OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

the salon piece is soooo fucking long!!

it's like seeing ten shits in one bowl.

http://img2.imagesbn.com/p/9780810890701_p0_v1_s260x420.JPG

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*DIES DYINGLY*

Everything about this is one big earnest fucking fail. It's like this professor caught the same virus that turned the Flaming Lips and Dave Eggers into the walking dead circa 1999.

I have taken to creating my own set of benchmarks to note the important-to-me facts and experiences that will never be true for my students. For instance:

• On “Sesame Street,” Elmo has always been a major presence; Roosevelt Franklin, never.
• Millennials never held a tape recorder next to an LP player to record a song.
• AIDS has always been a global, predominantly third-world epidemic, rather than a mysterious disease decimating the gay community and cutting a deadly swath through America’s fashion, art, and creative worlds.
• During the Millennials’ college years, a large percentage of their communication will occur via text messaging, e-mail, Facebook, and cell phones. As an undergraduate, I had access to none of those technologies.
• They have no idea who the Solid Gold Dancers were.
• They never had to await their once-yearly chance to watch “The Wizard of Oz” or “The Sound of Music” on network television, preceded by the familiar, spinning “Special Presentation” logo.

"they don't worship the same consumerist idols as I do, oh and also AIDS"

or—worst of all—“I listen to anything.”
or—worst of all—“I listen to anything.”
or—worst of all—“I listen to anything.”
or—worst of all—“I listen to anything.”
or—worst of all—“I listen to anything.”

I Like All Types Of Music
COMMENTARY • Entertainment • Opinion • ISSUE 33•05 • Feb 11, 1998
By Michelle Carney, Music Lover

Michelle Carney
Music Lover

When I go to the mall for music, you won't catch me stuck in just one section of Record Town. That's because I like all kinds of music!

Just yesterday, I was in the car with a girlfriend, and she asked me what kind of music she should play, so I told her that anything at all was just fine with me. After all, I like everything from Billy Joel to Elton John to Jewel.

But that's not all by a long shot: One day I'll be in the mood for rock and roll, so I'll put on the new Fleetwood Mac album, and the next I'll feel like classical, so I'll reach for the Titanic soundtrack. I even listen to jazz, like that hunk Kenny G.

I've also really been getting into that new "alternative" music after hearing it on Melrose Place and in that Volkswagen commercial. There's this one alternative song I heard last time I was eating at Denny's, and I just fell in love with it. I don't know who it's by, but it goes, "What if God was one of us?" It was so deep.

On a typical day at home, I might listen to a Celine Dion CD, then watch a few videos on VH1, and then turn the channel to line-dancing on the Nashville Network while I do the dishes. You see, I have what is called an eclectic personality.

My husband isn't half the music lover I am, so when I bought a new oak cabinet for our stereo last year, he complained that I was throwing our money away. It was kind of expensive, but I just had to have a cabinet that matched the furniture in our day room. One of my matching oak CD towers is almost half full, and I'll be getting six more CDs in the mail because I just joined the BMG Music Club.

When I was filling out the enrollment form, I had a pretty hard time deciding which box to check to indicate my favorite type of music. I went ahead and checked the section that had Sheryl Crow in it, because I really like that one song she does.

I like music so much that when I'm at work at the insurance agency, I keep the radio on all day. Unfortunately, last week, my love of music resulted in a very unpleasant run-in with a typist from the temp agency. Personally, I can't imagine how my music could have possibly bothered her, as we have an office rule that the volume dial goes no higher than three.

It was Thursday afternoon, and I was listening to the Christian Contemporary station when the temp started making wisecracks about the music. I changed the station to Lite 107-FM, but then she began to groan loudly at the start of every song.

The last straw came when she shouted "Oh, God!" when The Carpenters' "Close To You" came on. I finally just turned the darn radio off altogether. One thing I can't understand is someone who hates music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzIFA1f-LZk

They neither seek nor anticipate the version of higher learning depicted in the Indigo Girls’ “Closer to Fine,” a song often heard drifting across the quad during my college years

Finally gave in and clicked on the link, just to verify that those were real quotes

this is so good

what the fuck is wrong with this person

everyone goes through this challops phase in college, but some of them become professors and never leave campus

seems like run of the mill shut-in academic to me, rly only extreme ito shamelessness/lack of self-awareness

i had a pretty awful gen x prof who would play, like, pop punk circa 2003 on his laptop before class... everyone thought he was cool tho, p horrifying

that piece is pretty much irredeemable.

also

btw ugh @ onion just the headline + photo punchline? i mean not that u usually read more than the headline & lede but still depressing?

eh, cut out the middleman imo

middleman = your profession??!

writers?

oh ya sry forgot u are a promoter

AIDS has always been a global, predominantly third-world epidemic, rather than a mysterious disease decimating the gay community and cutting a deadly swath through America’s fashion, art, and creative worlds.

I don't remember most of my Gen X classmates really giving a damn about the toll AIDS was taking on the gay community or the creative world. Maybe they were being ironic about it though.

remember Steve Zahn in Reality Bites?

i'm a pr nerd dude

1991 stand up!

seems like run of the mill shut-in academic to me

au contraire, i'm a shut-in academic and i posted this precisely because it so dramatically exceeds the standards of self-absorption I've set for myself

painful article

Where is the Sylvia Plath-obsessed would-be writer who shopped quite happily at the Salvation Army?

By the way, it can't really be true, can it, that there no longer exist people in college who aspire to write poetry and read Plath?

Which Gen-X actor will be cast in the remake of this?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c6/Gran_Torino_poster.jpg

Probably should be a poll

Edward Norton

What is coke snortin

Gen x's clint eastwood is 100% Ben affleck

barf

yeah, is it possible that all the interesting students (you can tell they're interesting if they shop quite happily at the salvation army) are off learning english from a more interesting teacher?

the "i like all types of music lady" seems lame, yes, but her coworker who actively dislikes the carpenters is basically a monster.

at least she doesnt like all types of music except country

how are you all ignoring the steaming hot panglossian pile of "thinkpiece" garbage from this week's nymag

http://images.nymag.com/images/2/home/13/05/27-lede-umami.jpg

i'm always about two issues back on ny mag, which puts me at nj levels of cognition i suppose

I think she meant this one, right???

http://nymag.com/news/features/punk-movement-2013-4/

i've been to umami burger in l.a.. the burger cost $12 and while i ate it beggars put their hands through the holes in the wrought-iron fence installed to screen them from my view.

why poppage stars rule the world

There was an on-campus coffee shop at my school that seemed to play nothing but a loop of Closer to Fine and River.

Is someone suggesting that that Nabisco was not otm

gasp

no the pop star one
cmon guys it is low hanging fruit all over the place

B-b-but did it mention the Solid Gold Dancers?