Do you ever read one of Christgau's reviews and go, What the hell is he talking about?

Billie Holiday is uncoverable,
possibly the greatest singer of the century,
yet the fact is that Ross's versions
which occupy only two sides of this soundtrack album
are intensely listenable.

That's the word I want,
because it doesn't fit Holiday,
who either seizes your full attention
or disturbs you in the background.

While copying Holiday's phrasing and intonation,
Ross smoothes them out,
making the content easier to take
without destroying it altogether.

This may be a desecration and a deception,
but it speaks to the condition of a ghetto child
who's always had a talent for not suffering,
for willing herself up and through.

Not every singer turns into a junkie,
after all.

Would You Lay With Me (in a Field of Stone) [Columbia, 1974]
If you think the inflatable dolls they sell with the Orgy-Gell in the back of cheap skin mags are sexy, then you will doubtless find this fifteen-year-old wonder of nature the hottest thing since that waitress who brought you the screwdrivers the time you blew $220 playing blackjack in downtown Winnemucca. A cute little ass, better-than-average pipes, and Billy Sherrill's usual "who gives a shit if the title cut is commercial" country album. Up a notch for no strings. B-

is he saying that this fifteen-year-old has a cute little ass?

I mean, he's obviously going for a satirical "this is what happens when you market a 15-year-old as a sex symbol" tone, but he's doing it wrong.

god those "poems" are annoying

What a creep
that's a classic song too

was tanya tucker strongly marketed as a sex symbol?

Still the best. A mile better than Greil.

was tanya tucker strongly marketed as a sex symbol?
i was too young to know about all that but twelve year old me bought this on account of the cover
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c3/TanyaTuckerTNT.jpg

Delta Dawn > every weird xgau ever wrote

I still think about this review and shudder:

Everyone Who Pretended to Like Me Is Gone [Startime International, 2002]

Just what we always wanted--Jonathan Fire*Eater grows up. Put some DreamWorks money into a studio, that was mature. Realized Radiohead was the greatest band in the world, brainy. Stopped playing so fast, hoo boy. And most important, switched vocalists from Nick Cave imitator to Rufus Wainwright imitator. Wainwright makes up better melodies with a dick in his mouth, and not only that, Cave has more literary ability. New York scene or (hint hint) no New York scene, DreamWorks isn't buying. C+

xxp

well, that TNT cover is 4 years and 6 albums down the road from cgau's review. circa would you lay with me, her image was appropriately innocent, though her song choices were sometimes rather suggestive (title track, for instance).

Would You Lay With Me (in a Field of Bone)

Might as well post the inner sleeve to TNT as well:

http://ickmusic.com/pics/artist/tanyatucker.jpg

she was 20 when TNT was out, according to wiki

also are we really like doing this, defending what xgau said in that shit review based on how "sexy" tanya tucker should or should be?

like honestly you guys, if this was just some random asshole writing this in 2012 for a alt weekly and the link got thrown up on ILM every single person would eviscerate it.

I mean what's to defend here:

Wainwright makes up better melodies with a dick in his mouth,

what an asshole

I've never rated him as a critic, and nothing he's ever written has changed the way I think or perceive a release.

*think about

I mean what's to defend here:

Wainwright makes up better melodies with a dick in his mouth,

what an asshole

we talked about this recently on another thread and Alfred believes he was "making fun of homophobia": Lucinda Williams vs. Greil Marcus

is that like when a guy i know posted on facebook about being mistaken for a terrorist and some white dude chimed in "but all brown people are terrorists" as an attempt at a knowing joke about prejudice but it still came across as gross

i guess my satire is too sophisticated for you

you're some white dude too??

some white, black, purple dude

i'm every some dude, it's all in me

he contains multidudes

we talked about this recently on another thread and Alfred believes he was "making fun of homophobia": Lucinda Williams vs. Greil Marcus

Reading Blues & Chaos, the Robert Palmer anthology
....dude rules, why wasn't he the dean of rock critics instead? Light years better than xgau

"snoop makes better melodies while picking his afro"

Even after reading that thread I still don't quite get how Alfred comes to that conclusion (while he's biting his lip).

sorry -- I was making specious arguments with a dick in my mouth.

*hums a better melody*

not only that, nick cave has more literary ability!

#xgaukoans

how do you bite your lips with a dick in your mouth?

haven't spent time in the gay thread?

ALSO, I LIKE BLOOD SAUSAGE

i mean BLOOD SAUSAGE IS DELICIOUS

http://ring.cdandlp.com/gmsi/photo_grande/114767124.jpg

Is Xgau Dying?

i'm a sympathetic reader, so i figure the rufus wainwright bit (which I thought I brought up first on ILX in '06 but the archive reveals fact checking cuz did in '04) as embarrassing and shitty, but low malice - a sixty-something dude trying to be hip and falling on his ass, only nobody but some ilxors every so many years noticed or cared.

i think every line in that particular review is embarrassing

that said, the reimaginings of his stuff as poems upthread are pretty great

probably

so many "classic" ilx posts
would benefit immensely from similar treatment

to give one example
i always, i think, enjoyed the pinefox's at times curious syntax

granted, your mileage may vary
but it just goes to show:

we're all stars then in the dope show
then and now

i remember reading creem magazine aa a kid and being regularly befuddled by christgau's reviews. and at the time i just assumed that it was something that would make more sense to me if i were an adult and had achieved a certain level of sophistication or whatever. but that go-betweens one cited here still makes very little sense to me no matter how many times i read it

i wonder if he's more of a frustrated literary writer than most music critics, like maybe all his ambitions as a stylist would be better served in a different medium.

Metal and Shells [PVC, 1985]
When what the Brits call pop isn't popular, it's usually rock and roll chamber music if it's any good at all. This U.S. debut, a best-of that highlights the soulful ache in the vocals and the quirky opacities in the lyrics and does what it can for a modest tune sense, honors that suspect notion. It's not stylized, and not static either, but it's pretty subtle, and its half-finished edges and kinetic lyricism are best appreciated in tranquility if not repose. Where it can be expected to unfold for quite a while. A-

wtf does "does what it can for a modest tune sense" mean??

he's highlighting his own quirky opacities, i think

soulful ache in the vocals and the quirky opacities in the lyrics

yes

its half-finished edges and kinetic lyricism

yes, i hear ya

the rest is either impenetrable to me or is hopelessly buried in bizarre syntactical choices. as someone who is incapable of writing a grocery list w/o stacking clauses on top of each other in jenga-esque fashion i can appreciate it, but the first sentence is the obvious huge offender here and is somewhat infuriating b/c once you do manage to squeeze some meaning out of it, it turns out to be a tossed-off sweeping statement that w/o further explication is really kind of pointless?

xp

ha

yeh in re-reading it i came to wonder if it was just one of those write in the style that approximates the aesthetic of the record things

I summarize his review of that Go-Be's comp as: "Much better than rock and roll chamber music has any right to be."

I liked when he dismissively called Spacemen 3 "Stooges for airports."