OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/move-over-rihanna-a-new-generation-of-female-rb-singers-are-taking-the-lead-9615001.html

yes all female r&b singers are locked in a battle with one another.

there can only be one. too bad riri, you had a nice run.

From the Arts Desk review of Latitude:

From the sublime to the ridiculous, we stopped by Norma Jean Martine, a bluesy pop singer with soaring vocals and a warm, husky sound, before nipping in to catch some of the Swedish psychedelia that is Goat. They are everything that far-out festival fun should be - golden sequined kaftans, barefoot stomping, elaborate face masks, head dresses and costumed guitarists that could spawn their very own subculture. Would I want to go away and download these tracks? Probably not, but I sure as heck enjoyed getting down and cutting a rug to their experimental psychedelic beats.

More from that Arts Desk review:

The American sisterly trio treated audiences to an array of musicality in their thunderingly original sound, almost as impressive as Este's range of terrifying faces as she went hard at her guitar (pictured, above right). If she's the personality in the band, middle sister Danielle is the serious, musically accomplished one while the "babyest of baby sisters" Alana, gets the percussion going as well as adding to the group's outstanding vocals. Cutting through the emotional BS (as she calls it) Este demands that the crowd get on each others' shoulders - most are too frightened to ignore her insistence, but they are rewarded with an invite into Haim's metaphorical home to jam with them and shake their "asses and titties" so hard that at least one of them sheds a tear. The audience try pretty hard. Haim let rip with an emotional honesty that was raw, endearing and impressive - maybe because as the last stop on their 2014 tour they gave all that they could. They certainly proved their worth and showed how they occupy an important space as a serious female rock band that can be enjoyed by a pop audience. They are the antithesis of Lily Allen, representing non-manufactured pop that can spring from Indie roots to get ahead on the strength of their individuality. They can shred and headbang with the best of them while we sing along to their radio-friendly hits like "If I Could Change Your Mind" and "The Wire", and party as hard as they want us to.

Man why would you cut Goat's rug? That's what they sleep on!

"the ____ that is ____" is always a terrible construction even when done better than it is there

I sure as heck enjoyed getting down and cutting a rug to their experimental psychedelic beats

Worth repeating and marvelling at

they are rewarded with an invite into Haim's metaphorical home to jam with them and shake their "asses and titties" so hard that at least one of them sheds a tear

dying of lols

it's like HAIM fan-fic

I'm just imagining Haim on stage shouting "DANCE! DANCE UNTIL YOU CRY!"

i dont want to be around anyone whose titties are crying, let alone their asses

why would you choose this thread of all places to take a stand about public breastfeeding? neither the time nor the place. smh @ u.

this is a good thread to take a stand on public buttfeeding, tho

straight from the asshole of the critic to the mouths of the music-loving public

wait, rewind for a second...sorry, I've been out in the woods for a few days. from that clip about the Ram show:

"sans-baby-faced individuals"

what in the world does this mean? does this mean...older people?

it means the author is trying too hard

honestly, that thing (Ram show) is the kind of terrible writing I read a lot of in the alt-weekly and student publications where I live. twisting, turning sentences, grand proclamations presumably to make the subject sound important, lots of hot thesaurus.com action, shit that just doesn't fit together well. and stuff like this:

"At risk of listing off the individuals on stage and their respective contributions, or overemphasizing any single person’s contributions, the set was extremely cohesive."

what

hahahaha

i think they mean it was more than the sum of its parts?

"At risk of listing off the individuals on stage and their respective contributions, or overemphasizing any single person’s contributions, the drapes were purple."

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/move-over-rihanna-a-new-generation-of-female-rb-singers-are-taking-the-lead-9615001.html

― ey, Sunday, July 20, 2014 5:23 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so glad someone posted this in here

one of the worst writers (with the worst taste to boot) around rn

They are recognisable by their soft vocals, an alternative to the brash singing and hyper-sexualised style of Rihanna and Beyoncé, yet their music is deceptively tough, even harsh. Or it can be gossamer and strange, putting the “ether” into Aretha.

literally every strawman of the indie-r&b fan who can't stand any other r&b

shouldn't that be "etha"

Putting the OSHA into Ke$ha

Sufjan Grafton types his articles with the fingers on both hands, putting the "les paul" into Pau1 L3ster

how is posing nude with a georgia o'keefe flower 'rejecting explicit sexuality' btw, like has this guy just never seen a vagina

he's putting the eureka in urethra

have to wonder how comfortable Kelela feels about being edited into sounding like she's intent on throwing shade at B and Riri

maybe that was her intent, maybe not, but she's hardly at risk of eclipsing either one of them any time soon

Throwing the shade in Sade.

"“There’s a generation out there who don’t have that many role models who aren’t using their bodies."

ARE BRAINS IN VATS SETTING BAD EXAMPLES FOR TODAY'S GIRLS

PL has always been very pleasant when we have communicated and I do think he has a genuine excitement about r&b, rap and pop music. Quite how he manages to maintain that excitement while disliking 99 per cent of what makes r&b, rap and pop functionally different from indie rock has always been a mystery though.

real life lol @ "brains in vats"

BRAINS IN VATS:

http://comicsalliance.com/march-modok-madness/

larf

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/75/75f0b2c7a64ca65b679dbe16b140aab6043d04f59eea1ae0db3f22a5630472a7.jpg

http://thirdculturecafe.com/2014/02/24/crackles-last-stand-by-david-a-singh-2/

Behind the cramped counter made for two, but manned by four, was always Amanda who would immediately reach for a pile of records stashed below as soon as she saw me. What then took place was purely non-verbal with her pointing to the pile, which meant, “Some new stuff in this week – I saved the good ones for you”, and me nodding and pointing to the shelves which meant, “No problems babe – let me just have a gander first”.

I have no intention of ever buying a turntable again – been there done that and I know it’s over. I live a stone’s throw from an Indie record store in Geneva. I never go inside – I don’t even stop. Like every fighter I know when to hang up my gloves. The future has never been clearer.

“No problems babe – let me just have a gander first”

...Amanda

It reads like he's trying to narrate some kind of music journalism noir. Like there are supposed to be big dramatic drags of a cigarette between sentences.

lol at capitalization of "Indie" for no reason

Who calls casual acquaintances/store clerks "babe," even telepathically?

Dick Tracy

Who calls casual acquaintances/store clerks "babe," even telepathically?

the chronically undersexed

every character Jason Sudeikis has ever played

infantilizers