R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet"

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Part 5: "It was all a wild dream!"

― donut debonair (donut), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 22:32 (nineteen years ago) link

Important question: Why is everybody trying to keep Kells in this goddamn picture?
Here's a guy with a gun in your closet trying to leave and everybody's doing their damnedest to keep him hangin' around. For god's sake, Chuck just wandered in and HE'S trying to talk to R.

"Oh hey, secret gay lover... what? You need me to come over to your house? Right now? But isn't your wife there? Um. Okay. Hello? Oh, hi everybody. Hello guy with a gun. Allow me to explain..."

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 22:32 (nineteen years ago) link

brother, spare me the detail

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 22:33 (nineteen years ago) link

i think they are just in awe that r. kelly is in the closet and they just want to hang out with him for a little more...

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 22:35 (nineteen years ago) link

I like to pretend that it's Rufus Wainwright, Chuck D and Cathy Dennis.

Also, I really hope this leads to a series of other serial songs in which we find Kells stuck in new and increasingly claustrophobic sticky situations.

Stay tuned for the June 2008 release of R. Kelly's "Caught in the Crapper", the August 2010 "The Breadbox Boondoggle" and the smash summer hit of 2015: "Get Me Out of This Ziploc, Bitch"

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 24 May 2005 22:42 (nineteen years ago) link

Forksclovetofu OTM. (The important question, not the Ziploc thing.)

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 00:01 (nineteen years ago) link

cutty otm.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 00:15 (nineteen years ago) link

here's a more permanent download link than the one that was already posted: http://rapidshare.de/files/1955867/r._kelly-trapped_in_the_closet-chapter3-_dirty_.mp3.html

― Al (sitcom), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 00:17 (nineteen years ago) link

i have a weird feeling that

1. someone - probably R. - is going to end up dead at the end of this
2. this is all going to turn into a party-ruining object lesson about infidelity

i hope i am wrong.

― PeopleFunnyBoy (PeopleFunnyBoy), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 15:58 (nineteen years ago) link

I like how he makes up for the understandable storyline stasis of "part 3 of 5" with some extreeeeme vocal flights.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:15 (nineteen years ago) link

and while he made his voice a little airier as "Chuck" I was wondering if he'd go into a full-on lisp or something.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:15 (nineteen years ago) link

chuck seems really nice

― jones (actual), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:17 (nineteen years ago) link

hey! this is gonna be on DVD, right? GUESS THE CAST!

Cathy!
http://espn.starwave.com/i/magazine/new/vivica_fox.jpg

Rufus!
http://www.tvtome.com/images/people/6/4/1-20558.jpg

Chuck!
http://uk.geocities.com/a1kc_radio/images_comedy/a1kc_DamonWayans.jpg

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:22 (nineteen years ago) link

I was actually thinking about how well he transitioned into Chuck's voice -- we understand he's changing character without him having to say "and then Chuck said" as he does with most of the other lines.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:23 (nineteen years ago) link

alternate possibility: Garielle Union as Cathy, Alfonso Ribieri as Rufus, Jaleel White as Chuck.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:24 (nineteen years ago) link

It will "all be a dream" at the end. I'm almost betting on it. (then again, I'm heading to Vegas this weekend, so betting has been on my mind lately.)

― donut debonair (donut), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:26 (nineteen years ago) link

In a similar way, when he does Kathy on "okay, you busted me, you caught me cheating, but this is a little extreme," he sings in an upper register, almost falsetto, that suggests a female voice but only because the notes are themselves high, i.e., not gratuitously at all.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:27 (nineteen years ago) link

yeah, I just can't decide of such taste is wasted on a project like this or not. Either way it rules, obv.

Cathy = Elisabeth Berkeley
Rufus = Mario Lopez
Chuck = Dustin Diamond
R. Kelly's Wife = Lark Voorheis
Man who answers the phone = Mark-Paul Gosselar

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:28 (nineteen years ago) link

Why am I the only one who's assuming Kathy's name starts with a K!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:31 (nineteen years ago) link

brother, spare me the detail

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:34 (nineteen years ago) link

When it comes to Broadway, the part of Chuck will be sung by Luther Vandross.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 16:48 (nineteen years ago) link

The cast should be: Cathy = Vivica Fox/Sanaa Lathan, Rufus = Terrance Howard, Chuck = Taye Diggs, Kell's Wife = Gabrielle Union, The Man at the Other End of The Line: Morris Chestnut, just so it can be every black romcom of the past few years in video form.

I think this thread got me way interested in that song than I would've been otherwise because it's awfully monotone-like until they get to the big crescendo at the end where the music is screaming "HELLO, pay attention!"

― Candicissima (candicissima), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:11 (nineteen years ago) link

What the fuck, nothing happens in Part 3 except you learn their names!

― High Ranking Militants, Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:32 (nineteen years ago) link

well we also discover there's a man at R.'s house with his wife, but its an awkward and abrupt revelation.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:33 (nineteen years ago) link

Terrance Howard would be perfect!

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:41 (nineteen years ago) link

Who answers the phone of the man they are cuckolding?

― High Ranking Militants, Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:42 (nineteen years ago) link

http://www.thezreview.co.uk/images/Terrence%20Howard%20jpeg.JPG

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:43 (nineteen years ago) link

The Chicago radio stations have not gone into All-R rotation yet...

― High Ranking Militants, Wednesday, 25 May 2005 17:44 (nineteen years ago) link

patience

― j blount (papa la bas), Wednesday, 25 May 2005 18:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Other important question: why is Kels getting so worked up about this, i.e. to the point of shooting in the air? I don't get the sense that he's being threatened or anything.

ANyway, more trivially, once this is all finished, I wonder how well these 5 tracks are gonna sit back-to-back on an album...

― The Emancipation of Baaderonixx (KERERU 4 LIFE!) (Fabfunk), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:02 (eighteen years ago) link

Yeah, it seemed scary in Chapter 1 and 2, but now it just seems like Kathy and Rufus have bigger fish to fry.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 26 May 2005 16:16 (eighteen years ago) link

It's supposed to be like the scene in Reservoir Dogs where everyone's pointing a gun at someone else, except R's the only one packing.

― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:16 (eighteen years ago) link

well, more like that scene in A Fish Called Wanda.

― donut debonair (donut), Thursday, 26 May 2005 17:41 (eighteen years ago) link

prt 4 @ lemon-red.blogspot.com

R NEEDS TO TAKE A STORYTELLING WORKSHOP

― Jimmy_tango, Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:09 (eighteen years ago) link

WAAAAAHOOOOO

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:23 (eighteen years ago) link

omg omg omg omg

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:27 (eighteen years ago) link

Lyrics? Spoilers?

― Candicissima (candicissima), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:29 (eighteen years ago) link

SPOILERS (READ AT YOUR OWN GODDAMN RISK)
*****************************************
*****************************************
*****************************************

R. runs out, hops in the car to go home and kill whoever the fuck answered his phone. WOOOoooWOOOoooWOOOooo a cop pulls him over and gives him a ticket for a 85 in a 65. He goes 70 all the way home. His wife says hi and he yells about the dude and she reminds him that her brother is visiting. He apologizes, she says its ok, they go on to have some amazing sex but at the point of climax he pulls back the covers and 'oh my god, a rubber.'

I shit you not.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:32 (eighteen years ago) link

tell me it's not the same music again....

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:36 (eighteen years ago) link

I appreciate the lack of logic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:36 (eighteen years ago) link

There are so many hysterical phrases and details I'm leaving out that I don't feel too bad for dropping spoilers. Same music, DUH.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:36 (eighteen years ago) link

oh yeah, the reason he pulls back the cover is that as she's climaxing he gets a leg cramp

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:37 (eighteen years ago) link

Now if you don't mind I have to run to the middle of an interesection and scream for a bit.

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:38 (eighteen years ago) link

i don't know if it's been already discussed in this thread but has this kind of thing ever been done before ?

― AleXTC (AleXTC), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:43 (eighteen years ago) link

DAMN IT WHY DID I LEAVE MY LAPTOP AT HOME TODAY?!????!!

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:47 (eighteen years ago) link

Oh man, Kells is a trip. I've been meaning to do a post on this damned song but I'm too lazy.

― Candicissima (candicissima), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:49 (eighteen years ago) link

Same music, DUH.

So at this point R. is saluting his fellow Chicago musical legend Wesley Willis, is what you're saying.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:54 (eighteen years ago) link

OH MY GOD A RUBBER

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 14:59 (eighteen years ago) link

Woo-WOO-Woo-WOO

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:03 (eighteen years ago) link

It's all YOURS

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Tuesday, 31 May 2005 15:04 (eighteen years ago) link

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