Most Delightfully Evil Thing Young Jesus Does in "The Infancy Gospel of Thomas" - a POLL

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In my apocryphal studies of late, I've come across this, and it is quite entertaining. Behold, Jesus the childhood terror!

"Joseph was grieved and commanded his mother, saying: 'Let him not forth without the door, for all they die that provoke him to wrath!'".

http://gnosis.org/library/inftoma.htm

Poll Results

OptionVotes
Obliterates kid for merely bumping into his shoulder 3
Blinded kid's parents for tattling on him 2
Made clay sparrows on the Sabbath 1
Ices a kid who fucks with his homemade pools 1
Refused to recite the alphabet 1
Killed teacher for smacking him for not reciting the alphabet 1
Other (oh DO explain) 1
Brought clay sparrows to life and made them fly 0


Neanderthal, Saturday, 22 June 2013 15:28 (ten years ago) link

Fucken illiterates

ghosts of cuddlestein butthurt circlejerk zinged fuckboy (imago), Saturday, 22 June 2013 15:30 (ten years ago) link

feel like they should remake The Good Son in this context

Neanderthal, Saturday, 22 June 2013 20:23 (ten years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AZtNokI8wE

(The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Saturday, 22 June 2013 21:01 (ten years ago) link

that looks a scary amount like my brother as a kid when he widens his eyes like that O_O

Neanderthal, Saturday, 22 June 2013 21:14 (ten years ago) link

jeez, a running kid bumps into his shoulder and he just murders him with his MIND - "Thou shalt not finish thy course"! he then sold 40 kilos at a massive profit and held court on his throne that was made of sacks of cocaine

Z S, Saturday, 22 June 2013 21:35 (ten years ago) link

it was Jesus's block, he shouldnta run afoul of him iirc

Neanderthal, Saturday, 22 June 2013 21:40 (ten years ago) link

if i ever murder anyone i'm gonna have to remember that line. that is ice cold.

Z S, Saturday, 22 June 2013 21:46 (ten years ago) link

I also like that when he's called on his murders much later he's like "LOL JUST KIDDIN BRAH" and restores everyone back to health.

Neanderthal, Saturday, 22 June 2013 21:53 (ten years ago) link

well isn't that sort of a preview of the rapture? all these problems that people have agonized over for thousands of year - why would a just god sanction so much unjust suffering? why was god tangible and present for hundreds of years to so many people, and then why did he disappear and refuse to appear or say anything or do anything for thousands of years afterward? - will all be solved when jesus meets them at the gates of heaven and says, clearly heard even over the din of glorious heavenly trumpet fanfare, "LOL JUST KIDDIN BRAH" and makes it ok again.

Z S, Saturday, 22 June 2013 21:57 (ten years ago) link

my eyes are open

Neanderthal, Saturday, 22 June 2013 21:59 (ten years ago) link

here this, believers: the answers to all of your questions can be found by drinking

Z S, Saturday, 22 June 2013 22:00 (ten years ago) link

i mean reading about the Delightfully Evil Thing Young Jesus

Z S, Saturday, 22 June 2013 22:00 (ten years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Friday, 28 June 2013 00:01 (ten years ago) link

There's a variant of this in "The Bitter Withy": http://mainlynorfolk.info/lloyd/songs/thebitterwithy.html.

Boy Jesus drowns three rich kids for making fun of him (for being a peasant). When Mary whips him for it, he's so pissed off he puts a curse on all willow trees forever.

something of an astrological coup (tipsy mothra), Friday, 28 June 2013 02:30 (ten years ago) link

Wow cool i had no idea this was a thing. Reminds me somewhat of the mischievously cosmic exploits of baby Krishna!

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 28 June 2013 04:09 (ten years ago) link

voted "other" because of the part where joseph wrings jesus' ear for blinding a dead kid's parents and jesus says VEX ME NOT.

the white queen and her caustic judgments (difficult listening hour), Friday, 28 June 2013 05:10 (ten years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Saturday, 29 June 2013 00:01 (ten years ago) link

correct results

Neanderthal, Saturday, 29 June 2013 00:02 (ten years ago) link

Can't believe he didn't even give a SLOW YOUR ROLL, SON before he did that.

INRI UOENO

u r all xanax'd bonobos (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Sunday, 30 June 2013 05:47 (ten years ago) link

three years pass...

i would go to church if this was the real Jesus

Neanderthal, Thursday, 6 October 2016 04:02 (seven years ago) link

vex me not. thou shalt not finish thy course.

florence foster wallace (difficult listening hour), Thursday, 6 October 2016 04:10 (seven years ago) link

--bob marley

florence foster wallace (difficult listening hour), Thursday, 6 October 2016 04:11 (seven years ago) link

nine months pass...

Brought clay sparrows to life and made them fly also attributed to Jesus in the Qur'an, btw -- I think I woulda liked the guy better if I'd heard that one when I was growing up!

bernard snowy, Sunday, 9 July 2017 16:32 (six years ago) link

i just got a copy of that and am reading it for the first time. looking forward to some additional Tales Of. the NT has a Rashomon thing going for it but it is the same story 4 times.

AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Sunday, 9 July 2017 16:48 (six years ago) link

So basically lil' jebus was like that kid in the Twilight Zone?

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, 10 July 2017 03:50 (six years ago) link

two years pass...

THOU SHALL NOT FINISH THY COURSE

... that's Traore! (Neanderthal), Sunday, 26 January 2020 18:12 (four years ago) link

three years pass...

Now after certain days Jesus was playing in the upper story of a certain house, and one of the young children that played with him fell down from the house and died. And the other children when they saw it fled, and Jesus remained alone. 2 And the parents of him that was dead came and accused him that he had cast him down. (And Jesus said: I did not cast him down) but they reviled him still. 3 Then Jesus leaped down from the roof and stood by the body of the child and cried with a loud voice and said: Zeno (for so was his name called), arise and tell me, did I cast thee down? And straightway he arose and said: Nay, Lord, thou didst not cast me down, but didst raise me up.

he brought a dude back to life purely to prove his innocence

Did he stay alive or just say "it wasn't him" and then collapse again?

m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Friday, 31 March 2023 04:49 (one year ago) link

How you can give your Jesus access to your villa?
He play with your son too close to the window sill-a
You better watch your back before he turn into a killer
Let's review the situation that you caught up in a


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