Who's The Foxiest Rock Critic?

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ive never seen her but if she looks as good as she writes, lisa oliver from stylusmagazine.com must be really hot.

super masonic black hole who posts here sounds pretty hot too. ive never read her work though, only her posts.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Monday, 23 August 2004 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

But damn how women are conditioned to internalize the values of the oppressor, to monitor their looks, incl. comparing them to those of other women! FUCK that! Sara I've seen pix of you and you look good, isome boozehound editor wants Jessica Simpson with a stylebook and a Rolex, fuck thahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht.

― Don Allred, Monday, 23 August 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

is this the scene where the sensetive guy claims to be down with the oppressed to get pussy?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 23 August 2004 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I knew that was coming. No. No. And I'm not so wonderfully enlightened, at all. But the older I get the less tolerant I get(CAUSE WE'RE GONNA DIE SO THERE'S NO TIME FOR IT) of all oppressive shit(as opposed to good shit, or good bad shit). Just before this, I was listening to some sensitive shit while riding my exercycle. I had to switch over to Thin Lizzy and AC/DC. A bunch of knuckleheads, but born to run (good bad shit). Not "very" enlightened, except for the guitars.

― Don, Monday, 23 August 2004 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I just fall towards the Cool Old Broads. Sha-ha-ronn!

― Don, Monday, 23 August 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

haha don i was kidding. don't fear my vagina.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 23 August 2004 22:29 (twenty-one years ago)

ive never seen her but if she looks as good as she writes, lisa oliver from stylusmagazine.com must be really hot.

― Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha (Dom Passantino), Monday, 23 August 2004 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I only fear the Reaper, jess. On a brighter note, i just read on AOL News (so it must be true) that fewer people watch TV now. So mebbe that will weaken the forces of lookism.

― Don, Monday, 23 August 2004 22:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I wonder if rockrit looks might be coming more important, for males as well as females.

VH1 told me, I'd be a quote dude, if I'd exercise and eat less food. Tired of being compared to damn Rob Sheffield and Joe Levy, that just ain't me.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 23 August 2004 23:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Just don't get too good at the soundbites. That seems to be the bottomline (Rob is token smartguy).

― Dozzy, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 00:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I am 5' 11", and I would estimate that around 40% of the women I've dated have been taller than me. Why? Protection.

Also, I have my first (and, most likely, last) piece in the Voice tomorrow, so I guess I am now a fully accredited rock critic. And I am fucking H-O-T:

However, I am no Robert Christgau, who has a cock the size of your arm. I'm serious; he won it from Jon Langford in a poker game, and keeps it in his Voice cubicle, right next to the gold record he received for his work with Bad Religion.

― Jesse Fuchs (Jesse Fuchs), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 01:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Where is my picture? My wonderful, wonderful picture? Hmmm...

http://www.numbertwopencil.net/graphics/4am.jpg

Ah, there we go. Just as well -- I forget the second T in H-O-T-T anyways.

― Jesse Fuchs (Jesse Fuchs), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 01:22 (twenty-one years ago)

J Dub, you of all people should not be calling me out on my grammar/spelling, and if all you got from that post was that I mixed up my weather/whether (out of pure agitation, I do know the diff), then shit, I don't know what else to say. Except noise rock dudes are just as pathetic as riot grrrls if you think about it. All subcultures are kind of pathetic at times.

Ant-ney,

Most of the men on VH-1 are really gross (except for Mo Rocca, Michael Ian Black, and Hal Sparks). Just watch Best Week Ever or any of those C-list comics that appear on the I Love the... shows.

Joe Levy is conventionally attractive, the kind of guy that one would describe as handsome, but he gives me the creeps. His sound bytes are oily. I have to wipe off my TV screen after he's finished. (Especially when he used to drool about Britney. Ew!)I don't believe a word of anything he says or writes. He's the classic New York media "means to an end" type. I guess I'm never writing for Rolling Stone now!

The whole appeal of Rob Sheffield (the John Cusack to Levy's Tom Cruise) is not his looks (not going there!), really (though he's got the tall thing in his favor, for people who care about that kind of stuff). It's the voice. When he talks or writes (when not saying things like "fuck puppy" and gabbing on about teenage actresses with fake boobs), it makes you go, "aaaaw."

But you know, the whole VH-1/Rolling Stone thing, or anyone's writing persona, even on a blog, is a construct, like Lloyd Dobler (which Chuck Klosterman wrote about in his latest book, our ideas of "love" from the the non-sucky John Cusack movies and sad pop songs and such. It doesn't really exist but because our own lives are fucking boring, we attach all this sentimental crap to our records, our writers, whatever. As Kathleen Hanna once sang on the much cooler "Demirep," the you I show to YOU is just a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiie!!!

In general, I've found that men can work this shit and women cannot. Guys talk about their feelings and it becomes an entire musical genre. Women do it and it's chick lit. Sometimes I wonder if Liz Armstrong did not look like a younger hotter Liz Phair, if she could pull of Misty Martinez. (Well yeah, it's called Peaches, right?)

Mostly, I'd love to see what would happen if the SPIN column was called Making Out with Misty Martinez. Now THAT would be good reading.

Before you tell me to take it over to ILE, I say this has everything to do with music, because writers are absorbing what's going on in our culture, and it's all related. Social boundaries are the things that were explored, along with the music in the late great zine, Frank Kogan's "Why Music Sucks." I miss reading all the great stuff in there from Liz/Misty, Don, Rob, Chuck, Jane Dark. That's what rock mags should be.

Don Allred, thanks for the kind words. I don't want to be Jessica Simpson (though I'd settle for Ashlee), it's just that my failure to connect with my male peers on a very basic level makes me sadder than it should, even if I do know better.

Have I killed this thread yet?

― Sara Sherr, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 05:06 (twenty-one years ago)

sara, you have no reason to be defensive about the content of your posts. It's pretty clear you've got fans (inc. myself). And if my post re: Levy and Sheffield wasn't mainly in jest, it wouldn't have been sung to the tune of a Pink lyric. Rob Tannenbaum looks pretty handsome too. I don't think I'm actually envious of any critic on VH1 though because the least safe target I ever saw skewered was when Rob Sheffield said he hopes he never hears Russell Crowe's band. I don't want to be neutered on national TV, thank you very much.

I once e-mailed Frank Kogan asking if he had any old issues of Why Music Sucks laying around. He doesn't, which SUCKS. I've been dying to get to read that stuff.

This thread will not die, btw. There's a reason I revived it (aside from having to announce my fascination with Ultragrrrl - I'm just crazy about the inexplicable).

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

and Jesse, your Voice piece is great (not to mention your post I threw on the LOL thread on ILE). Glad you're posting here.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post, dom seems to think lisa oliver is not very good. either way, im still a fan!

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 07:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Sara! Youd do know I din't think *you* wanted to you to be Jessica Simpson, rather that J'accused boozehound backorifice pigs of wanting to edit you to J. The latter's little horseface (of ambition's obstinance) incites even sensitive me to violent acts of boredom (no not in the bathroom)(Jim De thinks Asslee is "at least trying to rock"! No! She's the faux Avril, DeRo!) Mo Rocca's irony gets really shticky in its ambition: when he ref. "the Dixie Whores," you can guffaw ironically or no, ho-hum in the Context of No Context same as it ever was, only more so. (Maybe there's no such thing as "a little bit pregnant," but a little bit more null happens all the time.) Yeah, I should have mentioned re Rob's soundbites, they also *sound* rite, as you point out, that low-key Koganesque delivery, but also out of the side of his mouth (Shef bringing that Irish-is-pirate Conan O'Brian "Arrrgh!") Yr Levy to the Chevy (curb) otm.Misty's *music,* on disc at least, is gear fabulashtronica, homegrown. onsult [email protected](Also otm: her column should def move into K.s ho)(otherwise, Spin has actually been getting better past few months? Can such things be? Oh wait, it's just the reviews (now fortified with Jon C. Well, that's not so Tales of the Inexplicable then. Or is it!)

― Doizey, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 12:57 (twenty-one years ago)

^^^^^ New question: why do all rock critics write like that? ^^^^^

― nabiscothingy, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

All in the bloodline, thingy (F U have to ask) "Non-sucky John Cusack movies"?!?!??????

― Don, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

All in the caffeinated default-writing-for-free bloodline, I shouldsay, except you knew that. Peace, thingy. Rock star/crit contunes: Slug/Jesse F. The latter's post causing flashback to ancient RnR Quarterly, spotlight on Cynthia Plaster Caster's Langford trophy eeeewwwwww. Thanks, Jesse. Also: Rock crits' sunlight on Ashlee, Cusack (Norah Jones)=multiple eeeewww you younguns are scaring me (must go lie down again).

― Doleread, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

(Hey, so is Jesse Fuchs the fuchsiest rock critic, or what????)

― chuck, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread gives me a headache.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

it's also a fairly good argument for not dating rock critics.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

we make good mixtapes

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

get five then dump

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah that's true, we do make good mixtapes

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

sometimes i think nancy only kept me around as long as she did for the mixtapes

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

my ex said that my post-break-up tape was the best one yet. and that's out of like two dozen plus so you know that meant something

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

jess say no then

― Dont, Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I've curbed the possibility of this happening again by only falling for folks who either don't give a shit about music or have so much that I have no impulse to "educate." Oh, they might get a mash-note mix now and then but no more extensively compiled 2tape Best Of The Mekons '77-'02 OH GODDAMN.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

god do you assholes demand to be in control of the radio when you're in the car too?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

only when I'm driving (and she drove most the time...usually, playing tapes I'd given her...sigh...)

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

you numbnuts ever think to give a girl flowers?

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

i havent owned a car in like four years.

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

haha blount she knew I didn't know shit about good flowers. tapes came from the heart.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

something you spent hours on compiling for maximum enjoyability and endurability vs. something you went to the store for and said "uhhh, what's good but kinda cheap?"

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

that they'll have to find something to put them in (cuz fuck if she keeps a vase around) and water and eventually trash

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

manmade artifice vs. nature's splendour dude

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

you can paste a leaf to the cd case

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

elephant 6 beat you to it man

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

and see i bet they get all kinds of pussy

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Ugh, now I feel ill.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

pizza was my way of providing nature's splendour (still is)

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

if you truly wanna woo a girl give her a dozen roses dyed black

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

(note: only works on 14 year olds, circa 1989).

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, evanescence

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

bring her to life

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

show up at their door with a single red cliche

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

what, like a mixtape? hahahahahahahahaha

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

hey blount yr single now, right?

― jess (dubplatestyle), Tuesday, 24 August 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

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