In Honor Of ILX Being Ten, How About Some Quotable Posts Of Yore.

Keely Smith was a smooth old jazz singer who was married to and worked with the mighty Louis Prima, until he caught her "performing s sex act on" (I can only think of one thing anyone would describe thus) an agent, I think it was.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, May 18, 2003 5:39 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

the version of that story i heard had this guy doing it w. keely & then he became aware of someone LICKING HIS BALLS, he turned round & Louis Prima punched him in the face

― duane, Sunday, May 18, 2003 5:58 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

best breakup story evah!
― M Matos (M Matos), Sunday, May 18, 2003 6:01 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark

Please notify all people on this site, that they can't just abuse artists and get away with it....

― marissa marchant, Tuesday, August 2, 2005 12:06 PM

Yeah you pathetic FUCK i *am* a hippie and YOU are a moron, and I could write a contract that would make your dick shrivel, make a dinner that makes your mouth water, and jump hoops around all the lame supermodels you jack off to.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, August 15, 2003 5:34 AM (7 years ago) Bookmark

The judge then proceeded to smack the bartender about the head with the gin bottle while shouting, "This is how you make a martini! Got it? Got it, you little fuck? I'll kill you, motherfucker; kill you with my bare hands!" Truly we will never see a grander person than this.

― nosotros niggamos (HI DERE), Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Please notify all people on this site, that they can't just abuse artists and get away with it....

― marissa marchant, Tuesday, August 2, 2005 12:06 PM

The interesting thing about Marissa was that she posted so much and so rapidly that you could pinpoint the exact times that her meds took effect and wore off.

I've just downloaded "Answering Machine." I find that the guitar riff in between the lines in the verses is, in fact, not absolutely heartbreaking. Could it be that I just downloaded the wrong remix? Furthermore, the singer is bleaurghiriffic. Maybe there's something about the shame of having spiky hair which forces guys to overemote.
How does one say "I'm Lonely" to an answering machine? Easy. I've done it *lots* of times.

Michael Daddino, Saturday, February 17, 2001 1:00 AM

If you think Richard Harris is overwrought but *Astral Weeks* isn't, you're living in denial.
But that's OK. Overwrought is O.K., though I think its overwroughtness undercuts the claims of metaphysical signifigance that folks like Lester Bangs have given the LP. I mean, how moved can I be by such a spectacularly bizarre artifact? Intimations of deviance set to arrangements as fruity and free as wild blackberries, and as sad and lovely as a sigh. But when listening to it, I spend my time more awestruck by its peculiarity than thinking of its loveliness. And Van's voice...oh baby. Listening to it now, I'm amazed how, when I was a kid, I didn't notice Van's library of embarrassing vocalisms. Think of the human voice at its most artless -- constipation, gargling sugar-free chocolate milk, getting your hand caught in the car door, PeeWee Herman imitations, especially good orgasms, you name it -- and chances are you'll find its vocal analog on *Astral Weeks.* It's his voice and the way some songs meander when they stray away from the bedrock structural certainties of the blues that makes some of this sui generis weirdness stumble into the land of godawful doily-edged beatnik poetry. (Could Leadbelly or Otis Redding have sung it all better, then?)

So in sum, classic, but its canonical status might prevent you from seeing just how intriguingly "unclassic" it is.

― Michael Daddino, Saturday, May 19, 2001 12:00 AM

GYMNASTICS RULES

jonny ure cool caitlyn lees

― ck 4 life, Sunday, April 13, 2003 1:00 AM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I was crushing on old-school Hillary Clinton (in her Twenties) -- probably because she resembles my supremely attractive friend Erin (who, despite liking me, is with someone else right now and so she's horribly unattainable). Goodness gracious, I'm an absolute sucker for blondes these days. But after dropping by a bookstore yesterday where my long-time friend Molly (who is not a blonde, mind you) works -- oh goodness, she's always stunning but yesterday I really wanted to pounce on her because she looked so exceptionally scrumptious (without even trying!) and was just so bubbly and charming. I wanted to playfully tackle her behind the counter and from there on it would've been wonderfully inappropriate! Anyhow, she's invited me along to dinner and some other event with a group of her friends on Friday -- it's not a date essentially, but at heart I wouldn't mind if it twisted into one. Ooh, I just remembered that she complimented my appearance! No-one ever does that! Squee! Cuddlestein Mountain! Nuvvieworld! Okay, I'm just getting ridiculous -- I'm just excited because it's a prospect to escape social poverty with a possible hint of romance. I'm probably being too optimistic; I can't help it! I've wanted something to look forward to!

― Ian Riese-Moraine: a casualty of social estrangement. (Eastern Mantra), Tuesday, August 16, 2005 2:41 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^ that post was great with the jar Jar Binks translator!

squeesa

if ilx was like the rest of the internet it would be a fucking improvement
― bato (bato), Thursday, 10 November 2005 19:02 (4 years ago) Bookmark

This one girl in college, just randomly went down on the ol' brazole one night. Didn't even say a word to me. My response to the deed "your gonna get fucked now". She obliged.

-- Chris V. (Chris V), Wednesday, July 23, 2003 5:06 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link

Hehe, Marcello. That's just what doomie said! You guys should hang out.
Deal. Enjoy wallowing in your anger, ignorance and hatred. You waste. You little man.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, May 27, 2004 10:51 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

as far as tits go, bigger is better. my gf has two round robust milky white 38Ds, with dark brown nipples that spread 3 in across her beautiful tit flesh. i've been with lesser woman and have not had similar pleasure, especially the ones that are all nipple. my cock too is a thing to behold. my gf measured it at 8.5 in of dark brown veiny mexican cock. uncut, of course. it took her about 2 yrs to be able to swallow it all. but she perfected the art of deep throating my shlong. i've seen other guys at the urinals and they see me. i'm blessed with a flaccid cock measuring almost 7 inches. most guys have little peepees peeking out of their flies. i have a snake. thank u very much!

― stephen garza, Friday, January 10, 2003 4:50 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

crüt, you beat me to that I R-M post by a couple of minutes.

ladies and gentlemen ... burt stanton

Argh, it's not "beef with her!" That's like saying someone has beef with a unicorn. Chaki doesn't have beef with unicorn. He's just pointing out that it's actually a horse with something taped to its head.

― nabisco, Monday, October 15, 2007 6:07 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haha forgot that one

all time

looooooool

now we're getting into the quality shit yall

*plop*
Glad you could stop by.

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, August 2, 2005 9:26 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

hahahahahahaha god damn that kills me every time

i don't get the *plop* thing

*plop* is a way of life

i don't get it

you don't get it?

plop culture

ploptomist = i am not one

He's five foot five, has the cutest little rosy lips and the longest eyelashes I've ever seen. He's got big brown eyes, a button nose and cheekbones to die for. His bum is small and tight, beautifully shaped - and his hips! Oh my god! His thighs are hard and tight, there's just the right amount of hair on his chest and he has got the biggest balls I've ever had slap against me....
― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Tuesday, March 2, 2004 8:01 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Yeah, you told me and that evening I vowed never to accompany kev through customs. They are kiwi sized but don't appear out of proportion next to his large cock. Far from being circus-freak like, he is jaw-droppingly awesome. What a guy. I can't wait to get home and climb aboard his grocery groin.
― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Wednesday, March 3, 2004 10:09 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

1. ranking roger
2. everyone else

― DJ Salinger (joni), Saturday, November 27, 2004 7:21 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark

sanskrit's single-word response of "epic" in the "robots in dis guys" thread (RIP) was one of my favorites
--goole

shhhhhh

Everyone should request what's their most characteristic post.

OK, I'll start this off.

Grime is a musical message performed by artistes like Dizzee Rascal from London. It is less about having a tight, tight band then being a real bear behind the microphone, carrying the crowd with you through the night.
One particular hotspot is where no tourist in London will ever take their tube: EAST LONDON. The poverty of East London is all up in the lyrics of such magicians as The Streets and Slaughter Mob.

Like the "no escape" attitude that runs through these streets, you also can't escape grime charging the pop charts of the US like the Beatles or Herman's Hermits. Lil Jon has expressed interest in being a part of this grime scene, even with so little money to be had, because there is that renewed purity that you can only hear in the sound of a true Englishman.

― Gabe Tonkin, Tuesday, 21 June 2005 15:19 (5 years ago) Permalink

grocery groin is so fucking epic

ha!

Results 1 - 10 of about 25,500 for "guess papers". (0.28 seconds)
This thread? Number 8.

Now fellows, wtf is a guess paper?

― jergins (jergins), Tuesday, 9 May 2006 02:45 (4 years ago) Permalink

erm, as it was all for a dare there was no consummation, but i was manually stimulated in turn by the girl i pulled and a boy who was also in the room, who wanted to see my knob in a fully erect state. alas, i had drunk far too much to get it all the way up (it still beat HIS even at 90%) and the full glory was spared. there were 3 boys and 3 girls in the room, all 3 boys and 1 of the girls were fully naked, and the other 2 girls were only wearing knickers. the night ended (after the naked girl upped sticks and headed off) with a wanking contest, the 2 remaining girls (whose idea it was) watching intently as we strived to bring ourselves to climax. it took me about twice as long as anyone else, mostly through fear of being struck by another's jet, being as i was in the centre of the three. throughout, i was made up in lipstick, rouge and a headband, and when i had been wearing clothes it had been drag. one of those ordinary student nights, then...
― unfished business, Monday, 12 March 2007 11:52 (3 years ago)

i got nothing after that. close ilx.

:o)

that post needs to be polled

P.S. I am really sick of people who are all like "black people call each other nigger all the time" -- this is a severely fucked-up perception based on people getting their information on What Black People Do All the Time pretty much solely from hip-hop videos and The Wire and shit, and I seriously wonder if people who say that honestly believe that the middle-aged woman in the next cubicle at work seriously goes home to her kids and says "what's up, my niggas, we're having Applebee's tonight!"

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 20 November 2006 21:09 (3 years ago)

amazing

had drunk far too much to get it all the way up (it still beat HIS even at 90%)

I must meet this knob

This thread makes me think of that situation guys sometimes run into, the one where a girl is giving you head but not going down to suck on your nuts even though you'd really like her to. So you sheepishly ask, "could you suck my balls?" hoping she will, and then she does, but all you can think about is the sound of your own voice asking "could you suck my balls?".
― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, December 2, 2004 4:05 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark

sheepishly eh

I became a were wolf saying a werewolf chant.Is any body elese werewolves?
― conner Smedley, Friday, 31 January 2003 01:35 (7 years ago) Permalink

I'm a werewolf is anybody else one??
― conner Smedley, Friday, 31 January 2003 01:36 (7 years ago) Permalink

i am a weredolphin.
― gygax!, Friday, 31 January 2003 01:39 (7 years ago) Permalink

From: "Conner Smedleyt" | This is Spam | To: gygax0...
CC: "ArcaMax"
Subject: Hi
Date: Thu, 30 Jan 2003 20:45:24 -0500

I'm a werewolf Your a were doulphin cool! here s some pics of me! E-mail me !

Conner Smedleyt
xxxxx✧✧✧@emailaddr✧✧✧.n✧✧
― gygax!, Friday, 31 January 2003 03:27 (7 years ago) Permalink

you betrayed his weretrust.
― RJG (RJG), Friday, 31 January 2003 03:33 (7 years ago)

trying to find strongo's cheese doodle or cheese fries post