OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

"Lana might feel like she stares down a barrel of inevitable adversity, but her new album carries no sign of apprehension. ‘Born To Die’, and its eight-track ‘Paradise’ extension, was a luxurious and impressive record, a real fresh peach Bellini, enriched in ’50s and ’60s Americana, with the grandiose string sections, the beehive hairdo, and the fallen angel narrative. But it was clearly a record that had been through the tinkering mills. Shaken, stirred and thoroughly mixed."

"Like Lana, Marilyn Monroe wasn’t one without her detractors. “Success makes so many people hate you,” she once said, “I wish it wasn’t that way.” Similarly, some still see Del Rey’s femme fatale aura as a commercial angle aimed purely to incite lust and sell, sell and sell again. “Forget about singing,” begins a recent live review in The Chicago Tribune, “Lana Del Rey could’ve passed for a swimsuit model posing for paparazzi cameras on Friday at a sold-out Aragon”, epitomising how, to many, her enchantment will always be superficial.

But for more avid fans, her allure is artistically cavernous. Just like Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita, Truman Capote’s Holly Golightly, Charles Vidor’s Gilda, or even the original Carmen, yes, there is a surface of seduction – but beyond that image, there is deep play in action. Lana personifies a struggle between stability and freedom; she conveys expressions of escapism, a scramble for courage in the face of fatalism, a subconscious need to confess, a desire for power. This is no swimsuit competition."

I am a big fan of metaphors but those first two excerpts feel to me like the author spent all of the time s/he was supposed to spend listening to Lana Del Rey drinking Bellinis

although ultimately I approve because drinking > LDR

can male writers please reread Lolita before referencing it in their horndog work

also DJP OTM

maura are you getting paid by google to make people google? cuz sharing hilariously bad writing sans link just benefits google.

http://www.clashmusic.com/features/american-dreamer-lana-del-rey-interviewed

i hope somebody at the site will get a laugh from someone having searched "lana del rey bellinis"

I’ll admit, while observing this backlash with disdain, there was a small and shameful slither of excitement and curiosity within me, which relished the fracas.

I don't get why someone would Google "bellinis" unless you're like "Oh, it's summer, I need cocktail ideas for my Bobby Flay bbq."

this reminds me of one of my favorite ILX stories:

people who've been on TV whom you've pwned

hmmm...how do i share these quotes about recording...got a good one about the east village, some stuff about meeting dan auerbach there. hmm...lead with dan...then flash back to the east village...yes...but how do we segue...

Before Dan, there was December.

no...punchier...

Before Dan, there was December (New York, 2013, cold).

*pumps fist against chest, raises two fingers to mouth, kisses them, plants the fingers on a framed picture of joan didion*

see why the hell would you do this to a bellini

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/---dfQC8ILZ8/T9-o9piu1OI/AAAAAAAAAIY/5kGg04GTgMI/s400/1929.jpg

a bellini is a perfectly serviceable drink but it will always make me think first and foremost of paul bellini from the kids in the hall.

lol me too

Those quotes kind of sounds like the writer just watched the movie Somewhere instead of actually going anywhere.

lmao dan that story rules

also now i am just picturing the word 'bellini' being said repeatedly to the beat of 'good kisser'

i actually heard of paul bellini before i heard of a bellini

p sure that post is where i first heard of a bellini

some of us liked bellinis

I went through a very short Bellini phase around 1998 when I got bored of brunchtime mimosas for a few months

heard of the post-Don Caballero band Bellini after Paul Bellini but before the drink Bellini.

Bellini was a good band.

bellinis >>>>> mimosas

A bellini sounds like a fucking cod-Italian slang word for the glans. As in "suck my bellini".

Bellini was a good band.

― maura, Thursday, June 12, 2014 4:31 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

IS a good band - saw em a couple years ago w.Shellac and I think they played the last Shellac ATP a year and a half ago!

No Damon Che I presume?

hahaha...no i don't think damon che generally gets asked back

was a younger guy, really good...their 2009 album The Perfect Prize of Gravity is really great

He should just reactivate Thee Speaking Canaries.

let me at this guy

http://www.villagevoice.com/2014-06-18/music/lionel-richie/

Getting this far was hard enough but,

It'd be easy (like Sunday morning) to say Richie got lucky,

http://cdn.soundpublishing.com/dailyweekly/MikeseelyAuthorPhoto01.jpg

The music Richie played was earnest and emotional, more reminiscent of Barry Manilow than Barry Gordy

count the number of times he alludes to the music's race!

That Richie article is probably the worst thing I've ever read because of this thread.

So it's the worst thing you ever read then?

Dunno if yr knocking my poor syntax or what, but if so, make that "worst piece of writing that I've seen linked in this thread." Criticizing poor writing with more poor writing is admittedly LOL, but hey, no one's paying *me* for this shit.

Sorry, just meant it is hard to find worse than what is linked to on this thread.

Back in 2004, when Richie, now 64, was at perhaps the nadir of his career, I interviewed him before a gig in Stuttgart, Germany. I asked if he'd had a dream the night prior, and whether it was awesome.

It remains to be seen whether history will be as generous to Obama, but odds are it will. As president, he's played the long game, confident his legacy will overcome any passing peccadilloes. He, like Lionel, has dreamed globally, viewing the world not in black-and-white, but in beautiful shades of beige. Fiesta forever, indeed.

xxpost

Oh, haha! Sorry, didn't mean to sound so butthurt.

It's okay – fiesta forever!

DN changed in honour of that article

"more reminiscent of Barry Manilow than Barry Gordy" is too perfect

xp! :D

hah great minds etc.

I'd given him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was referring to some obscure artist. There must still be some residual respect for the Voice floating around my brain somewhere.

this is the guy responsible for the 'black pop stars who should go country' piece that the vmg higher-ups slapped up on the voice's music blog immediately after my firing. good to know he's still churning out 'quality' 'content'

Think the guy meant "Barry Geordie," the John Barry of Newcastle.

Maybe should have just made that a screenname instead of a post, as is my wont.

Barry Geordie Gordy Obama

p sure that guy contributes to every DNC email with the subject line MAJOR DISASTER