OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

picks are so artifical

"Most of the songs are meaty, desperate, and honest about the world we live in."
Hozier 2015: Meaty, Desperate and Honest About the World We Live In

"He's a naturalist. He plucks the guitar strings with his fingers, while naked."

"He refuses to brush his fluffy mane of brown hair, writes his songs based off a feeling, and doesn't let a piece of plastic come between him and his chords"

His guitar tech has to put his capo on for him.

Where other artists hire songwriters to build out their hits for them, Hozier wrote his in an attic.

"Hozier's set is lit with electronic candles"

you'd think he'd go with real candles

"He's a naturalist. He plucks the guitar strings with his fingers, while naked."

http://imgc.allpostersimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/67/6718/FVLA100Z/posters/a-shot-in-the-dark-a-peter-sellers-1964.jpg

Most of the songs are meaty, desperate, and honest about the world we live in.

http://meatcampbaptistchurch.org/

can't tell if people are deliberately confusing naturalist with naturist itt

not that either has anything to do with guitar playing

#standup4nudists

Hozier fan 'completes' "perfect interview". Is that possible for you?

there are no guitar picks taped to the tall mic stand in front of him. He refuses to brush his fluffy mane of brown hair, writes his songs based off a feeling, and doesn't let a piece of plastic come between him and his chords.

this really is one of the dumbest things I've ever read

he should just stretch his own fingers over a fretboard and resonator and play them

MEATY 'n' DESPERATE

hoping that guitar pick thing is just a reductio ad absurdum parody of the discourse of authenticity

bet u could get some cool sounds flicking the free end of a sounding rod

he should save that for the tour bus

I bet he authentically picks food out his teeth with just his fingernails, too.

wow this is a misfire right from the first sentence

knew I was done with Hozier when I caught him using a waterpik

"Hozier is also 6-foot-5. When he takes the stage at the Lincoln Theatre in Washington, DC, in March, wearing all denim and carrying a guitar that sparkles under the lights, he towers over the other members of his band."

Between this and all of the marketing for Tobias Jesso Jr. making a big deal over him being 6-foot-7, are we treating music like the NBA draft now?

"Andrew Hozier-Byrne is a titan — musically and literally. He plays music professionally, and he is also one of the first divine issue of Gaia and Uranus"

"Long wingspan, averaged 10 songs per hype cycle"

When he takes the stage at the Lincoln Theatre in Washington, DC, in March, wearing all denim and carrying a guitar that sparkles under the lights, he towers over the other members of his band."

This reminds me of a student who once wrote, "Because he was tall, he looked over the heads of his classmates."

just pitching in from the ilx brigade weirdos but fingerpicks are tough to learn but ultimately really help your articulation and devlopment as a fingerstyle player, step yo game up hozier

"Hozier is also 6-foot-5. When he takes the stage at the Lincoln Theatre in Washington, DC, in March, wearing all denim and carrying a guitar that sparkles under the lights, he towers over the other members of his band."

Between this and all of the marketing for Tobias Jesso Jr. making a big deal over him being 6-foot-7, are we treating music like the NBA draft now?

― klonman, Tuesday, April 21, 2015 5:16 PM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a long, athletic true senior from arizona state, hozier has an explosive first move, but questions about his toughness and commitment to defense have scouts questioning his ability to be a true NBA wing. excellent at penetrating the lane, he needs to develop a go-to post move and improve his three-point shooting. still, his upside and his ability to play naked and without guitar picks should make him a mid-first round draft pick. playing in the right system, perhaps for greg popovich or t-bone burnett, he could develop into a solid rotational 3 in the league

man my fat thumb never goes into those things right, always feels like i've got a c-clamp on in about 10 minutes

xp lmao

pssh picks are for small-handed 5-8 manlets.

a long, athletic true senior from arizona state, hozier has an explosive first move, but questions about his toughness and commitment to defense have scouts questioning his ability to be a true NBA wing. excellent at penetrating the lane, he needs to develop a go-to post move and improve his three-point shooting. still, his upside and his ability to play naked and without guitar picks should make him a mid-first round draft pick. playing in the right system, perhaps for greg popovich or t-bone burnett, he could develop into a solid rotational 3 in the league

― kurt kobaïan (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, April 21, 2015 6:29 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

And in FULL DENIM! Amazing.

Damn, DJP - I just rushed here to post that as soon as I saw it

I think we have a winner (and not just for the year)

Yeah we have a winner, every sentence of that can be quoted for maximum bullshit. We may as well shut down this thread and all of ILM for that matter

i never thought a turd could be that many words big before

I like to imagine Edward Sharpe reading this article and muttering "I was this close."

everybody's favorite fuddy-duddy outdoes himself

https://www.commentarymagazine.com/article/love-songs-rip/

fissiparous
adjective fis·sip·a·rous \fi-ˈsi-p(ə-)rəs\
Definition of FISSIPAROUS

: tending to break up into parts : divisive <fissiparous tendencies within a political party>

I'm all for improving my vocabulary, even at this late stage in the game, but hey "divisive" would read better in my untutored editorial view

Teachout is SO heavy-handed and predictable, you can smell his cliched argument and conclusions from a mile away

"For one thing, Gioia has given us a book about lyrics, not music. He has little to say about the specifically musical matters upon which one might have expected a trained musician to shed light."
oh how the worm turns

'why don't you focus on the muuuuuusic, mannnn' - every annoyed music aficionado of a certain age

good to see tesla finally getting their due

terry teachout is certainly of a certain age - late 50s or early 60s - though judging from his writing you'd think he's over 100. he's obsessed with the "music maaaan" issue too, regularly trots out his own experience as a "professional jazz musician" to set himself about the yapping critical pack. in his infuriating bio of duke ellington he actually had enough chutzpah to patronize the duke about his lack of schooling in classical european composition methods and theory. unlike terry, you see, who understands the proper way to compose a symphony

you do realize the irony of these charges being levied against mr. 'why is music writing becoming lifestyle reporting' right

oh yeah this guy, now i remember that dopey daily beast article. so teachout's review is turf-protecting; stay off my lawn, interloper

don't care how skilled a musician gioia may be, any critic who refers to himself as a "music scribe" is deficient as a prose stylist

in his infuriating bio of duke ellington he actually had enough chutzpah to patronize the duke about his lack of schooling in classical european composition methods and theory. unlike terry, you see, who understands the proper way to compose a symphony

Teachout is so fundamentally dopey, and I refuse to go near that Ellington bio for the reason you mentioned, which he boiled down to, "Ellington never wrote a great long work, because that's not what he was about, nor should he have been, and he should've studied proper European compositional methods in order to compose the great long work he should never have composed."

Also, this little nugget of dumbfuckery from the Nat'l Review around the time of the book's release:

LOPEZ: One of the “peculiarities” of Duke Ellington’s career, you write, is that “he was a major composer but not an influential one.” Why is that? How does that happen?

TEACHOUT: He wrote great music, but his techniques were so intensely personal and unique unto himself that they were for all intents and purposes inimitable. Hence he didn’t influence anybody — all that other artists could do was play his songs in their own ways.

now THAT right there is one of the dumbest things i've ever read. wow.

LOL