don't need a degree in Ethics to know he's fucked.
[all laugh]
Christgau: Great, great. How's the album coming?
Smith: Awesome. Last night we took all the grounds off the equipment and recorded our own electrocutions. It was fucking sweet.
Christgau: Well, we appreciate what you've done for us. I think you're going to have a good semester, Tom. I predict an A+ for Editors.
Smith: Uh, don't you mean "from the editors?"
Christgau: No, no, for Editors. Your band, Editors.
Smith: This is Tom Smith. From To Live And Shave In LA? You know, crazy noise dude? Motherfuck a zeitgeist!
[Christgau mutes phone]
Christgau: What the fuck is going on here?
[Eddy shrugs. Christgau unmutes.]
Christgau: Sorry, Tom. You'll have to allow an old man his lapses... just get your CD to Chuck and he'll take care of everything.
Smith: OWWW! FUCK!
Christgau: Hello?
Smith: FUCK! FUCKING CRACK WHORE! SHIT!
Christgau: Are you alright Tom?
Smith: I... I gotta situation here, Dino. I'm gonna have to... FUCK!
[click]
Christgau: He's an odd duck. What's the latest off the wire?
Eddy: The story's selling like hotcakes. Drudge, The Times, Boston Globe, NPR. We're still talking to CNN. The bloggers are going nuts.
[Christgau bangs desk with a fist]
Christgau: Hot damn! Wait until we unload the video of Nick lip-synching to Skrewdriver.
Eddy: Just, uh, one small problem.
Christgau: Well?
Eddy: ILMers are comparing him to Swift and Twain. We could have some kind of grassroots revolution on our hands here. He's like the Che Guevara of satire.
[Christgau rises out of his chair]
Christgau: What did you just say to me? Fuck ILM! Fuck them right in the bloghole! Sylvester's a fucking bug! A cockroach! I'm going to scrape him off my shoe! He cried, Chuck, we made him cry. I've never heard a more... pleasurable sound.
[Christgau removes his glasses and leans forward intently]
Christgau: Look, I've been doing this a long, long time. In some industries, men have to fucking claw and scratch their way to the top of the pile. In this business, I AM the fucking pile. Do you understand? And I'm not about to let a little ass-kissing Harvard entitlement pissant like Sylvester get in the way. I haven't decried the hegemony of white privilege in music for 30 years so he can waltz in here and treat rappers like dancing monkeys for the pleasure of those New Times whores of Babylon! I see the writing on the wall! This is war. "Men rise from one ambition to another; first, they seek to secure themselves against attack, then they attack others." Do you know who said that, Chuck?
Eddy: Umm... Slayer! No, wait… Varg Vikernes?
Christgau: Ah, Chuck. How you amuse me.
Eddy: Is all this really necessary, Dean Christgau? I mean, Nick's just a kid... an adorable kid.
Christgau: Oh, shut up, Chuck.
Eddy: I just think -
Christgau: Shut up, Chuck.
Eddy: - what we're -
Christgau: Shut up, Chuck.
Eddy: - it's -
Christgau: Shut up, Chuck.
Eddy: Okay.
Christgau: Just leave the thinking to me, and everything will be alright.
[long pause]
Christgau: Lunch?
Eddy: Sbarro?
Christgau: Let's do it.
[fade out]

Hi Conrad,

I was talking to a writer who was working on a now-controversial
story in this week's Village Voice about The Game. Part of it had
to do with a blogger named Dolly who had read the book and caught a
pickup artist using the lines in a bar. Later that night, she made
out with him nonetheless.

So it made me think: I've received hundreds of emails from guys
fretting that if the book or the community get too well-known, the
game won't work anymore.

So I did some thinking about that.

First of all, everyone knows how to diet, but not everyone does it.
Most of the people who read about these ideas and techniques won't actually put them into action. (Instead, they'll procrastinate by writing letters worrying about too many people finding out about the techniques.)

The fact is, the game will always work. It's just that some of the
wording to the scripts may have to change -- and that's only for
those who use the scripts for "training."

For example:

What's one of the most cliché pickup lines in the world?

The corniest, cheesiest one?

That's right: It's "What's your sign?"

If you walk up to a girl and say, "What's your sign?" she'll know
you're delivering a rehearsed pickup line from some bad 70's TV show.

But guess what? "What's Your Sign" is almost exactly like the
openers and DHVs (demonstrations of higher value) in The Game.

There was a point when "What's your sign" was not a corny way to
start a conversation. It was a non-sexual opener: a means of breaking the ice with strangers without hitting on them. It was a current topic, exciting and interesting. (As Mystery once put it, the best subjects for conversations are relationships and the unknown.) Furthermore, it was a way of demonstrating value. Instead of saying "let's ball" (or whatever the lingo was at the time), you were showing that you were spiritual and had interesting knowledge to offer.

In the parlance of the seduction community, it was a neutral entertaining opener with DHV spikes built in.

And, sure, we all know it's outdated and cheesy. But isn't it
extraordinary how a few minutes into seventy percent of all conversations with women, a discussion of astrology ensues? She'll
probably ask you, "What sign are you?" And if you know a lot about
astrology, it's actually a demonstration of higher value.

(Note to logical, empirical, factual men: Don't say, "I don't
believe in that bullshit." Cynicism and negativity are two traits
to avoid when meeting a woman, even if you think they make you seem
"cool.")

When I was researching the book, I spent hours in Miami with a PUA
named Maddash, who gave me a long tutorial on astrology. He taught
me what all the signs meant, what the twelve houses were all about,
how to identify astrological trends in people's lives, and how to
determine sign compatibility.

Whether or not I believed in astrology was immaterial: I now knew a
lot about it. And it made for great conversation, connection, and
value when I was meeting people.

So the epiphany I had was: "What's your sign" STILL WORKS. It will
always work.

Everything will always work. If people find out about it, all you
have to do is change the way you say it and perhaps when you say it.

For example, if saying, "Hey guys, I need a quick opinion on
something" telegraphs that you're delivering a pickup line because
the women read about it in a magazine, no worries. Just change it
to: "I need some quick help settling a debate." If opinion openers
don't work anymore, save the question for later in the
conversation. I already have three other types of openers I've come
up with that I'm waiting for the right time to release. And if I
can come up with alternatives, I've got a feeling YOU can too.

In the bigger picture, the thing that's important to remember is:
There is no such thing as a pickup line. The language and wording
don't matter. What's important is the intent behind them. The
Jealous Girlfriend opener works not because it's the Jealous
Girlfriend opener, but because it's a way to start an animated
conversation with a group of people without hitting on anyone. So
as long as you can always do that, you've got nothing to worry about.

Knowledge will not change the fundamentals of how women and men are
attracted to each other. To make a bad comparison: Guys who like big
breasts tend to be into women with fake breasts; it doesn't
even matter to them that they're NOT REAL. They still flip the same
attraction switches that natural ones do.

In the world of mating, perception is reality. And attraction, in
the words of David DeAngelo, is not a choice.

Yours,
Neil

PS Coming up next time: C-shaped smiles versus U-shaped smiles
EXPLAINED. Yes, I've been reading your letters!

Now, they usually come clean about the fakes the next week, and they're hardcore about keeping the real stories real ... but at least Nick's got one possible reason to remain on staff there. He's a smart kid with instinctual reporting skills who got carried away ...

I don't know the history of this story, but I wouldn't be surprised if this didn't reflect growing pains arising from the merger.

Apologies for being so off-topic.

like that's something you should have to make a special effort to do

"we'll run half real news and half The Onion, you guess which is which"

great idea