smh @ Florida

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed

This is the thread where we report ridiculously stupid, horrible, and outright embarrassing shit that happens in FL. mostly for lols, but of course anything goes. this is part of my therapy

I lead off with...

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/florida-judge-allegedly-attacks-lawyer-courtroom-article-1.1815085

getting strange ass all around the globe (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 3 June 2014 16:33 (six years ago) link

What's up with Florida, Neanterthal? Because obviously you've got palm trees and shit, but then it's like you've got total insaniacs.

how's life, Tuesday, 3 June 2014 16:45 (six years ago) link

they put bath salts in the water iirc

getting strange ass all around the globe (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 3 June 2014 17:02 (six years ago) link

there's a twitter account just for this purpose in case anyone hasn't already seen it
https://twitter.com/_FloridaMan

ciderpress, Tuesday, 3 June 2014 17:15 (six years ago) link

isn't there some sort of weird magnetic pole resonance thing going on down there

i also enjoy in line skateing (spazzmatazz), Tuesday, 3 June 2014 17:24 (six years ago) link

I simply believe that millions of people aren't supposed to be living together in the swamp like that.

pplains, Tuesday, 3 June 2014 17:29 (six years ago) link

http://i57.tinypic.com/2m62u74.jpg

they try to pretend like it stops right on the coast but no, s fl literally is in the bermuda triangle

write 500 words of song (sleepingbag), Tuesday, 3 June 2014 17:32 (six years ago) link

This can overlap with the "sovereign citizen" thread: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/06/03/judge-orders-florida-sovereign-citizen-to-send-his-daughter-to-school-or-go-to-jail/

A Florida judge ordered a self-described sovereign citizen to send his daughter to school or face jail time.

Joseph Rosa, of Marion County, was arrested Thursday for failure to appear at a truancy hearing and brought before the judge on Monday morning.

“I do not consent or assent to anything being done here,” he repeated throughout the hearing. “I’m the executor of the state of Joseph Anthony Rosa. I demand immediate discharge of the state known as Joseph Anthony Rosa.”

Disagree. And im not into firey solos chief. (Phil D.), Tuesday, 3 June 2014 17:37 (six years ago) link

Sure dude, just continuing repeating that right through your jail sentence if it makes you feel better!

djenter the dragon? (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 3 June 2014 18:16 (six years ago) link

these guys are nuts, but what's the point of throwing him in jail

goole, Tuesday, 3 June 2014 18:26 (six years ago) link

the kid is already gonna be ignorant, making an inmate out of her dad to prove a point seems like a waste

goole, Tuesday, 3 June 2014 18:28 (six years ago) link

Hi!

guess that bundt gettin eaten (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 3 June 2014 19:02 (six years ago) link

View full site Download App79°OrlandoFree AppsLive VideoLatest NewsWeatherTrafficLocal 6 InvestigationsBehind the Kitchen DoorCrime TrackerSchemes and RipoffsPoliticsSportsEntertainmentLifestyleWeird NewsPetsSlideshowsTrending VideoHealth Care ReformNational NewsSubmit a TipEmail Sign-UpSponsors"">

Latest News

Woman stole lobster tails by stuffing them in her pants, DeLand police say

By Daniel Dahm, Managing Editor of ClickOrla✧✧✧.com, dd✧✧✧@clickorla✧✧✧.comPublis✧✧✧ On: Jun 12 2014 11:06:16 AM EDT Updated On: Jun 13 2014 06:35:45 AM EDTShare on facebookShare on twitterShare on google_plusone_shareA woman is arrested on suspicion of stealing lobster tails from a Volusia County grocery store by stuffing them in her pants.DeLAND, Fla. -A 30-year-old woman was arrested on allegations of stealing seven lobster tails from a Publix in Volusia County by stuffing them down her pants.[RAW VIDEO: Woman stuffs lobster tails in pants]Nichole Reed was arrested Wednesday on a charge of petit theft from a merchant.According to DeLand police, Reed entered the Publix at 2400 South Woodland Boulevard just before 2 p.m. and stole the lobster tails, valued at $11.99 apiece.The grocery store’s loss prevention officer said he saw Reed conceal the items and leave the store without paying, according to DeLand police.Reed was found near the store with the lobster tails in the front of her pants, police said.Reed said she was going to exchange the lobster tails with a friend to buy “Chinese buffet or Dilaudid, a prescription drug, according to police.Reed, who has six previous arrests, was taken to the Volusia County Jail.  She later posted bond and was released.Watch Local 6 News and stay with ClickOrlando.com for more

Neanderthal, Friday, 13 June 2014 14:24 (six years ago) link

Wait, is Chinese buffet a Florida slang term for Dilaudid?

how's life, Friday, 13 June 2014 14:29 (six years ago) link

Idk-literally the only pages that come up when i google it are this story

Neanderthal, Friday, 13 June 2014 14:32 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

Hey Florida.

franny glasshole (franny glass), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 02:25 (six years ago) link

are you cool?

goole, Wednesday, 16 July 2014 19:07 (six years ago) link

one year passes...

tossing a gator sounds really hard

lute bro (brimstead), Tuesday, 9 February 2016 01:47 (four years ago) link

hi!

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 9 February 2016 01:47 (four years ago) link

one year passes...

“All parties share the responsibilities and the blame for their own actions and the role they played,” Lanphear told the Sun Sentinel. “There was an assumption of risk obligation from the victims.”

uhh, no, p sure you can't practice without a license

Neanderthal, Tuesday, 28 March 2017 13:34 (three years ago) link

eleven months pass...

so we just voted to go to Atlantic Standard time (ie no more Daylight SAvings time). requires Department of Transportation and federal Congress approval.

I hate the idea, not because I think DST is necessary, but because it's a logistical nightmare being out of alignment with other East coast states for half of the year. Puerto Rico uses AST and since our office often has dual call centers with both PR and Orlando resources, it's caused lots of problems, usually from people that don't understand PR is not on Eastern time.

if all of the East coast states abolished DST, then I wouldn't give a fuck.

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Thursday, 8 March 2018 04:41 (two years ago) link

Sounds like a bad idea

valorous wokelord (silby), Thursday, 8 March 2018 04:43 (two years ago) link

Oh wait no I misunderstood, you’d be UTC-4 all year? Yeah that’s good. Except for going it alone lol.

valorous wokelord (silby), Thursday, 8 March 2018 04:44 (two years ago) link

Yeah - it's not that I object to not being on DST anymore, it's that I object to being the ONLY DAMN EAST COAST STATE that does it.

wonder how many tourists would be accidentally show up late to everything because they forget and travel to FL during the half of the year when we're an hour ahead

fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Thursday, 8 March 2018 04:49 (two years ago) link

nine months pass...

My fave Florida essay:

https://lithub.com/the-problem-with-writing-about-florida/

... (Eazy), Tuesday, 11 December 2018 17:44 (one year ago) link

The wet bathing suit around your ankles is nicely evocative. And I like the bit about jalousie windows. Whatever happened to those?

"Fecundity" strikes me as a key Florida word. Humidity and fecundity.

Josefa, Tuesday, 11 December 2018 18:13 (one year ago) link

four months pass...
six months pass...

Witnesses saw the man, identified as Cody Meader, 20, take the plush snowman toy down from a display of Disney’s Frozen merchandise in a St. Petersburg-based store. After lying the toy down on the floor, Meader then proceeded to ‘dry hump’ it until he achieved ejaculation.

After putting the doll back on the shelf, Meader then ‘selected a large unicorn stuffed animal’ he also began to have sex with. The incident took place on Tuesday (October 22) at approximately 2pm.

Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
According to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun, Meader was detained by officers while still in the Target store.

After being read his Miranda rights, Meader admitted to having done ‘stupid stuff’ and to having ‘nutted’ on the stuffed Olaf toy. He was then arrested on charges of criminal mischief.

Both the Olaf doll and the stuffed unicorn were removed from the store and destroyed. The police report noted the toys in question could not be resold ‘due to circumstances’, and the damage inflicted totalled $200 or less.

When I am afraid, I put my toast in you (Neanderthal), Thursday, 24 October 2019 14:48 (one year ago) link

two months pass...

He also testified in his own defense at trial, despite a judge’s warning.

Besides being a tiger enthusiast, Joe Exotic was also a self-proclaimed country music star and ran for president in 2016 and then governor of Oklahoma in 2018. When he ran for governor, his campaign signs read, “Joe F--king Exotic.”

https://cdn1us.denofgeek.com/sites/denofgeekus/files/styles/article_width/public/2017/11/tim_heidecker_trial_3_0.jpg

american bradass (BradNelson), Thursday, 23 January 2020 18:04 (ten months ago) link

Joe...Exotic.

Nothing surprises me here anymore. Not that long ago i witnessed a thief running Olympic track speeds out of a 7-11, pursued by nobody at all, because he had just shoplifted a bag of Cheetos

i've seen no good people (Neanderthal), Thursday, 23 January 2020 18:07 (ten months ago) link

Neanderthal, I've got a Joe Exotic thread on 77. Check it out. I wasn't aware of this update though, so thanks!

Why is there a poster for Electric Sun Desert Music Festival in the background?

Also, lol at "due to circumstances" upthread.

☮️ (peace, man), Thursday, 23 January 2020 18:27 (ten months ago) link

Why is there a poster for Electric Sun Desert Music Festival in the background?

that is a screencap from the trial of tim heidecker

american bradass (BradNelson), Thursday, 23 January 2020 18:33 (ten months ago) link

two weeks pass...

i'm in florida again for the first time in years... the tap water is disgusting

lumen (esby), Friday, 7 February 2020 20:44 (nine months ago) link

sulphurous?

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 7 February 2020 21:17 (nine months ago) link

assphorus

lumen (esby), Friday, 7 February 2020 21:22 (nine months ago) link

i'll come fp u in person

ill fuckin put a paste on those (Neanderthal), Friday, 7 February 2020 22:51 (nine months ago) link

Central florida tap water is mostly fine. You must be up north

El Tomboto, Friday, 7 February 2020 22:54 (nine months ago) link

I’m in st Pete rn and it’s not terrible at my hotel. I have been places down here where it’s... not great

A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Chooglin (will), Friday, 7 February 2020 23:00 (nine months ago) link

Was gonna ask what part of FL you're in because in SE Florida and the Keys the water comes from the Biscayne Aquifer and tastes normal to me. Other aquifers supply other parts of the state, iow it's all water from underground but I suspect weird-tasting water is down to whatever is added to it locally.

Josefa, Friday, 7 February 2020 23:14 (nine months ago) link

the water's bland and unremarkable but it's hardly like water in Manila here or anything

ill fuckin put a paste on those (Neanderthal), Friday, 7 February 2020 23:37 (nine months ago) link

hehe i'm in ~le hyperbougie~ south FL + it's not thaaat bad, just rhondaing. in the 10 years since i left here i've become accustomed to rocky mountain runoff water which is delicious and one of the few things i feel superior about

lumen (esby), Saturday, 8 February 2020 01:24 (nine months ago) link

water's fine in Miami -- one of the safer places actually

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 8 February 2020 01:33 (nine months ago) link

I drink tap water

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 8 February 2020 01:33 (nine months ago) link

SW Florida (Ft Myers, Sanibel, Sarasota) you can taste the chlorine or whatever

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 8 February 2020 01:34 (nine months ago) link

I like imagining what rhondaing is, please don't tell me

Dan S, Saturday, 8 February 2020 01:37 (nine months ago) link

RHONDA

ill fuckin put a paste on those (Neanderthal), Saturday, 8 February 2020 03:35 (nine months ago) link

A Florida man says a medical center is violating his father's First Amendment rights by not allowing him to bring a life-sized cardboard cutout of Donald Trump to his treatments.

Nelson Gibson of Port St. Lucie kept bringing increasingly larger images of the president to Fresenius Kidney Care for his dialysis treatments, WESH-Channel 2 reports.

He started with an 8 x 10 photo of Trump "to comfort him," the TV station reported. Then he brought a miniature cardboard cutout of Trump.

Both of those were tolerated.

Fresenius Kidney Care drew the line at the life-sized cutout, however.

Gibson's son, Eric Gibson, said his father's cutout — which the TV station described as an "emotional support" item — is no bigger than a "garbage can" and therefore shouldn't be an issue.

“What I would really like to happen is for them not to infringe upon my father’s freedom of expression and speech and allow him to bring in the life-sized cardboard cutout that takes up less service area than a garbage can?” Eric Gibson told WESH.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Friday, 14 February 2020 05:17 (nine months ago) link

hilarious thing is this dumbshit bragged about his stupid news coverage in a public FB post (because these idiots never know how to work FB security settings) so I just dropped him a heartfelt greeting in the comments.

sorry for butt rockin (Neanderthal), Friday, 14 February 2020 05:18 (nine months ago) link

excellent transition into the babby thread.

Yerac, Friday, 14 February 2020 05:28 (nine months ago) link

Trump/Pence 2020: “Make America great again, no bigger than a garbage can.”

breastcrawl, Friday, 14 February 2020 17:35 (nine months ago) link

Far be it from me to encroach on Florida's God-given sovereignty by posting itt, but…

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/feb/25/florida-six-year-old-arrested-school-tantrum

romanesque architect (pomenitul), Wednesday, 26 February 2020 10:21 (eight months ago) link

one month passes...

Wow!

narcissistic sleighride (Neanderthal), Sunday, 5 April 2020 18:33 (seven months ago) link

three weeks pass...

the guv called the state "God's waiting room"

brooklyn suicide cult (Dr Morbius), Monday, 27 April 2020 13:42 (six months ago) link

that's an old joke tho

Good morning!

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, 27 April 2020 14:27 (six months ago) link

two weeks pass...

From our Orange County Economic Task Force meeting

https://i.ibb.co/wwSPRYV/FB-IMG-1590090283634.jpg

I am a free. I am not man. A number. (Neanderthal), Thursday, 21 May 2020 19:45 (six months ago) link

one month passes...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBqY-4oDWAQ

pomenitul, Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:02 (four months ago) link

I'm not clicking that, but holy shit, that's what happens when you pass out so hard that you don't even wake up when your giggling asshole friends are tattooing your face.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:07 (four months ago) link

You're missing out. For real.

pomenitul, Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:08 (four months ago) link

I have lived with people like that, but they were crustpunks, not juggalo types.

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:14 (four months ago) link

Story time?

pomenitul, Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:22 (four months ago) link

For a brief period of about four months or so in 2013, I lived in a squat in West Oakland named Skeletor. It was mostly dudes, travelling crust punk types who were drunks or junkies or both, along with some more regular punk types down on their luck and needing a free room to crash in.

Every day of the week had a different theme, so I'd come home from my part-time job and it would be third-eye Thursday and everyone would be getting blind drunk while hallucinating on mushrooms, setting fire to each other's shit in the courtyard, throwing dog shit and beer cans at each other and calling one another nerd while listening to Agoraphobic Nosebleed and Dropdead and whatever. I bonded mostly with the quiet drunks who would get really amped when Godflesh came on and spent their days flying signs and playing chess.

One good story was the night someone brought home a bunch of condoms from a health clinic and some of the dudes, who all hated condoms, blew them into balloons and used them to play keepaway with the dogs until each condom was burst. Then they threw all the busted condoms on the street and alley in front of the house.

There was also a time when these dudes had been huffing paint all day and then one of their lady friends came over and they had sex in the only common room while all of us were just watching in the courtyard. Eventually, those two had a child, he disappeared into the crack scene in SF, came back and impregnated her again, then disappeared again.

Three of about eleven people I lived with there are dead, one is addicted to crack and living on the streets, and one was in a motorcycle accident that left him permanently disabled. The rest are doing reasonably well, given the circumstances of living a rough life.

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:38 (four months ago) link

I should say, I also spent time riding freights and doing all that shit, but I'm definitely more a Vollmann type than a type to be nicknamed Horse Shit, shooting up in an alley in Sparks.

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:40 (four months ago) link

Three of about eleven people I lived with there are dead, one is addicted to crack and living on the streets, and one was in a motorcycle accident that left him permanently disabled. The rest are doing reasonably well, given the circumstances of living a rough life.

I assume 'the rest' includes you, so I'm glad you're ok.

pomenitul, Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:46 (four months ago) link

Thanks! The past decade has been a doozy, but I'm doing reasonably well.

blue light or electric light (the table is the table), Thursday, 2 July 2020 23:58 (four months ago) link

Thx for video, mashup of Mandy and Gummo was unexpected but inspired

Well, that's a fine howdy adieu! (Old Lunch), Friday, 3 July 2020 02:19 (four months ago) link

He makes good videos.

jmm, Friday, 3 July 2020 02:35 (four months ago) link

Health officials in Florida have sounded the alarm over the discovery of a rare, brain-eating amoeba in the county that encompasses Tampa and several other cities.

The Florida Department of Health announced the news Friday that a person in Hillsborough County had suffered a confirmed infection of naegleria fowleri, a single-celled living amoeba that can lead to a dangerous infection of the brain called primary amebic meningoencephalitis.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/deadly-brain-eating-amoeba-confirmed-in-florida?ref=home

brooklyn suicide cult (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 5 July 2020 14:03 (four months ago) link

This bacteria pops up every few years; it's why I don't get swimming in lakes (ours are warmer, of course, and have gators).

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, 5 July 2020 14:21 (four months ago) link

yeah, everybody panicked about it a few years ago when it happened then. I was taught about amoeba in 7th grade and I was terrified of swimming in a lake even though I'd never done it before anyway

I hear that sometimes Satan wants to defund police (Neanderthal), Sunday, 5 July 2020 14:51 (four months ago) link

everybody on my timeline is wigging out saying "omg this is so 2020" when it's like, we had a case of it in 2016, we had multiple in 2013, and NOBODY I know that lives here in Orlando that is freaked out regularly swims in warm freshwater and gets it up their nose, sooooooo

I hear that sometimes Satan wants to defund police (Neanderthal), Monday, 6 July 2020 01:16 (four months ago) link

one month passes...

Four prison guards threw a man in a shower, turned up the water to 180 degrees, and left him there for 2 hours, until he died with burns covering 90 percent of his body.

Fernandez Rundle didn't charge any of them with a crime. https://t.co/RuFbgR0oJY

But experience, amiright? https://t.co/9IGUmVNHcj

— Taniel (@Taniel) August 9, 2020

brooklyn suicide cult (Dr Morbius), Monday, 10 August 2020 15:44 (three months ago) link

I've done my best to spread the story on social media to force the sheriff to take a syringeful of bleach.

TikTok to the (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 12 August 2020 21:18 (three months ago) link

Good man.

Is this even legal?

stabbing fantaisiste, repellent imagiste (pomenitul), Wednesday, 12 August 2020 21:21 (three months ago) link

one month passes...
one month passes...

xp :(

pomenitul, Saturday, 21 November 2020 02:59 (three days ago) link

Linked at the bottom of that^ Tampa Bay News page:

Up next: Man arrested after I-4 power pole is found strapped to his car roof

The Solace of Fortitude (Aimless), Saturday, 21 November 2020 03:50 (three days ago) link

is "power pole" a euphemism

Lover of Nixon (or LON for short) (Neanderthal), Saturday, 21 November 2020 03:50 (three days ago) link


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.