pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

I mean, the review does say, "(don’t worry, it’s not that close)" -- but yeah, that is an old saw, so to speak.

That is one of those parentheticals where the act of writing it is an indication that you should just delete whatever came before.

(It’s like seeing “no pun intended” in print—there was a moment in the editing process where you could have removed your unintended pun, but you didn’t, so the pun was intended.)

The subject of the lead review today is, wait for it, a reissue of the Paris Hilton album from 2006.

I appreciate everything's ground to a halt and there's nothing happening, but . . . come on.

Stars are Blind does hold up tho.

Was that an album that was beloved on this site upon it's release or mocked? Sometimes I can never quite tell how strong the forces of poptimism are. Especially when I still remember AllMusic's infamous 4.5/5 rating for it.

This was released slightly pre-poptimism iirc. If it was released today by whoever her modern equivalent is it'd be a BNM and we'd be hearing her "break down" every song on the album and learning about her favorite IPAs

Agree Stars Are Blind is dope in that "even a stopped clock is right twice a day" kinda way

PARIS HILTON - PARIS

had forgotten about all her racist shit

review is really weird, sort of like....why do this?

especially when you're giving it a 5.2 and not even making the case that it's worthwhile

esp in the current climate I don't really find a rich kid's vapid bullshit real interesting right about now

http://i.imgur.com/UYjQD1l.png

Yeah, totally weird thing to review... a vinyl reissue of a nothing album (and not even in the Sunday “retrospective” slot)? Feels like the writer maybe convinced the editors to let him do it, as a “pet project” or something.

It’s not a badly written piece, but major points off for deploying this idiom:

It is quite tempting to shit on Paris at a time when...

I recall giving it a pretty positive review upon release, not sure what side of history that puts me on

“Drunk Text” was good.

This was released slightly pre-poptimism iirc. If it was released today by whoever her modern equivalent is it'd be a BNM and we'd be hearing her "break down" every song on the album and learning about her favorite IPAs

Agree Stars Are Blind is dope in that "even a stopped clock is right twice a day" kinda way

― Paul Ponzi, Saturday, April 4, 2020 8:29 AM (fourteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

no its not ... how are you posting on ilx and not knowing when poptimism is ... this album was a full on thelex moment

‘stars are blind’ is my gf’s alarm clock on her phone

yeah I think there's a thread where ppl were really into the Paris album

I guess in a way she was a pioneer of all these vapid assholes, YouTubers and everything

The thread is posted up a ways. Lex’s defining moment imo. Also horrifying.

So... I can never keep track of people's usernames. Is this a post from the same person who reviewed the reissue?

She couldn't have less to say if she were plantlife. This album is beyond garbage. Case in point: "she opens the album with a little yelp of "yah! that's hott!"
Oh, that's been mentioned.

― Richj (Rich), Thursday, August 17, 2006 6:18 PM (thirteen years ago) bookmarkflaglink

^If so, he should have led off the review with his old post; would have been funny.

I think that Lex thread is what led me to ILX back in the day. Sort of similar to people falling into the alt-right:

Step 1: LOL I found a message board where people think the Paris Hilton album is great

Step 2: I'm listening to this Ashlee Simpson album ironically.

Step 3: Buys Big & Rich CD

lol big and rich omg

I kinda associate this time period with people ‘praising’/laughing at “this is why I’m hot”

First you ignore Big and Rich, then you laugh at Big and Rich, then you fight Big and Rich, then they win

Most 2020 title, kind of:

https://pitchfork.com/news/american-football-headlining-coronavirus-relief-festival-in-minecraft/

Came here to post that. I think the only word in that headline that doesnt trigger me is “in”.

Baths Announces New Album, Shares New Song: Listen

weird way to spell "The Beths"

my sad terrible superpower is usually being able to predict Pfork scores for marquee releases within about .2 of a point just based on the surrounding narrative/buzz.

― Evans on Hammond (evol j), Saturday, March 28, 2020 1:19 PM (one week ago) bookmarkflaglink

I can always guess the general score range by reading the blurbs.

Most 2020 title, kind of:

https://pitchfork.com/news/american-football-headlining-coronavirus-relief-festival-in-minecraft/

That's a Yahoo Serious Festival headline if ever I've seen one.

Sodomsky's one of their best writers.

The dude writes really well about Phish — cf. the review that’s currently up, and especially this previous one (a pan by a fan of a band, which is great kind of review to read).

His Strokes review today is good, too... Sam S. writes measured, thoughtful negative reviews; he really gets into diagnosing what doesn’t work and how it could have been better.

Watch These Nature Webcams While Listening to These Albums

Pictured: a bird feeder in someone's backyard, Mastodon album

It's like a step or two away from a legit Clickhole post.

Annual Flowers emerges from its chrysalis a wounded, staggeringly beautiful statement that feels like a new high point in his career.

...What may have begun as demos and sketches in 2011, and an overlooked highlight in 2016, has aged to perfection in 2020.

7.9

i know, i know. it's just funny

lol yeah that webcam thing killed me

If there was no pandemic would they post Best Albums To Soundtrack 10-Hour Train Journey YouTube Videos?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNiN7gOcNI4

How many times will the phrase “recorded while in quarantine” appear in pitchfork over the next year or two?

https://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/fiona-apple-fetch-the-bolt-cutters/

holy shit

When's the last time they gave a 10 to a non-reissue?

a decade ago, I think. I don't keep track of such things.

Yeah, Kanye West maybe?

it's a great record more deserving than most but them leaning into the 'perfect' score thing feels a lil off

Fiona Apple's Fetch the Bolt Cutters—named Best New Music—is a perfect album https://t.co/IFQSikfarH

— Pitchfork (@pitchfork) April 17, 2020

Kanye West was the last time they gave a 10 to a non-reissue/retrospective.

The last time before that might have been Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot in April 2002.

and a hair before that, Source Tags and Codes. different times.

Source Tags and Codes still bangs, I'd say it's 2/3 years away from a hugely positive reappraisal.

9.9 a more appropriate score for this Fiona album. It's so good.

yeah i think i resent something this special being used for brand building (completely separate to the content of the review)

Source Tags and Codes is so great

Inevitable, though.

xpost

haven't listened yet but i am skeptical that "No music has ever sounded quite like [this new fiona apple album]" as repeated multiple times on the front page, review intro, and review proper

silly to fixate on that phrase i know but it's bad bc you can either take it literally and it's wrong, or figuratively and it's meaningless