R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet"

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I always hate movies where no detail is given if there isn't a point later. Like how if an old man has a mild heart pain near the beginning you know he's gonna keel in the second act. Or if someone is good at something you know near the end there's gonna be this serious need for that skill to be to deployed to save the day. It sucks that the speeding violation was turned into one of those deals rather than as inexplicable and hilarious track padding.

This still rules though.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 4 June 2005 00:11 (eighteen years ago) link

how does she know a policeman stopped him? these lyrics got holes like swiss cheese

― Amon (eman), Saturday, 4 June 2005 00:22 (eighteen years ago) link

it literally ends with "the policeman that just stopped you...you...you".

actually it's more like "the policeman that just stopped youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuoop"

― Amon (eman), Saturday, 4 June 2005 00:27 (eighteen years ago) link

wow

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 4 June 2005 00:34 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm glad that the ticket thing wasn't just extraneous. Though that policeman actually catching him on that road is stretching it. I think Part 5 is just jumbled. It just hasn't sounded as interesting (though if it did is debatable) or smooth as parts 1-3. It's like he blew his load halfway and was just reaching for a way to wrap it up quick.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Saturday, 4 June 2005 00:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Awww, this is SOOO disappointing...

― The Emancipation of Baaderonixx (KERERU 4 LIFE!) (Fabfunk), Saturday, 4 June 2005 00:46 (eighteen years ago) link

And nothing was resolved...
Oh well I guess it's back to waiting for TP3 to come out

― The Emancipation of Baaderonixx (KERERU 4 LIFE!) (Fabfunk), Saturday, 4 June 2005 00:48 (eighteen years ago) link

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― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 4 June 2005 01:24 (eighteen years ago) link

haha cutty so so so otm

― jones (actual), Saturday, 4 June 2005 01:48 (eighteen years ago) link

i swear to god i was thinking p.t. anderson too, as soon as the cop showed up

(so don't knock r's shabby storytelling skills people - he learned from the MASTER)

― jones (actual), Saturday, 4 June 2005 01:56 (eighteen years ago) link

in fact if he had stuck the cancer scare from "u saved me" in there too he'd be getting oscar nominations for this

― jones (actual), Saturday, 4 June 2005 02:09 (eighteen years ago) link

his leg was cramped because of CANCER.

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 4 June 2005 02:14 (eighteen years ago) link

sex tumor

― Amon (eman), Saturday, 4 June 2005 02:15 (eighteen years ago) link

Wow, parts four and five are a MASSIVE letdown.
I know I've cried wolf on this in the past (Eminem, Daft Punk) but is there ANY chance that this is some sort of alternate take? Cause it alternates between "boop" and "fuck". Cause it makes virtually no sense and is only a fraction as interesting as part three. Cause it sucks.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Saturday, 4 June 2005 02:25 (eighteen years ago) link

i don't doubt that part 5 is for real, but part of me wishes that a part 6 came out of nowhere and it just kept going and going.

― Al (sitcom), Saturday, 4 June 2005 05:02 (eighteen years ago) link

ok you part four haters are really annoying me. you say you would want to live your lives without "COOL, CLIMAX, JUST LET GO MY LEG!"??? Part 4 is some next level shit.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 4 June 2005 05:29 (eighteen years ago) link

To quote:
simonides3: dude r's description of sex is kind of ridic
simonides3: its like hearing someone who's never gotten laid talk about sex
OneVanBeeth: hahahaha
simonides3: the leg cramp
OneVanBeeth: yeah
OneVanBeeth: "shit think shit think"
simonides3: i mean whatever r, just move your leg, not a big deal

― Candicissima (candicissima), Saturday, 4 June 2005 05:40 (eighteen years ago) link

oh my god, so the entertaining R. Kelly line is not logical! Who would have thought? My point remains - the leg cramp sequence is the finest dramatic moment in the last fifty years of radioplay. NOT SINCE WAR OF THE WORLDS, etc.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 4 June 2005 05:50 (eighteen years ago) link

Maybe this is just his A New Hope

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 4 June 2005 05:55 (eighteen years ago) link

yeah I gotta say I'm with Miccio on this one, the leg cramp is great. Also the part where he actually mimics the sound of a siren.

― Allyzay flies casual (allyzay), Saturday, 4 June 2005 05:57 (eighteen years ago) link

Bill Callaghan = R Kelly fan

it was on the Irish Times man

― Michael B, Saturday, 4 June 2005 06:01 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm almost kinda mad at how the wait between each chapter leaking got successively shorter and shorter. I mean, part 4 was, what, 4 days ago? and part 5 already? the suspense was half the fun!

― Al (sitcom), Saturday, 4 June 2005 06:05 (eighteen years ago) link

So are we gonna get a remix?

― The Emancipation of Baaderonixx (KERERU 4 LIFE!) (Fabfunk), Saturday, 4 June 2005 08:05 (eighteen years ago) link

-- miccio (anthonyisrigh...), June 4th, 2005

OTM

― latebloomer: Pain Don't Hurt (latebloomer), Saturday, 4 June 2005 10:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I keep forgetting that scene in Take The Money And Run where Woody Allen gets a leg cramp during sex and his wife says this ALWAYS happens.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 4 June 2005 12:37 (eighteen years ago) link

4 was next-level accidental comedy (if a jarring change from 1-3), but you gotta acknowledge 5 lost it completely.

Sex In The Kitchen and Trapped In The Closet are the first R Kelly songs I have heard since She Got That Vibe. Is there any album that lives up to these, or should I just seek out whatever has Ignition on (the D@rnie11e and Bonnie P. Billy versions were great)? (Or are his albums too choked with non-ridiculous slow jams and Jesus joints, and I should just sit back and wait for a best-of?)

― kit brash (kit brash), Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:08 (eighteen years ago) link

SEEK ALL OF THESE ALBUMS.

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:23 (eighteen years ago) link

They're all super but I'd definitely start with Chocolate Factory and work my way back.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 4 June 2005 13:28 (eighteen years ago) link

How does one hear a darnielle cover of ignition and not hear the original?

― deej., Saturday, 4 June 2005 14:20 (eighteen years ago) link

erm yeah to clarify, in context i (simonides) wasnt hating on the r's logic or the leg cramp line, which i think is fuckin fantastic. the fact that r describes his graphic sex scene in the same absurdist, melodramatic, counterlogical, gratuitously digressing way as he talks about everything else is amazing.

which makes part 4 easily way better than part 3, a lil better than part 2, and approaching the level of genius of part 1. chapter 5 is a bit of a letdown just because it's so rushed, but i'll be stunned if there isn't some sort of remix/extended chapters shit on the bonus disc or something...right? please?

― swvl (vozick), Saturday, 4 June 2005 15:04 (eighteen years ago) link

if I had to rate them: 2 > 1 > 4 > 3 > 5

― Al (sitcom), Saturday, 4 June 2005 15:08 (eighteen years ago) link

Heh. I'm just bitter I was wrong about it not being a dream. But that whole sequence was still pretty insipid for a play by play even for him. Are they going to have a sequence in the video where his dick goes soft upon finding the rubber in the covers?

Anyhoo, I think 2 > 1 > 3 > 5 > 4

― Candicissima (candicissima), Saturday, 4 June 2005 15:30 (eighteen years ago) link

I thought 2 > 4 > 1 > 5 > 3 (3 is so dull!)

― deej., Saturday, 4 June 2005 15:36 (eighteen years ago) link

How does one hear a darnielle cover of ignition and not hear the original?

internet innit! really, I haven't encountered a Kelly song on Australian radio or telly since 1992. I just saw/heard Hard Knock Life by Jay-Z for the first time five minutes ago, too.

― kit brash (kit brash), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:05 (eighteen years ago) link

4 > 3 > 2 > 1 > 5

with the understanding that all five rank among the most beautiful things I will see in pop culture this year.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:14 (eighteen years ago) link

3, 2 and 1 could all switch around depending on which catchphrase I'm thinking of that moment. "Shit, think, shit, think" vs. "now you'll learn the SHOCKING truth" vs. "CHUCK SAYS WE'RE IN LOVE!!!" = everybody wins.

― miccio (miccio), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:15 (eighteen years ago) link

Also the part where he actually mimics the sound of a siren.
= OTM

Also, the beeps in part 5 are great.

― The Emancipation of Baaderonixx (KERERU 4 LIFE!) (Fabfunk), Saturday, 4 June 2005 16:25 (eighteen years ago) link

4>2>1>3>5

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Saturday, 4 June 2005 17:57 (eighteen years ago) link

"KATHY SAYS "'LOVE' MY ASS" is underrated.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Saturday, 4 June 2005 17:59 (eighteen years ago) link

Everybody overhates #5.

― deej., Saturday, 4 June 2005 18:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Yeah #5 has some pretty good shit in it. I hope the beeps are part of the finished product, hence why they are inconsistent, cos that would make it phenomenol.

― Allyzay flies casual (allyzay), Saturday, 4 June 2005 19:04 (eighteen years ago) link

man, this whole ordeal just puts a smile on my face. thanks r.

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 4 June 2005 20:00 (eighteen years ago) link

part 1 is undeniable! it's the only one where i feel like the escalating drama/cliffhanger end isn't forced. plust it's *simple*--I'd've preferred fewer characters, less scene-changes, more R just trillin about the dresser or the kitchen countertop--more description.

― Jimmy_tango, Saturday, 4 June 2005 20:16 (eighteen years ago) link

Can someone please post the lyrics of part 5?

Yes, I would have also preferred that the entire suite take place in the closet.

― The Emancipation of Baaderonixx (KERERU 4 LIFE!) (Fabfunk), Monday, 6 June 2005 11:55 (eighteen years ago) link

oh and how does one get to hear a D4rN1e11e version of Ignition??

― The Emancipation of Baaderonixx (KERERU 4 LIFE!) (Fabfunk), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:00 (eighteen years ago) link

he does a bit of it at the end of a Boys Are Back In Town cover than Music For Robots blogged last year. the Bonnie Prince Billy & Matt Sweeney was also a live mp3 blog jobbie - sluggishly propulsive, comes across almost as real-time screwed&chopped.

― kit brash (kit brash), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:09 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm writing a piece about "Trapped" and I'm torn as to how much to reveal to the reader about the events of the later chapters. should I even worry about 'spoilers' when the end of the story is so dull?

― Al (sitcom), Monday, 6 June 2005 14:51 (eighteen years ago) link

Are you worried about spoilers because the later chapters haven't been "officially" released yet?

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 6 June 2005 14:55 (eighteen years ago) link

no, I'm worried about spoilers because presumably the reader won't have heard all of them, or maybe has only heard Chapter 1 (which so far is the only one that's an official single/video release).

― Al (sitcom), Monday, 6 June 2005 15:25 (eighteen years ago) link

It's tough. Ordinarily, I wouldn't worry about spoilers for a song, or series of songs, but I think R. has rewritten the rules a bit.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 6 June 2005 15:28 (eighteen years ago) link

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