show etiquette

The situation was best handled at a Kathryn Williams show in a small stand-up venue, circa 2001, where the chatter had reached critical mass by the third song. (The same crowd had already talked right over the support slot from Turin Brakes.) The venue was jam-packed, and KW's self-admitted fear of crowds in enclosed spaces was kicking in. Between songs, a young guy in front of me motioned to KW that he wanted a word, so she asked him up on stage.

"I've got a request. Can everyone who's here to catch up with their mates over a drink please FUCK OFF DOWNSTAIRS so the rest of us can watch the show?"

Sustained applause. Total silence for the rest of the gig.

I am v tall and try to be aware of getting in the way of shorter people, but it's often quite difficult to find anywhere to stand that isn't in someone's way. If I'm at somewhere like the Forum or Shepherd's Bush Empire I'll just stand in front of the mixing desk so there's no-one behind me.

Or I find some other tall bastard and stand behind him cos there's usually space there cos no-one else can see. But that can lead to a huge clump of lanky gits which probably just makes it worse.

But if I am there it is because I am watching the show not talking to people so pls don't hate me.

Lanky gits do tend to clump, 'tis true...

Sorry Colonel, I don't really hate the tall people. 99% of you are fine, just the ones who stand in front - I mean exactly in front like they deliberately lined up elbows, this is what makes it really odd how often it happens - of the smallest person for several metres even when there's plenty of other space, and then don't even seem interested.

I (used to) go to a lot of gigs more or less out of curiosity, so if I'm there just to see what's what and someone who likes the band wants to stand in front of me, no problem there. Though I tend to lurk near the back unless I like what I'm hearing or am really excited to see them. Actually there's often a spot at the very back where the shallower angle lets you see one or two band members between the heads, which is more than we shortarses get from most of the crowd.

I go to tons of shows and it drives me nuts when everyone seems to be talking during the bands, but refreshingly I don't seem to see it super often -- maybe it's the shows I go to (either so small that there's not enough of the audience to out-chatter the band, or so big that the band drowns out anyone who is talking). I'd say what Jordan did was avoidable but I kinda applaud him for doing it, I totally fantasize about doing that kind of thing but never do. closest I got was at a movie once when a guy would not stop talking next to me, and I turned to him like I was going to say something important or friendly and just went 'SHUT THE FUCK UP' and amazingly he did for the rest of the movie, which was such a great moment.

If you are in an assigned seat and can not move, then yeah, tell them to stfu.

If you can move, then move. always easiest first best choice.

I turned to him like I was going to say something important or friendly and just went 'SHUT THE FUCK UP'

heh. I did this too, at a seated GYBE gig. the exact same words, the exact same effect.

I genuinely intended to be polite to the endlessly chattering gimps next to me, but all my pent-up rage just fell out of my face.

The first time Brian Wilson did Pet Sounds in London - the OPENING FUCKING NIGHT, his first involved gig here since before the old queen died and all - there were two fellas a couple of rows bag talking at normal conversational volume throughout. Finally leapt out of my seat and pleaded with them to let the music talk. One of them told me he'd been waiting 40 years for this night and I was not going to ruin it for him by making him be quiet. That he had paid for his ticket and he intended to savour every minute however he chose.
WTF do you say to people like that, who know they're ruining it for others but completely don't give any sort of a fuck?

killing's too good for 'em...

Typical Londoners. You wouldn't get that anywhere else in the UK.

Hard to know how much of an asshole one will be. I loathe bullying, so the staring-down bs just makes me want to goad them into action. The key is for them to swing, and you not be embarrassed to dodge or back off, so that it's obvious to security that those people need to be kicked out, and you get to stay. I've only accomplished that twice in 25 yrs of shows. Usually they'll back off. Another tactic is to push past them and say you figured they wouldn't mind since they don't seem into the show, ha ha. My best experiences are showing up early and staying right up front. If I come late, I hang in the back, since I'm 6'1"+. Also, it's helped that bands I've seen lately are way too loud to even attempt to talk over.

I have heard people complain that they went to a gig where the band was so loud that they couldn't even have a decent conversation...

i prefer talking to people over going to concerts but its pretty lame that these people are paying $15 to talk in a loud bar

Stevie ... they were Glaswegians who'd come down to London for the opening night.

last gig I went to (and I don't get to many these days) featured someone shouting I LOVE THIS SONG! repeatedly throughout about three quarters of the songs. AAAAAAAH.

Ah, right. Good job you didn't try and fight them, then. Although, my name's not Stevie. xp

Sorry anagram. Misread which post I was replying to.

I was not going to ruin it for him by making him be quiet. That he had paid for his ticket and he intended to savour every minute however he chose.

This level of selfish asshattery just boggles my brain. What a frightful human being.

At most other events (theatre, cinema, etc), you'd be able to get an attendant to give them them "you're spoiling it for other patrons" warning, but when faced with that kind of gibbering selfishness I doubt even that would work.

The biggest problem for me is that the talking itself is super distracting, then yr own irritation adds to this, THEN one's indignance and rage takes over with a final result that you're completely removed from the moment of enjoying the music, and it can take an age to get back into that mindset EVEN IF the yapping fuckwit does shut up when asked to. Which they rarely do, ime.

Last year I went to see Neko Case at a seated show, and one girl in the audience was yelling shit loudly at the stage after every song -- nonsense stuff like "Neko, I want to have your baby!" to which Neko rightly responded with, "Uh, I think you're a little confused" -- until Neko finally asked her to please not ruin it for everyone else. Audience girl then called her a bitch, so Neko stopped the show and asked security to remove her, to thunderous applause.

There was a pretty classic discussion about this here several years ago, btw, but no phrases I'm putting into the search engine ("Talking At Live Shows," etc.) are turning anything up. Maybe it was just part of a bigger thread, I'm not sure, but somebody else can find it. Definitely also delved into the phenomenon of tall people standing in front of short people at shows, fwiw.

Tall people look over the heads in a crowd and go "Oh look there's a hole in the crowd, nobody there!"

So they go into the spot, and see it's populated by shorter people.

And then go "oh. Oh well, it's better than over there" and STAY!

The guy in front of you who insists on taking camera phone photos the whole time is just as annoying. I once had to watch an Animal Collective show through the camera of the jerk in front of me because it was packed and I couldn't move.

Also annoying to stand near: the freaky dancer.

Damn hippies.

Dealt with to some extent on this thread (but apparently there was an earlier one that talked about it more, because I mention it here too):

people who doesnt like to go to shows , although they love music, and live in a place where it's available - c/d?

Last year I went to see Neko Case at a seated show, and one girl in the audience was yelling shit loudly at the stage after every song -- nonsense stuff like "Neko, I want to have your baby!" to which Neko rightly responded with, "Uh, I think you're a little confused" -- until Neko finally asked her to please not ruin it for everyone else. Audience girl then called her a bitch, so Neko stopped the show and asked security to remove her, to thunderous applause.

I actually really enjoy between song heckling, especially if it's at all witty. Though maybe this girl was just more obnoxious than anything. But if I could be disappointed in Neko case and her fans, if that were at all possible, I might be after reading this.

I hope I never attend a show with you Master Jim. Between song heckling is almost never "witty".

And even if it is, you have to choose your marks. For one thing, you don't do it after every song. For another, Neko Case?

kinda disagree

"you don't rock" and "play the hit" were two of my favorites

when i go to a lot of shows i start to see a lot of the same people, 'specially if it's a trendy act in a small venue. i have sympathy for the idea of concerts as just an extension of your social life. but you should be nowhere near the front and respectful of listeners and if you're a ligger talking loudly i'm not sure i'd step in to save you if it led to your being beaten viciously.

I'm not saying it can't be witty, but nine times out of ten the heckler thinks he or she is 1,000,000 times more witty than they actually are.

Pretty glad I didn't go to the Girls show at teh Blue Note last night tbh

Though I would have liked to see Smith Westerns

One of my favourites concerns Bono on stage at a famine relief concert, whether true or not I don't know nor care.
There he is standing centre stage between songs and he starts clicking his fingers every 3 seconds and he starts his sermon:
"Everytime I click my fingers someone in Africa will die of starvation". He continues to slowly click his fingers to the silent crowd.
Cue heckler:"Well stop clicking your bloody fingers then!"

hahaha

xxp

there was no one there & everyone looked to be 18-20

smith westerns were really rad

I figured, with the weather and all. If I was going anywhere it would have been to the DIY show on Orr street to see my friends. The fact that no one was there and they were being really loud makes it worse. The Blue Note is so depressing when it is empty.

Pretty used to being surrounded by 18-20 year olds.

http://www.snopes.com/music/artists/bono.asp

whether true or not I don't know nor care

congrats

PaulTMA, why do you hate fun?

sarge u were in the right they were in the wrong

i almost got beat up at a gwar show in like 96 cuz dudes were trying to start a pit by the back bar

Way to rain on my parade, Paul. :'(

Don't worry ilxor, I'll tell it to my friends as if it were true.

Oh, I rarely heckle myself. But I do enjoy it. Not if its overdone, true. But I like the way it deflates the typical show dynamic a bit. My favorite example, I guess, is at the end of some bands set and before they went offstage to wait out the inevitable encore, some guy yelled "play another song you fucking faggots!" Admittedly not witty, but it made me laugh. Now that I think about it, I only really like it when there's a roomful of people all rapt over some sensitive soul up there sharing their intelligence and genius or whatever. I like seeing that deflated.

xposts

this is how it's done
http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/files/2009/02/soybomb.jpg

I think the thing is also that what even constitutes heckling or rude behavior at a show is going to depend a lot on the type of show it is. Like say a punk show and an indie show and a metal show and a jazz show are going to have totally different norms of behavior. Heckling is funniest at the indie show, and most obnoxious at the jazz one.

some guy yelled "play another song you fucking faggots!

Anyone that laughed at this is a disgusting savage imo.

Heckling is funniest at the indie show

Everything is funniest at indie shows. Indie music is funny music.

Admittedly not witty, but it made me laugh.

typed with all the pride of a man boasting about the size of his last turd.

I only really like it when there's a roomful of people all rapt over some sensitive soul up there sharing their intelligence and genius or whatever.

yeah god forbid people go to shows to appreciate and enjoy artists they admire.

tell you what'd be funnier than "play another song you fucking faggots" - punching "mister jim" in the face

sometimes a man boasting about the size of his last turd is pretty funny

As soon as you try recording anything people 100% start to talk around you (even though they can't possibly know) and wherever you happen to stand immediately turns into the designated corridor for people who need to go to the front/back/left/right/bar/toilet the instant you press the record button. How some shows get recorded nicely anyway, I'll never understand.

the official* signal for "please stop talking and listen to the music being performed in front of us" that i use is 1) tap ear with index finger 2) point at stage 3) if necessary holdindex finger to lips to indicate "STOP TALKING"

* official = the one i use

the behavior I find the funniest is when people make the obligatory gesture to try to convince everybody they're totally engaged in the show, i.e., song ends and they cup hands and cheer weekly or throw up a devil horn, only to go right back to yammering seconds later

*weakly

I even have a few friends who've tried to yap during songs where i've had to say CAN I LISTEN TO THE GODDAMN SONG PLEASE?

ugh I have a v good friend that I don't usually go to gigs with but I did this year and she kept yelling about how great the gig was constantly and I was like ffs yes I know I'm also watching it you don't need to keep shouting that. it was a bit embarrassing tbh

A few shows I've been at this year have had some form of early entry/VIP ticket tier. Pay more and you don't have to wait in line. OF COURSE this has led to confrontations where the person who paid more is annoyed that someone who didn't also made it to the front of the stage. Capitalism and the ticket gouge are really making monsters out of a few people

xps above, re: yapping

My friends and I were shushed once by the guy behind us at a Cocteau Twins show once. Fair enough, but the reason he wanted us to pipe down was that he was secretly recording the show so he could sell his bootleg tapes.

Overheard the following angry exchange at a show tonight

"Ho ho ho"
"Shut the fuck up!"

The band was Mannheim Steamroller

You went to see Mannheim Steamroller? How was it?

a good friend of mine once went to see trans-siberian orchestra at 3:30pm on a weekday out of fascination (free tickets from work). ideal setting to see TSO

what i want to know is; HOW were they playing in St Paul at the Xcel Energy Center that day when they were ALSO playing in phoenix that very same day... did someone in TSO management grow cynical about their art? did they think it was acceptable to dilute the product? did they really think someone ELSE could play like al pitrelli?

Overheard the following angry exchange at a show tonight

"Ho ho ho"
"Shut the fuck up!"

The band was Mannheim Steamroller

I want to imagine that that was stage banter

I remember when the worst behavior was everyone taking pictures for their fucking blogs like they were journalists with press badges.

(FWIW went to Yaelokre tonight w the kids and the crowd was great. Maybe the future is bright!)

You went to see Mannheim Steamroller? How was it?

― beard papa, Sunday, November 16, 2025 1:10 PM bookmarkflaglink

Corny but it was fun! I was taking my mother as a birthday present.

so...I used to only see this at local shows, but what the hell is up with a national act coming through town, people staying through the local openers, and leaving before the headliner comes on?

granted, this was a VERY SMALL national act with not a huge following, but last night, the last local opener played and there were 30 people in the room (yes, I counted). they cleared the stage for the headliner, and only about 15 were left, possibly 10 by end of show. the opening bands themselves all left as did their fans.

idk, for all of the "YOU SHOULD COME EARLY AND SUPPORT ALL OF THE OPENING ACTS" shaming that goes on in my town, it feels really weaksauce for openers to basically act like the show is their show.

it wasn't even an 'it's late' thing - the headline set started at 9:30 and was over by 10:15!

If there are 15 people in the room, is that still a national act, or just a local act in the wrong city?

I'm going to see La Luz tomorrow night and I ain't sticking around Portugal the Man because I'd rather go home and eat Chinese food

If there are 15 people in the room, is that still a national act, or just a local act in the wrong city?

― enochroot, Thursday, December 11, 2025 11:52 AM bookmarkflaglink

I mean they're on Profound Lore, and feature ex-members of Iron Reagan, a fairly big band in the scene. but they're a newish band that haven't really broke big yet.

i suspect it's more a reflection of the fickle fairweather scene in Central Florida because this happens here frequently and then I talk to my friend in Philly and he'll tell me hundreds of people were there for the headliner for the same tour.

xpost I wouldn't see Portugal the Man even if it only cost a bucket of pee

If you're in a band opening for someone, I think you should absolutely stick around for the headliner. When I was in high school, I remember that some of my friends got a chance to open for a bigger band at a club in the city. And we were super excited for them, but apparently, they dipped out after breaking down their equipment. My understanding is that this did not reflect well on them and caused a minor local kerfuffle.

As far as the audience goes, if I'm there to see the opener, I at least make a good-faith effort to check out the headliner. But I went to a show like that last year, and peaced maybe 5 songs into the bigger band's set.

Lastly, just to poke a little fun, I sussed out the national act Neanderthal is talking about. They are coming to town in a few days, playing a pie shop (named Pie Shop)! Which, to be clear, I think it's super cool that there is a nearby bakery that is also a music venue, but also let's be real, it is a pie shop.

i love that. non-traditional venues for the win.

my friend told me he saw the band Malignancy in a seafood restaurant once.

is this a metal band? pie shop with 15 people feels very much like a metal show. esp if in the basement.

or avant garde jazz

Let's hope nobody mentions Cherry Pie. Not even this situation would Warrant stooping that low.

http://www.theguardian.com/music/2014/aug/19/kate-bush-asks-fans-no-phones-tablets-london-gigs

― Hogan's Bluff (wins), Tuesday, August 19, 2014 1:44 PM (eleven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

no tablets should be a given

― i was a downy lad, and twee (stevie), Tuesday, August 19, 2014 3:06 PM (eleven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

where's peter grant and his heavies when you need them

― i was a downy lad, and twee (stevie), Tuesday, August 19, 2014 3:06 PM (eleven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

Wait, people bring tablets to shows?

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, August 19, 2014 3:08 PM (eleven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

I only get out to concerts once a year or so these days, so I'm not always up with the latest trends. I got to go see one last week and it was a great time (The Happy Fits (ultra cheesy. hooks for days.) - I've been having difficulties containing myself about spamming them everywhere, because I love them so much. I get that they may not be in the ILX wheelhouse).

One extremely cool thing about the show is that the band livestreamed it, so I got to go back and watch it again. There were a few cams on the band and one that would periodically shift to the audience. This allowed me to see that, at least one point in the show (1:13:40 in the video I linked), a front row audience member was pointing her tablet screen-first at the band. The image was showing a pride flag, the message of which I support, of course. But it is a newly observed behavior to me.

But my question for ILX is: is this a thing that people are doing now? Signs and flags have been brought to concerts in the past, of course, but should we really be giving the performers a face-full of iPad?

Shows are getting weirder. Went to last a show last year where someone was filming clips of the show on their Ninendo 3DS.

https://www.tiktok.com/@totti0024/video/7585599834242043144?q=totti0024&t=1778167145902