ILM : The Top 100 Metal/Heavy Rock Tracks Of All Time - Presented By Our Host, Henry, ILM's Favourite Heavy Metal Dog! THE END IS NIGH! (FIN)

haha no wonder, I just realised 11 from my ballot is here (and i didnt vote any funkadelic so no-one could accuse me of getting my fave band in it)

Nah, Nick, it doesn't sound like Quo. It may (well, uh, I guess does) have a similar base, but it does things that Quo can't. I do agree that they have other stuff that is weirder and wilder, and yeah, better, but Silver Machine is a pretty great starting point.

Orgone Accumulator is my fave

59
AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long (1980) (348 Points, 8 votes)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bomv-6CJSfM

I would have probably voted for these:

94. FAITH NO MORE - Midlife Crisis (1992) [318 points, 11 votes]
78. FUNKADELIC - Super Stupid (1971) [326 points, 8 votes]
71. JANE'S ADDICTION - Mountain Song (1988) [334 points, 9 votes]
68. MELVINS - Boris (1991) [338 points, 10 votes]
66. PUBLIC ENEMY - She Watch Channel Zero (1988) [340 points, 9 votes, 1 first place vote]
62. Kyuss - Supa Scoopa and Mighty Scoop (1994) (342 Points, 9 votes)
61. Mastodon - March Of The Fire Ants (2002) (342 Points, 11 votes)

Im not a Johnson AC/DC guy. Just never been something Ive enjoyed.

Gah, I feel responsible for this placing so low - I gave it about twenty points, but should've gone double that. Wonderful, uplifting song.

If only more strippers voted. Would have been #1.

Going through the YouTubes now as the day progresses. Listening to every song.

100. MC5 - Kick Out the Jams: Not bad, I've heard this a bunch before. My first exposure to MC5, unfortunately, was the Rage Against the Machine cover of this song. Which is terrible, and kept me away from MC5 for too long. Rating: B+

99. Trouble - Memory's Garden: Not my thing. D

98. Manic Street Preachers - Motorcycle Emptiness: Sounds like '80s U2 meets Automatic-era JAMC. But I'd much rather listen to U2 or JAMC than play this again. Really, really boring. F

97. Diamond Head - Am I Evil: Alright, this is pretty good. Lots of different constituent parts that somehow cohere into a pretty good song. Haven't heard this before. How's the rest of their stuff? A-

96. Witchfinder General - Witchfinder General: Like the Sabbath(?) influence, but kinda monotonous until the soloing starts and then pulls back again too quickly. Like the lead guitar tones. Sounds like something I would like on paper. In practice, it's just alright, though. C+

94. Soundgarden - Rusty Cage: Chris Cornell's singing is like nails on a chalkboard. Ugh. D-

94. Faith No More - Midlife Crisis: Awesome. Love this band, love this song. I've been playing FNM a lot this year given the reunion and such. Sounds great. Patton at the peak of his powers, before he got *too* quirky and a bit indiscriminate in his tastes. (Gotta admit he runs a great label at Ipecac, though.) A+

93. Ministry - Just One Fix: Always kinda liked this song for some reason. Ministry had a pretty hot career streak up until this album, which was the beginning of the end. With Sympathy really does tower over the rest of their stuff, sadly. B-

92. Guns N' Roses - Welcome to the Jungle: I'm no fan, and this is pretty far from my usual tastes, but gotta admit this track is classic. Mostly for the guitar heroics. Lots of fun to play on Guitar Hero, too. B+

91. Celtic Frost - Mexican Radio: My first time hearing Celtic Frost, I think. Cookie Monster vocals are awful; the rest is unremarkable. Yaaawwn. Sorry, I can't get with this one. C-

..No-one is gonna say LEMMY AIN'T METAL

Except Lemmy himself. Pretty much every interview (most recently on That Metal Show) he points out that he has never made any heavy metal music. It's just rock 'n' roll. He's sure influenced a lot of metal bands though. Out of respect for the man, I extracted a separate heavy rock list from my metal list on my site.

Diamond Head - Am I Evil: Alright, this is pretty good. Lots of different constituent parts that somehow cohere into a pretty good song. Haven't heard this before. How's the rest of their stuff?

This was their best song, but the rest of their first album was v. good. Second album Borrowed Time was less good, and their third and final album Canterbury was just weird, they tried to go prog but it all went a bit wrong and they split up.

Next up is by a brilliant band, and this is their best song!

58
High on Fire - 10,000 Years (2000) (348 Points, 12 voters)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QUXDktBIhwc

YES!!!!!!

That's a fucking killer song.

That album rules too: Last, Baghdad, etc. All that stuff crushes.

Def still my fave HOF album, but everyone has their own fave.

Mine is Blessed Black Wings. Im sure there will be at least one song from that popping up on this list.

Never heard this, or the band even, until now. Rather good, isn't it.

89. Sepultura - Territory: UGH... these vocals. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRR!!!!!!" ...sorry, I'll pass. D

88. Celtic Frost - I Won't Dance: I don't dislike this as much as the previous Celtic Frost track. That said, it still sounds entirely unremarkable. LOL at the backing vocals, for sure. C-

87. Slayer - War Ensemble: I prefer other Slayer tracks, this one's okay. Not generally into "thrashy" stuff, though. YouTube commenter says: "Justin bever can eat the assortment of nuts out of my shit" -- frankly, I'd rather play Bieber's "Baby" on repeat than "War Ensemble" -- sorry, Slayer. C+

87. Danzig - Mother: Now we're talking. I need to investigate into Danzig a bit more, this is great. Not sure why I haven't gotten into them already. Where do I start? Suggestions welcome... B+

86. Manilla Road - Necropolis: Never heard of these guys. Doesn't sound like I've been missing much. What the hell...? D-

Henry will be back online in just a few minutes, but he says that people should let him know if the linked youtubes dont work, because he refuses to look at them since "hair metal and posers are MTV's fault".

henry , bite ilxors baws (if he has any)

he will change his mind if pitchfork says they're ok though.

ilxor is the new ksh

henry do 57 im doing 56

86. Manilla Road - Necropolis: Never heard of these guys. Doesn't sound like I've been missing much. What the hell...? D-

Mark "The Shark" Shelton certainly polarises opinion with his "one of the seven dwarfs" vocal style

has henry escaped?

When is Henry going to take out ilxor?

have you seen ilxor around since?

Man, the low placing of You Shook Me hurts me to the core. My #2.

ilxor likes taylor swift, what id Henry's opinion of taylor swift?

Okay, I'm doing some more youtubes too.

Ozzy Osbourne – Crazy Train: kkvgz said that this felt played out, and I think that’s pretty much hitting the nail on the head. It’s alright, it’s a fair tune, but it doesn’t do anything that Ozzy hadn’t already done better before. You can tell it’s getting to the ‘80s more than a lot of the NWOBHM stuff, too.

Metallica – Whiplash: Don’t like Metallica, but I can just about deal with this. Except not at 2:57. Widdle widdle widdle. And then back. Was that a self-reference I just heard? “We will never quit, ‘cause we’re Metallica”? Well, at least they stick to their guns.

Funkadelic – Super Stupid: I couldn’t remember what this song sounded like during the voting period. Not my favourite Funkadelic track, but there are some bits that just shit on almost everything else on this list from a great height. Perhaps not entirely fair to compare them, but hell, this is more hard rock than ‘Motorcycle Emptiness’. Also, I get to enjoy some keyboards (yes, KEYBOARDS) for a change.

Black Sabbath – Children of the Grave: Had pretty much the same experience with this one as the Funkadelic track - love the band, couldn’t remember which song it was. This is a good one, but seeing as I voted for a stupid number of Sabbath tracks I don’t feel bad for not voting for it. Love that slow breakdown, though, and those clattery drums. Ooh, and the outro too.

Danzig – Dirty Black Summer: Okay, more Danzig. Some kind of doomy mysteriousness going on in this intro. Again, this is pretty much fine, but inconsequential. Also, he doesn’t pronounce anything in this one as amusingly as he does in ‘Mother’. Ah well, at least the video’s kind of funny. And yeah, as it goes on it just gets a bit more monotonous. Not so keen on this one.

Metallica – One: Haha, I was just about to say ‘no, please don’t make me watch this terrible shit’, but youtube has just told me this video is no longer available. I already know I hate this song, anyway.

Monster Magnet – Spacelord: This isn’t even remotely heavy rock! What the hell is doing here? Oh, okay, so there’s a little bit that increases in volume for ten seconds. Sorry, this is shitty blues-funk, it needs to be destroyed. Also, fucking hell that video. What a bunch of cocks.

57 Judas Priest · Victim of Changes (1976) (354 points · 7 votes - 1 number one vote)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKSU1W0ZUmQ

You have to respect a man who knows how to use a leash and collar. Maybe if he had a little time with Taylor Swift (wink wink!) she would learn not to suck so much.

(guys as an aside there is a lot that henry doesnt probably quite understand about uh human relationships so maybe let him maintain his innocence if possible. hes only 14 after all)

Henry, I think your owner might need to have a word with you when you're older and tell you something important..
xp

all this monster magnet hate saddens me even more than the celtic frost hate. Since Monster Magnets biggest influence is Hawkwind, I'm surprised she's so down on them :(

infact im tempted to just skip the next one in protest

no-one will never know what #56 was

My crybaby owner is just being a jerk because Rob Halford probably stole his girlfriend or something. One of these days Rob is going to come pick me up on his Harley and we're going to go cruise for chicks while my owner sits at home in the dark crying and eating potato chips.

Maybe she hadn't heard MM's early stuff. That "Powertrip" makes it easy to forget how awesome they were during the Spine Of God/Tab era.

"no-one will never know what #56 was"

Come on Herm. If Negasonic Teenage Warhead charts, I bet the anti-Monster Magnet talk will cease.

Victim of Changes is a good Sabbathian tune. Halford really hit the helium for this one.

Henry ate #56

I dunno if he likes black metal, henry do you like black metal?

56 is one I voted for btw

Henry cough it up

56.
Cromagnon - Caledonia (1969) (355 Points, 11 voters)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPiO_G-DEHs

OMG OMG this is an xpost I am so excited OMG OMG. Anyway, scheduled update on youtubes:

Boston – More Than a Feeling: Aaaargh no. Please, no. The handclaps, they taunt me. I preferred it when I used to imagine the title being sung to the tune of ‘More Than a Woman’. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stick this one out. Well, after the insipidness of this, at least we get...

Iron Maiden – Number of the Beast: Hahahaha! I don’t really like this, but at least it is fun, and a million times better than Boston. This is what I always think of when ‘metal’ is mentioned, by the way. Great video, too.

Jane’s Addiction – Mountain Song: Is it okay to just say ‘yawn’ and move on? Bland.

Witchfinder General – Burning a Sinner: I liked the last one by these guys, so I have some hope for this. And yeah, it’s pretty good. Feels like it drags a bit more, maybe? Or possibly I just need another coffee. And a bit more soloing in the middle, too. I like the chorus, though, we need more incantatory witchiness here. Also, are all of their songs thematically linked to their name? Are they a proper concept band?

Dio – Holy Diver: This is taking its time to get going. An even longer intro than Danzig’s one. And oh god, I hate it from the first ‘mmmmm-hmmmm’. Oh no, hang on, I actually know this one. And yeah, I don’t like it. But the video is pretty funny, and makes the song infinitely more bearable.

Melvins – Boris: Boredom hits me twenty seconds in, and there’s another eight minutes to go. FFS, why do all my friends like these guys? I AM SO BORED. It’s not like they’re doing anything clever or interesting with the form here, this is just unadulterated tedium. ARRRRGH. I actually can't finish this one. Can I go and listen to ‘Number of the Beast’ again, please?

I dunno if he likes black metal, henry do you like black metal?

― pfunkboy (Herman G. Neuname), Wednesday, August 4, 2010 3:59 PM (2 minutes ago)

Yes but only the trv kvlt stuff, not this poser stuff that gets actually released and distributed.

EVERYBODY WHO VOTED FOR CALEDONIA, I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU. You have all made my day. Thank you, guys.

was my #5