pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

https://i.makeagif.com/media/11-07-2015/bIgbzN.gif

clockin the impala you should be clockin the time

JUST IN New Tame Impala flat brim hats will come in 2 colors and will have the words "Tame Impala" embroidered on the front just above the brim. We will update when new developments become available.

No matter how far they stretch, their tones and rhythms always cohere, making their music as mesmerizing as a hypnotist’s swinging clock.

read this as "cock"

still reading it that way, tbh

really glad to hear this record has coherent tones & rhythms, things you don't often find in music.

https://oct.co/essays/pitchfork-music-festival-beer-set-times-lineup-2018

Earl Sweatshirt’s cancellation is disappointing, but thanks to the addition of Tierra Whack the only thing that should be grumpy is your beer. The Old Man Grumpy to be exact, a dry-hopped pale ale that’s sharp beyond expectations, just like the playful and surprising wit of young Philadelphia hip-hop phenom Tierra Whack, who will tear through a performance of her 15 minute album Whack World before you finish that beer.

Fleet Foxes’ brand of Americana has always had a little something extra, just like the 312 Urban Wheat, a still smooth-drinking wheat, but with enough brightness to make it an excellent evening-ender.

lmbo

holy shit whiney's posts are real quotes lol

i def read those as whiney satire lmbo.

immune to parody

october is the dumbest thing, why the fuck are they still running it

“Launching new verticals” is what you do when you can’t afford to “pivot to video” I think

throw some verticals on the wall and see what sticks

it makes me feel special to listen to the october podcast knowing that i am the only person who has listened to that episode

they're getting enough money from somebody -- prob some beer corp -- to make it worth their while

all the beers in that essay are goose island so they're getting inbev money

Look at the pics, it's a total advertorial (also, small print at bottom of page -- "ZX Ventures, a division within AB InBev, is an investor in October"). They should have a more prominent notice, tho.

The piece also fails to mention all the time you'll be standing in line at the porta-potties after drinking all day at a festival.

Finally -- this is really, really dumb:

7:30 p.m.: Courtney Barnett and Kubaba Kuwawa

Australian rocker Courtney Barnett writes songs that could be episodes of Seinfeld, with verses about nothing that address everything. That indie rock tradition dates back to the days of Pavement, but what makes Barnett so appealing is that the songs are so damn fun. By this point in the evening, you should be in that same mode and really content to drink whatever a friend hands you, be that a glass of frose or the dry-hopped guava Kubaba Kuwawa (brewed in coordination with womens’ beer non-profit Pink Boots Society).

what are you in the mood for? anything, at this point in the day. like courtney barnett? yeah, she definitely has that 'everything' vibe. here, have a kubaba kuwawa

you should be in that same mode and really content to drink whatever a friend hands you

this is dangerous advice

https://pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/great-records-you-may-have-missed-spring-2018/
was this posted? usually good stuff in there

this is dangerous advice

― Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, July 17, 2018 6:34 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, I realize this isn't why this was posted here but there are a lot of asides along these lines ("don’t stress it, drink whatever ends up in your cup") that makes it... very clear this was written by "passionate millennial males" hopefully for them too. it seems especially weird given that RAINN is a partner and "don't take an eye off your drink, ever" is drilled into every girl's brain from like age 12

also shout out to fellow sponsor the chicago blackhawks

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/29/Chicago_Blackhawks_logo.svg/440px-Chicago_Blackhawks_logo.svg.png

slow news day

Jesse Camp, Former MTV VJ, Found After Being Reported Missing

eh, won’t knock them for covering that; it was all over the music / pop-culture news y’day

Ok - now I'm down w/"slow news day": https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/is-the-era-of-hotel-trashing-rock-stars-over-fjm-arctic-monkeys/

slow thinkpiece decade

who smells worse dya think, jesse camp or pete doherty

trick question. answer is post malone

Mark Richardson is leaving, apparently :(

https://pitchfork.com/thepitch/mark-richardsons-greatest-hits/

maybe he'll unblock me now

v good writer indeed, impressive tribute

So with introduction of the not especially well named Levels --- is this a sort of muffler for the inordinate amount of hip-hop that has topped the end of the year lists the past couple, maybe?

seems like there's been in uptick in number of hip hop reviews-- 146 so far this year. Nearly as many as they did in the entirety of 2015 (156)

Hey look, a 1,500 word commercial for a luxury watch

https://pitchfork.com/levels/objectified-raps-obsession-with-patek-philippe/

Hahaha, oh wow

I barely read this site anymore, it's long slow slide into irrelevant marketing garbage clicks aggregator is nearly complete

I read that in Darth Vader voice (not sure if intentional)

Genius says ONE THIRD of songs on the Hot 100 in 2017 mention that watch which seems, highly improbable to me

one-third of the songs on the billboard hot 100 in 2017 included a patek mention 💎https://t.co/URv47SFLsA

— Genius (@Genius) August 1, 2018

Sunday review is great

it does feel super rap-heavy lately xp

This strikes me as perhaps not the classiest of headlines:

Aretha Franklin Dead:
Paul McCartney, Chance the Rapper,
Diana Ross, More React

ugh, articles about celebs tweeting rip are the worst

though oddly the headline I see is:

Aretha Franklin Remembered: Brian Wilson, Cat Power, Missy Elliott, and More Pay Tribute

it's a few articles to the right of that one, on the same row

(obv. that 2nd one is the "right" way to do the headline)

Queen of Seo