Q: What did the Star Wars droid change his name to when he joined the New York No Wave scene?
A: R2 Lindsay!!!!!!!!!!
― the next grozart, Monday, 16 March 2009 14:57 (fifteen years ago) link
What do you call a rapper who's been ritually slaughtered and bled?
Halal Cool J!
― chap, Monday, 16 March 2009 15:01 (fifteen years ago) link
Have you heard about that white rapper with the sinus infection?
His names Ebideb.
― the next grozart, Monday, 16 March 2009 15:10 (fifteen years ago) link
Q: What did the Star Wars droid change his name to when he joined the New York No Wave scene?A: R2 Lindsay!!!!!!!!!!
Thankig u, I loled irl so hard.
― ilxor, Monday, 16 March 2009 15:34 (fifteen years ago) link
Q. Who goes out with indie musicians, just to eat their clothes?A. Kate Moth.
― Mark G, Monday, 16 March 2009 15:39 (fifteen years ago) link
What has five legs, weighs 2000 lbs and sings?
The Diabeatles.
― Thrills as Cheap as Gas (Oilyrags), Monday, 16 March 2009 15:48 (fifteen years ago) link
What do you get when you cross a pirate with a pedophile?
Arrrrrr! Kelly
― Mr. Snrub, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 03:11 (fifteen years ago) link
here's one i made up in 5th grade:
who is the most famous mexican rapper?julio (coolio, get it?)
― lil waynes babymama (musically), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 04:02 (fifteen years ago) link
why can't stevie wonder read?because he's black.
^^^literally my favorite joke of all time
― lil waynes babymama (musically), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 04:06 (fifteen years ago) link
what has 7 arms and sucks?def leppard
― lil waynes babymama (musically), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 04:09 (fifteen years ago) link
i never get to tell that one because i have never met anyone who gets it and explaining it takes the lols out of it
actually i think it's 9 arms...whatever
did you hear eminem didn't graduate from high school?well, he's no smartie
― lil waynes babymama (musically), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 04:12 (fifteen years ago) link
JC Penney's is having a Michael Jackson sale ... little boys pants 1/2 off.
This one's great!
― unexpected item in bagging area (sarahel), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 07:26 (fifteen years ago) link
Kid (upset): Mom, at school they call me "The Backstreet Boy".
Mom: Who, dear? Who calls you "The Backstreet Boy"?
Kid (singing): EVERYBOOOODY, YEEAH...
― daavid, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 08:12 (fifteen years ago) link
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Little Boy Blue
Little Boy Blue who?
Michael Jackson
― President Keyes, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 13:29 (fifteen years ago) link
Q: What's black and walks into pianos?A: Stevie Wonder
There are a lot of Stevie Wonder jokes!
― Sacco, Vanzetti, Passantino... (Tom D.), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 13:33 (fifteen years ago) link
My favorite, from the Truly Tasteless Jokes era...
Q: How is Yoko Ono like an Ethiopian?A: They both live off dead Beetles
― kornrulez6969, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 16:50 (fifteen years ago) link
Q: Why did Kurt Cobain grope a fat man when he got sad?A: Cos he was feeling a Tad depressed
― Enemy Insects (NickB), Thursday, 18 June 2009 11:59 (fourteen years ago) link
George Galloway is visiting his pal Saddam Hussein in Iraq. It's been a while so they're catching up on what's been going on with each other. Saddam is kind of keen to know about public opinion of him in the UK right now. "Oh," says George, "it's... not bad. Actually, you have a pretty high profile celebrity fan, the singer out of the Kaiser Chiefs."
"No way!" Saddam says, "I love that band."... Read More
"Yeah, he thinks you're misunderstood and he wants the Kaiser Chiefs to come and play a concert at your palace."
"Seriously? That's awesome, I'm going to start clearing one of the bigger rooms now."
"Mate, I was only joking. I daresay he probably hates you," George says, laughing.
"Aw... you had me going there you bastard!"
"Sir," says George, rising to shake Saddam's hand, "I salute your indie fatty gullibility."
― DJ MARTIAN IS A KING AMONG MEN. Dan Perry, Tuesday, 15 January 2002 (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 18 June 2009 12:09 (fourteen years ago) link
lol I c+p'd that off someone's Facebook page
― DJ MARTIAN IS A KING AMONG MEN. Dan Perry, Tuesday, 15 January 2002 (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 18 June 2009 12:11 (fourteen years ago) link
It's my joke though.
That's a great one, but I will now never be able to pronounce 'indefatigability' properly again.
― Enemy Insects (NickB), Thursday, 18 June 2009 12:14 (fourteen years ago) link
I don't get this one:
Q: What's Sid Vicious's real name?A: John.
― Kevin John Bozelka, Thursday, 18 June 2009 12:51 (fourteen years ago) link
The joke is that his real name is John Vicious instead of Sid + a regular surname.
― Tuomas, Thursday, 18 June 2009 13:48 (fourteen years ago) link
"Q: Why were the Byrds great?A: They set Bob Dylan songs to music."
Crickets were chirping right out of the gate on this thread.
― Bill Magill, Thursday, 18 June 2009 13:49 (fourteen years ago) link
i love it when tuomas explains stuff.
― liberal temporary supreme leader (darraghmac), Thursday, 18 June 2009 13:50 (fourteen years ago) link
But John was his real name
― Then in walked Barbara Castle with the Lady Eleanor (Tom D.), Thursday, 18 June 2009 13:50 (fourteen years ago) link
No, it was Simon.
― nate woolls, Thursday, 18 June 2009 13:57 (fourteen years ago) link
Yes, he was christened Simon John Ritchie but he was occasionally known as John too, hence the Four Johns (along with Lydon, Gray, Wardle)
― Then in walked Barbara Castle with the Lady Eleanor (Tom D.), Thursday, 18 June 2009 14:01 (fourteen years ago) link
Either way, not funny, in fact, not even a joke!
― Then in walked Barbara Castle with the Lady Eleanor (Tom D.), Thursday, 18 June 2009 14:03 (fourteen years ago) link
What did George Harrison say to his guitar while it gently weeped?
Don't Fret.
― master of karate and friendship for everyone (musically), Thursday, 18 June 2009 14:08 (fourteen years ago) link
Q: Which imminent prime minster of Great Britain is also a technically accomplished metal guitarist?
A: David Hammer-on!
― DJ MARTIAN IS A KING AMONG MEN. Dan Perry, Tuesday, 15 January 2002 (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 18 June 2009 14:29 (fourteen years ago) link
― daavid, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 08:12 (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
^^^loved this one
― DJ MARTIAN IS A KING AMONG MEN. Dan Perry, Tuesday, 15 January 2002 (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 18 June 2009 14:33 (fourteen years ago) link
Q: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella? A: Fo' drizzle!
― Do you mean ironic in the literary sense or the alanis morissette sense? (KMS), Thursday, 18 June 2009 14:58 (fourteen years ago) link
I read this elsewhere on ILM, but nevertheless. . .
Q: Who is the most talented member of Big Black?
A: The Drummer.
― EDB, Thursday, 18 June 2009 15:25 (fourteen years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnoj-3mIlVw
― what u arrestin me for, innit (╓abies), Thursday, 18 June 2009 15:35 (fourteen years ago) link
Philip Glass joke is still my favourite
― I wish he hadn't adapted my critique of his "ilxor" moniker (Myonga Vön Bontee), Thursday, 18 June 2009 16:49 (fourteen years ago) link
I think there are certain awesome jokes which ONLY DJ Martian can make. And for that, I revere him.
― gosh I actually dig this shit (country matters), Thursday, 18 June 2009 16:51 (fourteen years ago) link
*MENCAP not Martian ffs
Philip Glass joke is still my favourite― I wish he hadn't adapted my critique of his "ilxor" moniker (Myonga Vön Bontee)
― I wish he hadn't adapted my critique of his "ilxor" moniker (Myonga Vön Bontee)
Mine too. Nice moniker, btw.
If you really hate it I can take it down, you know. ;-)
― I just wish he hadn't adopted the "ilxor" moniker (ilxor), Thursday, 18 June 2009 17:18 (fourteen years ago) link
You were OTMer the first time xp
― DJ MARTIAN IS A KING AMONG MEN. Dan Perry, Tuesday, 15 January 2002 (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 18 June 2009 17:28 (fourteen years ago) link
it's clearly an anti-joke.
― Jesus Christ, Attorney at Law (res), Thursday, 18 June 2009 17:44 (fourteen years ago) link
Is the Sparks joke just a pun, or am I missing something?
― Jesus Christ, Attorney at Law (res), Thursday, 18 June 2009 17:51 (fourteen years ago) link
I think the Sid Vicious joke is merely a version of this, non-artist related joke:
A man walks into the magistrate's office, and says:
- I want to change my name.
- I see. And what is your name now?
- Johnny Asshole.
- Okay, I get why you want to change it. And what do you want to change it into?
- Danny Asshole.
― Tuomas, Thursday, 18 June 2009 17:59 (fourteen years ago) link
Could be. But "Sid" is a comedy name too, nobody under the age of 60 in 1977 was called Sid.
― Then in walked Barbara Castle with the Lady Eleanor (Tom D.), Thursday, 18 June 2009 18:13 (fourteen years ago) link
xpost
But that joke is funny. The Sid Vicious one isn't.
Also don't get this one:
Q: Where does Kylie go to buy her dinner?A: Jason's doner van.
I assume it's about Jason Donovan. But wtf's a doner van?
― Kevin John Bozelka, Thursday, 18 June 2009 18:14 (fourteen years ago) link
A doner is a kebab, so a doner van is a van that sells kebabs
― Then in walked Barbara Castle with the Lady Eleanor (Tom D.), Thursday, 18 June 2009 18:16 (fourteen years ago) link
... have never come across on myself but they could exist!
I disagree; taken as an anti-joke, I think it's much funnier than Tuomas's interpretation.
― Jesus Christ, Chiropractor at Law (res), Thursday, 18 June 2009 18:16 (fourteen years ago) link
Don't get these either:
How did Ian Curtis's mother get Joy Division to stop practising?
Flick the lights on and off.
why does michael jackson like debbie harry?
cause there are 60 of her
Heard about the new Beatles album?They've gone all Drum 'n Bass.
Sasha: "Fancy going to the cinema tonight?"Tong: "Dunno, who's the projectionist?"
― Kevin John Bozelka, Thursday, 18 June 2009 18:31 (fourteen years ago) link