pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

you know what would be dope is if Kanye invents a new form of hip hop based on jazz samples, and maybe I dunno has like Ron Carter or Donald Byrd do some jams, just spitballing here

biddy biddy bop, funky funky

As is the case with many creative types, West has described himself as an artist with synesthesia

many creative types

architects and clowns for instance

That sentence

↓

OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

xp

the creative types at pitchfork suffer from an ever rarer form of synesthesia where they feel compelled to translate audio into incomprehensible sequences of words

I understand the rhetorical conceit of introducing the concept of synesthesia and then using it to describe the music but... it's not particularly helpful

you guys are making me want to read Pitchfork again

ok not really but

I understand the rhetorical conceit of introducing the concept of synesthesia and then using it to describe the music

what color is "bad"

olive-brown with bright orange and puce flecks

Red because when we are angry our face will be change in red colour.

See also: gammons.

I know that complaining about October is beyond the scope of this thread — but this is currently promoted on Pfork’s home page, and it’s sooooo dumb: https://oct.co/articles/5-types-craft-beer-drinker

oof. that's kinda fascinating for the existential crisis it raises - maybe there's just not enough meaningful content about beer to have a whole website devoted to it.

A first-day Buzzfeed intern would be embarrassed to hit publish on that.

Most of us remember that it doesn't really matter what you're drinking, as long as you're enjoying it.

Oh good, there was an utterly banal point to all this.

I like how one of the knocks on the stout enthusiast is basically that he’s fat.

I resemble that remark

Is this... “humor”?

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/22-musical-predictions-for-the-2020s/

it sure tries

Apparently: https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/tags/humor/

A seldom-used tag, but gold every time

losing my mind thinking about the person on halsey’s team who had to tell her she just called for the collapse of one world trade https://t.co/eJJmK0KyQ7

— ben kesslen (@benkesslen) January 23, 2020

That explains the lingering influence of artists once written off as angry women: Shania Twain, Alanis Morissette, and pre-acrobatics P!nk.

Ex-squeeze me(?) Shania, an "angry woman"?

This review is hilarious

Though Manic features Halsey’s take on a handful of different genres—broody pop-R&B reminiscent of her early work; alt-rock-lite that is an aesthetic match to her persona; twangy country-pop sure to find a home on certain segments of pop radio—much of it has the same reflective surface and, at some points, the depth of an oil slick. The Morissette collab “Alanis’ Interlude,” which features a reference to John Mayer’s “Your Body Is a Wonderland,” is almost too irritating to endure: “Your pussy is a wonderland,” the pair warbles, infinitely more times than necessary. It is a low point for someone who is at times a clever songwriter.

There's so much shade in this paragraph that I keep finding albinos under it

There's so much shade in this paragraph that I keep finding albinos under it

Wow <3

The "miserable Lyft ride" dig at Halsey reminded me of this Matty Perps tweet.

Can we give this stuff a more specific genre name, like Ubercore, since it's the music you always seem to hear in a ride share https://t.co/Us03SdPTZA

— Matthew Perpetua (@perpetua) December 31, 2019

wow another strike for twitter embeds

ILM got there first

I typically like their 6.5's better than their BNMs so maybe the Halsey is for me.

pick me up at 6

btw "Alanis' Interlude" is hilarious

I'm listening to the entire Halsey album and so far its biggest sin is... it sounds like all the other music Halsey has released?

Halsey IS...Halsey.

she's certainly the most successful version of the "bananees" and "avocadees" indie-girl voice, correct?

what?

from this: https://youtu.be/8SU0gFPMwP8

oh

isn't that basically just Billie Holliday

(by which I mean a bad approximation likely passed down through idk Macy Gray or something)

there's a whole category of poptronica/spotifycore songstresses who use that vocal mode, but im pretty sure that's a direct reference to cocorosie

who probably copped it from Karen Dalton

idk maybe this calls for an a thread equivalent to the old-man-hat-voice thread

I think there actually is a thread for it?

The real sin with "Alanis' Interlude" is orthographic... If you pronounce the "s" after the apostrophe, write the "s" after the apostrophe! Don't be thrown.

as they say, 0.0 jet reviews can’t melt steel beams

i'm no p4k purist wishng for a return to the olden days, but ... why are they reviewing of Halsey album? does she barely slide in under the imaginary credibility bar they've got over there?

reviewing *A* Halsey album

she has hits

they'll review any major-label pop album regardless of artist credibility or number of hits (incl. if zero) if they can craft a quippy tweet out of it that'll generate lots of #engagement

for example they reviewed the flop/widely-mocked liam payne album recently, i guess b/c they couldn't resist joining in on the fun

presumably they'll limit that somewhat so as not to completely crowd out coverage of 'credible' releases that are (were?) their bread and butter, but as far as what's fair game to cover in the mainstream, it seems to be just about anything short of the most whitebread of adult contemporary artists

a couple things I should mention as correction:

(a) Pitchfork has writers who grew up with 1D as phenomenon. Why would they pitch a review to generate lots of #engagement?

(b) I pitched a review of Liam Payne's album b/c I wanted to know what the one of the lesser known members might come up with.