SOLANGE KNOWLES, omg the return of

what is a solangew

...a solange

let's all forget that typo happened

"i distinctly heard her say solanjew"

https://twitter.com/fatifatfatfat/status/465935314868240385

WAGNAH, Max. WAGNAH.

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/220793/why-are-people-mocking-that-vox-article-about-solange-attacking-jay-z/

OMG the attack of

this was kind of funny and then I saw Hoos post a memepic on Facebook of a TMZ screenshot of this superimposed on Michelle Obama's #BringBackOurGirls picture and Evan R has a point

― chillin' on an "awesome pretzel" hoagie (DJP), Monday, May 12, 2014 7:06 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

just in the interest of clarity, in my echo chamber of left wing people the photoshopped-michelle thing has been making the rounds as a critique of using the fucked up crisis to pivot to intervention talk, and the TMZ screenshot fit into that joke train. not saying it was some trenchant truth to power shit or anything but def didn't intend to make light of whats happening there.

In the interest of clarity, my objection is less about the seriousness of Solange's attack on Jay-Z and more about seeing the most visible powerful African-Americans in America turned into a "lol black people" meme, which for obvious reasons irritates me.

i hadn't seen it from that angle, but now that you point that out to me its stupidly obvious. sorry to have irritated you.

I appreciate that. Thank you.

most visible powerful African-Americans in America

uh

I mean yr point stands but I would rank them no. 2 maybe

3 after oprah certainly

the Huxtables are no longer on the air

most visible powerful African-Americans in America

uh

― Οὖτις, Monday, May 12, 2014 6:48 PM (55 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so where do you rank Michelle Obama then?

think it was just a bad joke

DJP otm

already seen far too many (one is too many) comments along the lines of "haha i knew under all that glamour they're just thugs"

tbf, any and all media would absolutely treat this with the same degree GETCHA POPCORN CELEBRITY MELTDOWN CLICKY CLICKY if this were angelina's sister trying to kick the shit outta brad

the social media bullshit pancakes with asshole syrup on the other hand

yeah but if it were angelina and brad there wouldn't be any "omg i knew they were secretly ratchet" crap

what generally rational and unprejudiced news source is engaging in "secretly ratchet" reporting here? link?

talking about like 75% of the comments dude

oh, yeah sure; if yer talking vox populi, for certain. People are idiots.

social media bullshit pancakes with asshole syrup

why would you write these awful words

e's talking vox populi iirc

if it were angelina and brad there'd be two months of serious, "worried" pop-psychiatry that would treat their relationship as part of a beautiful, tragic soap

i mean jen aniston got like a good decade of media psychiatry when she got dumped what do you think they'd do for angelina

oh for the love of god

― le goon (J0rdan S.), Monday, May 12, 2014 2:36 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Spoken like a true Gawker employee.

why would you write these awful words

forks"shrove"tofu

It's so hilarious how this is all scandalous since Jay has literally pled guilty to stabbing someone in a nightclub before

and solange has literally performed w/ of montreal in a nightclub before

as someone who's been stabbed in the eye once and sat thru of montreal live too many times (twice maybe?) let me tell you there's no comparison

Spoken like a true Gawker employee.

― Position Position, Tuesday, May 13, 2014 1:54 AM (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lmao

what kind of person would stab our balls? :'(

NEW YORK (AP) — Beyonce, Jay Z and Solange say they have worked through and are moving on since a video leaked this week of Solange attacking Jay Z in an elevator.

"As a result of the public release of the elevator security footage from Monday, May 5th, there has been a great deal of speculation about what triggered the unfortunate incident. But the most important thing is that our family has worked through it," an exclusive statement to The Associated Press read Thursday. "Jay and Solange each assume their share of responsibility for what has occurred. They both acknowledge their role in this private matter that has played out in the public. They both have apologized to each other and we have moved forward as a united family."

The website TMZ posted the three-minute video Monday and said it was shot last week inside the Standard Hotel in New York City. The video appears to show Solange, Beyonce's sister, attacking Jay Z in Beyonce's presence. A security guard intervenes. The footage shows the performers in the outfits they wore to the Met Gala last week. There is no audio.

"The reports of Solange being intoxicated or displaying erratic behavior throughout that evening are simply false," the statement continued. "At the end of the day families have problems and we're no different. We love each other and above all we are family. We've put this behind us and hope everyone else will do the same."

The hotel said Wednesday it had fired the person who recorded the video.

Beyonce and Jay Z were married in 2008.

"We've put this behind us and hope everyone else will do the same."

I don't know, I'm having trouble putting the probably bad thing or words that Jay-Z said or did behind me. And I can't forgive Solange for the hurtful or abrasive or crazy things or words that she said in return. She may or may not ever get to take whatever it is back. This is really tough for me.

How do they expect us as fans to just forget about something we know nothing about?!

it looks by far the most likely explanation is that the attack was a blow-up over jay-z flirting with rachel roy (damon dash's ex) at the met gala.

now i don't want to read too much into subliminals and all but if that is true there's no way beyoncé posting a pic of her in an aaliyah t-shirt on instagram the day after the gala wasn't ruthless shade directed at rachel roy. solange may drop kick better than most but b is the master at ice cold passive aggression... i'm impressed.

Inside Edition had a body language expert analyze the video and give her take on what the participants were thinking when the confrontation happened. At that moment, I really wanted Putin to launch the nukes.

How does one get paid to analyze body language? I think I could make money doing this.

However that happens.

"body language experts" have been a thing in tabloids for at least a decade

they're the biggest hacks in history

well not really the biggest

i mean body language experts

handwriting analysts vs. body language experts

there needs to be official instagram experts b/c all the drama is taking place on there

voice inflection analysts v. handwriting analysts v. body language experts v. fox news pundits

Pretty sure they were arguing Black Keys versus White Stripes.

"this woman is kicking and punching jay-z furiously. in my expert opinion, she must be angry at him for some reason."