THE WORST NME COVER OF ALL TIME

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NME in the Autumn of 2005 is a Total Laughing Stock.

Naff front covers, crap copy headlines EVERY WEEK

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

LMAO: NOW NME 2005 "How Arctic Monkeys Smashed the System"

20 Years Earlier..

NME THEN 1985: Join Red Wedge to Kick Out Thatcher

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 16:58 (twenty years ago)

What the hell are we doing here?"

― James Mitchell (James Mitchell), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

The picture wont show. So I right clicked and selected View Image and

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haha have they moved it because of ILM?

― Last Of The Famous International Pfunkboys (Kerr), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 20:18 (twenty years ago)

http://nme.com/images/62_011105_littlebritain_cover.jpg

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 21:06 (twenty years ago)

and.... *sigh*

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

Ok thats a pretty bad cover.

― Last Of The Famous International Pfunkboys (Kerr), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 21:58 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

it gets worse

http://www.nme.com/images/84_NME_Cover_L101205.jpg

― mark e (mark e), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 08:46 (twenty years ago)

Actually, those two chappies from Little Britain ("Dick Emery for C@%£$" as I've heard it described in another popular netwebby bbs-ey!!!!!) look more credible on the cover of the NME than Babyshambles!!!!!

Mind you, I'm not suprised in the least!!!! "The album almost broke us"!?!?!?!?

Look you twunts, you're supposed to be rock stars for Cliff's sake, yet you're hardly able to play concerts, and find making records too onerous!??!!? Perhaps you should just be honest and re-brand themselves as "Crack Stars". The Sun will still cover you anyway- I mean it's not as though you're going to find any member of Da Franz in 3-in-a-bed vicar/goat kiss-n-tell any time soon, is it?

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 13:33 (twenty years ago)

Re: New cover of the "NEW MUSICAL EXPRE".

"Nirvana The Movie!!! And Kurt Narrates it!!!!"
How does that work exactly?!?!?! Are they digging him up and installing a computer operated voicebox or something?!?!?!?!

Re: Nole Gallagher!!!!
Why's he on the cover all the time they need a retro band?!?! Why can't do any with with Menswear or Ned's Atomic Dustbin!?!?!?

― Old Fart!!! (oldfart_sd), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 13:43 (twenty years ago)

How does that work exactly?!?!?! Are they digging him up and installing a computer operated voicebox or something?!?!?!?!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40852000/jpg/_40852193_jon1.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 13:45 (twenty years ago)

are the NME still stuck in 1995? with Oasis on the front cover yet again.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 14:00 (twenty years ago)

i know! they shd definitely be covering more intelligent dance music and jungle, am i right?!

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

You spelt "amirite" wrong.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

DJ Martian, do you not like the NME?

― Venga (Venga), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

the design of this one looks a bit better than most recent covers though. at lease there is less going on.

― mms (mms), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 15:22 (twenty years ago)

I like the John Lennon gets shot bit. Imagining a 14 year old wondering if he died or not or if it was a west coast/east coast deal. (yeah maybe David Crosby shot him.)

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Wednesday, 7 December 2005 15:26 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

it gets worse:

retro chav mods on the front cover:

http://www.nme.com/images/84_NME_cover_L110206.jpg

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:16 (twenty years ago)

I'm all about "PUNK IS 30 YEARS OLD- we talk to Morrissey, who owns some punk records"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:21 (twenty years ago)

god these covers are depressing... and hideous...(my sentence applies to "rock" in general, i guess !)

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:27 (twenty years ago)

NME: rock music weekly for teenage morons

UNCUT: Paul Weller on the front cover. These days Uncut gets more boring, aimed at Mr Average Aged 40 trad rock tosser.

Notice the massive generation gap: people in their 20s/ 30s are Not being served by IPC Ignite.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:36 (twenty years ago)

may the circle be unbroken

― The Man Without Shadow (Enrique), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:37 (twenty years ago)

I hope the Arctic Monkeys are working on their remake of Spiceworld.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:38 (twenty years ago)

why bother with anything when rateyourmusic.com exists

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:40 (twenty years ago)

EDITORS were due to be on the cover. it was trailed last week with
'no supermodels. no bullshit. how EDITORS did it their way'
oh the irony. they've got every right to be bloody furious i'd say.

― piscesboy, Tuesday, 7 February 2006 16:58 (twenty years ago)

Good luck to Editors I say, They've got this far with nothing more than minimum NME help. Approaching 500K sales now.

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 17:09 (twenty years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/13/17651664_0cc0ba9904_m.jpg

"EDITORS: HOW THEY GOT HUGE WITHOUT SELLING OUT"

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 7 February 2006 17:22 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

the worst bowl haircut on the front cover since inspiral carpets

http://www.nme.com/images/thums/84_NME_cover_L250306.jpg

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 16:15 (twenty years ago)

Karen O gets more and more unfortunate.

― R.I.P. Concrete Octopus ]-`: is a guy with a belly button piercing (ex machina), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 16:34 (twenty years ago)

Is that this week's, Martian?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 16:41 (twenty years ago)

she moved to LA cuz NYC was "stale."

― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 16:43 (twenty years ago)

Wouldn't it have been easier to do some cleaning?

― Why does the birds always shitting on me? (noodle vague), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 16:44 (twenty years ago)

yes, this week's as seen: http://www.nme.com/magazine

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 16:46 (twenty years ago)

Do people really respond well to magazine covers that are jampackedthismuch with pictures and keywords? As odd as it might sound, I think the best music mag covers in general are ones done right after someone dies.

― musically (musically), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 18:35 (twenty years ago)

http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e202/dog111333222/NME_180306.jpg

― James Mitchell (James Mitchell), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 18:47 (twenty years ago)

that was last week's issue

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 18:52 (twenty years ago)

Oh, pick any of the 67 NME issues with Ian Brown on them... I choose this one, just because of the title..

http://www.rockmem.com/NME/19_11_94.jpg

― Yoo Doo Nut (donut), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 19:00 (twenty years ago)

wait, tom petty AND m people?

― mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 19:02 (twenty years ago)

And Harry Fuckin' Enfield! Still, I bet you a pound to a piece of shit that it was a better read then than it is now. Is this the thread where you get to call Conor McNicholarse a cunt? If so, count me in.

Bit of a while ago now but did anyone see him on that end-of-year MTV2 best of round-up bullshit with Zane Lowe 'round Christmastime? Hasn't he just got the most kickable face you've ever fucking seen?

I really don't like Conor McNicholas by the way.

― yer mam! (yer mam!), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 19:20 (twenty years ago)

Conor Mclickspittle is like the most appalling spotty school prefect, I just hope he knows he stands for absolutely nothing except the perpetuation of cultural hegemony. Don't worry tho, in a few years he'll have a column in the Groaniad (yay.) then be a regular talking head on do you remember the 00s (fantastic.)

― gekkoppel, Tuesday, 21 March 2006 21:27 (twenty years ago)

I trust everyone else was as intensely disappointed as me when they actually saw the "sickest rock merch ever"

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 21:55 (twenty years ago)

People are ignoring that the last band on that NME cover are Nancy Boy. Not the Placebo song, but the long forgotten glam-metal band fronted by Mickey Dolenz's son.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 22:00 (twenty years ago)

If anything, Tom Petty ages that issue more starkly

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 22:23 (twenty years ago)

four weeks pass...

Possibly a new candidate:

http://www.nme.com/images/84_NMEcover_L180406.jpg

It's rather deceptive but I think I got the better of it when I read "How four hardcore kids staged a punk rock revolution" and thought "Huh?".

Also, they have a token fat dude in a silly hat.

― James Mitchell (James Mitchell), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:29 (twenty years ago)

My 12 year old adopted cousin knows this shit is whack.

― Fight the Real Enemy -- Tasti D-Lite (ex machina), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:32 (twenty years ago)

THE 11 LOUDEST RECORDS IN ROCK

1. Arctic Monkeys
2. Metal Machine Music (ask yer grandparents)

continue.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:32 (twenty years ago)

Fat dude in a silly hat = US equiv. to Kaiser Chiefs Peanut.

11 loudest records in rock feature surprisingly not bad, if pointless.

Interview with Be Your Own Pet on last page references ex-Swans singer Michael Durra! If y're transcribing a tape and a band mentions someone you haven't heard of (and this being the NME these days that's probably anybody ever) wouldn't you take the five seconds to check the spelling on the internet? You could find that out on Amazon! Contempt for reader ahoy.

Why is Shaun Ryder dancing like that? He's shat himself.

― Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:40 (twenty years ago)

People still read NME? I don't even read it in smiths now.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 22:21 (twenty years ago)

"Punk rock revolution"

Fucking cunts. The very notion was dead as the credits played on the Grundy programme.

― Venga (Venga), Tuesday, 25 April 2006 22:54 (twenty years ago)

stop the revolution I want to get off

― fandango (fandango), Tuesday, 25 April 2006 22:57 (twenty years ago)

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