The Bobby Gillespie Bullshit game

I didn't know he was a Suzi Quatro fan.

"After spending a week jamming with Quatro, the Scream determined that 'Leather Forever' would be like part of our ten-point plan to wipe out the fascists that dare like cross our path. We have one of Suzi's Leather Tuscadero outfits hanging in the back room of the Scream Team hideout."

No you don't. I can confirm by eyewitness that you spend at least three days a week wheeling a kid filled pram up and down the Holloway Road, and another couple of days a week flopping around in the fucking Sobell leisure centre in N7.

"We're a hardworking band."

You and your 'hardworking' band and gargantuan team of gargantuan roadies threw a lazy wobbler and had my band's performance pulled from the slot preceeding Primal Scream's at a Dublin festival last year because "You have too much gear and take up too much room on stage". We're a three piece!

-- greypejooze (greypejooz...), September 21st, 2006.

tell us more! miserable celebrities i love it.

Next, you'll be telling us he was taking vitamin supplements.

Primal Scream strike me as a band that almost certainly played the ol' "bedsheet mystery record grab" game while on tour...and I'm sure BG always won...

This single quote was densely packed with high point-scoring words along the lines of 'beautiful 13-year old punk rock girl', 'nihilistic', 'dennis hopper' and the like. If anyone can track that one down, I'll be very impressed!

the movie in question is Out of The Blue, it does feature a beautiful 13-yo punk rock girl, is deeply nihilistic, and Dennis Hopper plays the punk girl's pervo-hippie father.

He needs to spend less time on the rock 'n' roll and more on tidying that mantelpiece

Alopecia areata
Areola non-grata
Medulla oblongata

Fascistic state
Suck my soul
Going down the drain
In a hole
Soul
Soul
Soul

Syphilitic parasitic parasites (x 25)

Yeh (x 15)

Speaking in an interview with Q magazine, Bobby Gillespie says he offered the singer a combination of drugs including ecstasy, speed and cocaine, but she politely declined.

"We did try. We tried to give her an LDC - a lethal drug cocktail. Ecstasy, speed, cocaine, methadone, valium all crushed up. One of the guys offered it to her, but she said, 'Thanks but no thanks.' She was very ladylike," he states.

the question is when will the offspring of this meeting of musical minds see the light of day?

He wrote sleevenotes to the original "Cannibalism" compilation, so he's been doing it for quarter of a century now!

I think a song from this jam was released as a b-side of a primal scream single. Something like I'm 5 Years Ahead of My Time. I listened to it once and it left zero impression. Not even the one finger piano registered with me!

Boaby has arranged an appointment with his literary agent, somewhere in West London. He strolls in an hour late.

BOAB: Awright darlin'?

AGENT: The name's Miriam, Bobby and you're late... again.

BOAB: Aye aye, ah know ah know, ah'd ferget ma fuckin' heid if it wisnae screwed oan, know what ah mean, doll!

AGENT: *heavy sigh* OK Bobby, you're here now, what do you want to discuss?

BOAB: Only this, sweetheart! *gazing heavenward* It came tae me in a flash last night, like an epi... like an epiph... phhhhh... phhhh ... like a fuckin' vision, so it did.

AGENT: What did?

BOAB: A fuckin' beezer o' an idea fur ma next book, that's whit!

AGENT: Your next book?

BOAB: Aye, ma next book! Hey don't ferget, hen, ah'm a fuckin' award winner author!

AGENT (incredulously): You've won a literary award?

BOAB: Too fuckin' right ah huv, doll! Best Music Book at the BandLab NME Awards 2022.

AGENT: NME, should I know who they are?

BOAB: The New fuckin' Musical Express that's who! Fuck me!

AGENT (unimpressed): Oh, I see.

BOAB: Jeez-o, see you young yins these days, ah gie up, so ah dae!

AGENT: Er, OK, so you were saying.

BOAB: Ah'm gonnae write a fuckin' children's book!

*spreads arms wide and waits for reaction*

*silence*

*arms still outstretched*

BOAB: Ah kin tell ye're intrigued.

AGENT: Er, well, that's not quite the word...

BOAB: *steepling fingers and placing elbows on desk* Noo. Let's face it, hen, every cunt writes children's books these days, so how fuckin' hard kin it be? I mean, every fuckin' wahshed oot, past thur sell-by date, seen better days, hasbeen o' a cunt is writin' wan.

AGENT: So you thought you'd be ideally suited to write one too?

BOAB: Too fuckin' right! It's fuckin' money fer auld rope! That cunt David Walliams is gettin' awey wi' fuckin' daylight robbery, cunt should be behind fuckin' bars! And ah'm jist talkin' aboot his books here, no' his <REDACTED>.

AGENT: Er, well, yes I'm not a great fan of Mr Walliams' literary efforts either but...

BOAB: Ah've even goat a snappy slogan ye kin use tae promote the book.

AGENT: Go on.

BOAB: "Here you, ya wee cunts, get yer fuckin' noses oot o' that Harry Potter shite and check this oot!"

AGENT: Er...

BOAB: I mean, obviously it's up tae youse tae fuckin' tart it up a bit, ah mean ah'm no' aboot tae tell you how tae dae yer joab, um ah? But ye get the gist?

AGENT: Only too well. Have you actually started writing anything yet?

BOAB: Huv ah fuck! Nae worries though, ah'll fuckin' get a kerry oot and a kebab the 'morra night, get the auld fuckin' laptop oot and fuckin' bang some shite oot. Half o' the wee cunts cannae even read yet, so it disnae exactly huv tae be Dostoevsky.

AGENT: Just as well.

BOAB: Nae tother a ba' fer the bold Boaby! Don't you fuckin' worry yersel' darlin', ah'll huv sumthin' fer ye by the end o' the week.

AGENT: Oh, I'm not worried about this book ever coming out.

BOAB: That's whit ah like tae hear! A vote o' confidence! Anywey, ah've goat tae shoot aff, hen, ah've goat a fuckin' album tae promote an' aw! Ah'm like a fuckin' Renaissance Man me!

AGENT: I was thinking more the Dark Ages.

BOAB: So, ah'll be in touch, doll. Don't be a fuckin' stranger noo!

AGENT: I'll try not to be.

Boab swaggers out of the office.

AGENT (on intercom to secretary): Hello, Jane? If Mr. Gillespie...

SECRETARY: *muffled voice*

AGENT: Yes, the elderly gentlemen who just left, if he phones again can you tell him I'm in a meeting... for the next two months.

BOAB: Ah kin tell ye're intrigued.

Howling at this.

Rich source of material for Tom D here:

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2024/dec/09/bobby-gillespie-honest-playlist-sex-pistols-gladys-knight-richard-hell

I don’t think I’ve ever done karaoke. I hate hearing people murder songs.

Good job he's never been to a Primal Scream gig, knowhorrimean amirite etc?

God Save the Queen by the Sex Pistols got me into punk

Released summer 1977? Oops, bit of a slip up from Bobby "I heard the first Ramones album before even the Ramones had heard it" Gillespie there!

The song that gets me up in the morning
Police sirens and birdsong.

And the motorik beat of my accountant telling me how much money I've screwed out of former band-mates.

Those aren't police sirens, Bobby, that's ambulances going to the Whittington Hospital.

“As a friend of mine once said: there is no pleasure for the guilty. I absolutely love We Don’t Talk Anymore by Cliff Richard. I think Primal Scream could do a great cover version of it.

…if only I hadn’t fired, fucked over, or driven-to-death-in-penury so many members that nobody will go into a recording studio with me.”

I don’t think I’ve ever done karaoke. I hate hearing people murder songs.

Hats off to Tracey Thorn for making the obvious zinger on Bluesky.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8gf6-qr7wI

wow it's impossible to listen to that guy talk

Should we know who this Mr Potato Head is?

Who knew the NME photographers spoke exactly like the writers wrote.

Should we know who this Mr Potato Head is?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Borden

Boaby has been following developments in the formation of Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana's new, as yet unnamed, party with increasing alarm. He decides to take the bull by the horns and speak to Mr Corbyn directly.

Boaby (furiously drumming fingers on table): ... come oan, ya useless auld cunt, answer yer fuckin' phone... cunt probably disnae even know how to use wan... oh, here we go...

Jez: Hello, Jeremy Corbyn MP speaking.

Boaby: Jezza!

Jez: Ummm, Jeremy Corbyn MP speaking.

Boaby: It's Boaby Gillespie speakin'! Mind ah came tae yer oaffice efter the General Election last year?

Jez: Ah yes, you gained entrance to my office last year, I er remember it well, um how can I help you?

Boaby: It's aboot this new fuckin' party ye're pittin' thegither.

Jez: Uh yes?

Boaby: Well, whit's the fuckin' Hampden roar here? Wan minute this fuckin' bird Sultana is askin' people to cough up the fuckin' readies tae join the party, next minute you're tellin' her tae fuckin' can it, ah don't know whether ah'm comin' or goin', mate!

Jez: There has been a dispute between Zarah Sultana and the leadership of the party but she has decided to drop her legal action...

Boaby (interrupting): ... ah well, that's awright then innit!

Jez (emphatically): ... she has decided to drop her legal action and we are united in our mission to form a new genuinely democratic socialist party, one that can bring hope to...

Boaby (interrupting again): Here, before ye climb up oan yer soapbox, Jezza, yer fuckin' party's no' even goat a name! Ah'm beginning tae think you lot couldnae run a menodge!

Jez: The decision about the party name will be left to the members...

Boaby (sotto voce): Aye if ye've fuckin' goat any.

Jez: ... to decide democratically. Now is there anything else I could help you with, Mr. Gillespie?

Boaby: Let me explain, Jezza. When ah first heard aboot this new party ah wis fuhll o' fuckin' beans, ah wis like, "Helloooo! Here we fuckin' go, this is the boey fer me!" Ah even thoat o' oafferin' mah fuckin' services as Minister o' Information, ye know like John Sinclair wi' MC5?

Jez: MC5? Sorry, I don't any of these modern hop hip artists...

Boaby: ... but ah'm a bit fuckin' disillusioned wi' this fuckin' rammy that's goin' oan the noo, ah don't mind tellin' ye, auld yin.

Jez: Well, that is understandable Mr. Gillespie but now that we've put Ms Sultana back in her place, sorry now that Ms Sultana is back in place in the party it's onwards and upwards and I hope we can count on your support.

Boaby: Aye, well ah huv tae away and huv a wee think aboot that, Jez.

Jez: We need support from all strata of society from the poorest to more wealthy individuals like yourself.

Boaby: Ah well ah don't know aboot that, ah' a poor strugglin' musician masel'.

Boaby's wife, who has been in the room while Boab has been on the phone, lets out a snort at this. Boab glares at her.

Jez: Yes, well, as I say we're looking to garner support from all corners of society, everyone who is interested in building a socialist future for...

Boaby (rolling eyes): Oh sorry tae interrupt ye in full in flow Jezza but... em.... em... the fuckin' guy fae Amazon's jist arrived wae my order of "Das Kapital" goat tae dash!

Jez (doubtfully): Uh, yes OK, thanks for the call.

Boaby (cheerily): Nae worries, auld yin!

Boaby (to his wife): Jesus ah thoat the auld cunt would never shut up, socialist this, socialist that, it wis lik' talkin' tae ma da!

Mrs Boaby: You are not a poor struggling musician, Robbie.

Boaby (unconvincingly): Aye ah um, aye ah um.

Mrs Boaby: Former and current members of Primal Scream maybe...

Boaby (sharply): Here, there's nae need for that!

Uneasy silence.

Boaby: Here huv we goat a phone book in the hoose?

Mrs Boaby (exasperated): Who uses a phone book in 2025?

Boaby: Me, that's who! Ah'm gonnae get ahaud o' yon Zach Polanski's number, gie him a bell. Ah like a loat o' his ideas plus ah'm a big fan o' his da's films, "Rosemary' Wean" and that other yin.

Mrs Boaby leaves the room.