Artist-specific music jokes

I read this elsewhere on ILM, but nevertheless. . .

Q: Who is the most talented member of Big Black?

A: The Drummer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnoj-3mIlVw

Philip Glass joke is still my favourite

I think there are certain awesome jokes which ONLY DJ Martian can make. And for that, I revere him.

*MENCAP not Martian ffs

Philip Glass joke is still my favourite

― I wish he hadn't adapted my critique of his "ilxor" moniker (Myonga Vön Bontee)

Mine too. Nice moniker, btw.

If you really hate it I can take it down, you know. ;-)

You were OTMer the first time xp

Either way, not funny, in fact, not even a joke!

it's clearly an anti-joke.

Is the Sparks joke just a pun, or am I missing something?

I think the Sid Vicious joke is merely a version of this, non-artist related joke:

A man walks into the magistrate's office, and says:

- I want to change my name.

- I see. And what is your name now?

- Johnny Asshole.

- Okay, I get why you want to change it. And what do you want to change it into?

- Danny Asshole.

Could be. But "Sid" is a comedy name too, nobody under the age of 60 in 1977 was called Sid.

xpost

But that joke is funny. The Sid Vicious one isn't.

Also don't get this one:

Q: Where does Kylie go to buy her dinner?
A: Jason's doner van.

I assume it's about Jason Donovan. But wtf's a doner van?

A doner is a kebab, so a doner van is a van that sells kebabs

... have never come across on myself but they could exist!

But that joke is funny. The Sid Vicious one isn't.

I disagree; taken as an anti-joke, I think it's much funnier than Tuomas's interpretation.

Don't get these either:

How did Ian Curtis's mother get Joy Division to stop practising?

Flick the lights on and off.

why does michael jackson like debbie harry?

cause there are 60 of her

Heard about the new Beatles album?
They've gone all Drum 'n Bass.

Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"

Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"

DJs

I know who they are...oh wait...I get it now...I guess...bad joke.

Heard about the new Beatles album?
They've gone all Drum 'n Bass.

Only the drummer and bassist left alive

Ian Curtis was epileptic you see....

Only the drummer and bassist for the Beatles are alive you see....

Don't get the Debbie Harry one either though.

kevin john bozelka you are ridiculous

xpost

Ah! Aaaah! Those were good.

pushing hard for the title of American Tuomas

16:05:43 WILL: Knock knock
16:05:55 TIM: Who's there?
16:06:00 WILL: John
16:06:12 TIM: John who?
16:07:33 TIM: ???
16:07:37 WILL: Shhhhhhh
16:07:49 TIM: ...
16:10:33 WILL: John Cage

Thom Yorke is sitting in a bus station looking all depressed. Someone comes up and says, "Hey, aren't you Thom Yorke from Radiohead?"

He looks up to see a beautiful young woman peering down at him. "Yes," he says, "I am Thom from Radiohead. Who might you be?"

Before she can answer, the young woman morphs into 50 Cent, and he starts performing a club-friendly song from his latest collection of commercial rap crossovers.

WINNER

When I heard that Philip Glass joke, the punchline was Steve Reich-- go figure

Whay are we ignoring classics such as:

Q: Why are Dolly Parton's feet so small?
A: Things don't grow in the shade.

-or-

Q: What's Kurt Cobain doing these days?
A: Decomposing.

I almost think that the assumed pun on debbie harry/hairy is a red herring.

There's some awful joke out there comparing fucking a twenty-two-year old to fucking twenty two-year-olds, but I can't tell if that's what that's going on about either.

Fuck if I can guess that one.

if that's what that's going on

See how perplexed I am?

ilxor/stephen, feel free to continue calling yourself whatever you wish, with my best regards!

The proper joke is why does Michael Jackson like having sex with 62 year olds? Because there are 60 of them. I presume Debbie Harry is 62 years old.

It's such an old joke that the assumption is that it doesn't need to be told correctly.

Did you know that the Walker Brothers' fanclub had the same number of fans as the Beatles?

Four.

...and two of them are dead.

Chris Rock has a routine about the O'Jays that I think is pretty funny.

(it's 2:34 into the clip)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qd1cAztzrBo#t=02m34s

That anti-joke thread is GOLD.

I agree. It's fucking hilarious, and way funnier than "real jokes."

what is the most psychic roots reggae album?

- heart of the cognos!!!!!!!!!

Llega un hombre a una taquería y pide un Lady Gaga, el mesero se volteo con los de la cocina y grita: "¡Sale una gringa con chorizo!".

heard this once:

"How many Tori Amoses does it take to change a lightbulb?"

"None, because Kate Bush already did it"

here's one i made up:

Where did Phil Anselmo stay when he went interrailing round Europe?

In a fucking hostel.

A joke courtesy of Bob Weston of Shellac:

"Q: What's the worst thing you could hear after giving Willie Nelson a blow-job?
A: I'm not Willie Nelson."

What was that one...What do you get when you cross a pirate and a urinal? "Arrr Kelly" or something like that.

― frankE (frankE), Wednesday, September 29, 2004 11:49 AM (6 years ago)

Is this a reference to both Mr Kelly's early 2000s teenage urination video and Duchamp's "Fountain"?

R Mutt --- R Kelly ---see?

Frank Sinatra is golfing with Sammy Davis Jr. "What's your handicap?" asks Frank. "I'm a one-eyed black Jews," answers Sammy. "What's yours?"

(Jew singular, of course. I'm tired)

Why did Goldie apologise to Roni Size?

Because he wanted to make Amens

I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she wanted to see a Monkees concert in Switzerland. But then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva.

Q: What do you call a pig with Wings?
A: Linda McCartney

I saw a member of the Moody Blues tell this in a documentary about Wings, as an example of the sort of sexism and misogyny Linda McCartney had to put up with when she joined Wings, nice work there, fella!

Interviewer to Stevie Wonder: "Stevie, has being blind been a disadvantage to you?"

Stevie Wonder: "Well it could have been worse, I could have been black."