Publicist red flags!

Let's face it, this lot made a good album once, pretty much by accident it would appear, and they're never going to make anything as good again

Wanks on and on about his missus running off.

"if (famous band) and (slightly less famous band) had a love child"

friends of mine in a moderately successful indie band said they were inspired by a fictious album in their press release, and it popped up unquestioned in several reviews

Don't buy this, it's got no fucking tunes and it's basically unlistenable

They've run out of ideas and can't be arsed trying anymore

Horribly dull.

Bad Pub Rock act.

Lamebrained sloganeering.

A couple of feeble bleeps and bloops have been welded on to their bog standard guitar pap to make it seems more contemporary

Shit at several genres.

This record sucks. Please de-emphasize talking about it in favor of their live show.

It seemed like a really great idea, backstage at that gig, when everyone had their snouts in a trough of coke and their heads up each other's arses... honest

Fuck me! Dude's still alive!

OTM. so far everything quoted here originated in reviews I've read.

Crap

On drugs

Shouts a lot.

Drug addict and/or basket case

59 and looks 49

"looking a good 10 years younger than his/her age"

59 and looks 59

"looking a good 5 years younger than his/her age"

59 and looks 64

no comment on look or age

Dead

Extensive and costly plastic surgery

Sounds like a fucking foghorn or a cat being disembowelled

Noodly shit, go and put the kettle on

i have never heard any music ever.

The band paid Steve Albini to record their record for the sole purpose to telling people that Steve Albini recorded their record.

These lazy fuckers have taken so long recording their new album it's our job to remind you the fuck they are

Raging bitch queen, everyone hates her. Hoovered half my cocaine one time and forgot/never bothered to learn my name.

Well. Starting with you. Hopefully.

does this word appear anywhere else but music reviews?

see also: eponymous

I've got the drummer in the office Dead Pool.

as annoying as supermarket-checkout Muzak, and twice as likely to get stuck in your head

Same music but with eyeshadow

Posted on one blog somewhere. The poster is the drummer's girlfriend's brother.

Vomit-inducing vocals.

... but this isn't it

Has nobbed the lead singer.

Nothing actually interesting about them aside from where they come from.

Load of sophomoric claptrap

Has a pulse.

this is either a pale imitation of said rock legend, or an appeal to people who would never listen to this otherwise

Once, some copy editor inserted that word in one of my articles and I freaked - the only time the Rev. Hoodoo will consciously use the word "gumbo" is when he's writing about food!

Wasn't good enough to make it in the classical world, lacks the imagination needed to go 'avant-garde', so they made a sub-Coldplay album with one operatic-style song that shows why they weren't good enough to make it in the classical world.

"dark" and or "gloomy" = minor key snooze.

"darkwave" = dorkwave.

Sounds like every Dischord band.

Would you say "poignant" is out of bounds? (what if the shit really is kinda poignant?!)

ah, well you got to say something about the artist...

that's taking the world by storm

that has a massive promotional budget for this album, and damn they'd better recoup fast or they will be dropped like a hot potato.

Myspace sensations

Invested in a copy of FriendFlood, now annoying people in their thousands daily

have put metal firmly back on the map

Used to be a power pop band named Widget

heralded in some UK circles as �the new Nirvana.�

This band will never equal the quality or cultural importance of Nirvana. Also, they suck.

the Australian rockers are back with their second album

Young Einstein II

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Sustainable 3-5 year indie career if we can find another $60,000 for their next trip.

built up a massive following through constant touring over three years

to obtain arsehole quotient, multiply number of tattoos by number of self inflicted wounds

took control of her career

manager quit

collaborated with Bjork

will never collaborate with Bjork again

legendary Ibiza DJ

Notorious coke junkie

controversial punk violinist

Eton graduate amenable to extreme makeovers

has collaborated with John Zorn

is featured in The Wire

hah this thread is reminding me why i've not knowingly read a press release in half a dozen years. makes my life far better!

not since Portishead

Not since we last heard that boring, overused descending bassline

Unfortunately a large part of my day job involves reading these press releases, so this has been a therapeutic thread for me. Full disclosure: I have committed many of these crimes myself.

This thread's making me squirt soda through my nose
-- Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Friday, February 24, 2006 8:40 PM (1 year ago)

BIG RAYS aka the cummdriver

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Sustainable 3-5 year indie career if we can find another $60,000 for their next trip.

From Canada!!!! (grant money)

moley, I got one this week that backed up its "huge on the internet" assertion by providing the figures that 13 million people had looked at her Myspace profile, while only 2 million have looked at Robbie Williams'. (numbers not actual quotes.)

who cares, as long as it's got some rudimentary specifics, so I can decide whether to request or listen to the promo, or the link; it's more common now, to have a link to something you can listen to before decinding whether to contact the publicist, and I love it. That way, the music doesn't get completely blocked by bad hype and considerations of, "Do I really want to have this eager beaver bombarding me with followups, and/or guilt trips?" The link or the enclosed promo is so much better than press reelase only (especially that watermarked, or jump-thru-hoops to qualify to try to download, or to listen to something you're not allowed to download). So basically I don't care if they say "has shared the stage with," nor in a review, for that matter. Not that there aren't a lot of horribly written reviews.

Re paren: I meant to say some pompous invitation to listen to a watermakred copy, and "serious requests only," like they'll come get you if you don't review it, and say what they want you to say.

recorded by Steve Albini

The album was produced by Steve Albini

CURSE YOU FAUX HTML!

recorded by Steve Albini

The album was produced by Steve Albini

Yeh OTM, you have to pay extra to get that (i.e. major labels have to pay to get that).

featuring past members of [xxxxx]

"when [xxxxx] made it big, this is the lazy/drug-addicted/non-contributing person that they fired"

Hey Al, PLEASE dig into this Hood Internet album. It's actually great and like nothing out there.

Was gonna say, anything from Biz 3 is inherently suspect.

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Playing to 5 people in a bar at 11am.

"hey ray, wanted to see if you'd had a chance to check out..."

The answer is NO like 90% of the time.