Artist-specific music jokes

why can't stevie wonder read?
because he's black.

^^^literally my favorite joke of all time

what has 7 arms and sucks?
def leppard

i never get to tell that one because i have never met anyone who gets it and explaining it takes the lols out of it

actually i think it's 9 arms...whatever

did you hear eminem didn't graduate from high school?
well, he's no smartie

JC Penney's is having a Michael Jackson sale ... little boys pants 1/2 off.

This one's great!

Kid (upset): Mom, at school they call me "The Backstreet Boy".

Mom: Who, dear? Who calls you "The Backstreet Boy"?

Kid (singing): EVERYBOOOODY, YEEAH...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson

Q: What's black and walks into pianos?
A: Stevie Wonder

There are a lot of Stevie Wonder jokes!

My favorite, from the Truly Tasteless Jokes era...

Q: How is Yoko Ono like an Ethiopian?
A: They both live off dead Beetles

Q: Why did Kurt Cobain grope a fat man when he got sad?
A: Cos he was feeling a Tad depressed

George Galloway is visiting his pal Saddam Hussein in Iraq. It's been a while so they're catching up on what's been going on with each other. Saddam is kind of keen to know about public opinion of him in the UK right now. "Oh," says George, "it's... not bad. Actually, you have a pretty high profile celebrity fan, the singer out of the Kaiser Chiefs."

"No way!" Saddam says, "I love that band."... Read More

"Yeah, he thinks you're misunderstood and he wants the Kaiser Chiefs to come and play a concert at your palace."

"Seriously? That's awesome, I'm going to start clearing one of the bigger rooms now."

"Mate, I was only joking. I daresay he probably hates you," George says, laughing.

"Aw... you had me going there you bastard!"

"Sir," says George, rising to shake Saddam's hand, "I salute your indie fatty gullibility."

lol I c+p'd that off someone's Facebook page

It's my joke though.

That's a great one, but I will now never be able to pronounce 'indefatigability' properly again.

I don't get this one:

Q: What's Sid Vicious's real name?
A: John.

The joke is that his real name is John Vicious instead of Sid + a regular surname.

"Q: Why were the Byrds great?
A: They set Bob Dylan songs to music."

Crickets were chirping right out of the gate on this thread.

i love it when tuomas explains stuff.

But John was his real name

No, it was Simon.

Yes, he was christened Simon John Ritchie but he was occasionally known as John too, hence the Four Johns (along with Lydon, Gray, Wardle)

Either way, not funny, in fact, not even a joke!

What did George Harrison say to his guitar while it gently weeped?

Don't Fret.

Q: Which imminent prime minster of Great Britain is also a technically accomplished metal guitarist?

A: David Hammer-on!

Kid (upset): Mom, at school they call me "The Backstreet Boy".

Mom: Who, dear? Who calls you "The Backstreet Boy"?

Kid (singing): EVERYBOOOODY, YEEAH...

― daavid, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 08:12 (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^loved this one

Q: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A: Fo' drizzle!

I read this elsewhere on ILM, but nevertheless. . .

Q: Who is the most talented member of Big Black?

A: The Drummer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnoj-3mIlVw

Philip Glass joke is still my favourite

I think there are certain awesome jokes which ONLY DJ Martian can make. And for that, I revere him.

*MENCAP not Martian ffs

Philip Glass joke is still my favourite

― I wish he hadn't adapted my critique of his "ilxor" moniker (Myonga Vön Bontee)

Mine too. Nice moniker, btw.

If you really hate it I can take it down, you know. ;-)

You were OTMer the first time xp

Either way, not funny, in fact, not even a joke!

it's clearly an anti-joke.

Is the Sparks joke just a pun, or am I missing something?

I think the Sid Vicious joke is merely a version of this, non-artist related joke:

A man walks into the magistrate's office, and says:

- I want to change my name.

- I see. And what is your name now?

- Johnny Asshole.

- Okay, I get why you want to change it. And what do you want to change it into?

- Danny Asshole.

Could be. But "Sid" is a comedy name too, nobody under the age of 60 in 1977 was called Sid.

xpost

But that joke is funny. The Sid Vicious one isn't.

Also don't get this one:

Q: Where does Kylie go to buy her dinner?
A: Jason's doner van.

I assume it's about Jason Donovan. But wtf's a doner van?

A doner is a kebab, so a doner van is a van that sells kebabs

... have never come across on myself but they could exist!

But that joke is funny. The Sid Vicious one isn't.

I disagree; taken as an anti-joke, I think it's much funnier than Tuomas's interpretation.

Don't get these either:

How did Ian Curtis's mother get Joy Division to stop practising?

Flick the lights on and off.

why does michael jackson like debbie harry?

cause there are 60 of her

Heard about the new Beatles album?
They've gone all Drum 'n Bass.

Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"

Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"
Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"

DJs

I know who they are...oh wait...I get it now...I guess...bad joke.

Heard about the new Beatles album?
They've gone all Drum 'n Bass.

Only the drummer and bassist left alive

Ian Curtis was epileptic you see....

Only the drummer and bassist for the Beatles are alive you see....

Don't get the Debbie Harry one either though.

kevin john bozelka you are ridiculous

xpost

Ah! Aaaah! Those were good.

pushing hard for the title of American Tuomas

16:05:43 WILL: Knock knock
16:05:55 TIM: Who's there?
16:06:00 WILL: John
16:06:12 TIM: John who?
16:07:33 TIM: ???
16:07:37 WILL: Shhhhhhh
16:07:49 TIM: ...
16:10:33 WILL: John Cage