pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

there are all manner of guitars doing things that seemingly only Thurston Moore and Lee Ranaldo knew how to make them do. Buzz Bin-worthy single “Bull in the Heather” and “Skink” are Kim Gordon at her Kim Gordon-est

Lee and Thurston were doing Lee and Thurston stuff. Kim was being Kim. What more do you want? A sentence about Steve Shelley?

uh I thought "Bull in the Heather" did make Buzz Bin

"Lee and Thurston were doing Lee and Thurston stuff. Kim was being Kim. What more do you want? A sentence about Steve Shelley?"

Ha ha ha ha

steve shelley pounded his drums in trademark Steve Shelley-style

Kinda weird to me that in the review of Washing Machine there’s no mention of the title track, while “Junkie’s Promise” and a song from Dirty each get heir own paragraph.

Also - The song is sung by bass player Kim Gordon, who actually really speaks more than sings

Washing Machine review is painful. The album’s middle section is hit and miss, though the same could likely be said for all alternative rock records made in the mid-’90s

...On the other hand, reading a review of a guitar album written in this tone of clueless faux-professorial unearned authority on pitchfork dot com in 2019 makes me kind of nostalgic tbh

well i recognize some of the bylines from way back but how many of these reviewers are writing about records older than themselves

On the sequel to last year’s Eat My Pussy, the Chicago rapper’s songwriting is at times more brazen and at others more introspective.

this reads like satire

lol straight outta Fear of a Black Hat

The first thing I thought of when I saw that review was that "King PU$$Y Eater revolutionizes our perception of bodies and spaces with his hit single "Goop on Ya Grinch" [7.6]" tweet.

I still don't understand the point of dishing out 9.8s.

Mathematical precision obv. Need more significant digits, though.

There is something kind of admirable about sincerely believing that the different in quality between Sister and Daydream Nation can be rendered as '0.2'. (Tbf it should be the other way around.)

*the difference

.23, surely

Needs more π.

If you take a test and get one question wrong you get a 98. It’s possible to be nearly perfect but not perfect.

Do you hear albums that way?

X got one question wrong on ‘Los Angeles’ and they got a B- and a stern essay on their permanent record

Sister doesn't have Lee Ranaldo yelling "kick it!"

therefore, 9.8

I don't know if it's a common thing but when I was an undergrad you couldn't get more than an A in the humanities at my university because they deemed it impossible to objectively determine how much an essay deserves past a certain point. I still think it makes sense.

we really need an additional decimal point here

They should really get someone who has never heard of Sonic Youth to blind review these things.

the tricky part is finding someone who has never heard of Sonic Youth but is also qualified to write music reviews

qualified? qualified!? hey buddy don't get all conde nast on us

yeah... thanks...yeah, we're going to need employees who haven't obtained their SY qualification certificate to go ahead and move down into the basement by end of day, yeah, it's only temporary until the certificate program is completed and verified by HR, thanks...

Like a young person who is very interested in audio sensations from sound waves. Wish there was a name for that

"hipster"

You could also hire a jazz/classical gatekeeper to do it. Chances are he (yes, he) has never knowingly heard Sonic Youth.

Lol, Evan

that's a pretty cool concept, but if i'm honest with myself, the historical/cultural context is most of the reason i read those reviews. and some reviewer coming into it blind isn't gonna be able to offer anything on that front.

"Sonic Youth? But these guys are old. Must be some of that 90's 'irony.'"

Looks like there are a lot of SY reaction videos on YouTube. Whether they are good/qualified, idk.

yeah, i was gonna say this is a whole subgenre
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bOxB41ZCbg

which leads to
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9ROT_o4q30

and then hopefully kids react to motley crue reacting to kids reacting to motley crue next year

i want to see kids reacting to the Shreds videos

Watch Bob Saget Rate The Beach Boys With John Stamos, Indie Rock, and College

I never watch these, but kinda intrigued by this one... worth it?

Ok, turns out he has no idea what indie rock is, lol

relatable

has anything received a 9.9?

their original review of homogenic was a 9.9

also Miles Davis - Live/Evil, reviewed by Ryan Schreiber!

http://web.archive.org/web/20021021010024/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/d/davis_miles/live-evil.shtml

sh*t, c*t

I knew they lost substantial traffic post-acquisition but they’ve had steady growth in the past year.

https://traffic.alexa.com/graph?o=lt&y=t&b=ffffff&n=666666&f=999999&p=4e8cff&r=1y&t=2&z=30&c=1&h=150&w=340&u=pitchfork.com

also Miles Davis - Live/Evil, reviewed by Ryan Schreiber!

http://web.archive.org/web/20021021010024/www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/d/davis_miles/live-evil.shtml

I was worried this wouldnt be written in the classic sex-obsessed house style of early pfork, but then I got to the end of the first sentence.

Selena Gomez Buys a Sturgill Simpson CD in New Jim Jarmusch Movie Clip: Watch

Jenny Lewis Launches Signature Weed Strain

big news day

Once again she sings instead of merely naming the track: “Is this love, is this love, is this love, is this love that I’m feeling?” Not a bad choice. Because when you listen to Carly Rae Jepsen, it usually is.

what usually is? Love that you're feeling? Or a bad choice?

I feel like the writing on this website gets shittier and less coherent every day

it's sloppy writing, but it's also very clear that the writer is saying "love that you're feeling"