Artist-specific music jokes

Some 1978 zine said this joke was making the rounds in NYC punk dives:

What has ten legs and kills its girlfriend?
Squid Vicious.

more neil hamburger barbs:

what do you call a senior citizen who can't refrain from showing her genitalia in public?
madonna.

what's the difference between courtney love and the american flag?
it'd be wrong to urinate on the american flag.

more Hamburger

What's Elton John and a Sabre Toothed Tiger got in common

Hell Knows but I would'nt let either of them near my ass

I heard that Dr. Dre one recently.

F3rg's Sparks joke still wins thread as far as I'm concerned (followed closely by "Endless Love"). Got a big old guffaw outta me, that's for sure.

Your favourite jokes about David Guetta

Q: what did the deadheads say when they ran out of drugs?
A: god, this band sucks.

Q: What did the Star Wars droid change his name to when he joined the New York No Wave scene?

A: R2 Lindsay!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a rapper who's been ritually slaughtered and bled?

Halal Cool J!

Have you heard about that white rapper with the sinus infection?

His names Ebideb.

Q: What did the Star Wars droid change his name to when he joined the New York No Wave scene?

A: R2 Lindsay!!!!!!!!!!

Thankig u, I loled irl so hard.

Q. Who goes out with indie musicians, just to eat their clothes?
A. Kate Moth.

What has five legs, weighs 2000 lbs and sings?

The Diabeatles.

What do you get when you cross a pirate with a pedophile?

Arrrrrr! Kelly

here's one i made up in 5th grade:

who is the most famous mexican rapper?
julio (coolio, get it?)

why can't stevie wonder read?
because he's black.

^^^literally my favorite joke of all time

what has 7 arms and sucks?
def leppard

i never get to tell that one because i have never met anyone who gets it and explaining it takes the lols out of it

actually i think it's 9 arms...whatever

did you hear eminem didn't graduate from high school?
well, he's no smartie

JC Penney's is having a Michael Jackson sale ... little boys pants 1/2 off.

This one's great!

Kid (upset): Mom, at school they call me "The Backstreet Boy".

Mom: Who, dear? Who calls you "The Backstreet Boy"?

Kid (singing): EVERYBOOOODY, YEEAH...

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson

Q: What's black and walks into pianos?
A: Stevie Wonder

There are a lot of Stevie Wonder jokes!

My favorite, from the Truly Tasteless Jokes era...

Q: How is Yoko Ono like an Ethiopian?
A: They both live off dead Beetles

Q: Why did Kurt Cobain grope a fat man when he got sad?
A: Cos he was feeling a Tad depressed

George Galloway is visiting his pal Saddam Hussein in Iraq. It's been a while so they're catching up on what's been going on with each other. Saddam is kind of keen to know about public opinion of him in the UK right now. "Oh," says George, "it's... not bad. Actually, you have a pretty high profile celebrity fan, the singer out of the Kaiser Chiefs."

"No way!" Saddam says, "I love that band."... Read More

"Yeah, he thinks you're misunderstood and he wants the Kaiser Chiefs to come and play a concert at your palace."

"Seriously? That's awesome, I'm going to start clearing one of the bigger rooms now."

"Mate, I was only joking. I daresay he probably hates you," George says, laughing.

"Aw... you had me going there you bastard!"

"Sir," says George, rising to shake Saddam's hand, "I salute your indie fatty gullibility."

lol I c+p'd that off someone's Facebook page

It's my joke though.

That's a great one, but I will now never be able to pronounce 'indefatigability' properly again.

I don't get this one:

Q: What's Sid Vicious's real name?
A: John.

The joke is that his real name is John Vicious instead of Sid + a regular surname.

"Q: Why were the Byrds great?
A: They set Bob Dylan songs to music."

Crickets were chirping right out of the gate on this thread.

i love it when tuomas explains stuff.

But John was his real name

No, it was Simon.

Yes, he was christened Simon John Ritchie but he was occasionally known as John too, hence the Four Johns (along with Lydon, Gray, Wardle)

Either way, not funny, in fact, not even a joke!

What did George Harrison say to his guitar while it gently weeped?

Don't Fret.

Q: Which imminent prime minster of Great Britain is also a technically accomplished metal guitarist?

A: David Hammer-on!

Kid (upset): Mom, at school they call me "The Backstreet Boy".

Mom: Who, dear? Who calls you "The Backstreet Boy"?

Kid (singing): EVERYBOOOODY, YEEAH...

― daavid, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 08:12 (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^loved this one

Q: Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
A: Fo' drizzle!

I read this elsewhere on ILM, but nevertheless. . .

Q: Who is the most talented member of Big Black?

A: The Drummer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnoj-3mIlVw

Philip Glass joke is still my favourite

I think there are certain awesome jokes which ONLY DJ Martian can make. And for that, I revere him.

*MENCAP not Martian ffs

Philip Glass joke is still my favourite

― I wish he hadn't adapted my critique of his "ilxor" moniker (Myonga Vön Bontee)

Mine too. Nice moniker, btw.

If you really hate it I can take it down, you know. ;-)

You were OTMer the first time xp

Either way, not funny, in fact, not even a joke!

it's clearly an anti-joke.

Is the Sparks joke just a pun, or am I missing something?

I think the Sid Vicious joke is merely a version of this, non-artist related joke:

A man walks into the magistrate's office, and says:

- I want to change my name.

- I see. And what is your name now?

- Johnny Asshole.

- Okay, I get why you want to change it. And what do you want to change it into?

- Danny Asshole.