R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet"

he said "ho, I should've known
that you would go and do some bogus shit up in my house

I misheard "bog shit up in my house" last night as shtuppin' in my house, and I thought it was bizarre that R. was using a yiddishism, till I realized it was the radio edit.

I guess this isn't a methaphor, then?

Speculation: Roxanne's a man!

“You play with your dick so much that your balls are red for the next five days,” he said. “Tina takes you down to the level of basically our roots as men — the animalistic part of yourself. You kind of lose your head and the next thing you know you are having sex for as many hours as you can with as many people as you can.”

Hmm.

"then she said Roxanne is a friend of mine who knows this guy named Chuck
Chuck's cool with this guy named Rufus and I'm sitting there like what the fuck!"

I'd like to think he picked the name Chuck just to make that rhyme work later on.

But yeah, they're still gripping as hell.

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000053B.01.TZZZZZZZ.jpg

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00004WIZA.01.TZZZZZZZ.jpg

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00000050T.01.TZZZZZZZ.jpg

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0001VOHH0.01.TZZZZZZZ.jpg

Which ONE is most going to satisfy a listener enraptured by the ridiculous drama of the Trapped In The Closet saga?

*(also the Public Announcement one, but fuck that)

I'm so distracted by the guy who plays Rufus because he's such a hybrid of Fonzworth Bentley and that guy from the Jamie Foxx show. I'm also glad that the "I'm going to shoot you" thing as Rufus goes to open up the door at the end looks as ridiculous as it sounds.

#10. R. Kelly is undeniably a patriot.

yes. i love this man.

I think even an "ironic" indie cover would be preferable to this.

"unintentionally". bah.

xpost

fave quotes: " 'Trapped in the Closet' was designed to go around the world sort of like the Ghost of Christmas Past — house to house, this situation to that situation, sometimes exposing people in their regular lives. Anybody's closet I can pop up in and see what they're going through and tell the world what's going on in their lives. But I don't come unless there's drama."

"I must admit that doing 'Trapped,' I did not know my writing skills could go to such a depth — then high, then sideways. My mother used to tell me, 'Boy, your elevator goes sideways.' I'm starting to believe her."

However, the s/t album was just mediocre, with only a few standouts, and since then, most of what I've heard from him has been average to abysmal.

Is this new stuff any different?

" >> R Kelly <<
Who would have thought the day would come when
we'd be bigging up R Kelly? But you have to watch
his five-part operapa, quite possibly the greatest
thing we've ever, ever seen. It tells the story of
Kelly getting caught in a closet by the husband of
his latest lady and the real-time delivery is what
brings the laughs, "I've got cramp!" being a
choice moment. (Click the video section.)
http://www.r-kelly.com/index_main.html
"

"Operapa"!??!?!

I finally(!) got the chance to see the videos for 4&5. I like the acting choice of "Gwendolyn" to be a little more in his face and holding her own that the lyrics would've led you to believe. But do cops ever smoke like that policeman does? That really bugged me.

Bearing this somewhat unwieldy maxim in mind, I present to you:

The Six Things You Really Should Know About R. Kelly and His #1 Album, TP.3

THE “R” STANDS FOR “ROBERT.”
Robert Sylvester, to be precise. Kelly also answers to “The R”, “The Pied Piper” and “Kells”.

THE “TP” IN QUESTION IS NOT CHARMIN.
The reference is to Kelly’s phenomenally successful 1993 album Twelve Play, so called because it’s presumably three times as good as foreplay and also, well, it’s twelve tracks long. Twelve Play was Kelly’s second album and the first to bring him international fame, courtesy of the smash hit ‘Bump and Grind’. Twelve Play (which, appropriately, went sextuple platinum) features one of the truly great track titles of all time in ‘I Like the Crotch on You.’

In 2000, Kelly released a sequel to Twelve Play titled TP-2. 2, like 1, is almost entirely comprised of raunchy slow jams; ‘Feelin’ On Yo’ Booty’, ‘Strip for You’ and ‘Greatest Sex’, to name a few. TP.3 was released on July 5th of this year and has more or less dominated the pop album charts since. Notably outrageously titled cuts on TP.3 include ‘Kickin’ It With Your Girlfriend’, ‘Hit It Til’ The Morning’ and ‘Sex in the Kitchen’ (featuring the memorable lyric, “This is what I’m ready to do / Girl, I’m ready to toss your salad / While making love, girl; I’ll be feasting”).

IT’S AWFULLY GOOD.
Among R. Kelly fans, at least, the general consensus seems to be that TP.3 is as accomplished and fully realized an album as the man has made. There are numerous experiments in genre; Kelly shows an affinity to Dancehall and reggae with ‘Slow Wind’ and ‘Reggae Bump, Bump,’ while ‘Girls Go Crazy’ and the first single, ‘Playas Only’ (a duet with ex-G-unit rapper The Game) is pure hip hop. There are a number of surprisingly touching love songs; ‘Touchin’, with long time collaborator Nivea is a gentle, seductive ballad with a typical Kelly-ish twist: the performers are singing to each other ostensibly in flagrante delicto. There’s also at least one true Summer Jam: ‘Happy Summertime’ with Snoop Dogg, which is all but certain to soon be booming from a Jeep near you.

IF YOU ENJOYED AL GREEN IN THE SEVENTIES, MARVIN GAYE IN THE EIGHTIES OR PRINCE IN THE NINETIES, TP.3 IS WORTH A LOOK
Like Al, Kelly’s ongoing struggle between the twin poles of his libido and his spirituality is the crux of his music; Kelly’s last album, the two CD Happy People/U Saved Me, includes an entire disc of gospel music. The lyrical raunchiness and comedy of Marvin’s classic Midnight Love neatly dovetails into R’s later opuses and TP.3 mirrors Prince’s Diamonds and Pearls-era blend of double-entendre, obsessively catchy hooks and silky-smooth delivery. As a vocal performer, Kelly rivals Michael Jackson in his eighties prime; R’s voice is provocative in its range, intensity and unrivalled sincerity.
More than halfway through the decade, a reasonable case could be made for Kells as the preeminent soul singer of the naughties; time will tell if he’ll take his place among the luminaries, but albums as strong as TP.3 only help.

IS HE SERIOUS?
That’s the million dollar question music critics split over: R. Kelly’s music is arch, sophisticated and beautifully produced but so thick with malapropism that many writers damn Kelly as a filthy-minded and unintentional savant rather than as a landmark artist. Personally, I find it impossible to dismiss Kells so easily; too much of his music resonates too deeply to write it off as accidentally or naively crafted. This ‘Intelligent Design’ approach to understanding Kelly almost willfully neglects the depth of meaning, expression and comedy that is baldly apparent in much of his work. While it’s putting it lightly that Kelly has some issues with hubris (all of the Twelve Plays are defined by excess and self-aggrandizement), it seems terribly obvious that the man approaches his music with a mix of humor and gravitas that is methodical, measured and meaningful. R is ridiculously prolific (producing something more than an album a year), iconoclastic, fantastically popular and fun to listen to; if this is him screwing around, god help us if he ever gets serious.

RIGHT, RIGHT; BUT WHAT’S ALL THIS ABOUT HIM COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET?
Ah yes, the ‘Trapped in the Closet’ cycle. This hyper-meta soap opera comprises the last sixteen and a half minutes of TP.3 and deserves some special attention. Divided into five roughly three minute songs, ‘Trapped’ has our hero narrating the sad story of his raisonneur, Sylvester (see above), a married man who has misspent his night out by going home with a barely remembered stranger. Sylvester promptly attempts to leave but is stalled by the sudden return of his one-night-stand’s husband. Finding himself captive in a one exit, fifth floor bedroom; Sylvester is force to hide in the closet, where he espies his ex-lover and her husband begin to get it on. Then Sylvester’s cellular phone goes off and all hell breaks loose. The next four songs involve a concealed weapon, a shocking confession (“Well, since we’re all coming out the closet / I’m not about to be the only one who’s broken hearted”), an unbelievable love polyhedron, a suspicious policeman, a half-dozen red herrings and an unfortunate leg cramp. The result, especially when rendered in obsessively versimilitudinous music videos, is alternately hysterical, gripping and absurd beyond words. I strongly recommend you experience it for yourself by visiting Kells’ at http://www.r-kelly.com/ ; click on the video tab.

P.S. As a copy editor, I need to know: Is the correct title of the song "Playas Only" or "Playa's Only"? I've seen it both ways several times. Thanks!

And you're right about it not being the first single; it's just the first single SINCE THE ALBUM DROPPED, so I got that twisted. I also said "comedy" twice in the Al green section and should cut one of those in favor of, say "virtuosity".

I'm glad someone liked my "ID" reference; I tickled myself with that one.