R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet"

well here we are, four of us in total shock,
me and her
i close my mouth, swallow spit
cuz i'm thinking to myself, this is some deep shit
then i said, "so you're gonna tell me he's the one you've been talking to?"
he says yes, i says no, he says yes, i says no,
he says, "it's the truth"
i yell, "all a y'all ass-crazy, let me up out this door,
because this is way more than i bargained for."
and then she says "wait, i'm sure we can all fix this."
and then i said, "i'm late, plus i don't got a damn thing to do with this."
and then she said, "but wouldn't you like to know how it all began?"
then i thought to myself and said, "quick, you got three minutes."
and then it got real quiet, i said, "somebody start talkin'"
then she said, "my god, rufus, i've got just one question:
how could you do something like this? i'm so hurt."
then he looked at her and said "it's ... please, you've got nerves.
with all your club-hoppin', lyin', sayin' you was shopping,
and now here you are in our home, and you callin' me wrong."
she said, "ok, you busted me, and that much i agree, you've caught me cheating, but this is a little extreme!"
he said, "you are my wife, sleeping behind my back, and now i come home and you've got him in the closet, how extreme is that?"
she says, "but she's a he!"
then he said, "please you can't judge me."
she says, "rufus, this is crazy."
and i said, "stop arguing! i did not stay here to hear y'all chew each other out! so get to the point, or i swear i'm out!"
"excuse me, please, but i think i can explain what's going on in here. my name is chuck, and i've been knowin' rufus 'bout a year. creepin' around with him has been a livin' hell. sneakin' in and out of hotels..."
i said, "brother, spare me the detail"
and then rufus said, "chuck please, don't say nothin' else"
and then she screams, "rufus you son of a bitch!"
and he says "kathy go to hell"
i said "i thought your name was mary, that's what you said at the party. man, this is gettin' scary, i'm gonna shoot somebody."
then rufus start yellin' and screamin', sayin' "kathy this is all your fault!"
she throws a pillow at him and says "you was creepin' too, the only difference is you didn't get caught"
chuck scream out "we're in love"
kathy says "love my ass!"
rufus said [they're gettin' married] [?]
then i shoot one in the air
then i say "not another one of you sons of bitches say a word, cuz all of this shit i'm gonna do is unheard."
grab my [sailor] [?], sayin' "this is so wrong"
call up my home and a man picks up the phone.

lol. surely they all end up steppin' to the Lord or somethin' (till 6 in the mo'ning).
thinkin about it, in part 1 he says it's seven in the morning. as he always seems to party til 6, how could he drive to the lady's place, have some sex in the kitchen and wake up at 7 ??

and i have this to gmail to anyone upon request

"Oh hey, secret gay lover... what? You need me to come over to your house? Right now? But isn't your wife there? Um. Okay. Hello? Oh, hi everybody. Hello guy with a gun. Allow me to explain..."

Also, I really hope this leads to a series of other serial songs in which we find Kells stuck in new and increasingly claustrophobic sticky situations.

Stay tuned for the June 2008 release of R. Kelly's "Caught in the Crapper", the August 2010 "The Breadbox Boondoggle" and the smash summer hit of 2015: "Get Me Out of This Ziploc, Bitch"

1. someone - probably R. - is going to end up dead at the end of this
2. this is all going to turn into a party-ruining object lesson about infidelity

i hope i am wrong.

Cathy!
http://espn.starwave.com/i/magazine/new/vivica_fox.jpg

Rufus!
http://www.tvtome.com/images/people/6/4/1-20558.jpg

Chuck!
http://uk.geocities.com/a1kc_radio/images_comedy/a1kc_DamonWayans.jpg

Cathy = Elisabeth Berkeley
Rufus = Mario Lopez
Chuck = Dustin Diamond
R. Kelly's Wife = Lark Voorheis
Man who answers the phone = Mark-Paul Gosselar

I think this thread got me way interested in that song than I would've been otherwise because it's awfully monotone-like until they get to the big crescendo at the end where the music is screaming "HELLO, pay attention!"

ANyway, more trivially, once this is all finished, I wonder how well these 5 tracks are gonna sit back-to-back on an album...