R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet"

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It will "all be a dream" at the end. I'm almost betting on it. (then again, I'm heading to Vegas this weekend, so betting has been on my mind lately.)

― donut debonair (donut), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:26 (nineteen years ago) link

In a similar way, when he does Kathy on "okay, you busted me, you caught me cheating, but this is a little extreme," he sings in an upper register, almost falsetto, that suggests a female voice but only because the notes are themselves high, i.e., not gratuitously at all.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:27 (nineteen years ago) link

yeah, I just can't decide of such taste is wasted on a project like this or not. Either way it rules, obv.

Cathy = Elisabeth Berkeley
Rufus = Mario Lopez
Chuck = Dustin Diamond
R. Kelly's Wife = Lark Voorheis
Man who answers the phone = Mark-Paul Gosselar

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:28 (nineteen years ago) link

Why am I the only one who's assuming Kathy's name starts with a K!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:31 (nineteen years ago) link

brother, spare me the detail

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:34 (nineteen years ago) link

When it comes to Broadway, the part of Chuck will be sung by Luther Vandross.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:48 (nineteen years ago) link

The cast should be: Cathy = Vivica Fox/Sanaa Lathan, Rufus = Terrance Howard, Chuck = Taye Diggs, Kell's Wife = Gabrielle Union, The Man at the Other End of The Line: Morris Chestnut, just so it can be every black romcom of the past few years in video form.

I think this thread got me way interested in that song than I would've been otherwise because it's awfully monotone-like until they get to the big crescendo at the end where the music is screaming "HELLO, pay attention!"

― Candicissima (candicissima), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:11 (nineteen years ago) link

What the fuck, nothing happens in Part 3 except you learn their names!

― High Ranking Militants, Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:32 (nineteen years ago) link

well we also discover there's a man at R.'s house with his wife, but its an awkward and abrupt revelation.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:33 (nineteen years ago) link

Terrance Howard would be perfect!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Who answers the phone of the man they are cuckolding?

― High Ranking Militants, Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:42 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.thezreview.co.uk/images/Terrence%20Howard%20jpeg.JPG

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:43 (nineteen years ago) link

The Chicago radio stations have not gone into All-R rotation yet...

― High Ranking Militants, Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:44 (nineteen years ago) link

patience

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 18:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Other important question: why is Kels getting so worked up about this, i.e. to the point of shooting in the air? I don't get the sense that he's being threatened or anything.

ANyway, more trivially, once this is all finished, I wonder how well these 5 tracks are gonna sit back-to-back on an album...

― The Emancipation of Baaderonixx (KERERU 4 LIFE!) (Fabfunk), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Yeah, it seemed scary in Chapter 1 and 2, but now it just seems like Kathy and Rufus have bigger fish to fry.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:16 (eighteen years ago) link

It's supposed to be like the scene in Reservoir Dogs where everyone's pointing a gun at someone else, except R's the only one packing.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:16 (eighteen years ago) link

well, more like that scene in A Fish Called Wanda.

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:41 (eighteen years ago) link

prt 4 @ lemon-red.blogspot.com

R NEEDS TO TAKE A STORYTELLING WORKSHOP

― Jimmy_tango, Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:09 (eighteen years ago) link

WAAAAAHOOOOO

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:23 (eighteen years ago) link

omg omg omg omg

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:27 (eighteen years ago) link

Lyrics? Spoilers?

― Candicissima (candicissima), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:29 (eighteen years ago) link

SPOILERS (READ AT YOUR OWN GODDAMN RISK)
*****************************************
*****************************************
*****************************************

R. runs out, hops in the car to go home and kill whoever the fuck answered his phone. WOOOoooWOOOoooWOOOooo a cop pulls him over and gives him a ticket for a 85 in a 65. He goes 70 all the way home. His wife says hi and he yells about the dude and she reminds him that her brother is visiting. He apologizes, she says its ok, they go on to have some amazing sex but at the point of climax he pulls back the covers and 'oh my god, a rubber.'

I shit you not.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:32 (eighteen years ago) link

tell me it's not the same music again....

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:36 (eighteen years ago) link

I appreciate the lack of logic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:36 (eighteen years ago) link

There are so many hysterical phrases and details I'm leaving out that I don't feel too bad for dropping spoilers. Same music, DUH.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:36 (eighteen years ago) link

oh yeah, the reason he pulls back the cover is that as she's climaxing he gets a leg cramp

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:37 (eighteen years ago) link

Now if you don't mind I have to run to the middle of an interesection and scream for a bit.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:38 (eighteen years ago) link

i don't know if it's been already discussed in this thread but has this kind of thing ever been done before ?

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:43 (eighteen years ago) link

DAMN IT WHY DID I LEAVE MY LAPTOP AT HOME TODAY?!????!!

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:47 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh man, Kells is a trip. I've been meaning to do a post on this damned song but I'm too lazy.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Same music, DUH.

So at this point R. is saluting his fellow Chicago musical legend Wesley Willis, is what you're saying.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:54 (eighteen years ago) link

OH MY GOD A RUBBER

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:59 (eighteen years ago) link

Woo-WOO-Woo-WOO

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:03 (eighteen years ago) link

It's all YOURS

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:04 (eighteen years ago) link

Why is he concerned about a rubber when it's his wife he's fucking?

― The Brainwasher (Twilight), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:04 (eighteen years ago) link

I love how Rufus, Cathy et al are just thrown out of the equation so we can hear the specifics of a parking violation and how R. Kelly is a sex god.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:06 (eighteen years ago) link

speeding violation, sorry

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:07 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm assuming the discovery of the rubber = proof that his wife is shtupping someone else? (Maybe her brother?! OMG)

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:09 (eighteen years ago) link

I love how Rufus, Cathy et al are just thrown out of the equation

Well hey, that was long overdue. Most of part 3 was completely absurd. "Sure, I'll give you 3 mins to tell me about your romantic origins...err, you're doing it fast enough. I don't want to deal with your gay drama...I'm out!"

― Candicissima (candicissima), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh I agree, though I assumed that Cathy suggesting R. should want to know how this all began meant there's some detail about their hook-up that had yet to be revealed. Not to mention his freaking out about her real name. but then I was making the mistake of applying logic to this whole thing. at this point I'm expecting a celebrity cameo and farm animals in part 5.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:15 (eighteen years ago) link

I turn arouuuuuund...what do I seeee...a man in my closet...what the f, it's JAY-Z!!!!

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:16 (eighteen years ago) link

You know, I've got a theory that he and the wife will have some big confessional aspect in part 5. Did anyone else notice that at the beginning of part 1 he's all "the woman kissing me wasn't you?" So maybe they come clean and have a big laugh about it all and the song is super meta!

― Candicissima (candicissima), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:19 (eighteen years ago) link

It would have made sense to save the sex for part 5. That way he could use the same musical backdrop and explain the crescendo. Like if part 4 was more bullshit with Rufus et al and then 5 was come home and fuck the missus (just remove the whole leg cramp/rubber element). I'd think R would get off on creating a soap opera that ends with us watching him giving a woman some gargantuan orgasm. I have no idea how he's gonna make the same music work for part 5 now.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:26 (eighteen years ago) link

let the R do that...

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:29 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh I will! I will! I don't doubt he's gonna think up something more than is is dreamt of in my philosophy.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:34 (eighteen years ago) link

Or maybe he's gonna find someone trapped in the closet or it's all been a dream!

― Candicissima (candicissima), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:37 (eighteen years ago) link

weirdest development yet = her brother's name is tron

― jones (actual), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:39 (eighteen years ago) link

I VOTE FOR DREAM. I VOTE FOR DREAM.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:40 (eighteen years ago) link

Okay...Rufus, Kathy, Chuck yet you think Tron is weird? This might be the first name that I can actually imagine someone under the age of 45 with.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:41 (eighteen years ago) link

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