pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

Last week one of the headline news stories was "Drake uses lint roller on his pants at basketball game".

― ▴▲ ▴TH3CR()$BY$H()W▴▲ ▴ (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, April 29, 2014 5:21 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

this was the best news story i'd seen in forever! though i love hoops scooped them

That Deerhunter shit thing is really an ultimate trump card. Can't argue w that.

sometimes i think drake couldn't be more drake than he already is, but then he does something like lint rolls his pants courtside at a basketball game! can you even appreciate that? that a human being could actually think to bring a lint roller to a sports event? and then use it courtside?

he's the G.O.A.T. at being drake

I don't understand, is his car filled with cats or something?

http://images.amcnetworks.com/ifc.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/drake-cat.jpg

"Girl let me get all up on them pants... LINT ROLLER"

The lint roller story got me to check pitchfork for the first time in about ten years

I was hoping that all five of today's reviews would use the word "workmanlike", but it turned out to be only Guided By Voices and the Black Keys.

but the Black Keys review did use "farty synths"!

that black keys review was terrible, i'm getting super tired of all the cloying attempted witticisms and constant linking to extraneous or tangential internet phenomena.

yeah, i'm no Black Keys stan by any means, but that was terrible.

Heh. Yup. Other farty entries on Pitchfork include:

*Her voice-- passive, girlish-- sounds lost against the farty and broken-down guitars
*Its rollercoaster companion, "Yoshimi (Part 2)," scales a slinky, ascending wall of farty synth and distant Japanese babble before the bottom
*The pressure here builds and builds, but rather than taking flight, tracks like "De Javu" struggle with a misdirected explosion of percussion that flattens out into a farty bass riff smothered in layers of percussion.

AND a GbV review from two years ago!

*The farty flute kickoff to "Doughnut for a Snowman" nods to those sputtering constructions of old, but it feels a bit perfunctory, a sound effect where a fleck of dumbass brilliance like Alien Lanes' "Hit" might've otherwise gone.

all five of today's reviews would use the word "workmanlike"

bands are lazy, I respect labor tbh

*Many of her tracks sound similar to one another: A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beats and M.I.A. shouts lyrics of varying snark over them, sometimes even singing them.

A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beats

lmfartyao

I mistakenly ready that as: "A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beefs"

I didn't think that sentence could get worse.

pitchfork coppin GOW*'s style

*Good Ol Waterface

queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs

wait someone wrote "queefs out splatty, farty beats" in a record review on p4k? is that true??

all i wanna do is *QUEEF QUEEF QUEEF QUEEF*

and *splat* *fart*

and take your money

^ a new challenger enters the arena

omg stop

Fucked Up Smoke Weed, Skateboard, Eat Ice Cream in "Sun Glass" Video - 5h

lmao

http://cdn4.pitchfork.com/news/55147/03f7a1f1.jpg

Morrissey's "World Peace Is None of Your Business" Single Art Is Amazing

Exactly what is amazing about this?

seems to be going for some sort of early 70s Britisher Mandrax hard rock vibe which while I wouldn't call it "amazing" is a little surprising

Fucked Up Smoke Weed, Skateboard, Queef Ice Cream in "Sun Glass" Video - 5h

Morrissey's "World Peace Is None of Your Business" Single Art Is Amazing

hate this style of headline too, which we can probably blame buzzfeed or huffpo for.

8.3 Best New Art

"You Won't Believe What's On the Cover of Morrissey's New Album!"

*queefs*

reminds me of Lady Sovereign is fantastic

"Morrissey Creates Great Album Art With This One Weird Trick"

ann coulter is pretty

"Morrissey released the cover art to two new singles. When I saw the second one my jaw dropped. Yours will too."

11 Shocking Things about Morrisey's New Album Cover Art

what exactly is wrong with "workmanlike" again

not all men work

Nothing! But they used it in the top two reviews. Any editor worth their salt would have picked up on that and found a way to shoehorn it into the other three.

any editor with a workmanlike approach anyway

"workmanlike" is code for "not a super-special auteur genius you need to pay attention to in 2014 or you miss out, loser"

the non-pejorative is "craftsmanlike"

Michael Jackson has released more new music in the five years since his death than in the 12 years before it.

Yeah, for some strange reason I don't think he personally oversaw those releases. Call me crazy.

it doesn't say he did.

Michael Jackson, exhibiting a workmanlike approach, has personally released more music after his death than before it.

lol adam are u insinuating that the author of that piece isn't aware that michael jackson is dead?

It's just a little confusing jumping from "Michael Jackson" the brand to referring to the human being that passed on in the same sentence, using the pronoun "his". It's the first line in the review and sets a president that the person has complicity in these posthumous releases.

Add to this the picture of him hiding and the title of the album being escape and it's sort of, damn, even death didn't free this guy from people using him to make money.

I'm insinuating they could have done more to separate the actual human who has passed on from the eternal money grab over his name.

Michael Jackson, who died in 2009 and no longer has any creative input into his estate, didn't respond to inquiries about his latest posthumous release.

even though president reagan is dead, reaganISM is very much alive, so reagan has almost set a president for enduring beyond death, in the same sense that michael jackson does

even though president reagan is dead

waht?