OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

As ever didn't click thru but ay ay ay what a clueless tool

Why read any piece of music crit when you can just have ILX rip it to pieces for you.

Why listen to any of today's popular albums when you can just have ILX listen to them for you and tell you what to think.

Hurrah!

Comments in reviews most likely to put you off buying a record or going to a gig

No, it wasn't that one. It was phrased "things that cause you to lose confidence in a piece of writing" because it wasn't that it would put you off *buying the record*, it was things that made you realise that the *writer* did not actually know what they were talking about, and therefore you should not pay attention to the rest of the review.

The word "tunesmith" would do it for me..

Possibly this is the thread?

"Use other words please."

Found it:

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=40&threadid=42731

^^^want this, but specifically for *music* writing

i was thinking of "use other words please" as well!

(Actually, it was something a few weeks ago that made me think of that thread. A real candidate for "worst piece of music writing ever" - I was reading this truly poorly written rock bio of The Cure (don't ask why I was reading this piece of shit, there were reasons, OK) and I'm slowly losing confidence in both the writer's grasp of the band's work and also his understanding of metaphor, let alone knowing anything about music in general. And first there was the assertion that the line "something small falls out of your mouth and we laugh" on Pornography was, literally, about an object falling from a person's mouth. Then on about page 200, there was the blithe description of the ~influence~ of Simon Gallup's basslines on "Carlos D, the bass player for My Chemical Romance" and I just started falling about laughing and gave up on reading the rest of the book (which was, admittedly, only 20 pages left at that point) because if you can't do basic and easily-established fact-checking like *that*, why on earth should I believe you about hearsay like who punched Lol Tolhurst during the recording of The Head On The Door? Come on!)

((I really need to shut up, stop posting and ring Lambeth Council now.))

Anyway! Rick Moody, huh. What a carry-on.

Generally with Wareham until this: /a whole lot of bad songs: “I Like the Nightlife,” “Ring My Bell,” “Boogie Oogie Oogie,” “Boogie Wonderland,” “Boogie Nights,” “I’m Your Boogie Man.” /

Why read any piece of music crit when you can just have ILX rip it to pieces for you.

Why listen to any of today's popular albums when you can just have ILX listen to them for you and tell you what to think.

Hurrah!

Branwell, was it "Never Enough"?

Not this one then (which I do own) ?

http://www2.gol.com/users/fusae/newday/bookpix2/be01cbig.jpg

It was indeed "Never Enough". More than enough to know that you don't know what you're talking about, thank you very much.

^^^ that one's an oral history of sorts. I own it.

I made it a couple chapters into the book, since I heard that most of it was cobbled together from "Ten Imaginary Years" (currently unavailable on ebook), but I was struck in the prologue how Apter compared the crowd of a Cure show in 1987 or something to a Britney Spears crowd in the 2000s.

Haim is when I reach for my revolver (metaphorically)

FBI should be called to investigate this sicko

There's a special place in hell for writers of crappy opportunistic rock biographies who can't even compensate for the absence of first-hand interviews by doing proper research or crafting a single memorable sentence. And of course they sell anyway. I do cherish the corny titles though - there's an Emeli Sande one just out called Read All About It.

i can imagine somebody writing a piece of criticism where i agreed with literally every opinion they had and it wd still feel like a valid and interesting piece of criticism, so it's not just about being RONG but about certain kinds of (often wilful?) RONGness

"where i disagreed", sorry

rick moddy is suxh a boob

I think the French robots know about trans. I think the French robots heard about trans from some rock journalist who interviewed them in 2001, and after the interview the French robots bought a copy of trans and listened to it and said "this album is pretty dope". That is my uneducated guess about the French robots' relationship to that Neil Young album. Like Rick Moody's, it has no bearing on anything ever.

Mostly, the full-colour glossy ones, I just buy (well - bought, as I don't think I've bought one since I left my early 20s) for the pictures so who cares if it's third hand pre-digested received wisdom.

But I mean, actual basic factual RONGness, like assigning the bass player of the support band on the tour you've been talking about for the past 20 pages to a completely random unrelated band... that's just like, you're not even trying here.

this dude is somebody's racist uncle, isn't he

the french robots may have heard Trans but they were too cynical to appreciate it as deeply as Moody does

they hired people to listen to Trans for them

Are they accepting applications?

they need units to sample and hold

back in my younger days, i actually enjoyed some of rick moody's books. what's amazing to me about this piece is that it actually was published (and that moody was probably paid for it)! not just for the opinions but that it is a ridiculously long ramble. is this the way salon is now?

hahaha
he's like frank deford of music now?

ameri-hornby

oh dang that was a good zing, LL
you too, scott

I was thinking about this on the drive into work this morning and realized that at some point he had to have reread his own words in the dialogue and still thought it was worth publishing. He really does think these things!

frank deford=A+

http://www.mediabistro.com/tvnewser/files/2010/11/frankd.jpg

"Haim is when I reach for my revolver (metaphorically)"

he looks like Vincent Price

kind of amazing that you can talk about an album for that long and really say nothing about it, but really say a whole lot about yourself

Rick Moody wears a cool hat

http://ewshelflife.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/rick-moody_l.jpg

nope

also that's not London, that's Milwaukee

Break it on down!

Breakin' it Down with Waterface

non-rap fan writes about technical speed, doesn't recognize joey badass as a professional rapper
http://fivethirtyeight.com/datalab/the-fastest-rapper-in-the-game/

Joey Bada$$, who manages 180 wpm, is the best amateur of the bunch

may belong in the rap genius thread as the pernicious "i googled it so i understand it" influence seems to be the biggest problem

i wouldn't exactly be surprised if internet rapper joey badass had a dayjob or side hustle

you don't think he's a professional rapper?

I had no idea that Joey Bada$$ was having some success. His profile looks like he started off as an amateur there so I guess he is the test case in the sample here of whether speed increases your chances of making it!

Everyone starts out as an amateur

Someone needs to tell the dork who wrote that article that rapping quickly does not automatically equate to being a talented rapper.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1thvEtGM5M

1:30

Well, it didn't work for Silver Bullet

You just know that, as soon as the italicized finale of that article was written, the author did that stereotypical "lean back-cross your arms-look 'tough'" move was ubiquitous among jerks mocking rap in the 90s.

Joey Badass is a 19-year-old dude, why are grown men worrying about his side hustle?