Their Logic Ties Me Up And Rapes Me: Most Henious Lyrics By Sting & The Police

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Packed like lem-mings into shiny metal boxes

I like that line, too.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-three years ago)

Anyone remember the moment in 'Bring on the Night' (yes I watched it long ago) when Branford Marsalis talks about how Sting's lyrics are like reading Chaucer, while all other rock lyrics are like reading Penthouse? By the way, is there a worse, more self-congradulatory rock movie than that shit?

hooper, Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:18 (twenty-three years ago)

No. But I want to mention "Rattle And Hum" anyway.

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:24 (twenty-three years ago)

'Bring on the Night' is a laugh riot. I always loved that scene where Marsalis is talking about how stylishly everyone in the band dresses and how in this band they "don't have to get up on stage looking like a bunch of fags."

Cut to: Branford on stage, wearing pink suit.

charley, Thursday, 24 April 2003 19:13 (twenty-three years ago)

"Fifty million years ago
They walked upon the planet so
They live in a museum
It's the only place you'll see 'em."

Way to go, Gordo! It rhymes and everything!

MC Schneid, Sunday, 27 April 2003 04:49 (twenty-three years ago)

They live in a museum/It's the only place you'll see 'em.

GOOD LORD that is bad.

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 27 April 2003 16:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I actually like all the stupid references. As a wee'un it was sort of like reading Mad Magazine—I basically got it, but there were all these unknown grown-up words that made me prickle, made me curious. I love the words to "Tea in the Sahara" and "Wrapped Around Your Finger". I bet you do too. And if we share this nightmare, we can dream spiritus mundi.

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 27 April 2003 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

< gack! >

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 27 April 2003 17:26 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd probably like Fields Of Gold if he didn't mention barley. I don't know why, but referencing barley is SUCH a moodkiller with me.

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 27 April 2003 17:33 (twenty-three years ago)

Good point, Tracer Hand.

bedroom, Monday, 28 April 2003 07:16 (twenty-three years ago)

Of course we're forgetting the band's importance as prescient commentators on international geopolitics.

I think "gack" is as good a summary as any other.

TMFTML

TMFTML (TMFTML), Monday, 28 April 2003 12:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Gordon often moulds the word to fit e.g. 'insocksicated'

ne0-ge0 (s.r.w.), Monday, 28 April 2003 15:07 (twenty-three years ago)

Don't tell the director I said so,
but are you safe Mrs. Gradenko?

Huh? I no follow.

Also pathetic...

A thousand rainy days since we first met,
it's a big enough umbrella but its always me who ends up getting wet!

Gregg Newby, Monday, 5 May 2003 22:55 (twenty-three years ago)

Have I got a sick and twisted musical brain for thinking Sting's lyrics are quite good? I mean, they're not THAT far from, say, Leonard Cohen, and EVERYBODY thinks that he's half decent at lyrics.

And these aren't THAT bad. They're literate, clever, they scan, and for me, they often puch the right emotional buttons as well. "It's a big enough umbrella, but it's always me that ends up getting wet" is a GREAT line, and the songs pretty fab as well. There are SO MANY other bands whose lyrics are a zillion times worse . . . why pick on The Police?

Johnney B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 14:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Because.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 14:40 (twenty-three years ago)

QueenBee, I'd completely forgotten about Temple of Sting, but rummaging through your online archives I found:

Momus versus Sting, who's cooler, Momus or Sting?

'Momus' lyrics often point in a sly direction that seems to antagonize the pleasantness of the tune. "What I try and do is make people feel an inappropriate emotion. That's more true to life. People often don't quite know how they should feel or in that split second when they are deciding how they should feel about something--like when your girlfriend might laugh at what you said or slap you, I guess the songs are trying to prolong that moment."
Sting must have made a lot of people want to slap him.
"Sting has his Brechtian side, he's into Kurt Wiel and all that. I guess he's got a schoolteacher's kind of left wing credentials. To his credit, he's written a few disturbing songs."

That was 1997. I have nothing more to add. Except... Sting was kind to my second cousin, the actress Morag Hood, who died of cancer recently. Sting offered her some money to go to a hospice in Mexico. So Sting is cool.

Momus (Momus), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 14:53 (twenty-three years ago)

"A stone's throw from Jerusalem
I walked a lonely mile in the moonlight
And though a million stars were shining
My heart was lost on a distant planet
That whirls around the April moon
Whirling in an arc of sadness"

egad.

I'll never forget this year's RNR hall of fame when Edge called out Sting's music [he was in the audience!] as "your white reggae" ... Sting was visibly pissed off. Classic.

david day (winslow), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 15:00 (twenty-three years ago)

as we get further into the punk years and the wider levels of success possible in rock, I'm hoping heckling like this will become more and more common at the Hall Of Fame. Like the year REM and Lionel Richie will both get in.

Sting will jail ya with his rhetorical failya.

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 20:19 (twenty-three years ago)

The thing I find most annoying about Stink is his jungian pretensiousness. Such as his 'Stink-ronicity 2' (The title says it all, I think), wherein he complains about the alienating forces of modern life and then, just to be literary, makes reference to Nessie.
"Many miles away something crawls to the surface of a dark scottish loch." Oh, Stink, we're sooooo impressed. Is one of the characters in this ho-hum tirade of a song about to go nanners? Is the lake really the modern mind, and the monster all the evil that resides within? Why, Golly. That's, like, soooo deeeeep.

Oh, and for a giggle, remember that Gordy is the man who sang: "Oh God you take the biscuit for treating me this way." Is God a biscuit eater? And, um Stink, if there is a God, I'd say you've been treated pretty well.

Dare I mention that atrocious hit single he had a year back, the one which featured an Arabic singer. Oh my God!!! Is Stink A Terrorist??!!

We must all get together and pick on U2's boner soon.

Gregg Newby, Tuesday, 6 May 2003 21:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Whats even worse than his Nessie == Mankinds Angst (snobbishly pronounced 'Aownghst' in this context) is the song "Love is the Seventh Wave" which would've been a cute 'choon if, and only if...

  • he didn't suddenly become obsessed with missiles in the middle of what was up to that point a perfectly fine love song.
  • he drops the phony Jar-Jar Binks like accent
  • he realizes that Mayan Eschatology has nothing to do with love.

Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 6 May 2003 23:11 (twenty-three years ago)

four months pass...
Conversation with a Dog
From the single for We'll Be Together in 1987
Words and music by Sting

I asked my dog what he thought the best in man
He said, "The love you dispense to me twice daily from a can."
I said, "Why do you think my question funny?
And where would you be without my money?"
I said, "There may be some quality in us you must treasure."
"It's despair," he said, "of which your money is the measure."

Walk like a dog
Like anybody can

I said, "What about our politics, philosophy, our history?"
He said, "If there is something admirable in these it is a mystery."
"But there must be something in our system tell me at your leisure."
"It's despair," he said, "of which your borders are the measure."

Walk like a dog
Talk like a man
Walk like a dog
Like anybody can

I said, "What about technology, computers, nuclear fission?"
"I'm terrified of radiation, hate the television."
I said, "There must be something in our scientific treasure."
"It's despair," he said, "of which your weapons are the measure."

"Feed me, you can beat me. I will love you till I die.
But don't ask for admiration and don't ever ask me why."
I said, "Why wait till now to demonstrate displeasure?"
"It's despair," he said, "of which my silence was the measure."

Walk like a dog
Talk like a man
Walk like a dog
Like anybody can

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 00:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Every last line of Synchronicity II... WHY??? I do like the music, mind you.

Damian (Damian), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 08:18 (twenty-two years ago)

"we won't be playing scrabble for her hand I fear"

A perfectly good line but from sting its like "hurr, I aint fick!"

mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 09:21 (twenty-two years ago)

As the man himself said: "Pretend I'm stupid? If that's the alternative, I'd rather be called a pretentious wanker."

Damian (Damian), Tuesday, 30 September 2003 09:39 (twenty-two years ago)

two years pass...
are any of you actully getting laid?

Bianca O'Dowd, Sunday, 27 November 2005 01:15 (twenty years ago)

Are you threatening to tie me up and rape me? So gauche.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 27 November 2005 01:22 (twenty years ago)

I hate to make the obvious point, but a person who's come to the point of googling a two-year-old thread and posting to it sorta automatically forfeits the right to flex nuts about how much game he or she has

just sayin'

Banana Nutrament (ghostface), Sunday, 27 November 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

'do do do da da da' is their best lyric.and they write better than duran duran.
"Experience something different with our new imported toy,
She's loving, warm, inflatible and a guarantee of joy."
ploice sing about a inflatable doll.
this wins best title for a thread ever.

full lyrics:

THE POLICE lyrics - "Sally"


www.OldieLyrics.com

I was blue and lonely, I couldn't sleep a wink
And I could only get unconscious if I'd had to much to drink.
There was somehow, something wrong somewhere, and each day seemed grey and dead
The seeds of desperation were growing in my head.
I needed inspiration, a brand new start in life,
Somewhere to place affection, but I didn't want a wife.
And then by lucky chance I saw [in] a special magazine
An ad. that was unusual, the like I'd never seen,
"Experience something different with our new imported toy,
She's loving, warm, inflatible and a guarantee of joy."
She came all wrapped in cardboard, all pink and shrivelled down
A breath of air was all she needed to make her lose that frown.
I took her to the bedroom and pumped her with some life,
And later in a moment that girl became my wife.
And so I sit her in the corner and sometimes stroke her hair
And when I'm feeling naughty I blow her up with air
She's cuddly and she's bouncy, she's like a rubber ball,
I bounce her in the kitchen and I bounce her in the hall.
[And now my life is different since Sally came my way]
I wake up [in the] morning and have her on a tray
She's everything they say she was and I wear a permanent grin,
And I only have to worry in case my girl wears pins.


retroboy, Sunday, 27 November 2005 03:27 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...
Oddly enough i Was thinking about the damn russian love children thing. oh, and how terrible that Dancing With
Assassinated Pinochettas.But Dead Milkmen's "If You Love Someone Set Them On Fire" is apt.Cheap Trick's Dream Police v. Dream Of the Blue Turd-uhlers.I discovered My favorite Police lyrics " E-O! eeeyoh..." Every Little Thing...Tantric. Wow. I loved that song as a child. Record player repeat. Island -like but with cool drumming.[ And on HBO Video Jukebox I caught Blondie's The Tide Is High.] And so am I. "LOve means nothing in some strange bordellos..."

I was searching for Momus/kahimi Karie lyrics What Are You Wearing.
Hey, but Have You Never Been Mellow ? Tried? Felt a comfort from inside you? ...ever let someone else be strong? O N-J

st3vo mcn3ill, Wednesday, 4 January 2006 11:57 (twenty years ago)

This thread has helped me appreciate the depth of lyrical awfulness. Before reading this thread, I would've picked the Nabokov line as the band's worst. But it's the least-bad line on this thread.

Rick Massimo (Rick Massimo), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:26 (twenty years ago)

sting is truly the king of pain.

maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:43 (twenty years ago)

Turn on my VCR
Same one I had for years
James Brown on TAMI Show
Same tape I had for years

...wait a minute, those are good

detoxyDancer (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:51 (twenty years ago)

We have to shout over the din of our Rice Krispies

detoxyDancer (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:55 (twenty years ago)

"That's my soul up there"

Edward Bax (EdBax), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 17:54 (twenty years ago)

Oh we hated our Aunts
Then we messed in our pants
Then we lost our faith and prayed to the TV
Oh we should've known better.
heh.

Bobby Peru (Bobby Peru), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 18:32 (twenty years ago)

My mother cried
When president Kennedy died
She said it was the communists
But I knew better

Dom iNut (donut), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 18:39 (twenty years ago)

and the song was mentioned above, but why not share the lyrics:

You got it.
There's a house on my street
And it looks real neat

Dom iNut (donut), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 18:42 (twenty years ago)

When I feel lonely here
Don't waste my time with tears
I run 'Deep Throat' again
It ran for years and years
Don't like the food I eat
The cans are running out
Same food for years and years
I hate the food I eat

Dom iNut (donut), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 18:43 (twenty years ago)

retroboy's right about "De do do do" being Sting's best, but I retain a special fondness for that Rice Krispies line (ie. I LIKE it.) But then, I also enjoy "She feeds me love and tenderness and macaroons" (Stampeders), so I really haven't got much of a problem with goofy lyrics. (Esp. ones that reference tasty treats.) It's the way they're DELIVERED that's key.

Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 18:59 (twenty years ago)

no ripping on "On Any Other Day" please!

zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 19:27 (twenty years ago)

Jez: Do you think he really wondered, Sting, if the Russians loved their children too?
Mark: No, it's a rhetorical question. Like Can You Feel The Force? Or Do They Know It's Christmas?
Jez: I'm not so sure. He really seems to be sincerely hoping
that the Russians love their children too, which I think is a little bit patronising.

Edward III (edward iii), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 19:43 (twenty years ago)

What does Sting know about blue turtles dreaming that we don't anyway?

Dom iNut (donut), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 21:14 (twenty years ago)

Our so-called leaders speak
With words they try to jail ya
They subjugate the meek
But it's the rhetoric of failure

ouch. this is a shocker on so many levels i don't know where to start.

john clarkson, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 00:09 (twenty years ago)

I wish Old dirty bastard would tie him up and rape him

-- SplendidMullet (iamthecosmos252...), April 23rd, 2003.

HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 02:12 (twenty years ago)

would it be vain to ask a mod to fix the spelling of 'heinous' in the title?

Zwan (miccio), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 06:02 (twenty years ago)

Our so-called leaders speak
With words they try to jail ya
They subjugate the meek
But it's the rhetoric of failure

haha, this is one of those d@rni3113-style inverting-the-obvious-rhyme thingies!

2 columbus circle in 1964 (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 06:56 (twenty years ago)

From Truth Hits Everybody:

Take a look at my new toy
It'll blow your head in two, oh boy

Wonder why he was still bragging about his toys at 27. Must've been Buckaroo.

JohnFoxxsJuno (JohnFoxxsJuno), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 13:16 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...
Il blow your head, the one thats at ur groin

I AM da TOOLMAN, Thursday, 9 March 2006 07:12 (twenty years ago)

This is the best thread ever posted on The Internets.

Ian in Brooklyn, Thursday, 9 March 2006 07:26 (twenty years ago)


One day in a nuclear age
They may understand our rage
They build machines that they can't control
And bury the waste in a great big hole
Power was to become cheap and clean
Grimy faces were never seen
But deadly for twelve thousand years is carbon fourteen
We work the black seam together

scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 9 March 2006 11:31 (twenty years ago)

actually if Phil Oakey sang that I'd probably love it

The Most Typical and Popular Girl Rider (Crabbits), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 04:16 (thirteen years ago)

otm

gesange der yuengling (crüt), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 04:20 (thirteen years ago)

misguided h8rs

kizz my hairy irish azz (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 05:25 (thirteen years ago)

They live in a museum/It's the only place you'll see 'em.
GOOD LORD that is bad.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, April 27, 2003 5:40 PM (9 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm not very up on Police lyrics, only era I've got any interest in is very early when Andy Summers was still jamming quite a bit in quasi avant style.
But surely that is a paraphrase of the Addams Family theme tune
'Their House is a museum, where people come to see them' or wahtever it is.

Stevolende, Tuesday, 2 October 2012 10:40 (thirteen years ago)

"They really are a screa-um"

Faster than food (Myonga Vön Bontee), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 17:19 (thirteen years ago)

right, has been a while since I last saw the thing. But that makes more sense. Shame, Sting ripping off Addams Family lyrics would've been a screee-um innit?

Stevolende, Tuesday, 2 October 2012 18:04 (thirteen years ago)

no you got it right. "they really are a screa-um" is the next line after "when people come to see 'em"

gesange der yuengling (crüt), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 18:05 (thirteen years ago)

i always kinda liked this part of "all this time", i guess maybe it's corny but i like it...i like the way he phrases it...his phrasing in this song is how paul simon would do it

The teachers told us, the Romans built this place
They built a wall and a temple, an edge of the empire
Garrison town,
They lived and they died, they prayed to their gods
But the stone gods did not make a sound
And their empire crumbled, 'til all that was left
Were the stones the workmen found

farte blanche (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 18:07 (thirteen years ago)

That's a good verse, and free of his usual rhyming dictionary follies.

QUOTE sampling at a higher rate UNQUOTE (Jon Lewis), Tuesday, 2 October 2012 18:32 (thirteen years ago)


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