ILM's Top 77 Tracks of 2012

dance music people have the worst taste in dance music

I started saying that when Leftfield blew up

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Todd Terje - Inspector Norse - more like todd turd “inspector bores”
Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe - more like hardly great jepsen “squall me lamely”
Miguel - Adorn - more like miguel “a-bore-n”
Katy B - Aaliyah - more like katy pee “cashing in on the memory of a dead artist way more talented than me”
Usher - Climax - more like flusher “premature ejaculation”
PSY - Gangnam Style - more like ZZZ “surely the first in a long line of k-pop songs to achieve chart success in the west”
Sky Ferreira - Everything is Embarrassing - more like why should i care-a “this song is embarrassing”
Chairlift - I Belong In Your Arms - more like facelift “i belong in your trash can”
Grimes - Oblivion - more like frank grimes “noblivion”
Future - Turn on the Lights - more like poo-ture “turn off the autotune”
Eric Church - Springsteen - more like eric turds “token non-taylor swift mainstream country song because we all really really respect mainstream country music really”
Pachanga Boys - Time - more like pachinko noise “slime”
Icona Pop - I Love It - more like morona slop “i love shit”
Blawan - Why They Hide Their Bodies Under My Garage - more like blah-wan “why they forget to write the rest of this song”
Solange - Losing You - more like beyonce’s sister “oozing poo”
D'Banj - Oliver Twist - more like d’iarrhea “all of her shits”
Miguel - Do You... - more like pig hell “no i do not”
Cassie - King Of Hearts - more like assie “king of farts”
Taylor Swift - I Knew You Were Trouble - more like wailer shits “i blew chunks because this song was so awful”
Frank Ocean - Pyramids - more like wank lotion “bore-amids”
Kendrick Lamar - Cartoons & Cereal - more like thindick lamar “too bad my best song isn’t on my boring album”
Saint Etienne - Tonight - more like taint etienne “poonight”
Frank Ocean - Thinkin Bout You - more like stank potion “stinkin bout poo”
Jessie Ware - 110% - more like messy underwear “0%”
Bat for Lashes - Laura - more like shat for asses “bore-a”
Angel Haze - Werkin' Girls - more like strangle haze “bleaurghing hurls”
Scott Walker - Epizootics! - more like flop squawker “epic poo licks!”
Zebra Katz ft. Njena Reddd Foxxx - Ima Read - more like pee bra shats ft. vagina dead cocks - “ima turn this boring song off”
Taylor Swift - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together - more like failer pissed - “i am never ever listening to this shitty song again”
M.I.A. - Bad Girls - more like D.O.A. “bad song”
KW Griff ft. Pork Chop - Bring in the Katz - more like ky jelly ft. how am i supposed to think of a derisive parody name for someone already called ‘pork chop’ “bring in the farts”
Le1f - Wut - more like queef “butt”
Jeremih - 773 Love - more like i don’t caremih “i’m sorry this number has been disconnected please hang up and try again”
Chief Keef ft. Lil Reese - I Don't Like - more like chief queef ft. lil pees “i don’t like being sentenced to jail time, it makes me cry”
Kanye West ft. Big Sean, Pusha T & 2 Chainz - Mercy - more like blahnye west ft. big yawn, tusha pee & 0 brainz “literally the only listenable song on ‘cruel summer’”
Kalenna - Matte Black Truck - more like duhlenna “fat wack suck”
Rihanna - Birthday Cake (Funkystepz Miami Bass Mix) - more like riyawna “duuuh i’m rihanna duuuuh”
Death Grips - I've Seen Footage - more like meth whips “i’ve seen publicity stunts blow up in my face”
Cheryl Cole - Call My Name (Royal-T's Back to 99 Mix) - more like sterile hole - “call me lame (toiletry’s wank to 69 mix)”
Miguel - Use Me - more like oh well “lose me”
Neneh Cherry and the Thing - Dream Baby Dream - more like nono blarey and the nothing “hey you know what would make this awesome suicide song even better? four minutes of free jazz noodling and the singer of ‘buffalo stance’”
Nicki Minaj - Stupid Hoe - more like nicki minaj is a “stupid hoe”
John Talabot ft. Pional - Destiny - more like john toiletpot ft. pee on all “density”
Spiritualized - Hey Jane - more like zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...huh what? what? ok what number am i on? jesus.
Alex Anwandter - Como Puedes Vivir Contigo Mismo? - more like alex anwanker “translation: you actually voted for this shit?”
Bruno Mars - Locked Out Of Heaven - more like poono farts “this was a police b-side for a reason”
Haim - Don't Save Me - more like lame “don’t listen to me because i am a terrible song”
Purity Ring - Fineshrine - more like poority ring “whinewhine”
Santigold - Disparate Youth - more like can’t be sold “pisspoor-ate poo-th”
Twin Shadow - Five Seconds - more like a-ha jr. “five seconds until i turn this shitty song off”
Burial - Kindred - more like poo-rial “skin dread”
Grimes - Genesis - more like crimes “not as good as ‘i can’t dance’”
Hot Chip - Let Me Be Him - more like cold shit “let me pee on him”
Cher Lloyd - Want U Back - more like glare annoyed “want u back at whatever job you had before ‘professional singer’”
Jessie Ware - Wildest Moments - more like i’m just going to go with messy underwear again, that was pretty good “wildest bowel movements”
Jessie Ware - Running - more like messy underwear “running away from this terrible song”
Mungolian Jetset - Toccata - more like bungholian jetset trash & no star “tocaca”
Angel Haze - New York - more like angel malaise “poo pork”
Haim - Forever - more like shame “whatever”
Keith Fullerton Whitman - Issue Generator (for Eliane Radigue) - more like queef fullofit shitman “i’m just going to turn on these synths, hit record, take a smoke break for 20 minutes, then hit stop”
Tame Impala - Feels like we only go backwards - more like lame isuzu “feels like our ability to write songs only goes backwards”
Nick Hannam & Tom Garnett ft. Tom Zanetti - You Want Me - more like dick handjob & tom hairnet ft. another guy named tom “no i definitely do not”
Donkie Punch & Lorenzo - Snapbacks n Tattoos - more like wonky lunch & lamerenzo “lame hacks n bad booze”
Guru - Lapaz Toyota - more like pooru “halfass tuneyota”
Japandroids - The House That Heaven Built - more like chappedassdroids “the song that morons built”
Dawn Richard - Faith - more like limp bizkit “faith”
Nicki Minaj - Starships - more like sicki minaj “fartshits”
Nicki Minaj - Beez in the Trap - more like tricki minaj “peez in the trap”
Future - Same Damn Time - more like suture “lame damn rhymes”
Ty$ - My Cabana - more like why$ "my crapola”
G-Dragon - Crayon - more like pee-flagon “craisin”
Pulp - After You - more like poop “after poo”
Javiera Mena - Luz de Piedra de Luna - more like javiera pee-na “loose de pee-dra de poo-na”
Andrés - New For U - more like undress “poo for poo”
AlunaGeorge - You Know You Like It - more like apoonageorge “poo know poo like shit”
Chromatics - Kill For Love - more like ugh so close to being done “kill you for loving this boring song”
Dawn Richard - Pretty Wicked Things - more like yawn richard “shitty boring songs”

post of the thread

how is the chief keef one the only one w/o the word "fart" in it

see also "Starships"

Dawn Richard - Faith - more like limp bizkit “faith”

this is where a slightly annoyed skim read turned into "wait I should go back and read these"

dance music people have the worst taste in dance music

lol people who are enthusiastic over things i'm not enthusiastic over have the worst taste in things i'm not enthusiastic over

Le1f - Wut - more like queef “butt”

i'm sure leif will be devastated if he ever sees this

'squall me lamely' is def a keeper tho

I was put off by that thread title with "I like Beyonce," etc. but I just listened to "Oliver Twist" and it all falls into place and seems totally different in context than it does as some big (capitalized?) thread title I have to see in my face over and over again without knowing what it's about--which highlights something a lot of people here do: just write out some lines from a song and let them hang there, like they are going to carry any weight on their own. I'm not sure how often it's done as a shared celebration of a song, on the assumption that people reading the lyrics will have heard it, or how often it's meant to lure people into listening to the song. But anyway, I confess I had not heard "Oliver Twist" and I'm happy to say I like it, a lot actually

I still haven't spent much time with "Oliver Twist" to know whether I like it or not, but I'll cosign the overall sentiment. I say this not to pick on Lex's thread title again, but there is something slightly forbidding about it if you're someone who, like me, has never come across the song, the artist, or the genre outside of ILM. To which some might say: Well, that's why you click on the thread to *find out* what it's about. But I already feel a mild sense of alienation from it. It already seems like something for established devotees of its genre. Or at least compared to the thread title Todd Terje: "Snooze 4 Love" (masterpiece alert).

Then again, I'm not someone who ever really gets invested in genres or scenes, and maybe it's my own issue that I'm reluctant to engage in threads that use that framework for discussion.

dance music people have the worst taste in dance music

lol people who are enthusiastic over things i'm not enthusiastic over have the worst taste in things i'm not enthusiastic over

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Friday, January 25, 2013 1:51 PM (19 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what i meant, more precisely, is that lots of people love a wide variety of music that you can dance to, but people who focus on 'dance music' as a thing seem to go down this rabbithole of eliminating all distasteful elements until there's nothing left

Dance music should come with proof ratings a la liquor. Then those who prefer beer can sip 8 or 9 while I have another whiskey neat.

ienjoyhotdogs, plz come back for the albums results.

things like "Inspector Norse" seem to rise to the top for certain groups of people in this mystifying game of aesthetic goalpost moving, a process of elimination where everything that cheesy mainstream dance music and pop music hasn't picked up on lately is studiously avoided until you have the perfect inoffensive beat and synth patch. fucking disgraceful imo.

"Norge" is kinda light rum, but the glass was rinsed with some nice bitters.

are you suggesting that inspector norse isn't cheesy dance music? because that's all it is

It's cheesy dance music that is also boring.

i love the reaction to polls

Don't know what the fuck happened to Terje. I liked all those 80s remixes he did. Then he put out Snooze for Love, and it got an entire thread of praise from ilm and was super boring!

Inspector Norse clearly has an absolutely massive crossover fanbase on ILX. On a list where very little dance music ended up placing in the top 77, it would have to.

it's a pretty tasteful stripe of cheesy 80s-isms though. the way Tarantino picks the 'right' kind of lowbrow to celebrate.

Cant wait for the albums poll

some dude you are being an idiot

i'm not a dance person at all (people still go to dances? do you have to ask people out?) and i've loved inspector norse since we covered it at TSJ. i don't think anyone gave it high marks out of respect.

never gonna be able to reach for the bottle of lube ever again without thinking of 1. wank lotion and then 2. frank ocean

I think some dude was arguing that it got #1 by not offending anyone? ... Except some dude?

But no one's making a grand claim about "Inspector Norse" as embodying an aesthetic inherently superior to other styles of dance music, are they? For me, a song with a tight lite-disco beat, warm burbly synth sounds, and a hooky effervescent melody is probably always going to push my buttons at least somewhat. I don't care whether it's "acceptable" or not.

i accept that i am being an idiot. but w/e, your song won, every #1 gets gripes.

Inspector Norse is a natural descendant of Funkytown imo

i can accept that as long as you're not saying it's even a tenth as good

crazy inbred end of the line progeny of Funkytown

I value Funkytown very highly so a tenth of that would still be pretty strong.

You talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it.

Talk about polling.

Gotta move on.

Lol I played Snooze 4 Love for a friend a few months back; she said she felt like she wz at a magic show

i'm listening to inspector norse

this is ok i guess.

i was thinking it was "Todd Terry" who's one of the only dj type dudes whose name i recognize and i was like "aw cool that guy's still doing stuff" but this is a different dude who spells his name funny

basically, this kinda reminds me of like a some instrumental demo from the deluxe double CD reissue of an 80s Stevie Wonder album, but a little more "dance" music

i kinda dig it, i'm pretty shocked this won though esp compared to "adorn"

"Inspector Norse" summons images of several dudes sitting on an asymmetrical couch in an overly trendy lounge decorated in prime Trading Spaces/Changing Rooms overkill mode drinking cosmopolitans/mojitos/manhattans (delete as appropriate) and talking earnestly about their belts and their stock portfolios, which is not an image I though ILM in general found particularly aspirational/appealing

I liked Inspector Norse a lot but yeah doesnt hold a candle to Miggs

it's nice and all but a large portion of me is wondering when the Buddha Bar compilations took over everyone's tastes

drinking cosmopolitans/mojitos/manhattans (delete as appropriate)

I'll delete them all because they're all incredibly appetizing.

this is ok, i'm just a little surprised that ppl feel really strongly about it

"Inspector Norse" summons images of several dudes sitting on an asymmetrical couch in an overly trendy lounge decorated in prime Trading Spaces/Changing Rooms overkill mode drinking cosmopolitans/mojitos/manhattans (delete as appropriate) and talking earnestly about their belts and their stock portfolios, which is not an image I though ILM in general found particularly aspirational/appealing

― Bel-Air the Fresh Prince, sitting in a chair (DJP), Friday, January 25, 2013 2:57 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark

you could have saved yourself a bunch of time and just said "'Inspector Norse' summons images of norwegians"

"inspector norse" is a masterwork

i was thinking it was "Todd Terry" who's one of the only dj type dudes whose name i recognize and i was like "aw cool that guy's still doing stuff" but this is a different dude who spells his name funny

― mh (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Friday, January 25, 2013 11:54 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's a pun

"inspector norse" is a masterwork

― d'eejban (J0rdan S.), Friday, January 25, 2013 8:08 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

more like inspector norse is a masturjerk

Ienjoyhotfarts

todd winning this thing is really saving carly rae from catching a few bullets here

Ingebrigt Håker Flaten is somewhere glaring at all of you for characterizing Norwegians as boring.