OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

a first-time effort surely

OK, the idea that cover versions of VU or Eno's tracks bring 'dead songs back to life' seems pretty misguided, but that's not the worst piece of music writing ever.

it's very overwritten but its point is clear enough I think

if ppl want to treat this thread as 'rolling music writing which annoyed me for one reason or another' however then so be it

it wouldn't even be the worst piece of music writing today https://archive.is/ZkPs3

that deserves to be itt, everything about it is bad

This dude is three years younger than me, but that's apparantly enough distance to where you would use the phrase "the elusive manic pixie dream girl type" without any self-awareness

i'm not gonna read all these, did any of the writers seal the deal?: http://noisey.vice.com/columns/first-dates

illusion never changed into something real

i guess the headline would change if someone found out that mac demarco was a patient, sensuous lover

30+ paragraphs by a self-professed "music writer," a (begrudging) half-sentence about his subject's music

forget it, croup, it's noiseytown

so it looks like most of these are just frothy q&as, wonder why this time they decided to bless us with the writer's internal monologue. maybe they were worried readers would assume they thought of her as more than just a 18-year-old spankbank entry?

because everyone can relate, man, we're all 18-to-34-year-old males

https://simpsonswiki.com/w/images/thumb/d/d7/Nuts_and_Gum.png/250px-Nuts_and_Gum.png

lol crut

because everyone can relate, man, we're all 18-to-34-year-old males

Only 3 of those articles were written by men.

yes and the rest are q&as, not first-person narratives, as i mentioned in the post the post you're quoting is referring to

The title of the article is also I Went On A Date With Everyone's Crush, Natalie Imbruglia. compare that to I Went on a Date with My High School Crush: Taking Back Sunday's Adam Lazzara or simply A First Date With... Sky Ferreira

though i wouldn't put it past noisey to follow this with a woman's hot'n'heavy I Tried To Fuck Brandon Boyd For All Of Us, though i bet incubus' music would get more than a half-sentence of acknowledgement in that

god that Imbruglia thing is next-level worthless

jeeeeesus. those aren't just embarrassing, they're offensive

not if I had anything to do with it it wouldn't xxp

prove me wrong, dj mencap. prove me wrong.

ugh. reading that made me want to put on more clothes

and lock my door

lol

http://www.out.com/positive-voices/2015/8/06/was-80s-new-wave-casualty-aids

Not even close to the worst piece of music writing ever, but this feels like such a missed opportunity on such a fascinating topic. I really would like to read a more thorough piece of writing on this that didn't feel so underdeveloped and end with an oh no you didn't joke about fisting.

<3 mark simpson

http://www.sandiegoreader.com/news/2015/aug/11/classical-one-text-message/#

"Debussy was the first composer up. His Danse sacree et danse profane is not Claire de lune or Prelude to the afternoon of a fawn. This is hard core impressionism and it’s not really easy listening even though there is a harp involved."

I found the linernotes to the Quicksilver Messenger Service live at the Kabuki theatre pretty risible. The writer decided that the short form was QSM in the first sentence and seems to have kept it consistent throughout the rest of the text. I didn't read right through it since it's a writer I tend to find pretty naff anyway.

*ctrl + f "high fidelity," finds nothing*

http://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/side-1-track-1-straight-outta-compton-and-the-best-first-songs-ever/

i dont necessarily hate steven hyden but it is like peak obliviousness to base an article around a 5-minute scene in a movie from 18 years ago - a scene ridiculing this sort of geekery - and not even credit it

He mentions "Championship Vinyl" at one point and links to the scene

That said, it's a dumb article and whatever fun it would be is ruined by too many arbitrary rules

Is it my limited understanding of English, or would Eazy 'cuckolding' someone's sister mean doing something Eazy would probably not do?

*facepalm* i don the idiot hat for missing the champ vinyl link xxp

remain irritated tho that all the non-rock inclusions read like, "uugggghhhhh i GUESS i'll put beyonce/young jeezy/daft punk in there" due to hyden's pedigree; i don't necessarily doubt that he listens to shit that isn't rock but i do think that left to his own devices he'd prob make a fairly homogenous list that was almost entirely boomer rock plus maybe some metal and 90s indie-slacker shit

what about the bitch that got shot, cuck her

that reads like a fantasy football article and/or bill simmons 2.0

ie *shoots self in face*

lists lists lists ugh

The main problem I have with Hyden is that the Bill Simmons style just does not work when discussing music.

exactly

Frederik … No. Not least because you can't cuckold a woman. You cuckold her husband. A cuckold is one whose wife has had sex with another man. Also, no particular practices are associated with cuckolding. It's just having sex.

But he says that Eazy wants to cuckold the sister? So is she in a same sex relationship, would that work?

"The lyrics are about the tension of desire, but the mise en scene is power."

Ah yes, of course, the mise en scene of power... (???)

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/20985-m3ll155x/

Sorry, probably doesn't belong in the "worst" thread, but this still annoys me.

You'll have to take that up with him, not me, Frederik. It's possible he did not fully understanding the correct meaning of "cuckold".

left to his own devices he'd prob make a fairly homogenous list that was almost entirely boomer rock plus maybe some metal and 90s indie-slacker shit

the rockist swine

xpost The line he's referring to "...and make your sister think I love her" doesn't have anything to do with cuckoldry afaict

maybe he used it in the 4chan meme sense

hopefully Rap Genius has answers

pop criticism in 2015: you are either an uncritical memeleader, or you are this: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2015/10/hit-charade/403192/?utm_source=SFFB